Jaime Zepeda finds a way to seriously enjoy life, by not taking himself too seriously.
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My godfather is a man who loves wearing gaudy jewelry and loud shirts. His laughs are huge and originate from deep within his belly. He makes a fair share of lewd jokes, even when his wife is around. And when I was a kid he told me this:
“Que no te importe una chingada lo que la gente quiere que seas o que hagas. Haz lo que te de la gana”
En Ingles:
“Don’t give a damn what other people want you to be or do. Do whatever makes you feel good.”
I don’t wear shiny jewelry, and my shirts don’t go up to 11, but I have finally come to embrace his advice.
Here’s an example: I’ve been going to the gym for some time now, and when I first started I was always trying to be cool. I only wore cool, stylish clothes and shoes. I was cool during my workouts, even when I got really pumped and wanted to express it somehow. I even walked around cool, meaning I was aloof, important-like, and strutting around like a prince. This intense, unceasing focus on what others thought of me eventually led to making going to the gym a stressful, joyless chore.
I care less about what other people think, about being cool, and thus I am able to have a lot more fun and do what’s right for me.
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Fast forward to today: I pick clothes that are comfortable and useful, because that’s what I need at the gym.When I work out, I bob my head, psyche myself up, and drum beat on my chest or on the treadmill when a favorite song comes on. I even grunt and mumble a little. I know that this all means I probably look like a meathead idiot to some of the other gym patrons, and that I am doing the opposite of being cool, and that’s good.
I care less about what other people think, about being cool, and thus I am able to have a lot more fun and do what’s right for me.
I sing along to “Only Girl in the World” at clubs, because that song is my jam.
I impersonate Javert in public places, because it makes my lady laugh, and that makes me happy.
I wear bright blue pants in Manhattan–where wearing sunny attire is a 2nd degree felony–because I love that color and it just feels right.
You, me, and everybody have unique cores, because we each have a very particular set of quirks, oddball tendencies, and silly things that make us giggle. But you can forget that sometimes, and if you let that focus on cool run unchecked you will end up following the script other people wrote for you. You will listen to the voices of others (some of whom are total strangers) more than your own. Your compass won’t be yours, but one crowdsourced by a bunch of whoevers.
Trying to be cool is a disease you sign up for once you start trying to impress everybody but yourself.
You have to embrace, love, and foster your own type of weird. Say it with me, “My weird is good.” Loving your weird is loving your unvarnished, unpretentious core. It’s you being unashamed to be you, or, even better, you being in love with your quirky self and taking it on a parade.
This self-love helps you help others, too. Before taking care of others, you have to have taken care of yourself first, because it’s easier (and more sustainable) to help others live and thrive authentically when you are already doing that yourself.
Not giving a damn about what other people think will allow you to help other people live a better life, and that will start with your own. Now go rock a satin, pink shirt.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Click here to tweet me your take on this.
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Photo: Flickr/AndYaDontStop
Hey Mark! Love how this chain has gone. I couldn’t agree more with you. I can’t get your email address for some reason, so please drop me a line at [email protected]. I’d love to keep this conversation going. Cheers!
Seriousness has its place Jaime, but you’re correct in that everything has gotten so damn serious that nothing is serious anymore. Too much of a good thing. Life is a good balance of both. It’s a matter of discernment which this culture has quite frankly lost its understanding of. Life is probably close to the 80/20 rule. 80% is simply nonsense 20% you better have your head in the game 110%. So balls out, have real fun 80% of the time and know when it’s time to pull the 20% out. Do not worry what other people think. Ever. Most… Read more »
By the way. I like this saying in particular. “Just because you seem to function perfectly well in an insane world does NOT mean you are sane.”.
I love your flight attendant/put your own mask first analogy. It’s so true. You can’t help others until you help yourself. I often wonder if we have just become too serious of a society. I don’t necessarily mean that we don’t have a sense of humor, but that everything is supposed to align or not align, have an agenda, and have more importance than it does. It makes being a kid and embracing your weirdness very hard. Being serious makes sense for some stuff, but sometimes you just need to live, and follow your gut. It’s hard to do that… Read more »
sorry typed to fast and had typos, so I hope you’ll get the jist of what I was saying
Thanks for your comments Jaime. Fact is there are no tips or tricks to get past this for those who can’t see it yet. That requires going deeper to find out where they were so entrenched in their wounded-ness and then reframe all of this so they can re-experience themselves. I will use analogies like the airplane attendant and the gas make, out it on before you help others, if you can’t breathe you can’t help anyone else. I then translate that to if you can’t love all of yourself then how can you love others completely with all their… Read more »
Hi Mark. Thanks for your awesome insight. It’s actually surprising to hear that so many people are affected by this feeling to project an image. It almost feels like we should start a movement, “Embrace your weird!” I wonder if there are any tips that you give your patients to help them get past this point of resistance? I’d be really interesting in hearing some of those.
Your uncle has it absolutely right. Jaime. And through you he gets to pass on that glorious message to a wider audience. I love it. I’m a psychotherapist and I don’t know how many patients I’ve counseled with basically this same message. They come in with adjustment disorders or anxiety because they don’t feel like they fit in. Fitting in is one of the most primal needs most humans have. When I tell them everyone is weird in their own way and that as long as long as you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else in the process of expressing… Read more »