Scott Sonnon on the standards of being a man and respecting women.
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“You must exercise pretty hard to get an @$$ like that,” a ‘guy’ ogled at the barista in front of me.
She replied sharply, “Though you think that’s a compliment it’s not. If you want your coffee, zip it.”
He looked at me smirking, “She shouldn’t have worn her yoga gear to work, then.” Holding up my hand, I said, “She can dress however she wants, Dude. It’s not her fault if someone behaves like a leach.”
He rolled his eyes, grabbed his coffee and walked off, laughing. The barista handed me my coffee saying that it was “on the house for being a gentleman.” I left money anyway because being a gentleman shouldn’t have to be rewarded because it’s infrequent.
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Recently, actress Jennifer Lawrence (as well as several other actresses) had her phone hacked. Revealing images were pirated and published. Some media sources commented on the “embarrassment of her scandal.”
It wasn’t a scandal on her part. It was a sex crime by the attacking hacker. What she, or any person, does in the privacy of their own property is her own business. Invading that privacy to reveal her is no different than ripping off her dress in public and blaming her for being naked underneath. It’s yet another example of “rape talk” and “blaming the victim.”
No one has the right to judge the appropriate level of modesty of others, nor is anyone deemed to be immodest deserving of the actions (and thoughts) of those who have not matured into men. Certainly, it is a natural, earthly reflex to desire a woman. We have many reflexes: a child slaps and bites when he doesn’t get what he wants. Do we blame the recipient of that slap and bite for having what the child wants, and excuse the child because it’s his reflex to do so?
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It is our job to be Men, and to be role models for our children, as we teach boys the same.
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It is our job to be Men, and to be role models for our children, as we teach boys the same. Becoming a man isn’t a birthright which happens at some magical number of years. It’s a level of maturity demonstrated by behavior and thought.
Do we really want to live in a world where women must take inordinate precautions in their own lives, due to the acceptance that males cannot control their behavior or thoughts? Personally, I find it insulting that the bar is set so low for expectations for my actions.
Instead, let’s challenge each other to become better, and create a society where others can feel safe to pursue their happiness in the way that they wish.
Very Respectfully,
Scott Sonnon
Photo: Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique in “X-Men: Days of Future Past”
Scott, I appreciate your thoughtfulness on this topic. I just want to address one thing. You said: “It is our job to be Men, and to be role models for our children, as we teach boys the same. Becoming a man isn’t a birthright which happens at some magical number of years. It’s a level of maturity demonstrated by behavior and thought.” I am totally with you with this. And while I agree, you said nothing about men’s relationship with women themselves. Yes, teach your boys to be good men through example. But teach them that developing healthy relationships with… Read more »
For all the people saying that advising against taking pics is victim blaming I say you don’t really understand what that means. Celebrities should not need security at a concert but they would be fools not to have it. Saying that is not victim blaming. Saying they deserved to be attacked becous they did not have it would be.
“Celebrities are held at a different standard” Why should they be held at different standards? They are human beings. They are entitled to the same basic respect as everyone else. This is a working woman. All this woman has done is, is worked as an actress to entertain and perhaps intrigue or inspire other people. Why does she not deserve the same basic respect as others? Why does she not have the same right to privacy? Calling her a celebrity confuses and muddles things, as if it’s some special category of people where basic rules of decency does not apply.… Read more »
And the same should be said about paparazzis and scandal tabloids.
“Do we really want to live in a world where women must take inordinate precautions in their own lives, due to the acceptance that males cannot control their behavior or thoughts?”
Prince Harry and other men have had their privacy invaded in the same way so I don’t see how it’s an inordinate precaution just because it’s a woman. The only difference I see is that women get sympathy and most of the time (for celebrities at least) some form of justice.
Sadly, this seems to be true. Every human being, regardless of gender etc., should be treated the same concerning this topic. It is equally NOT OK to do stuff like that to a man. EQUALITY is often misinterpreted.
No gender/race/etc blabla is better than another one. There are everyday situations where men are discriminated too! Discrimination in it’s entirety, no matter to whom it is subjected, should be vanished.
I find it ironic that you talk about women getting more sympathy where you have shown no sympathy toward the inordinate amount of female celebrities that have to deal with (lets be honest) most likely male hackers stealing their personal pictures to share with a world of men who will be leering. (not much different then the disgusting popularity of “revenge porn” where a large pool of men today treat women’s bodies like community property. ) By the way, do you think women want your sympathy? No. We want actual real change. We want to live in a world that… Read more »
Came here for pics :/
That’s on par with calling copyright infringement as stealing. It isn’t.
While I agree that this is incredibly wrong (and the person should be punished) – it still comes down to as a celebrity having such pics/videos is a big giant risk. You’re doing yourself no favours. Celebrities are held at a different standard, they have priviledge where others do not – and what happened is a very bad example to young teenagers where they are increasing taking nude selfies and sending them on (illegally).
I can’t say how deeply I appreciate your attitude and behaviour. Hope more men and women get inspired by you.
Invading that privacy to reveal her is no different than ripping off her dress in public and blaming her for being naked underneath. It’s yet another example of “rape talk” and “blaming the victim.” Erm….no, it’s very different. One is a physical attack, the other is an invasion of privacy. I’m amazed at the response to this leak – before this I had been told that it was incredibly wrong to joke about or trivialised rape by comparing it to things that weren’t rape. But a lot of people seem content to call things that aren’t rape….well, rape. And assault.… Read more »
What a load oh bullshit. You have power issues.
“Personally, I find it insulting that the bar is set so low for expectations for my actions.”
I hear you, Scott. And you are absolutely right that being a gentleman shouldn’t have to be rewarded because it’s infrequent. Great post.