MB Cowan delves into the real world of sex offenses against children, where media stereotypes fail to address the reality of both victims and offenders, and where draconian laws may do more harm than good.
PEDOPHILE – the word conjures up images of deranged and dirty old men lurking in shadowy places, child molesters hiding in alleys and under bridges, prowling the streets with puppies, handing out candy in schoolyards.
We want to believe it happens to others, that it does not occur in loving homes and will never happen to us. But it does. We want to believe that women do not molest and rape children. But they do. We claim that boys are “lucky” to have sex so early. They are not. Rape and molestation do not constitute good fortune and the abused boys suffer lifelong trauma.
We hold tightly unto the belief that those whom we trust are worthy. Not necessarily. Abuse often comes from those we trust. We want to believe that people are receptive to hearing the truth. But they are not. We are told Uncle Charlie was “teaching” us about sex, auntie was “playing” with you, and dad was just “checking.” When the veil of denial is lifted, and these acts are recognized for the rape they were, oh, how it hurts.
We sometimes pretend that if a child experiences pleasure during molestation, that makes it okay; it is never okay. A physical response to forced stimulation is not remotely similar to consensual pleasure, and adds to the disgust, shame, confusion, guilt and self-loathing that these survivors feel.
We fear that abused children will inevitably grow up to abuse. No one is destined to be an offender. As with any trauma, treatment is necessary to heal, undo guilt, shame, fears and the cluster of maladaptive beliefs and behaviors. Those who receive treatment and share their story seem unlikely to repeat.
We falsely believe we are safer by enacting harsh laws for keeping known offenders “far away,” ostracizing them into chronic unemployment and homelessness. We fear the ones in our neighborhood and want to drive them out, despite the fact that they have an extremely low recidivism rate. The Department of Justice reports only 5% reoffend with a sex crime, but the media continues to report and perpetuate the myth of the incurable pedophile monster. The greatest danger is not from those offenders who have been caught, but from the unknown ones who have not.
The responsibility for prevention and treatment is in the hands of the individual who has intrusive sexual thoughts, impulses and urges towards children, especially when they have never yet acted on those impulses. It is also in the hands of the community and treatment providers to make treatment affordable, accessible and non-shaming. By stigmatizing a person for suffering a mental disorder, we drive that person into the shadows where her disorder festers. Treatment must begin when a child is abused, or when an adult individual first experiences sexual urges and intrusive thoughts about children.
The barriers to treatment are nigh-insurmountable. One faces the stigma of being labeled a pedophile, the fear of a police investigation for a crime one has not actually committed, the loss of reputation and employment, the difficulty in finding a skilled and affordable therapist and a bleak future. No one can afford to have his name associated with the diagnosis of pedophile on an insurance form. The word itself means the end of any life in normal society, and too often the beginning of a life in the shadows.
Approaching treatment in a realistic and humane way, the term pedophile must be retired. The majority of individuals classed as pedophiles should, more correctly, be diagnosed with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder/Trauma, sub-set – Sexually Abused Child Syndrome; those who have not acted out, and those who have. SACS use children to medicate themselves and for their own gratification in the clutches of posttraumatic stress disorder, with obsessive-compulsive features, and often dissociation.
I want to believe that in the 21st century, we have the opportunity and the motivation to face this vile disorder. Individuals are coming forward with their past victimization, schools of psychology and social work are addressing it and an entire field in sex abuse is available. Offenders, when accepted as having PTSD and are given the opportunity to receive affordable help, are more likely to seek treatment. Imagine billboards and ads: “There is someone you can talk to” or “Get help before you hurt.”
Those who offend against a child require intensive daily treatment, usually under confinement, for at least 5 years. The journey is difficult; not all make it. The critical factor is breaking the denial, often taking a year of confrontation in a daily group. Following that, the individual rebuilds her reality, learns to communicate effectively, take responsibility, develop empathy and compassion for others, manage anger appropriately, learn what triggers her, what her high risks are and how to redirect maladaptive thoughts and behaviors. Then, a relapse prevention plan is developed. Upon release, the success or failure of that person hinge upon a support group, job and place to live. At present, laws and social attitudes are thoroughly designed to make it as hard as possible to succeed, and thus much, much easier to relapse. The same slogan suggested for the individual may apply to the community: “Help before you hurt.”
Photo—eperales/Flickr
About MBCowan
That is so true what you say about overcoming the barriers to treatment…at the end of our relationship I urged him to get professional help since I could no longer help him….I think I stayed so long because he said I was helping him somehow (in truth, he used me like he was using heroin)…he refused to seek psychological or psychiatric help (he said he was better off going to some bar and talking to some random stranger there!)…
I stopped worrying about him for a LONG time until he made contact out of the blue…I did not speak to him but I later learned that he works as a grief counselor! I am sure he has received extensive training (health profession-wise) in death and dying and PTSD and how to counsel OTHER people, but I sincerely doubt that he has ever confronted his OWN sex offender issues…I’m sure he could never admit it as abuse….weird stuff, ay?
Thanks for tackling such an awful subject and putting the appropriate labels on such behavior….I have been calling such behavior by the wrong names for such a long time….
Leia, labels can easily mislead us into dark and dead-end roads, blocking effective help and harming people along the way. Thanks for sharing.
-mbcowan
Great article.
We should also keep in mind that false accusations happen, and that ‘believe the children’ is a formula for disaster without independent supporting evidence.
After all, there’s nothing easier than making a false accusation in a divorce proceeding to ensure that the custody ruling goes your way.
‘believe the children’ is a formula for disaster without independent supporting evidence… um, no. is believing a woman when she says she was raped a formula for disaster?
Without supporting evidence, yes, that’s also a formula for disaster. When an accusation alone is counted as proof, there’s no “innocent until proven guilty”, and no justice – no matter what the crime. Accusations are often a good reason to investigate and try to confirm or disconfirm the allegation, but when accusations alone are enough to ruin someone’s life or get one’s way, that increases the proportion of false accusations. Allegations of rape or sexual abuse should be taken seriously, but not automatically believed out of some feeling that no one would possibly ever lie about such things. It happens.
When a child tells a parent that some one abused her, I suggest that parent believe the child and comfort her, then, the next step is to call the police and let the police investigate. In Tennessee, everyone is required to report – without proof – based solely on a child’s statement of abuse. Any report will be investigated and the results used in a divorce proceeding. Courts require supporting evidence of those accusations, and a parent who fails to report has committed a crime. The best interest of the child – we are talking about a child – comes first. That is the law.
I have to say that I was both bemused and surprised to discover this whole set of articles drafted under the name MBCowan.
I am not noted for holding my words – but I may make an exception here to expand upon concerns and illuminate them.
I have read each post and analysed the comments and feedback closely.
I have been struck by patterns that, given the subject and claims made, I find alarming and even inexplicable in light of claims made.
There is a consistent patterns of disorganisation in thought and reason, coupled with repeated revisionism that is not consistent with the claimed expertise – or which is consistent with the gravity of the subject.
There is a constant changing of gender when referring to Victims which is also inconsistent, and bias towards one gender that is also significant. There is an underlying bias which is inimical with good advice and the subject matter.
There is a failure to open up the subject in a rational and structured manner which addresses the sexes, sexualities and even genders linked to either the perpetrator or the target. There is a Glossing Over of issues and specific areas that is unacceptable and highly uninformative for the average reader and target audience.
The claims made “I know how pedophiles think. I know what they do. And I know how to stop them!” – well they are grandiose and have been debunked by the repeated revisionism when rational challenge has been made by some rather well informed – on point and well focused commenters.
I note that rather pertinent points raised in response to OPs have not been directly or pertinently addressed. Again, gloss is evident.
I will go further.
1) I know how pedophiles think.
That is evidently not true – and there has been no discussion or referencing upon the differing types of Paedophile. It seems that there is just one Stereotype being addressed, and the true complexity of the issue is being ignored.
There is no mention of hebephilia or pedohebephilia – associated risk, patterns of conduct and recognisable patterns in adult conduct balanced against child target conduct and red flags that are age and social context dependent.
The referencing to red flags is more consistent with Pitch and Put than the actual subject.
For someone who claims to “..know how pedophiles think”, that is a very large omission from the subject, with overall content highly unrevealing and less than informative or utile!
2) I know what they do.
That is highly questionable given that the differences in what “they” do is dependent upon such matters as the age of target and relevant social factors linked to age, and even the arena and venue that the interactions occur within. What “they” do would differ markedly if the child target is 5 compared to 15 – and even the sexual orientation involved. Is it a position of trust – a family social relationship – even a peer relationship?
It also is highly dependent upon the sexual orientation of the Paedophile/Hebephilie/Pedohebephilie as either heterosexual – homosexual – bisexual. It should also be noted that the sexual orientation towards children does not necessarily correspond to Adult Sexual orientation. It is quite possible for an openly gay male adult to target female children – or for a demonstrable Heterosexual male adult to target male children.
The gross generalisations used to provide some form of profile are worse than stereotypical – they are useless. Gloss is used to cover up far too much!
The failure to mention “What they do” in context is more than an alarming oversight. Lack of Worked Examples that even illuminate the most basic of psychology and social manipulation is a considerable oversight!
3) And I know how to stop them!
A fascinating claim!
It is a pity that it is not backed up with rational advice concerning such matters as Grooming – recognising changes in conduct – and how to respond to indications and early stage overtures of concern from targeted children.
Stating that you “…know how to stop them!” is not in any way equivalent to good advice and on point information as to how a targeted child should be educated and advised – or how nay responsible adult should be educated or advised.
It may be more valid if it read “And What “”YOU”" Need To Know!”, as it would have placed empowerment of interested parties above the self.
I would expect the area of Grooming to have been addressed – illuminating such matters as the known patterns of Psychological Manipulation of targets – which is of course age related and dependent upon social factors too – as well as the sexuality dynamic involved.
The subject of Groomiong would also have highlighted how parents and responsible adults are all too often manipulated along with the target, so that normalisation of unusual and even highly questionable behaviour is addressed.
There has been no rational or structured representation of any information that would be of value to target or parent/responsible adult/first responder.
Given that the implied intent of pieces is to inform others, I see little that is actually informative of value or utility.
There is a great deal of Anecdotal referencing with what would appear to be a presumption that readers can read between the lines. I also note a complete lack of any references to actual Source Material – Publicly referenced or known sources – and even basic additional information such as where to read more on recognised help sources – even who to speak to 1-800-4-A-CHILD…… (Multiple Other sources of information, advise and support exist on a local and national level – via the net and most importantly free of charge by phone).
In am struck by the actual lack of information provided to empower parents or other concerned adults in addressing situations, other than being referred to Amazon to make a purchase and await delivery.
Whilst I acknowledge that the reader demographic of GMP is adult, suitable flagged and on point directed contact with professionals would also be expected to aide children who should stumble across the content and need direction to assistance.
Above all else – I wonder at the lack of a simple piece of information and advice on “…how to stop them!”. If in doubt, get external expert help – and if necessary call 911!
It is not Rocket Science!
As someone with some expertise in the very area of child abuse – I would never omit such advice, given that it is so crucial in empowering people in dealing with what can be most alarming, confusing and distressing events. That simple and on point advice is often the only information recalled when faced with a highly emotionally distressing scenario.
“Act First – Worry Later” is also a valid catchphrase that empowers.
It is odd that what action to take when “And I know how to stop them!” has not been of value is not addressed. As is all too evident, action post failure is also too often required.
Overall – I am struck by such a lack of on point information – actual analysis – Sources – valid advice – and just how easy it is to find out so much more on the subject by Googling “Pedophile narcissistic personality disorder” and then clicking on the links to say Harvard Medical School – http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2010/July/pessimism-about-pedophilia
I have been struck as well by the repeated linking of Paedophile behaviour to PTSD.
There has of course been research which has shown a correlation between childhood trauma and sexual abuse as an adult.
However – The most common factor to arise from that research was witnessing Domestic Abuse and Interpersonal Violence. That is one reason there is a focus upon child protection in DV/IPV cases whether the perpetrator is male – female – and even if it is both adults in the household are in a co-abusive DV/IPV dynamic. Extant research indicates that the long term welfare of the child is best served by removing them from such social and family dynamics. That can be achieved by the absence of one parent – and if necessary by the absence of both.
However, the research has been heavily criticised due to the small sample size – as well as bias caused by all subjects being convicts. The research itself has been self critical of this readily recognised bias.
Given that present estimates indicate that up to 80% of those who sexual abuse children are never convicted – not known to law enforcement – never disclosed or identified by victims – it is self evident that any claims based upon the approximate 20% who are convicted can only ever apply to findings based upon that minority!
It is poor science to extrapolate on such findings and extend it to a global hypothesis – as appears to be the case here.
That a minority of known offenders may show a statistically significant incidence of childhood linked PTSD is no reason to conclude that PTSD is the cause of, or linked to, Paedophile/Hebephilie/Pedohebephilie.
I am alarmed by the repeated linking of the subject of Paedophile/Hebephilie/Pedohebephilie to PTSD and the unrecognised “Posttraumatic Stress Disorder/Trauma, sub-set – Sexually Abused Child Syndrome”.
If there was a link as implied, one would expect a far higher incidence of female paedophiles to have been recognised by now. The very number of females who report Childhood Sexual Abuse is statistically significant enough to have to consider why there is a lack of adult females who meet the fuzzy label of “Posttraumatic Stress Disorder/Trauma, sub-set – Sexually Abused Child Syndrome”.
Are we dealing with highly significant indicators of Sexual Dimorphism – or is it a different matter?
It could of course be validated by checking incidence of PTSD in the unreported and unidentified 80%.
It should also be noted that research has lead to the Consensus that the majority of Pedophiles have a distinct sexual orientation to children – or paraphilia – that has no link to PTSD, just as Homosexuality or even Heterosexuality has no such link.
There is simply insufficient evidence to support the premise being propagated – and which is also a dangerous premise, given that children who may have been sexually abused are more than capable of finding the false assertion and as abuse victims themselves be damaged by it!
I have been abused – I will therefore suffer PTSD – that will make me a paedophile.
Young Impressionable minds have a known track record for not being able to distinguish poorly made claims against reality. It is in fact a known issue in the psychology of abuse – and plays out in the dynamics.
It should also be noted that being sexually abused as a child is not a known precursor to becoming an sexual abuser of children. Odd how that point has been omitted. It may prove most valuable to any child reading and looking for answers to their own situation and possible resolution.
I remain most concerned by what I have read – it’s inconsistency – the failures in rational presentation of the subject – the lack of reference and excessive use of anecdotal evidence – and the revisionism which would not be present if the subject was being addressed with in depth knowledge and due rigour – even for public Consumption in a far more openly structured style that would not be overly academic.
I hope that my observations will be informative – and that I will not have to make further observations and considerably more detailed analysis due to further posts and contributions.
Overall – I am left with the impression that the published OPs are more confessional and seeking redemption than informative or advisory on a highly emotive subject. The overall content is less than informative and fails to address the subject with any recognised patterns of rigour or utility.
I have to wonder why the subject has been allowed to be subsumed under the confessional revelations of the author. It would make far more sense, under the rational of “Poacher Turned Game-keeper”, for the Subject to have been addressed with more validity and rigour, and the authors relationship to the subject to have not featured at all! Once trust and validity had been proved, disclosure would be appropriate.
Some may see that view as old fashioned, unreconstructed and even uncharitable – but when you catch a master hacker you don’t tell the world – you employ them and stay quiet so that expertise is used wisely! If the hacker tells the world they are now a white hat and not a black hat – well their very value is destroyed and their utility reduced to zero.
Again, I am bemused and surprised by what I have read.
I even wonder why it is here?
I must admit, the more of Cowan’s articles I read the more the hairs on the back of my neck have stood up. You’ve managed to articulate many concerns much better than I could, my knee-jerk summation being, “I think this guy is full of crap,” but not entirely able to articulate why.
This article in particular I found troubling. He claims only 5% recidivism however the article he cites is limited to being re-arrested within three years for a similar crime. Not a particularly good metric.
I hope GMP does a better job of vetting articles that go up under their brand – this article contains a lot of contraversial opinion posing as fact with nothing to back it up – this is dangerous.
“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;” or have the stench of an individual who would harm a child.
Intellectualizing and head-tripping offer nothing to a child in need. Hopefully, others will provide articles and add what information they find helpful so mom and dad can protect their child from the deranged and twisted thoughts and behaviors of those how molest children.