What makes a man determined to let go of living a life in pain change his mind? Knowing someone is there to love.
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Tomas Young was done, having been a veteran in the Iraq war and suffered the destruction of a sniper’s bullet he chose last April to have a necessary feeding tube and all medications supporting his body halted. He didn’t want to live anymore.
“I decided that I was no longer going to watch myself deteriorate.”
The sniper attack started a physical descent, first as a chest down paralysis which led to a blood clot in his lungs. From there he became a quadriplegic with impaired speech and hands living on almost 100 pills daily.
As he began letting go something gave him the incentive to continue on. He changed his mind and found that incentive was valuing the time spent with his wife.
“I just came to the conclusion that I wanted some more time with my wife. And I decided that I really don’t have the chutzpah to go ahead and do away with myself.”
Claudia Cuellar has been “an amazing wife,” he says. “Everything a man could ask for in a partner, I have found in a 5-foot-2-and-a-half-inch Colombian woman that is just a spitfire and incredible.”
But Cuellar says she’s the lucky one.
“Even though I’m technically his caregiver, he’s really the one that’s carried me. He’s been so — as a partner — so patient with me,” she says. “I’m kind of, a little bit on the crazy side. He’s just given me the space to be myself. So we definitely feel like it’s a joint partnership, like we’re here to support each other as human beings.”
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeThe couple now lives in Portland, Ore. On New Year’s Eve, they are going to a party at the Portland Art Museum.
“We’re really excited about dressing up and just rolling over one block to the museum and, you know, having a good time and looking forward to whatever time we can be together,” Cuellar says.
Young has some thoughts for those who are overwhelmed, impaired or facing great despair.
“If you’re in life and you start to think things are a little too rough to handle,” he says, “just think of me and what I go through, and you realize that hey, I don’t have it so bad.”
Original reporting/photo credit: NPR/Frank Morris
Great piece, except for the very shitty last quote. It’s not because someone else has it worse that your own misery suddenly disappears. It’s gonna be comparing apples with pears anyway : you have “an amazing wife” standing by you. How many people in despair can say that ? How many people go into despair because they lack love ? As in this story, it was the ONLY thing that made a difference.