With so many people running around trying to win, life has become a race with no winner, no purpose and no end. Even when we’re supposed to be taking a day off, we’re still running that race, without even knowing it.
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I hated the Charlie Sheen “Winning” meme.
Mostly because it was dumb and arrogant and unfunny, but also because it perpetuated the idea that there was a way to “win.” And that there were a lot of people who were winning. People who were living these amazing lives that everyone else could only hope to catch a glimpse of on TV and read about on the internet.
But it was hollow.
And that was part of the problem. Everyone was talking about winning, but it wasn’t clear what they were winning or what we should be trying to win.
Were we supposed to be winning life? Were we supposed to be winning fame? Were we supposed to be winning recognition? Or respect? Or money? Or admirers? Or integrity? Or piece of mind?
“Winning” was whatever anyone wanted it to be. And because of that, it was nothing. Everyone and everything was about winning something mysterious that no one could actually define with any certainty.
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None of this was clear and it didn’t matter. “Winning” was whatever anyone wanted it to be. And because of that, it was nothing. Everyone and everything was about winning something mysterious that no one could actually define with any certainty.
The worst part was, on some level, we all knew the Winning meme made no sense. But we bought into it anyway. And we loved it.
The problem with this is that, of course, no one really wins. At least not in the context that Charlie Sheen was ranting about. Because in that context there is no winning. No one is keeping score. No one cares about you. No one even knows where they’re going or what they’re looking for.
With so many people running around trying to win, life has become a race. But it’s a race with no winner. It’s a race with no purpose. It’s a race with no end. It’s a race for the sake of racing. It’s a race we can never stop running. Even when we’re supposed to be relaxing or taking a day off, we’re still running that race. Sometimes without even knowing it.
When I was 15-years old I went on vacation to the Dominican Republic with my family. We had just gotten off the airplane and were greeted by the near-perfect Caribbean weather. We were waiting at the baggage claim for our bags to emerge along with a big crowd of people who had also just arrived.
Like all 15-year olds, I thought I was invincible. Because of this, I squeezed my way into a space by the front of the baggage claim that was too small for my large, awkward 15-year old body. A body that at around 6’0’’ and close to 190 pounds resembled that of a man but was being operated by a boy. I accidentally brushed into a man standing next to me. This really pissed him off.
“We’re all going to the same place!” He yelled at me as he moved to reclaim pole position at the front of the baggage claim.
And he was right. We were all going to the same place. A place where no one ever really wins. A place where we try to come in first because that’s what we’re supposed to want.
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And he was right. We were all going to the same place. A place where no one ever really wins. A place where we try to come in first because that’s what we’re supposed to want. A place where we hope our bag comes out soon so we don’t have to keep waiting next to all of these strangers. In that moment, we all just wanted to get out of that cramped airport baggage claim so our vacation could start and we could do all the things we told ourselves we would do on vacation. Things we would never do if we weren’t on vacation.
We jockeyed for position at the front of baggage claim as the animosity grew between this stranger and I. For absolutely no reason at all, there was an unnecessary amount of tension between the two of us.
His bags came out first. He snatched them off the conveyer belt and stormed away as if he had just achieved some great feat. I was still standing there and he was on his way to his resort. He had won, in the most shallow definition of “winning.” My bags showed up a little while later. I walked the same way that he did. We both ended up in the same place, and neither of us won. There was nothing but misery and animosity and anger.
And when it was all over, no one was better off. In fact, we were undoubtedly worse off.
In a much broader sense, if anyone in this world is actually winning it would have to be in a completely different context.
Maybe we took the time to think about someone else when it was not convenient for us to do so. Maybe this is what winning really is.
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Maybe we helped someone we met along the way. Maybe we made someone slightly less miserable. Maybe we smiled or told a joke or held a door at just the right time for just the right person. Maybe we took the time to think about someone else when it was not convenient for us to do so. Maybe this is what winning really is. But I don’t know much about what winning really is.
What I do know is that winning has nothing to do with Charlie Sheen or internet memes or going viral. It has nothing to do with getting into an altercation with a stranger at an airport baggage claim and snagging your bags first. It has nothing to do with being the biggest, loudest, most opinionated, most obnoxious person that everyone has no choice but to pay attention to. Even if those qualities can sometimes bring money and fame and admirers into your life. It is not winning.
For all his money, all the beautiful women he sleeps with, all his fame, and all the “winning”, Charlie Sheen is probably miserable. I don’t know this for sure, but deep down when he’s at his most candid, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear him admit as much. And what he didn’t tell us in that now infamous rant is that no one’s actually winning in the context he was talking about. Because “winning” in that context is actually nothing more than trying to lose a little bit less than the person next to you. Which is decidedly different than actually winning. Whatever that might be.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Winning and losing are illusions; they are the terms that humans created to help us play the game of life by the rules we also created.
I know the novel only got mixed reviews, but you really reminded me of Tom Wolfe’s A MAN IN FULL, which I now recommend to all the guys who identify with this post. (I really loved it.) At one point, an older man in the story has a heart attack and confronts death, and in so doing he considers what will happen to all the STUFF (expensive, rich white man stuff) he has accumulated in his lifetime, and realizes other people will just dig through it and pick what they want, just as he did. As he thinks this, he… Read more »
Merely renting. Awesome. Thank you for the recommendation. I’ll have to add that book to my list.