Doctor NerdLove asserts we all have types that turn our cranks more than others. The problem is when it goes from simple physical attraction to fetishization.
It seems like it’s been a bumper year for calling out OKCupid creepers via Tumblr—Nice GuysofOKC, OKCupidGoldMine… even FedorasOfOKCupid1 which helped turn another fashion choice into a way that nature tells us “Do Not Touch“.
Online dating tends to mean that people often let their filters down – the anonymity combined with the impersonalization of online communication often leads to people saying and acting in ways that they likely wouldn’t in person; this is also known as the Penny Arcade Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.
As a result: you get a lot of creepers on OKCupid… and a lot more people willing to call them out on being creepy.
A couple of days ago, the newest version of these—Creepy White Guys—was brought to my attention by readers. Creepy White Guys covers the various profoundly uncomfortable and occasionally downright racist messages that Asian women get sent by white guys who have “yellow fever” or a fetish for Asian women. This naturally started an interesting conversation over on the NerdLove Facebook Page about the nature of attraction vs. racial fetishism – who does it more and what’s so bad about it anyway?
Aside from, y’know, the racism and trading on sexual stereotypes.
(Obligatory ass covering: I’m a cisgendered, heterosexual white guy talking about racial issues. Odds are good I’m going to inadvertently shove my foot in my mouth at high speed. I apologize in advance if I say something stupid out of ignorance and I’ll make appropriate edits as needed.)
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The Appeal Of The Exotic
The first thing that needs to be acknowledged: the unusual or the out-of-the-ordinary is appealing… and this includes ethnicity. When you have a relatively homogenous society—or one that has a significant ethnic majority—any divergence from the predominant look is going to catch attention. And some of that attention is going to be sexual.
What is common becomes—to a certain extent, boring. We see it all the time and thus we become used to it. Novelty on the other hand, is eye-catching… and appealing. It’s suspected that this is why blonde hair and blue eyes—both of which are caused by recessive genes—survived; the relative rarity and radical difference from the dark-haired majority made it stand out and caused it to be that much more desirable, giving that person a greater advantage when it came to finding mates.
This is also the frequent cause of so many people’s fascinations with other cultural groups—why so many prep boys seem to have a thing for alt-punk girls, for example. The alt-punks stand out from the usual and represent a change from the expected.
This fascination with novelty actually at least partially hardwired into us, if you will pardon the brief dip of the toe into evo-psych territory; a phenotype that is radically different from the predominant group represents a fresh supply of genetic stock, which represents greater reproductive health and survival chances for newborns. When you live in a small, contained community, you run the risk of crossing genetic lines that are too closely related and developing undesirable recessive traits.
An injection of genetic material from an outside source helps strengthen the local gene pool, weeding out congenital genetic defects.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying that we tend to like things that stand out, whether it’s accents, body types, hair color… or race, for that matter.
The problem of course, is that aesthetic novelty of different ethnic groups isn’t the only issue.
Fetishization Is Not A Compliment
Whenever you have an ethnic majority in any area, there will be people who will make presumptions about the minority. Some of those presumptions and preconceived notions will be sexual in nature, and people will be basing their opinions on them.
In the Tumblr Creepy White Guys, we see a fairly common racial fetish – white guys who have a “thing” for Asian women, finding them more desirable than women of other ethnicities. In and of itself, finding people attractive is neutral; your junk is into what your junk is into, no harm no foul. We all have types that turn our cranks more than others. The problem comes when it goes from simple physical attraction to fetishization. Case in point:
Let’s break this down for a second.
To start with, the man is dripping with entitlement issues; his listing his accomplishments – including being white – are set as evidence as to why he “deserves” a hot Asian woman. Notice how much care or attention he pays to the woman he’s writing to: absolutely none. There’s nothing about “hey, we both Neil Gaiman novels and long road trips across the country! We have a lot in common!” or about what attracts him to her as an individual. Instead, he’s asking her to apply – as though for a job – but only if she meets his stringent requirements. He knows nothing about her and cares even less.
Then we get to the fact that the man is a racist.
“But hey,” I hear some folks say, “he’s saying that Asian women are the best. Isn’t that a sign that he’s notracist? After all, he’s talking about how much he loves Asian women.”
No. No, not at all. This pretty much makes him as much of a racist douchebag if he lead off with jokes about doing his math homework (or his dry-cleaning, for that matter) or martial arts.
Just because these stereotypes are considered “desirable”2 that doesn’t mean that it’s a compliment; it reduces a person from an individual to a collection of stereotypes and presumptions based on race, ethnicity and cultural background.
His ideas of what Asian women are like are based off the idea that all south-east Asian women are docile and submissive—regardless of whether she’s Chinese, Mongolian, Thai, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Hmong, Korean, Japanese or Pacific Islander… or just plain American. Not only is he trading on racist stereotypes, he’s betraying just how goddamn ignorant he is of her cultural background.
His belief that Asian women are the “best” isn’t because of a love of, say, Thailand’s long and amazing history and rich culture, it’s based off the idea that an Asian woman will be submissive to him and treat him like aking, unlike those uppity white, black and latina women with their insistence on crazy notions like “equality” and “mutual respect”.
In other words: he’s hoping for a pretty, Asian fucktoy who will submit to his every whim, clean his house, cook his food and let him parade her around with his other possessions. She’s not a person, she’s a prop, a literal trophy. Just one that will give him blowjobs on demand.
Let’s look at another example from another classy gent:
This is another common approach from folks who have racial fetishes: assuming stereotypes about the men of another ethnic group and trying to set yourself in opposition to them.
We get a double-whammy here: the idea that all Asian women are submissive man-pleasers held in subjugation by chauvinist Asian men who will only abuse them, cheat on them and (super classy move, bro) rape them.
(Anyone else get the impression that this winner jerks off to the idea of “rescuing” his Asian princess after she’s been viciously gang-banged and getting ALL THE SEX as a reward?)
But of course, he wants to save her from all that and put her up on the pedestal where she deserves to be. So maybe he’s ignorant but his heart is in the right place, right?
Again: no. Much like the first creeper, this isn’t about her as a person, it’s about his idea of what Asian women are like. Just because you’re promising to “worship” and “cherish” her doesn’t make you better than the guys who are up front about wanting their geisha fantasy doesn’t make you any better. Just as with people who elevate geek girls to goddess status, it’s stripping the woman of her individuality and personhood and reducing her to component parts. By putting her on that pedestal, she’s no longer an individual, she’s a collection of fantasies, expectations and stereotypes (who dishes out killer blowjobs)… and expecting her to be grateful for it.
It’s worth noting: while I’m focusing on white guys creeping on Asian women, this is hardly limited to folks with “yellow fever”; Creepy White Guys has just provided a convenient jumping off point with plenty of examples at hand. Racial fetishism covers the length and breadth of ethnic groups – there are people who fetishize African-American women, Latinas… pick an ethnic group, someone out there has decided they have a “thing” for them.
MRAs And Fanboys – Why People Fetishize Race
There isn’t any one group that ends up fetishizing other ethnic groups; you are as likely to find hard-core Nipponophiles3 who have an obsession with Japanese women as you will find men who have “given up” on white women because they’re too “independent”.
In fact, there are many Men’s Rights Advocates who fetishize women from India, south-east Asia and Arabic countries because of their supposed “docile” nature; they are—supposedly—“uncorrupted” by pesky modern ideas like feminism and equal rights and are more likely (or so the theory goes) to treat men “with respect”. After all, why deal with Western women who won’t put up with your shit when everybody knows Asian women would be so grateful that a white guy will deign to rescue them from their third-world homeland that they’ll treat him like a king.
Fanboy-ism is often another cause of fetishization. Many otaku, for example, go through a stage of Nipponophilia. Some reach a level where their interest in all things Japanese goes to an extreme; they want to be Japanese. They pepper their speech with pidgin Japanese, eat Japanese snacks almost exclusively, curse their Western heritage for not having the “luck” to be born Japanese… and look for Japanese partners exclusively. To them (and other fanboys; this is hardly restricted to otaku), a Japanese girlfriend—Japanese specifically, Chinese and Koreans need not apply—is the ultimate status symbol. It makes them Japanese by injection, living out all of his Love Hina fantasies with the symbol that he has achieved the Nihonjin apotheosis.
To be fair: there are also complicated social pressures that can lead towards racial preferences; the current western standard of feminine beauty puts emphasis on northern European features, for example. There is also a great deal of discussion about social coding that corresponds with interracial dating, especially in the African-American and Asian communities. This tends to fall somewhat outside of the remit of this site, but it is worth noting that it does exist.
The Difference Between Attraction, Preference and Fetish
After all of this, it can sound like I think that people who are open to or interested in interracial dating are hiding racial fetishes. I don’t. I do, however, think that people who are interested in interracial dating need to be aware of the potential. There will be times when it can be fun to be objectified; after all, we’re not just people, we’re pieces of meat and we like to feel desirable. The problem arises when a person’s interest goes from a preference to an active fetish; it goes beyond a fondness for an aspect of someone to becoming the foremost necessary quality.
For example: I, like many nerds, have a thing for redheads. Personally, I blame exposure to Molly Ringwald and Space Ace at an impressionable age.
When all other things are equal, red hair can be a factor that pushes me towards one person or another. However, just because I like red hair doesn’t mean that I only date gingers, nor do I believe that redheads are somehow superior to all other women.
A preference can come from any number of places—familiarity, a positive experience, a negative experience, even pop-cultural exposure. A preference can color a person’s choice of partner but doesn’t necessarily overwhelm it; a woman might have a preference for tall Nordic men but be equally happy with her husband if he were short and Mediterranean because he’s himself.
With fetishes, the race and/or ethnic background of the person involved is of supreme importance. It puts the emphasis on the ethnicity and culture—and perceived stereotypes—rather than on the individual. It isn’t that a person’s race is one factor in a host of others that attracts them, it’s the sole factor. If the fetishist’s Chinese girlfriend was suddenly white or latina, his interest would evaporate. The dudes featured at Creepy White Guys aren’t interested in individual women who happen to be Asian, they’re interested in Asianwomen; if they were black, Persian or white, they would never have looked twice.
Attraction is a complicated beast; we can’t know everything about why we prefer certain features or aspects about someone. It’s a complex mix of biological, evolutionary and cultural issues that can’t be picked apart easily. It is important, however, that we examine just what it is that attracts us to people… and the behaviors of the people who claim to be attracted to us.
Originally appeared at Paging Dr. NerdLove
Photo: Flickr/ben▐
Tim…I don’t have a dog in this show.I’m simply saying that there are more aspects to the narrative that are being excluded.
Tim…everyone is missing an obvious reason some Asian women date white guys exclusively:The pressures of assimilation.Some even commit suicide,have eyelid surgery,or experience other pyscho trauma trying to look and be white.
The pressures of assimilation on Asian women arent greater than those on Asian men.
When,if ever, are Americans going to have an adult conversation about all things sexual. The current public conversation is based upon a pc political subtext that is such bullshit and is so disengenious its almost delusional. Americans like to fuck and to that end,a wide range of pheno types are more than adequate. Fat people fuck too.
Erin…Your observations about the wide spectrum of fetishes among men based on body parts are true. But your analysis reduces too far the impact of other factors that come into play for men in this process. It isn’t enough simply to have a nice ass or big boobs,but those features are still central to the man’s definition of what he likes. When this issue is viewed ecologically,holistically something new happens,a fresh perspective walks out from behind the shadows of intellectual malaise and denial. Could it be that what you noticed actually confirms what men have been saying about what they… Read more »
Its not important to women what the avg male wants sexually. Its more important to them whats on the magazine covers
I absolutely get the feeling behind the boycott American women attitude.I think it is a long overdue response and is a reasonable reaction to what many men perceive has just unfair treatment and intractability by said women.
I agree.
I used to be like most people and think that guys who went overseas for romance/sex were creepy losers.
But now I don’t blame them one bit. I myself am flirting with the idea of going overseas. The U.S. is becoming an increasingly brutal place for the average guy to find love/romance.
You were right the first time. What went wrong? You’re giving up and becoming a creepy loser yourself? Good job. Just know in advance that all the indentured sex-servants over in Southeast Asia will never love you for who you are. They only want one thing, and it’s not your wiener.
I detect a troll in the house.
Go back to Jezebel.
I absolutely get the feeling behind the boycott American women attitude.I think it is a long overdue response and is a reasonable reaction to what many men perceive has just unfair treatment and intractability by said women. Besides, some American use all the leverage they can in the mating world, so why men do the same thing. Perhaps at some point, after enough pressure is applied, the two sides will actually figure somethings out
I think women in general get fetishized for all kinds of things. Race is certainly a big issue in that. But I think it happens to women based on their age, their weight, their breast size…All these things are fetishized in our culture about women. Such to the point that men will call themselves “ass men” or “boobs men”. A woman isn’t simply a woman. She is only as good as what a man is physically attracted to. On top of that, sometimes I get the impression that men want accolades when they like something that isn’t the stereoytpical ideal… Read more »
How is this for a fetish? I love women who are comfortable in their own skin and love sex. IME women of color are more likely to satisfy this fetish than white women, who again IME think too much to actually let go in the bed and–maybe not so coincidentally–on the dance floor.
I just wish men would take less time describing themselves as “boobs men” or “ass men” and trying to make it seem like it’s positive for women when women are fetishized for their body parts or race more time setting standards for how women shoud act and behave then how women should look. Oh yes, because women NEVER try to dictate to men how they should act behave, and they wouldn’t possibly rule a guy out simply because he happens to act in a certain way that she doesn’t like. Tell you what, Erin. When women abandon their 100 point… Read more »
Erin
This actually works in favor of women. Every woman has boobs and ass. This means every woman is attractive to some extent and can find considerable number of men. It makes women readily desirable effortlessly.
Men would love to live in a world where women describe themselves as cock-woman, balls-woman, ass-woman.
Oh wait, even in that world, the only cocks women would readily objectify and sexualize would be 8 inchers and larger.
Atleast give us some credit how egalitarian we men are.
Atleast give us some credit how egalitarian we men are.
Loathe as the women on this site are to admit it, men are FAR less picky than women.
Note to Dr. Nerd Love,
Before spouting off like this:
“His ideas of what Asian women are like are based off the idea that all south-east Asian women are docile and submissive—regardless of whether she’s Chinese, Mongolian, Thai, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Hmong, Korean, Japanese or Pacific Islander… or just plain American. Not only is he trading on racist stereotypes, he’s betraying just how goddamn ignorant he is of her cultural background.”
…….you might be wise to do some of your own cultural research and learn the difference between a nationality and an ethnic group.
In fact, there are many Men’s Rights Advocates who fetishize women from India, south-east Asia and Arabic countries because of their supposed “docile” nature; they are—supposedly—“uncorrupted” by pesky modern ideas like feminism and equal rights and are more likely (or so the theory goes) to treat men “with respect”. Are they MRAs or are they of the “Boycott American Women” set? Yes there is some overlap but from what I’ve seen there are some clear divisions as well. Now as for the racism. Yes it happens. There are of course cases where someone will zero in on a race because… Read more »
Nerdlove’s fact-free slam against MRAs makes it clear that he’s settled on the misandrist side. There’s no value to men in his hateful nonsense.
How is “Boycotting American Women” different from Boycotting Jewish Men/women, African American men/women, American men……?
Because, there’s no such thing as an American race or ethnicity. “American” is a nationality, whereas blacks are a race and Jews are an ethno-religious group.
Big difference.
Erin “American” part is not about the skin color or anything that physical. It’s about the ideals. The idea behind “boycott American women” types is that American women are hopped up on false and damaging ideals that make them unfit for dating. So for example Erin (assuming you’re American for a moment) the reason these types of guys would avoid you has nothing to do with your skin color or your ethnicity/ancestry. To them you were raised as an American woman and therefore you are not fit for dating on the grounds that being raised in America you have been… Read more »
White culture establishes norms for evryone else from which our concepts of good and the best are derived. white are viewed by some as the ultimate catch.Hence,in a relative sense, white people are picky because they can be.
The international dating/mail order bride system is somewhat self-selecting, so these stereotypes get reinforced a little bit by what is basically a trade imbalance. There are women in other countries eager to marry themselves out of poverty or seek a husband for financial reasons or to become a U.S. citizen, and they may conform themselves to what the rich American man expects in order to get across the ocean. So, they conform their reality to the stereotype, and then more men fall for the stereotype. Think of it like a job interview of someone who may be really desperate for… Read more »
Sarah
I dont think white women are left out by white men. I think white men generally consider white women to be very picky and having high standards that many of them cannot measure up to. Their preference for Asian women is to some extent a response to their failure at dating White women.
White women have the upper hand in the dating/sexual marketplace vis a vis White men.
I have known lots of white women -upset at the Asian invasion of “their men”- say very racist things about Asian women.
That’s interesting. A lot of black women say similar things about white women taking “their men” (think of certain scenes in Spike Lee’s “Jungle Fever”).
What’s interesting is that this whole “they’re taking our women/men” type of phenomenon has always been seen as confined to men, who think they’re “entitled” to “their women” and think that way because of “privilege.”
But women are just as capable of this kind of “they’re taking our men” type of sentiment.
I’ve seen Asian guys resent the fact that “White men are taking their women away”.
But I think what they’re really resenttful about is that Asian women can easily date White men, Asian men dont usually have that option. Because Asian men would love to date White women if only the latter considered them.
well I think it is understandable that if you are in a group perceived as less desirable, say white women vs. Asian woman, or African American women vs white women, or Asian men vs. white men, you do kind of wonder “who am I going to date?” I mean, it can feel a bit demoralizing. There’s no excuse for racism but that doesn’t change the fact that people in some ethnic groups are left out in the cold in the dating market and that stings.
A white man’s fetish for Asian women is, in America at least, usually a stereotype of a stereotype, maybe even racism wrapped inside racism. When they say “Asian,” they are overwhelmingly picturing very particular images of some populations of some women in *East* Asia, especially Japan, Korea, China, and Viet Nam. (I’m guessing the lighter the skin tones, the more attractive they are to white American men – not quite as “other” as it looks on the surface.) They aren’t usually thinking of Mongolians, Laotians, Uighurs, Kazakhs, Siberian natives, Indonesians, Bangladeshi, Indians, or Pakistani. (Last I checked, “Asia” actually goes… Read more »
No. I literally mean Asian. Though when I refer to “the typical American woman” I have a fairly narrow stereotype in mind–rich, white, and confusing intellect and femininity as incompatible concepts.
I think you make a good point wellokaythen. I think Africa-American women feel pressure about this issue. Most famous African-American women are light skinned African-American women that still have glorified westerized features that white women are held to as well.
Erin…As much as I sympathize with black women and men-black men have identity problems as well in their battle with assimilation-it is old news. James Brown publicly addressed this issue in the late 60’s with his massive hit ,”Say it Loud I’m Black and i’m Proud!” This anthem of black love,along with the artists,political,religious and community leaders, lead to resurgence of black pride, not seen since the days of Marcus Garvey. Moving forward from that moment in history, black people like myself, grew our afros to outrageous sizes, wore africanesque clothing, openly criticized the system,and,publicly loved our black skin, our… Read more »
Odd that there is no mention in the article or in the comments about middle aged white women who are specifically looking only for black guys. The article, despite a few PC disclaimers, seems to think only men do the online dating fetish thing.
This whole point of this article is to comment on Creepy White Guys, not to be a complete study of racial relations, so of course the author doesn’t discuss issues beyond the focus of this one topic. He does say: “It’s worth noting: while I’m focusing on white guys creeping on Asian women, this is hardly limited to folks with “yellow fever”; Creepy White Guys has just provided a convenient jumping off point with plenty of examples at hand. Racial fetishism covers the length and breadth of ethnic groups – there are people who fetishize African-American women, Latinas… pick an… Read more »
yes yes always Creepy guys. When do we start talking about creepy girls or both or all races? but hoping a honest and serious debate from Nerdlove is like hoping for bigger christmas presents and eternal sunshine.
ups this want not meant as a reply to Moniqa.
but hoping a honest and serious debate from Nerdlove is like hoping for bigger christmas presents and eternal sunshine.
LOL
It’s more like asking for bigger Christmas presents and eternal sunshine from a Cenobite… even if you get something kind of like it you’ll find yourself crushed under a sixteen ton Christmas present and sunburned beyond your wildest imagination. I find very little advice about how to be “a good man” in any of his articles, mostly just insult and mockery, although they do usually generate an interesting comments thread and that is important in a good community like this. Lots of learning can take place.
Yes he mainly focuses on white men with “yellow fever”, but when he brings up other specific examples of race fetishism he once again zeroes in on men, only this time those who go after latinas and african american women. Even when talking about race fetishsim in a larger sense his focus stays on men and yet at the end of the article when he gives a positive example of someone who has preferences, but not fetishism he suddenly decides to use a woman as an example: “a woman might have a preference for tall Nordic men but be equally… Read more »
AnonymousDog…as a middle-aged black guy who has dated white women, I can say that what you speak of is a bit overstated. In my experience dating white women, for the purposes of a long-term relationship,it isn’t worth it because there are many imbalances of perspectives that are difficult to overcome. For the most part, white women don’t know or care to know about the struggles and triumphs of the black male experience, while they simultaneously have an expectation that he will know of and be interested in her struggles. This is the power of her privilege, a privilege most don’t… Read more »
I would be interested to read about a more in-depth study covering interracial relationships and the stereotypes placed upon each member of them, such as non-white/foreign women dating white/american men often being accused of gold-digging and the like whereas the white men will be teased lightly or congratulated for their “exotic” “prize” and the negative stereotypes and cultural pressures that often prevent white women from dating other races. I think many of the negative commenters here disregard the fact that overwhelmingly most people do not date or marry outside their race, period.
For me, it’s about culture and compatibility more than anything else. I tend to date men within my own race These days (white) because I’ve found I’m most compatible with men who have a similar cultural background. I have dated men from other backgrounds, including Asian,Latino, and Middle Eastern. The exotic differences can be interesting at first but also stressful (in my experience). I live in a very diverse area (Silicon Valley) and I’ve had this conversation with a lot of different women. It’s like, you go through a phase where “different” has a lot of appeal, then eventually you… Read more »
@Sarah…
I do not think non-white men are as critical and picky about women as white guys, I do not care if she is a size 2 or 12. I need to get to know her and like her.
Jules, maybe you could write a piece on that from your male perspective and why you may believe that non-white men are not as critical or picky as white men. I am very interested in this comment of yours.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with preferring only one ethnicity if the basis for that preference is purely aesthetic. I’ve been a big fan of Asian girls for several years but I don’t believe any of the stereotypes about docility etc (which just make me lol when I think of the Asian women I’ve known – they don’t take shit from anyone 😀 ). I just like the look. Beyond that preference, I treat them as I would any other person and narrow down my dating options based on personality. I think as long as your racial preference are… Read more »
90% of Asian-Caucasian couples are Asian female and White male. What Nerdlover doesnt realize is that inter-racial dating patterns are largely determined by WOMEN’S PREFERENCES. White women more or less dont think much about Asian males. They look down upon them, think of them as lesser beings, less masculine, less attractive, smaller penises etc. Asian males would love to date and have sex with White women. It doesnt happen because White women dont want . White males find Asian women attractive. But in this case they are reciprocated. Asian women are actually known to favor White men over men of… Read more »
I think our culture discourages women from dating men of other races. That is perhaps the reason why White women dont usually consider dating Asian men.
Kate
Interesting that the elusive culture doesnt stop Asian women from dating White men. or White women from dating European men.
Women should stop blaming everything on culture and own up their preferences.
Interesting then that the elusive culture doesnt stop Asian women from dating White men. Or White women from dating European men.
Women should stop blaming everything on the elusive culture and own up their preferences.
That theory falls apart when you consider the number of Black men/White women relationships – and then compare the # of White Men/Black Women relationships. Its clear that the women hold all the power in this regard.
Black Women have been known to not date outside of their own race, white women love black men because they are more dominating and masculine (which is exactly why they dislike asian men).
So despite the fact that many white families probably look down on white women for having sexual relations or dating black men it still happens a lot.
So this makes it okay for white guys to say racist things to women because of the fact that they’re Asian?
No, it doesn’t make it okay.
But I think most white men on this site are tired of being singled out as uniquely evil and bigoted. We’re also tired of seeing women constantly being given a free pass.
Oh, that’s right, silly me. Prejudice plus power, the oppressors cannot adequately perceive their privilege, insert any other cultural marxist trope, etc.
How many White men, who have a preference for Asian women, try to be as blunt and racist in their dating profiles, as the ‘distinguished old man’ Nerdlover talks about?
Good article and explanation overall, especially in defining fetish vs. attraction. I would only disagree with the following assertion: “In and of itself, finding people attractive is neutral; your junk is into what your junk is into, no harm no foul. We all have types that turn our cranks more than others.” Attraction is strongly shaped by culture and the media, much to the detriment of those who do not fall into the narrow “conventionally attractive” classification, such as overweight/obese, short, darker-skinned, physically disabled, etc. people. And folks will argue all day that they are not biased/prejudiced for not being… Read more »
Interesting topic! KevJumba just commented on Facebook that it seems like the “in” thing now seems to be that hipster guys are into showing off their Asian GF’s…! So true that many men can’t see past my “exotic” Asian face… In Paris, lascivious French guys kept saying “Konnichiwa” to me and my mother (while I was cursing them under my breath: “I’ll Konnichiwa you, a–hole!”…we are NOT Japanese BTW)…. Men have said really stupid , ignorant things to me, like Asians have “inscrutable” faces ( so stupid!) or they assume I don’t know English and are astonished when they see… Read more »
and not a single mention of all the women of various races and ethnicities who fetishize white men. The guy in the first example mentions he’s white right off the bat not because of “entitlement issues”, but because he’s probably aware there are a large number of Asian women who will only date white men (and are encouraged to do so by their families as it’s viewed as an easy way to “move up” in society).
The very idea that white men are seen as ‘a step up’ tells you everything about where the real power lies in that interaction (hint: it’s not with the Asian woman). Her ‘fetishization’ is more like a survival tactic in an unequal system, and it’s to be pitied, not exploited. It’s not to be compared with a white male’s predatory ‘yellow fever’ at all, and the mere suggestion is repugnant. That’s why Nerdlove didn’t mention it.
Youre right. When an Asian woman in US dates a white guy from her university, preferring him over men of her own race, its a survival tactic on her part. People like you have this disgustingly smug way of absolving women of their choices in men. I dont know what context did you have in mind when you uttered this nonsense. Were you thinking about a struggling young Asian woman in Thailand who agrees to date an older White male from UK/US because he is financially well off and flush with ‘dollars’ ? Do everyone a favor. just stop infantilizing… Read more »
Tim…I don’t have a dog in this show.I’m simply saying that there are more aspects to the narrative that are being excluded.
so why dont Asian men go “a step up” and date White women?
Yet again, Nerdlove zeroes in on men and completely ignores the female side of the equation. If he actually spent much time in places that feature a good amount of white male/Asian female couples, he’d know that it takes two to tango. For every “creepy” white man who “fetishizes” Asian women, there are Asian women who have a thing for white guys, and even date them exclusively. It works both ways. Oh oops, I forgot one of the biggest rules of cultural leftism: Racism/race fetishization, etc, is only bad when white people engage in it. It’s perfectly fine for non-whites… Read more »
It reads to me more as if the author is zero-ing in on unwanted attention, specifically. Can you provide source examples of white men being fetishized and objectified similarly for outside commentary?
“Racism/race fetishization, etc, is only bad when white people engage in it. It’s perfectly fine for non-whites to engage in it, and to the extent that they’re wrong for doing it, you can’t blame them because evil white men brainwashed them into internally oppressing themselves” Here’s something to think about from Brazillian philosopher Paulo Freire: “The oppressors do not perceive their monopoly on having more as a privilege which dehumanizes others and themselves. They cannot see that, in the egoistic pursuit of having as a possessing class, they suffocate in their own possessiveness and no longer are; they merely have.… Read more »
*yawn*
Typical cultural marxist mumbo jumbo.
And I would disagree that Asians are a historically oppressed group in the U.S. With the exception of a very tiny minority who can trace their ancestry to Chinese railroad workers or interned Japanese Americans, the vast majority of Asians in this country are either recent immigrants or their 2nd generation kids. Many of these Asian immigrants also came to this country with a good deal of money and education, and personify the “brain drain,” as Frank Wu once put it. They came here voluntarily, and were not dragged here against their will like blacks were. Therefore, I think it’s… Read more »
Go back to your PUA forum and stop bothering the grown-ups.