My Wife Is My Best Friend… Now, How Do I Make Her My Lover?

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About She Said He Said

Eli and Josie, friends since college, realized how lucky they were to have one another—an honest friend of the opposite sex who tells it like it is. They wanted to share that with the world and so was born.


  1. For one thing, I’ve never had just sex with my wife. In 39 years, we have only made love … at times, wild and passionate love that included intercourse. On the other hand, there have been times that we’ve made love without having intercourse. In my experience, people equate making love with having sex and IMO, they couldn’t be more mistaken.

    I don’t know how old this guy is or how long he’s been with this women, so I can’t give an opinion … I can only share what I’ve experienced.

    For the past few nights, my wife has been at our daughters helping her with her sick kids, our grandchildren. I don’t expect her home until maybe 10:30PM. I’ve missed her company a great deal and tonight, when she gets home, I intend on making love …. A warm bubble bath, sift music and R&R .. whatever SHE wants. I don’t want her stressed, I want to enjoy the rest of the evening even if that means simply holding her. Making love for me is giving myself to her and her needs. If it turns into something more, that’s cool too but if it doesn’t, I’m okay with it.

    BTW, I’ve known her since I was 11 years old … she was and always will be my best friend

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      Tom, this brought tears to my eyes. So inspiring. Thanks so much.

      There aren’t enough examples of happily married people who are together a lifetime, telling us how to do it. Would love to learn more of your tricks to a happy marriage!

    • @Tom B…

      “Making love for me is giving myself to her and her needs.”

      I could not agree more Tom B. A successful relationship and/or marriage involves giving of one self. I cannot understand why more people cannot seem to recognize this. They are too busy always trying to get get get…

      I married because I thought the unity of two would make each of us better/greater than as individual. While I did not work out, I still believe that when it comes to human relationship, you must focus of meeting your partners needs! And this means giving, even if your “getting” is delayed…

      Great comments Tom B.

  2. Do not cook her dinner or give her a massage. That is not seduction. That got no man laid ever in the history of humanity. It aroused no woman. It presses her “comfort and relaxation” buttons, not her passion buttons. They are different things. Do not confuse them.

    Check out Athol Kay’s blog, which is dedicated to solving the problems of married men and women stuck in the friendzone.

    • But i want to cook for her and want to give her a massage. Not because I think it will lead me to sex, its because I think cooking for her and giving her a message are some of many ways to show your love and care to your wife. And also because I love cooking.

      And it doesn’t stop us from having a happy sex life either. Its actually the opposite, I have experienced several times my message session turn into hot sex session.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      CmE – it’s been working for Tom B (above) for like 30+ years!

      I like what John says here, too. Do it because it’s nice to make someone happy. Sometimes that leads to sex. Sometimes it just leads to happiness!

    • I think it’s good to have a mix of both tender gentle sex and just good f*cking. The popularity of books like 50 Shades of Grey (horrible writing, but, massive best seller) proves that a lot of women are pining for some raw exciting sex.

  3. Umm… if she’s not your lover, why did you marry her? Or if she’s no longer your lover, why is she still your wife?

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      Because marriage is long and life is bumpy.

      If you want a marriage where you never have a lack of desire for your partner (or vise versa), I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find that. For the rest of us, sometimes we need an assist.

      • Lack of desire for your partner doesn’t really become an issue until there’s also a lack of communication and interest in trying to solve the problem.

        However, IME, more often than not the first lead to the other two.

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