On Father’s Day, Diane Sears remembers one of the men who raised her.
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When I write and speak about Men—who quietly, unceremoniously, and unselfishly—positively shape the minds and souls of our children—the village’s “heart and soul,’ I am not just talking about Fathers. I am also taking about Father Figures—brothers, uncles, and grandfathers—who have taken on the primary responsibility of raising our children—our babies—the village’s “heart and soul.” So, what would I know about Father Figures? I was raised by one—my uncle—my mother’s eldest brother.
A “Quiet Warrior,” he fought against injustice in his own unique way.
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A brilliant man who spoke Spanish and Arabic and studied business law and accounting in college, my uncle was a man who could have written his own ticket in life. Yet he opted to cast his dreams aside for the sake of his family. A “Quiet Warrior,” he fought against injustice in his own unique way. Cognizant of the fact that while my generation would have access to opportunities that many members of his generation could only dream about and/or were denied, and at the same time, knowing that my path in life would not be easy once I reached adulthood, he told me, “Education is the key that will unlock any door. Knowledge is the one thing that they can never take away from you.” I listened and quietly wondered “Why would anyone try to take anything away from me? And who were ‘they’—these people that would try to take something away from me.” My uncle—my Father Figure—was giving me wise counsel on how to deal with some of the curve balls that life was guaranteed to throw my way. At a young age, I was being provided with a key “piece of the puzzle” to transcending boundaries and navigating the world outside of my immediate environment.
Men—particularly Fathers—are perceived as the liaison between their families and the world outside of their family’s immediate environment. My Uncle understood that.
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Men—particularly Fathers—are perceived as the liaison between their families and the world outside of their family’s immediate environment. My Uncle understood that. But he took it to the next level by introducing me to different cultures and different religions. How did he do this? When errands he needed to handle took him into town—the City’s business district—he would allow me to accompany him. In the center of town, I would see people of different ethnicities who were not attired in Western clothing. As you might imagine, I was a very curious child. Instinctively sensing my curiosity, my uncle would politely point out individuals of different ethnicities and cultures who passed us on the street. He would discuss their nationality with me and their religion and remark: “Just because someone dresses differently than you, or worships differently than you, or speaks a different language, that does not make you better than they are. You are not better than another person, but you are just as good.” I would see men and women from India, Asia, and Africa. My Uncle would lean down and quietly explain: “He is a Sikh.” Or, “He is a Hindu.” Or, “He is from a nation in Africa.” Or, “She is Eurasian. She is wearing a sari. She is your sister.” He would point out women attired in Khamirs and explain: “She is a Muslim. Her religion is Islam. She is your sister.” So, I grew up feeling that I had a lot of sisters—women from different ethnicities and cultures to whom I was connected. This powerful experience continues to drive my view of the world—particularly, my “connectedness” to the 7.2 billion souls with whom I share space on Planet Earth. Do, I still embrace women from other ethnicities and cultures as my sister? Yes!
I told him that I had a plan. He became the publication’s staunchest supporter.
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What did he think about my work on Fatherhood and Men’s Issues? In May 1999, when I announced that I was launching IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD®, a quarterly international Fatherhood and Men’s Issues Journal, he did not discourage me. He merely mused, “Hmmn. Okay. How are you going to do that?” I told him that I had a plan. He became the publication’s staunchest supporter. In 2004, he suggested that I create a Children’s Corner for IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® which would provide children with a voice. It was his view that children are our future and that it is incumbent upon each of us to help positively shape the minds and souls of our children and adequately prepare them for their future roles and responsibilities as purpose-driven, productive and successful adults. For the past 10 years, the poetry and essays of children have been published in IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD®. MY uncle’s vision for the future of the children of the world is a part of his legacy—a legacy that IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® perpetuates through Children’s Corner.
On 24 May 2010, he lost his 13 year battle against prostate cancer. During the months preceding his death, he talked to me about dying.
“I’ve cheated death many times in my life. When I die, I will come to visit you in your dreams,” he said matter-of-factly.
My Uncle was a man whose word is his bond. He always honored his commitments.
And yes, he does visit me in my dreams. Our bond remains unbroken—even by death.
Photo—Roland Tanglao/Flickr