When Older Guys Lust After Young Women

Men’s sexual desire is driven by culture, not evolution, Hugo Schwyzer argues. Here’s what young women are really looking for, and why we’re fools to think otherwise.

In my office, Amber is telling me a familiar story. She’s come to talk about her autobiography paper for my women’s studies class, and she reads part of her rough draft aloud.

“I was 12, and this car pulled up alongside me as I was walking home from school … the driver looked a little older than my dad, at least 40. He leaned out, and I thought he was going to ask me for directions, but instead he asked me how old I was. When I told him, he laughed. ‘Damn, you got some big titties for such a little girl.’ He made this gross smacking sound with his lips, and sped away. I ran all the way home.”

Amber looks up at me. “I want to know,” she asks, “why do older men hit on younger women?” She’s 20 now, tall and graceful; she tells me that for the last eight years, older men have been approaching her. “It’s not just me,” she adds, “it happens to most of my friends, almost regardless of what they look like or what they’re wearing. It makes me feel like I can’t trust anyone, like all men want just one thing. Why can’t they chase women their own age?”

♦◊♦

I’ve been writing and researching about relationships between older men and younger women since 2005. While the media is hyping the “cougar” phenomenon, they ignore the reality that in most age-disparate affairs the man is the older (sometimes, as in the case of Hugh Hefner, astoundingly older) partner. We take it for granted that many men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s will be more sexually attracted to younger women than to their peers. While most men and women alike are appalled by stories of adult men hitting on 12-year-olds, we still assume that men will “naturally” lust after young women just a few years older.

In 2005, John Derbyshire, a much-admired right-wing pundit at the National Review, opined:

It is, in fact, a sad truth about human life that beyond our salad days, very few of us are interesting to look at in the buff. Added to that sadness is the very unfair truth that a woman’s salad days are shorter than a man’s—really, in this precise context, only from about 15 to 20.

Remarkably, the “family values” editors at America’s flagship conservative journal let this nonsense run, perhaps because they accepted what he was saying as gospel truth: 15- and 16-year-old girls are more sexually alluring to normal adult men than are women in their late 20s. But Derbyshire wasn’t telling us a truth about women’s beauty—he was telling us a truth about the way we’ve socialized male desire.

No one thinks babies were the first thing on the mind of Jason Statham when he started dating a 23-year-old Victoria’s Secret model, or that Sean Penn (50) is motivated by the desire to start a family with Scarlett Johansson, who’s barely half his age.

Ask any porn site operator: the “barely legal” or “teens” sections are among the most popular niches. That doesn’t sound so troubling when you imagine an army of teen boys masturbating to images and videos of their female peers. It’s considerably different to imagine men jerking off to pictures of girls young enough to be their daughters—or granddaughters. Since Hef published his first Playboy magazine in 1953, we’ve raised three generations of men to believe that women peak in desirability somewhere between 18 and 24. For many men, that peak starts much earlier. Ask a 17-year-old how often she’s been leered at (or worse) by a much older man.

For too many men, the term “jailbait” isn’t a warning. It’s an enticement.

♦◊♦

Spare me the arguments from biology or evolutionary psychology, the ones that excuse predatory old guys from staring at “young firm flesh” because that flesh belongs to a woman near the peak of her fertility. The great lengths to which countless men go to avoid fatherhood suggests that the continued evolutionary imperative to “spread one’s seed” is oversold to the point of being illusory. No one thinks babies were the first thing on the mind of Jason Statham when he started dating a 23-year-old Victoria’s Secret model, or that Sean Penn (50) is motivated by the desire to start a family with Scarlett Johansson, who’s barely half his age. This is about the cultural cachet of dating a much younger woman—and about the difficult-to-deny reality that younger women lack the experience and wisdom to call their older lovers on their bullshit.

Two recent books do a superb job of puncturing the argument that male sexuality is primarily a creature of evolutionary programming. University of North Carolina professor Martha McGaughey’s The Caveman Mystique: Pop-Darwinism and the Debates Over Sex, Violence and Science (Routledge, 2008) makes the convincing case that our beliefs about male sexuality form the science, and not the other way around. In other words, men who want a reason to chase younger women are desperate to claim that what is a culturally constructed choice is really an unavoidable biological reality.

Cordelia Fine’s Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference (Norton, 2010) offers a systematic debunking of the idea that men’s sexual decisions are driven largely by brain chemistry. Both Fine and McGaughey make a compelling case that the actual science doesn’t support the idea that men’s sexual desires are driven by evolutionary imperatives.

In other words, John Derbyshire (and a lot of other grown men) may be sexually attracted to underage girls—but they don’t get to blame that fetish on biology.

Even if it were “natural,” there’s nothing innocent or harmless or healthy about older men pursuing substantially younger women. The cost is high to everyone involved. While a few young women may be attracted to much older guys (often because they falsely imagine themselves to be “so much more mature” than “other girls” their age), most are like Amber—disheartened and disgusted by the endless parade of men 10, 20, or 40 years older who harass and hit on them. These young women aren’t flattered. And even if they seem flattered at the time, it doesn’t mean the attention from older men isn’t doing great harm.

♦◊♦

Lynn Phillips, a psychology professor at New York University, did a famous study of young women (mostly under legal age) who were in relationships with significantly older men. Most of the girls she interviewed described these affairs as mutual, exciting, and fulfilling. They pushed back against the suggestion that they were being exploited, claiming in many cases to have initiated or at least welcomed the sex with older men. Phillips then interviewed a similar number of older women. Each of these was over 30, and each had been in a relationship with a much older man while still in her teens. With the benefit of hindsight and experience, these older women acknowledged that they’d been used and hurt and exploited. They admitted that their claims of maturity and sexual adventurousness were all a pretense. In other words, what Phillips found is that while there are some teen girls who are “asking for it,” it’s not what they really want. Teen girls feign sexual sophistication; men need to be able to see through that.

Kerry Cohen, author of Loose Girl and the forthcoming Dirty Little Secrets: Breaking the Silence on Teenage Girls and Promiscuity, argues that “when adult men sexualize teen girls, even just by ogling them, the girls are reminded that their worth in their world is dependent on how sexy they are.” “Girls who choose men so far out of their age ranges,” Cohen writes, “tend toward low self-esteem and depression.” These aren’t sweet coming-of-age stories. And they don’t fit the pornographic story line that young girls are eager for sexual initiation at the hands of an older, wiser mentor.

Here’s the brutal truth, guys. Teen and 20-something women aren’t nearly as interested in much older men as you may think. Sure, there are high school girls with Johnny Depp fantasies, but guess what? You’re not Johnny Depp. (If you were that 48-year-old actor, you’d be devoted to your 38-year-old French girlfriend.) Yes, some young women do flirt with older men. Some do it for validation, some do it for excitement, but a hell of a lot of them do it because guys like you have already taught them that’s the only thing that older men want.

♦◊♦

A true story about the way younger women really see “older men” (and if you’re attracted to 18- to 24-year-olds, you count as “older” if you’re on the high side of 30).

A few years ago, my friend Sean went through a rough divorce. Newly single and almost 40, he went back on the dating scene for the first time in over a decade. But the woman who caught his eye wasn’t someone he met online. She was his favorite barista at his local Starbucks. She was 19.

Next: The girl behind the counter

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About Hugo Schwyzer

Hugo Schwyzer has taught history and gender studies at Pasadena City College since 1993, where he developed the college's first courses on Men and Masculinity and Beauty and Body Image. He serves as co-director of the Perfectly Unperfected Project, a campaign to transform young people's attitudes around body image and fashion. Hugo lives with his wife, daughter, and six chinchillas in Los Angeles. Hugo blogs at his website

Comments

  1. patrick says:

    If this article would be true, no young girl or woman would be in love or longing for Brad Pitt or George Clooney(Yes, they are older men!) or any other older handsome famous person.

    To say that all older men are bad looking, untaken care off is a very general statement.

    Therefore I think, for a relationship and age difference, it does not really matter in the end.

    What matter is that as man you are able to provide for a woman(even if women nowadays are a lot the career makers) both mentally, financially and physically.

    I do not think age has to do with that.

    No woman will go for an untaken care off, financially poor and unsupporting man, as any man will go for an untaken care off, lazy and unsupporting woman.

    It does not mean you have to be rich or super beautiful/ attractive,

    But it means, that as human being, you should be able to provide in these 3 core stones, equally counting for women too.

    In nowadays society you cannot depend anymore on only 1 income most of all and to take care of yourself, to be fit aswell metally fit, is never age bound. Most people who stop to take care of themselves, are just too comfortable.

    It does not mean, everybody needs to be thin, I know a lot of heavier weight people, who are beautiful and taken care off.

    I think this article generalize a certain group of young women and a certain group of older men, since not every young girl/ woman is supermodel beautiful and not every older man is superugly and repulsive.

    There is a lot of grey area in between. In the end, both men and women choose for a relationship, because of mutual interests and beneficials to each other. That is the base they use to build their love upon, since falling in love and being in love always is most of the time exist for a short period.

    I mean, go to Greece or Italy and see how many older men are still players and score with younger tourist women 10-20 years in age difference. So to all young women, claiming there is no way, they are attracted to any older men, you should stripe off actors as Brad Pitt or George Clooney also from your list, otherwise you are just shortsighted and a hypocrite and have only a certain group of older men in your mind, as you probably assume, that older men have only a certain group of young girls/ women in their mind.

    Really, there is a lot of grey area.

  2. Listen all you do called women. If she is 18 it’s legal. All men know that younger women hunt for men’s money we all know that. So to you women stop lying to yourself . Most if not all women were put on this earth to do as men said and told them to do. If you women just shut up you might have a chance with men. Have you women noticed that American men are now getting women from different country’s ? It’s because men can’t stand American women anymore. American women being at age 18 to 99 are just whores who sleep with any person they can. So keep bitching up a storm to why older men like young women. It’s the same as older women who like young men. So to all you American women do as your told and shut your mouth we men do not want to hear you. Just be seen. And go to the gym to work out. Your getting fat. Or you are just a fat pig

  3. this makes interesting reading i was 23 when i met my partner and he was 11 yrs older. he seemed really sweet and kind compared to the idiots my own age i dated. no kids not many exes apart from the few that left him cause they couldnt get pregnant by him.i thort at the time what awfull women they must be to do that. he used to buy the sunday sport and fetch it to my home where i had two young lads, sit and read it and look at all of the pictures in great detail.then after a few weeks i said i dont want u fetching that in here and why are u even buying it. from the very begining he has errection probs and i thort poor sod hes just nervous and gave him the benifit of the doubt as he seemed genuine.. a bad temper and a liar so good at it it made me and still does think im going bloody mad. fast forward 22 wasted years! still looking at women page 3s and the rest, infertile and cant manage to have sex properly for 7 years, and not been able to have a single child. the same as and not had sex properly for various reasons and wont go to the doc for 5 years and never will. and one v unhappy women hes crushed down for far to many years that was a fun lively independant women with two kids full of life now a 45 yr old who hes bullied squashed and damaged beyond repair, that used to sleep naked in bed that the asswipe of a man has made me feel so ugly and worthless i never sleep naked and havent done for about 6 years when i met him i thort he was sweet and lovely the only one that was this was far from the truth . ladies keep your wits about you, dont go for a man that is more than 5 years older as in the long run the sad old gits will take there toll on you esp when they get in there fiftys. there trophy as i thort he used to call me in jest turns into a older women like we all age and there sniffing around looking elsewhere, impotent infertile and the rest they just like a good look. i would have liked 1 more child he couldnt even manage any walk away by fifty they turn into your dad and theres but can still manage to lust after young women

  4. The reason men avoid having children is because of the tremendous burden the state makes it for men to “spread their seed”. There is no way for men to adequately fulfill their biological role in today’s society due to things like child support, the social stigma of having many children and not paying some outrageous lump sum of money to the mother every month. Hence, men avoid having children.

  5. I find any old man more attractive than any younger man.

  6. I read the article, it sounded like pure BS. Then I couldn’t believe it when I saw the writer of the article, my old history professor at PCC. And what do you know, I took a full year from this chode, hearing all his bullshit hypocrisy and lies, and talking on and on about his family. He had the audacity to try and teach a “pornography” class, which he talked about his plans for during my second history semester fairly often. Caused quite a scandal, he tried to proposition a pornstar to have sex with him on his desk in the middle of his class of students for his “teaching”. Another bullshit hypocrite thing he said, was that he never showed favoritism, nor would he consider engaging in relationships with his students, nor do anything to compromise his job unless he was paid “10 million dollars”. He was later found out to have shown favoritism to female students all along, which is what I thought when I examined my grades on papers and compared them to a girl sitting near me who was a total dunce (I’m a writer/history major), who dressed skanky and looked attractive. Also, he committed adultery and had several sexual relationships with his female students. I think I still have the college newspaper covering his story. Another bullshit lie was that he claimed to be a former pastor of a well-known, big church and that he graduated from fuller theological seminary, of which I am well affiliated with. Turns out both of those were BS, and on top of this, he’s atheist.

    Oh, and the girls he was having sex with were young, teens and early twenties. He was at least twice their age for sure. As the saying goes, “you can’t bullshit a bullshitter”, and he sure didn’t fool me.

  7. I like younger men…I loved Leonardo di caprio when he was 20-25… I am 28 and want to date 25-30 only…so that he can give me healthy children some day!!!

    • Fight the Power says:

      You are 28. 20-25 shouldn’t even be considered a “younger man” to you. They are in your same age group. I am 27 and when I meet 20-25 year old women, I see them as being my same-age peers, not as “younger women”.

  8. Rachel Simpson says:

    Men Find a younger women physically attractive for the same reason I find a young fit gorgeous Leonardo Di Caprio, at the age of 20 -25 attractive. This is because well apart from the fact that he looks so delicious and young and fit he could also give me the most healthiest of children. Men have this strange idea that as they get older nothing changes and as long as they can produce semen everything remains the same. No !!!!!for the same reason women age men go bald, get fat and get wrinkles thus their reproductive ability is on the decline. Come on guys do you really think a younger women will always find a man physically attractive!! Time for men to get real I think!!!!!

  9. I don’t see what the big deal is. I met my b/friend when I was 18 and he’s 20 years older than I am (I’m 30 today) and we still love each other very much after all this time. As long as we are happy, it is no one’s business, thank you very much!

  10. expexionist says:

    What I did not read in the entire comment section above;

    What about an 87 year old looking for a 45/50 mature orifice to enjoy the rest of his life with.

    Not difficult to find, just have to know where to look for it. It is very available and no silver coins needed.

  11. I’m 57. She is 21. I’m attractive. She is beautiful. Women from 18 to 80 flirt with me. My 21 year old takes care of me so well who needs any of em. Living the dream I am and loving it. Nothing wrong with loving the pants off a beautiful young woman and getting loved right back. When you see something you want my advice is go for it!

  12. It’s admittedly hard for an older man to love a younger woman because of societal pressure. I’m 57 and my girlfriend is turning 21. We have a great relationship. The sex is stellar. We both complement each other. We have similar tastes in many things and just enough differences to make discovering things together really wonderful. She is drop dead gorgeous and I’m pretty good looking myself – but it’s not about looks. It’s about the connection. We met at the right time almost by accident…. Now it’s just really good. I care for her and can help her achieve happiness and live a rich and wonderful life and she is all the woman a man like me could ask for. If it lasts a month, a year, ten years or a lifetime then nothing is to be regretted. Charles Chaplin had oona o’neill. Maybe we all find our oona o’neills

    • oh dear…hahahahahahaha!

      apologies, and I don’t want to be judgemental, but as a former 21-year old that was also popular and had many friends that same age range I just don’t see how a 21-year old would fall for a 57-year old without some kind of manipulation going on.

    • Give me a break…she will dump you soon and you will have to move on to your next meaningless relationship and continue this sad cycle ….so sad for you…..

  13. cont…
    You make another personal statement backed by no research whatsoever… “Even if it were natural, there’s nothing innocent or harmless or healthy about older men pursuing substantially younger women” This is just like the argument that homosexuality is bad for you… Come on. I think we as humans have advanced more than this. In fact it has been scientifically documented to be extremely beneficial health wise to the man. So I am gathering what you really meant to say was “there’s nothing healthy for the young woman” I would argue contrary. I think this is the main reason younger women, particularly now, are opting for relationships with older men. As younger men are more and more learning their sexual techniques from pornography, younger women are experiencing more respected and sexually gratifying experiences with older men. Secondly, younger woman have access to “intimate wisdom” whereby what she is experiencing emotionally is handled wisely by a more mature person thereby allowing her to learn to accept herself rather than being blamed for what she is experiencing by her younger counterparts (because young men are equally screwed up in the head by “social controllers” such as yourself). This is extremely healthy for sexual development and can only be experienced within an educated relationship. I am not arguing that it can’t be dangerous. In contrast to your argument I am specifically saying there is no black and white in these situations and by allowing open communication and relinquishing shame one can better view and know the truth behind such circumstances. To pre-judge what is right and wrong from a moralistic perspective takes away from free choice which ironically is one of the core tenants of feminism and gender studies.

  14. Your article flies in the face of reason and scientific research. I am genuinely surprised a lecturer of any discipline could articulate so much social control emphasis in your argumentation and deny valid scientific research. In fact you present arguments but back it up with little research. Not only are men attracted to younger women and this has been studied as a universal principal across cultures(1). It has also been shown that younger women as apart from their male counterparts also are attracted to older men(2). Attraction in these cases is differentiated across genders. Where a man finds physical attributes as almost the sole reason for attraction, women find other attributes including wisdom, intelligence and having the ability to have access to resources as also important when they are “biologically” attracted to men. You haven’t countered this evidence whatsoever in any effect. In fact what you do is try to shame people who make these decisions, in fact making your claim socially constructed and controlled (presumably because you have a daughter) Can I ask you a question? If your daughter at an appropriate age where she can make decisions for herself told you she was attracted to a remarkably older man, what would your response be? Blame the man? Allow her to have her own choice without infringing on her rights? Deny her those rights? You are just making an argument for social control. You say “Spare me the arguments from biology or evolutionary psychology” No I will not spare you. These are backed by scientific research under scientific discipline away from “moralistic” social control that you espouse. A father who does this is just in total denial and can potentially be harmful to the natural progression which his daughter faces. It is parents like you who find their daughters going off with bikies or getting into extremely difficult situations because of a lack of understanding of her sexuality in biological terms.

    • I have always been attracted to somewhat older men , but I remember when I was in my early 20s and men who were visibly older approached me…I turned all of them down because I KNEW they didn’t see me as a person. They didn’t speak to me like I was a person. I was an object to them. I have an Ivy League degree. I am not an idiot.

      You can use all the excuses you want, but the reality is that younger women – unless you are very wealthy and can buy a woman and provide for her like Donald Trump and Alec Baldwin, etc – are not interested in old men who treat them as it they were mentally handicapped. Older men who seek much younger have ego and insecurity issues. I know because I have met men like that. It’s creepy.

      Older guys (15+ age difference) who seek younger are going to be looking around forever because younger women aren’t into them, unless you are very rich and powerful. That’s a reality that men don’t want to see. You can use all the “biology” arguments you want. But there aren’t enough takers, especially now that women make money too.

      Here’s the question to the guys who are into 18-year-olds. Do you realize that you are going to be old, like REALLY old one day? Do you consider the fact that if you settle down with somebody, that person is going to get old too??? Can you think of your life past that??? Have you ever had an actual long term relationship??? This rationale is so shallow. It’s like if you want women that young, become a billionaire and buy women. OR die alone. Or spend your life going to see prostitutes.

      • Fight the Power says:

        Young women aren’t into older men? So do you also claim that young men aren’t into older women? Because it just sounds like wishful thinking on your part. And sorry, but yeah you are an idiot.

      • You can use all the explanations of how very wealthy men, like Donald Trump and Alec Baldwin, can buy YOU but, given my experiences over the years of having many 20-something women from multiple cultures flirt and make overtures to me (I’m 54), sadly I think its you who has lost touch with reality since, while you like to speak for them, its clear you have no idea about what many of your fellow sisters are really doing.

      • Tell that to the guy who likes girls of 18, who is 18 himself, because he is the same guy as the one who is forty. In today,s society we are bombarded with the message that men who happen to be older who like attractive young women are disgusting perverts. It is this never ending message that all get brainwashed with that is sick and disgusting. Just look at what so many websites say, just listen to people like Back Packers. It’s OK for two men to climb into bed with each other, it’s OK to get stoned on narcotics, it’s OK if your preference is to have a relationship with a middle aged lady, but if you like attractive young women over the age of consent then it is a dreadful, disgusting, sick thing that should not be tolerated. The world has gone quite mad!

    • Nottaprob says:

      Well said. 100% truth.

  15. Christian McKnight says:

    This hack’s blather has already been exposed in a Psychology Today article that exposes his misinterpretation of a single swedish study to support his claims.

    Move along. There’s nothing to be seen here.

  16. So many back and forth arguments with those in favor/against biology, and those in favor/against cultural influences, but has anyone considered that two people with a significant age gap between them might have a genuine interest in each other; that they connect better with one another than their peers?

    People have such a skewed perception of time and are completely unable to see things beyond our own lifespans. If anything, our short lives should make such pairings more acceptable, but as human life expectancy has risen, so has the length of the frown and abundance of age discrimination.

    Explain to me how it is that suddenly we solve the mysteries of how people get together in the first place when objectification of any kind of relationship rears its ugly head? What people really need to do is mind their own damn business just like the two love birds who really couldn’t care less about what you think of them.

    • Samir Samour says:

      Love your argument. Older men are not always looking at younger women just as an object. Sometimes, deep understanding and mutual respect exist. On a different thought, I don’t see young women who are with financially established older guys as in the relationship just for the money. Why it couldn’t be for both love and the financial security. After all financial stability and the ability to provide is a more important dimension to the attractiveness of a man than a woman. A man’s generosity opens his women’s heart .

  17. If they had called this article why young men don’t lust after old women, most would have considered it stupid. Well guess what, this article is no more sensible. No one believes that Jason Stratham entered into a relationship with a younger woman to start a family? Rather obvious do you not think? Why did you not state that no one believes a guy of 20 picks up a girl of 18 at a night club to start a family. Who is suggesting these daft things in the first place? Ah of course, it is an attemp to suggest that men are evil perverts because they like attractive girls and happen to be older. Exactly at what point does a man change to becoming this evil pervert? Is there a specific number of beans on toast meals consumed over the years that change the morality of he issue? Or is it the number of fried breakfasts that makes a man a pervert? Please explain.

  18. There is one thing very sick and twisted about this, which is the manner in which the article has been written. No one ever tries to psychoanalyse the reasons why a man of 20 persues a girl of 18. If they di, they might be shocke by the answer, it had absolutely nothing to o with the fact that he is bout the same age, it is because Gil of that age ate naturally highly desirable, exactly the sam reasons why a man who happens to have rated breakfast more often finds them desirable. If I was drawn to women of 50, I would have persued them when I was 17. All this rubbish about a girl being young enough to be a man,s daughter. If the man in question is so stupid that he had concerns regarding a potential for incest, then he should avoid the encounter and keep his stupidity to himself, rather than focusing upon witted, rather tan ocussing upon dictating to others. Why should I orny other man feel it necessary to defend an instinctive liking for attractive young women and be accused of being a pervert because we have little wish to jump into bed with an old lady. Has the world gone completely mad! All this nonsense about media imagery changing perceptions of what men find desirable. Did Cleopatra of Egypt at 17 persue 50 year old Julius Ceasar because he was a pretty boy with a Gay looking hair do? I it is wrong to persue attractive young women then get onto the case of men of 20, they are the worst offenders. If I am a pervert because I like attractive young women, then I have been one since th ag of 15. This rubbish makes me sick. I remember a wife of a friend who hate me because I persued attractive young women, but she had no problems with her own son if 17 regularly bedding them. Talk about hypocrasy. All those with such attitude problems should leave th rest of us to live our lives as we see fit. If you are waiting if me to hook up with an old lady because you think it is a good idea, well, your in for a long wait!

    • Lol news flash young women don’t desire old men, you must be paying for it!

      • Fight the Power says:

        But of course you would never doubt that a young man would desire an older woman right? So what exactly gives you the idea that WOMEN are the ones who desire young partners?

  19. Tried posting this already and it just did not appear. Here goes a second time. This is something that comes up constantly and is just plain stupid. The reason that a man who is older desires a girl of around18 is EXACTLY the same reason(s) that a guy who happens to be the same age as the girl likes her. If you want to analyse the reasons and come up with wierd answers, then ask he question of guys who happen to be 19, cos like it or not, they like the girl for the same reasons. I am a man who is now in his late forties and I no longer persue attractive girls I like because I have been made to feel like some sort of perv by so many in society because I do not wish to be with a middle aged woman. Almost every place I have worked in the last ten years there have been attractive girls who have done their best to be my attention, but I have felt too awkward to respond. I am not particularly hamdsom, am short and sometimes a little overweight. About four years ago, I returned to the UK city where I had studied and went to the University Students Union some nights. There were girls who actively pursued me. I did absolutely non of e chasing, feeling more than a little awkward not knowing anyone there. I specifically recall a rather pretty blonde girl who used to come and chat to me regularly pointing to me and saying to her friends,” I don,t know what else to try, with the guy, I,m sure he,s not gay” the fact is that so mch of society is telling me that I am doing something wrong to like girls, that I feel too awkward to persue girls, or even to respond to a girl who is doing her best to attract my attention. There are people who will always be so blinkered that they cannot see past girls being with a man, who happens to be about the same age as them. It is just their hang-up.

  20. This is just so completely stupid. The reason why older men like girls of around 18 is EXACTLY the same reason that men of 18 or 20 like them, and has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that the younger ones happen to be the same age as them. If you want to psychoanalyse the reasons, then look at the reasons why a guy of 20 does it, cos it is the same. Are there really so many men out there who have been so rampant in their youth that they don’t want to persue an attractive eligible girl because they are young enough mathematically to be their daughter. They are not sure whether the girl in question is their daughter? Come on, for goodness sake! I am a man who s now in his late forties, not particularly hansom rrather short and a bit overweight. Almost very job that I have worked in for e last ten years, there have been pretty girls there who have done thir best to attract my attention. Four years ago I returned to the UK city where I had studied when I was at University and I went along to the Students Union some nights. Because I knew no one there, I felt very awkward, also because my age was so different to all others there. Boy, did I get chased after by student girls! I recall a pretty blonde arguing with her friends, ” I keep trying to talk to he guy, don,t know what else to try”. I don’t persue girls anymore because there are so many in society who wan to label me as some sort of pervert because I don’t want to jump into bed with a forty year old woman. The world has gone mad!

  21. I think a more important question than “why do they feel that way” would be “why does everyone care?” Barring pedophilia, rape, or crude “hey baby” commentary, so what if an older guy wants younger women? The fact that mutual attraction is unlikely? So should physically unattractive people, or men in low paying service sector jobs who aren’t struggling actors or working their way through college, also subjugate their desires and keep their eyes downcast and their mouths shut?

  22. ryan Silver says:

    Older men were lusting after young women way before Hugh Hefner…so it may not be modern culture.?

    • I think it has to do with biology and how a man’s fertility drops with age and he is more likely to need to be with a younger woman to increase his odds of getting her pregnant. Ten years of research has shown male fertility declines significantly with age and dramatically between 40 and 45. According to the National Institute of Health, the fertility of a man in his forties peaks at 41 and drops sharply between 41 and 45. Research on mice and in fertility clinics determined a man’s fertility drops 7% each year between 40 and 45, almost cutting it in half and it drops 10% each year thereafter. The older a man gets the harder it is to get a woman pregnant so it’s a biological imperative that he be with someone young to compensate for that decline. A study in France determined that declining birth rates were do to more men waiting to have children until their 40s and being less successful than younger men at getting a woman pregnant.

      It’s very strange but none of these studies have been covered in any major media outlets even they though they basically all confirm a significant decline with age. By 40, pregnancy attempt are 70% more likely to fail compared with a man 30 and younger and the number of sperm with mobility drops by 60%. By age 50, it’s 70%. It’s just common sense that a man’s reproductive system is impacted by age as much as every other cell in his body.

  23. Young women want older men’s money. That’s a big one. Women, admit it…you want the cash. Everyhing after that is an afterthought.

    • HAHAHAHA hoo boy, someone’s bitter.

      Hi, I am a young woman who has been pursued by older men several times before. Luckily, I had the good sense to listen to my older girlfriends who said that there’s something seriously wrong with men who go after much younger women, and I’m glad I listened, because it’s true.

      Sure, some idiot girls date older men for the money, but I don’t know if you’ve actually exited your own home in the past 10 years to see that we’re outnumbering guys in college and starting to in the workplace. We don’t want your money or your pervy glances. We want cute guys our age with our interests, not predators who think we’re so stupid that we’ll get on our knees for your wallet.

      • Anonymous says:

        Sorry, but you are completely wrong. As a man, I have allways seen attractive young women as such, and older women as older women. Young men are just as much predators, if not far more so, than older men. If there is something wrong with a man of 45 chasing a girl of 18, then there is exactly as much wrong with a man of 20 doing it. If I am a pervert for desiring attractive young women, then I gave been one since the age of 14. I totally accept that every woman has a choice of who she linkes, but if a man is to be chastised for not wanting to jump into bed with an old lady, then the world has become a rather awful place. Why was no one getting on my case for not perusing women of 45 when I was 17. If I found women of that age desirable, why wold it ate me thirty years to figure it out? Are here really that many retarded blokes out there?

        • Anonymous 2 says:

          As a woman of 50 years of age I have to say that I find many of these comment offensive, especially yours “Anonymous”. I am thin and attractive, and still get checked out by men of all ages all of the time (even my son’s friends). I am no more an “old woman” than you are an “old man” (which you would be according to your age standard stereotype). Also, I have been attracted to men of all ages since I began dating long ago, and I still am even though I’ve been happily married for over 20 years. Attraction has much less to do with your age and more to do with what appeals to you. Some people just naturally have more sex appeal than others. Would you be attracted to an 18 year old girl who was homely and overweight just because she was 18? Or would you be attracted to her 40 year old mom standing next to her who was thin and hot? And it really doesn’t matter how old you are, all women find it creepy to be leered at or have lewd comments made at them. Really.

          • I agree with you! Age is almost unimportant to me, except I want to have children. So nature can be cruel to women in that way. But in direct response to your comment… I’ll take the 40 year old that take care of herself any day over an overweight, smelly, un-groomed 18 year old. I have met women of all ages. Some 60 year olds that act like children and some 21 year olds that act classy, intelligent and mature. I find people in general find inter-racial dating far more acceptable than the taboo age difference relationship. My advice, find someone who is compatible with you and SCREW THE WORLD’S OPINION!!!! Be happy!

            • to your comment about wanting children, science has got you again on that one, its been proven that much older men with young women are the major causes of birth defects and mental disabilities and its basically because old mens sperm is stale and well old, so don’t blame a womans age for that blame men for wanting to waste their viable sperm years being a player and not wanting to be dads yet thinking they have years to do that if they get a younger woman, people should be with people their own age or at least the same age bracket

            • Turn of the 20th century girls who didn’t marry and have a child by 16 was an old maid . Men married girls half their age and that was the normal . Go to and old cemetery and look at the age difference on the head stones , usually a thin slate marker . I guess that is the answer . We are all mentally ill .

        • Wait though, that comment makes absolutely no sense. You should desire someone around your own age because YOU are that age, too. That’s the point. You don’t have anything in common with a young girl or a child. You’re old enough to be her father. And “old woman”? Why is it only the woman at 45 who is “old” but you don’t consider your own 45 year old self to be old? Believe me, young women see you as an old man. I did when I was in my teens and 20’s. Any guy in his 40’s creeped me out and was a dirty old man. You may not want to face this fact but it’s there, and it’s true. Young girls and women don’t want old, saggy, grey haired or balding men. They want hot young guys on par with Justin Bieber. (How many hot young women are at Bieber concerts screaming for him and how many are at the Rolling Stones concerts screaming for them? Wake up!) Why should you be attracted to someone your own age, because it makes sense. You should want to be with someone who understands the older person’s experience and needs. Things slow down when you’re older; a young woman doesn’t want to be pushing you in a wheelchair (unless she’s Oona O’Neill). You’re talking about your penis only, as if you as a human are only a penis. Is there nothing more to you? I guess not. How sad for you.

          • I have always been attracted to somewhat older men, but I remember when I was in my early 20s and men who were visibly older approached me…I turned all of them down because I KNEW they didn’t see me as a person. They didn’t speak to me like I was a person. I was an object to them. I have an Ivy League degree. I am not an idiot.

            You can use all the excuses you want, but the reality is that younger women – unless you are very wealthy and can buy a woman and provide for her like Donald Trump and Alec Baldwin, etc – are not interested in old men who treat them as it they were mentally handicapped. Older men who seek much younger have ego and insecurity issues. I know because I have met men like that. It’s creepy.

            Older guys (15+ age difference) who seek younger are going to be looking around forever because younger women aren’t into them. That’s a reality that men don’t want to see. You can use all the “biology” arguments you want. But there aren’t enough takers, especially now that women make money too.

            • Fight the Power says:

              Oh really? Then why are there so many men dating women 15+ years younger than them? I am a guy and I am often attracted to women 15+ years older than me, so why should I believe that women won’t be into an older guy?

            • Janefree says:

              Hey I can relate to some of the comments you’ve made. For a short while I got talking to a man 15 plus years older than me . Initially it was just general convo but then it went down a dark path and I began to notice he would only talk to me when he wanted to get “stimulated” shall we say. I felt like an object he used for his own gratification when he asked how I was he didn’t truly care about how I felt it was just an opening line for him to get to what he really wanted … Only ever texting at night time … Hmm sad really, he had never been in love never married … Comes home to his own company and does his “business” solo or maybe sometimes his lucky enough to pick up a lady. Maybe his happy but for me that doesn’t sound like an appealing life it sounds sad and lonely no real meaningful connection but hey each to their own.

    • You are rigth. younger woman only want older man’s fat wallet!

  24. I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it
    is rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays.

  25. Well, what’s pretty, young thing to do when her older partner develops ED? People who say age doesn’t matter lie through their teeth. Eighty year old men will stare down a 14 year old girl. Does that mean he can do anything about his desires? I wish all those Viagra and Cialis commercials had been around when I was a kid. Maybe I would have had a clue. Oh, it’s heartbreaking to see your husband stare at younger women. You get home, and it’s television, beer, sleep. I don’t even want to go out in public with my husband anymore. Humiliating….. Listen up, women. We need to all develop out own self worth, and it’s not about being sexy. Sexy only lasts for so long. Better have some inner fortitude and preservation skills stored up. Beer guts and receding hairlines are not signs of virility. The beer gut is a sign of the guy not taking care of himself. And if he won’t take care of himself, he’s not going to be real interested in taking care of your needs.

  26. The author completely misrepresents biological imperatives: He clams that since men consciously choose to exercise birth control, sexual attraction to younger women has no connection with reproductive urges. An organism will try to choose to most desirable mate for reproductive purpose with no conscious, metacognitive refection on whether or not offspring will result. It’s akin to saying that since we have the ability to consciously practice breathing exercises, breathing must be a socially constructed function.
    Members of every animal species will attempt to choose mates based on maximum possible reproductive outcomes with no conscious reflection of birth outcome. The conscious use of birth control by humans and the ability to reflect upon the processes and personal consequences of reproduction don’t negate this.
    And using pedophilia as an example to demonize all older male / younger femal relationships (say, for example, between a 25 year-old woman and a 45 year-old man) is simply disgusting. It implies, without directly saying it, that the two are morally equivalent. As long as both partners are consenting adults, it’s a non-issue. Just because a man is in a relationship with a younger adult woman doesn’t men he’s a pedophile, a fact that the author simply refuse to comprehend.

  27. Actually Johnny Depp left his wife and is now dating a 27 year old.

  28. The older man younger woman phenomenon might be a biological imperative for a man but a cultural one for a woman. An older man wants a hot young thing, the hot young thing wants money and perceived stability. Ultimately, a young woman’s actual sexual desires gravitate towards men in her own range. I’m not against it.

    My saying is, “Marry an old and wealthy man and have sex with his hot chauffeur.” ;-).

    • Better yet marry an older guy..wait ten years till he’s dead..enjoy his money….there’s not enough money for me to sell even one month to a man I don’t love…shame on you guys who take advantage …

      • It all depends on the individual. Yes, there are trade offs and myths and cultural/political considerations. In the end it comes down to individual happiness. We all are different. We all change. Yes money and power do attract women as well as men. A person might be very happy.
        As more women attain economic independence notice how much more we have older women sexing younger men. After all young men are more trainable. So are young women. What matters is happiness & satisfaction. The culture’s more change with the times. Right now sex is the big deal and using men as walking bank accounts in general. That changes with women having careers and money of their own. In a possible future androids may fill the niche. Farther down the line out of body gestation frees women up from the burden of childbearing and with that will come a time when all people could live a nobles only a few centuries ago.
        Change is the one constant other than time.

  29. There is some truth here, but nothing is black and white. IT’s only been in th elast 100 years or so, for instance, that a 16 year old female was “jailbait” rather than a young maiden of marrying age.

    Men are inately attracted (in most cases) to health, young, fertile females thanks to millions of years of evolution. If they lusted after 50 year old overweight infertile women, we wouldn’t be here.

    If a 70 year old is seriously perusing an 17 year old, rather than just looking and enjoying and moving on, then yes he needs a “readjustment” to reality.

    But the 18 year old girl with the 30 year old guy? Or the 24 year old with the 40 year old guy? That’s the evolutionary equivalent of the appeal of the 18 year old fit curvaceous healthy female.

    As for “damage” done to young women by dating much older men… in life we all have to take responsibility for ourselves. The older guy who leads his little prize into thinking “serious” and “long term” when it’s not is a dirtbag. But the girl who dates and sleeps with an older guy for a month or three and then gets hurt later when he either leaves, or she finds out he doens’t view him as his future wife because that’s what she obsessed about the whole time, really brought that on herself.

    Really the whole young female M.O. of thinking about sex and relationships SOLELY in terms of “this might be my future husband”/need to marry, even from that first high school sweetheart and through colege and early -mid 20s, is at least a big of a problem, and at least as damaging to men, as anything men do to young women.

    Firstly, because it creates a lot of hurt/damage/resentment when every screw/fling/date/relationship doens’t lead to “happily ever after” (thus why we have so many angry, bitter, misandrist women). Secondly, becuase it puts young men, whose M.O. is “if it moves and it’s hot, try to screw it”, in th eposition of persuin relationships to get sex. Now, we have a whole bunch of hurt angry man-hating women, and a bunch of hurt (from the dissolution of those same “failed” early relationships), angry, undersexed men.

    Men end up in a double-bind where sex is witheld by the young women at the peak of their sexual appeal, and must engage is serious emotional relationships that often lead to nothing but mutual hurt and dissilusionment; or who simply never get the chance to “sow the oats” with those young attractive females; and yet, are also considered “pervs” for persuing those females for sex later, even though at least some of them are ready and willing with an older man.

    Its a classic case of feminism gone awry (or alternatively, of it having nothing to do with equality and everything to do with domination and control). Young women are shamed (mostly by females) for being sexual at young ages, and are taught to fear sex and that men are “evil” and “only want one thing”; simultaneously, the innate fmale urge to focus on marriage and children very early, which is anachronistic in modern times, persists DESPITE female “sexual liberation”.

    Meanwhile, young men are still filled with the same innate urge to merge as always, and keep hearing about how young women want sex too, and in some cases they actually do; but yet despite all this, it is ultimatley under the control of the women whether or not they want sex or a relationship, and either way when they don’t get what they want it is men (“using” her for sex, “being the jerk” in the relationship- which he likely only entered into to sidestep the gatekeeper of the sex, being a “creepy old man” if he’s older than she is, etc.)

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% behind the need for men to be honest and have integrity. What I’m saying is, women need to be held to the same- and that includes rescinding the “whatever the probelm is, it’s the man’s fault” card and taking personal responsibilty; and also dropping the misandry and control of males in the name of “equality”, and making the same efforts to grow and accomdate the needs of males that men have already largely made (in this discussion, that being to admit that males, and espeically young males are very sexual and that therefore it is best both for the young men and the young women if young women’s realy relationships are taken less seriously and with less focus on marriage as th eone and only goal of every first date, and also if the “relationship as the gateway to sex” mantra is relaxed- that only leads to hurt and disilusioned women and sex-deprived, defeated men.

    And if a young women truly does feel that sex is for marriage or a serious relationshp only, taht is fine; but she needs to be honest with herself and the males around her about that- she can’t go and have sex before she’s ready just to “get a guy” and then feel “used” when he leaves, nor can she dangle the carrot of sex out for guys only to cuckold them until they either submit to her relationship demands.

    For all the blame men get handed and all the questions of “what’s wrong with men today”, women have a lot of self-accountability and hypocrisy and control issues to work out themselves.

  30. I rarely comment, however i did some searching and wound
    up here What young women are really looking for from older men — Hugo Schwyzer — The
    Good Men Project. And I do have 2 questions for you if it’s allright. Is it simply me or does it look as if like some of the remarks appear as if they are written by brain dead people? 😛 And, if you are posting at other sites, I’d like to
    follow everything new you have to post. Could you list of every one of your community sites like
    your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

  31. As a 56 year old male I’ve see information regarding genetic problems with older men. I

    find it interesting that women are the carriers of genetic abnormalities. Another

    contentious issue is the fact that women in their childbearing years spend large amounts of

    money when they encounter fertility problems.
    http://www.conceivingconcepts.com/articles/infertility-treatment/infertility-treatment-

    cost ” lists the base cost of one cycle of in-vitro fertilization at $12,000 to $15,000. In

    a similar financial regard, the cost of raising a child with genetic problems can be quite

    high.

    Taking a multitude of factors into account, my desire to have my own biologic offspring has

    only heightened as I have gotten older. I tend to believe this is an evolutionary response.

    As a person with a keen awareness of ethics, I read Richard Wright’s “The Moral Animal.”

    From a erudite, philosophical perspective, the major taboo against older men and younger

    women consorting is defined by serial monagamous relationships. Wright’s book describes

    this situation as “monopolizing multiple women in their limited reproductive years.”

    Celebrities such as Johnny Carson was cited in this book as fulfilling this serial

    monogamous category. Since this situation does not apply to myself, nor is my DNA in the

    population, the ostracizing inherent in much of the media is stereotypical, and does not

    apply to all reaches of society. Certainly my situation is somewhat an anomaly, however

    attempting to politicize by invoking an all encompassing taboo on age disparate

    relationships is tantamount to the Salem Witchcraft trials. I personally find accusations

    of perversion reprehensible, given the fact that someone of increasing age, with presumably

    better preparedness for fatherhood could have to endure ridicule from ignorance. Are people

    already given the opportunity to have a family not aware that hypocrisy is not a

    virtue?

  32. well i must admit this article was amazing, i am 21 years old and i am very much attracted to older men, since about the age of 17 i have never slept with some one who is 5 years older than me it has always been older than that, i never thought it was an issue until i meet my latest partner and well he sees the age as weird hes 34, he doesn’t look it act it or celebrate hes age therefor why should age matter??? ok there’s an age gap but its not that big, i get along with hes folks and i thought that would be enough, am i just to young or is he just to stubbornness to go further with this relationship. i think i like older men as they are sexy, they scrub up nice in a suit and they are charming and to tell you the truth they know sex they have had it before they know how to please and its just super sexy. any answers

    • PeachyMushroom says:

      Lollllll Hannah, I’m 21 as well and have obsessed over being with a way older guy since I was 14, so I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from and NO it is NOT weird…yeah, and you’re pretty lucky you got a a guy 12 years older than you, I think 10-15 years older is PERFECT, moreso 15 years than 10, lol because I can totally understand the sex appeal. I for one am not interested in the sex so much as the friendship because of personal and religious morals, so on a sexual side, I am entirely clueless (and prefer to stay that way haha), but on a more romantic and friendship level it would be super exciting to crush on a way older guy who looks oh so handsome in, as you said, scrubbing up in a nice suit, it’s especially exciting when you’re in your late teens and early 20’s and are playful and in a different stage in life than they are. Personally, I find this to be enriching, but as you encountered with your current BF, attitudes a lot of times are way negative against this (proof of this article as well). what can I say? It said that people can’t appreciate that romanticism of unconventionality and link it to younger women being total mindless brainless hapless idiots who can’t tell who is preying on them and who isn’t so by default an older guy must be out just to “prey” on her. I think it’s total B.S. because (and again I’m coming from imagination not personal experience since I don’t have any) having a man with more life experience to look up is probably super enriching and a younger, less experienced girl tends to motivate some sense of traditional masculinity in men. I think that’s why you see in the past men it was common for men to marry women way younger, but the reason why this is so taboo today is because younger women are focusing on their education and careers and are therefore seen to be more “infantile” at this age according to the older peeps. Oh well, what can you do? Personally, I don’t think it’s very seemly for a young woman (or any woman for that matter) to be desperate for a guy who doesn’t have the balls to pursue her, so don’t force or push him, sure you might cry for a while that he won’t accept you, but at the end of the day, you WANT a man who is DECISIVE and an INITIATOR, and most of all, actually appreciates having a woman with less experience than him (doesn’t mean she’s dumb or doesn’t have any goals, lol). Not everything in life has to follow rationality, so if an age gap is something you like, no shame in it. I’m on the same boat with ya.

      • I am 38 and he is 56 and yes it should not be happening as he is married but we do not take it too far and the reason I love our situation is he understands how I feel about it and is happy for it not to go too far. He is gentle and sweet and understanding and makes me giggle. Best of all he is the best kisser I have ever had. So all the while it feels right I am happy and after all that he is a mechanic and keeps my car going as well. Perfect

        • Wake up , think about the ripple effect and know that if he leaves his wife this is called an ” Exit ” affair and you will not have the relationship you want . Lady you are way old enough to know better – you don’t say that you are married or have children — an affair involves alot of people other than you two and he is obviously not thinking about anyone but himself which means you will be not considered eventually either .

      • hey Peachymushroom, i can see where you are coming from he is a carpenter and i am a uni student , it can be weird some times although we have both had some bad life experience and stuff, but one day we were talking and mucking around and he said where were you when i was in high school, and my response i was being born, or a toddler. we both just sat there for like 5 mins thinking that but for me its not an ‘issue’. i think he may also be afraid to commit to a relationship as he has been burned, however i do i make him realize i am not her i am me and i am not going to hurt him and leave him to pick up all the pieces, i don’t mind the age gap its just years in the grand scheme of things it means nothing, it is just a number, take it away and i still have my man. see it sounds so weird but i feel like we connect on a different level, not just on an emotional but like a spiritual, although we always have heaps of awkward silence moments, than he wont shut up and just wants to talk away which makes me think he is also interested in taking this relationship to the next level but that i am just unsure…. and in saying this… i grow up on a farm and so did he and recently like 3 years ago moved next door to me, which i think is also an issue as if we did ‘date public’ and not just mucking around what would happen if we broke up, his family lives next door and he visits he’s folks alot, and there good people, i would hate to lose a friend over wanting to become ‘a thing’ however i would, i know i would he is just so smart, handy, level, controlled, emotionally connected, rational, adventures and funny, and he is just so pretty, i know i should be careful, although on of my close friends said dont shit were you eat, and she thinks if the relationship fails i will lose everything not only a good friend but a nice and loving neighbors and it could become awkward. however i think if we did go forward, the worst we just become mates that have bad jokes and are secretly still emotionally connected, hahah. in saying all this i know it sounds a bit funky its just dating some who has had a life, emotionally connected and is ready to get connected is truly amazing. he also has this great sex appeal and i know you said that you waiting for a religious purpose, what happens if you marry and he’s shit in bed… not saying you sleep with everyone in town but it is nice if you can connect on that level, even if he is shit in bed you make it work it is really important i find to speak your mind in a relationship, which is probs why i like older men as they are usually alpha men and i like that….

        • PeachyMushroom says:

          YES to alpha males!! I hear ya sistah. Wow, I know your situation sounds tough, and it can be really heartbreaking to experience your love being hesitant over giving in to his feelings because of something as stupid as being conditioned to find all under 25 women off-limits…I suppose this is why I feel the urge to cry out against articles like this. Like I see Schwyzer’s point in not being a creepo who lusts after women and pervs on them but my BIGGEST issue is how he is subliminally conditioning his readers to believe that perversion and being predatory is inherent in ALL age disparate intimate relations…um NO! If the attempt to modernize is to create an ick factor towards relations between older teen/early 20’s women and men in their late 20’s and beyond, then I’m sorry but this is absolutely absurd. What the message should be is teaching women, yes younger women to learn how to stand up for herself and say no if that feels right, not painting this oh I’m a helpless victim suffering at the hands of a big bad male wolf….ridiculous. Sorry, but some high school and college girls just absolutely are not attracted to boys their age, and will go for what they are attracted to. Nobody’s business to keep us locked in somewhere that doesn’t meet our desires. And to be represented in such a condescending way? What? Becuase a girl is only 18? 21? Seriously? If you wanna write an article, teach men to hold off on their lust, build a trusting friendship with a woman, and go from there REGARDLESS OF SOME BLOODY AGE! Gee, I wonder why we can’t see shit like that promoted on these good men sites. So frickin’ simple!! And, Hannah, as for worrying about if he’s shit in bed, I suppose I don’t worry about that at all since that isn’t really on the top of my mind when I think about a potential marriage partner, I want to see if he can be a devoted father first and foremost with a strong sense of ethics and character. I personally don’t believe there is such a thing as being shit in bed since everyone starts out as shit and can gradually learn to get better. I don’t know I know a lot of people have this worry, but it doesn’t faze me too much also because I have a firm belief that true love is beyond the physical anyway. Doesn’t mean I’ll never experience intense physical gratification one day, I just don’t believe I need to worry about it too much and compromise my religious/personal beliefs for it. Another thing is, even though I’ve never had intercourse, I have still experienced intense erotic arousal from other things, it can even be so much as a magnetic, fiery persona and very masculine voice and attitude coming from a man which is stimulus that more than satisfies me on so many levels. So I guess in answer to your question, I believe that if a man can leave me hot and cold with just a look or his voice, I will be sold on him ;). Bed stuff can come later, I’m not in a rush or too worried about it, lol!

  33. Well the author of the article has it wrong in any event.At least inasmuch as saying people “choose” to be attracted to younger people.People do not control,one way or the other who they feel attraction to.And lets face reality.There is no point in having intimate relations with people we feel no attraction towards.I know I find younger people much more attractive.There is nothing I can do to change that.I refuse to have sexual relations with peers my own age(34) simply for the fact that I feel no attraction at all to people my age.I know for a fact that nothing can ever change that.I will never,ever feel attraction towards anyone other than teenagers or very young adults.I am not even capable of engaging sexually with peers my own age because I am incapable of having any sexual arousal around them.So no,it is not in any way,shape or form a choice as to who we find attractive.And is is pointless trying to make people have relations with people they have no attraction towards.
    I find it interesting that sexual relations between older and younger individuals has been normative in every single culture without exception,throughout the entirety of human existence,and has worked fine up to this point.So we have 40 000 years of known civilised human history,all of which was predominated by age disparate realtionships,and now in jst the last 30 years,we have idiots trying to make a case that it is so “sick” and wrong for adults to do what is nothing other than what nature intends with every vigour,and that which we have been doing for millennia without causing any particular social dysfunction as a result.

    • john03063 says:

      Good for you Dan. It’s nice to find another guy on this blog that has the stones to admit how he really feels about younger women. I feel the same way as you, and any guy that is being honest with himself will agree with us. I’m 55, and I’m happy to say that I am engaged to a wonderful woman who is 30 years younger than me. We have such a good time together…..she is so refreshing – not like the women my age.

      I know what everyone is thinking – How will I feel about her when she is 40 or 50? Who knows? She will always be 30 years younger than me. Maybe our marriage will survive and maybe it wont. I’m living in the moment and its wonderful. We have talked candidly about the age difference and we are both going into this with our eyes wide open.

      I think the “sick” phenomena you mention is driven by older women. Feminism has given women a disproportionate share of power and, as expected, older women have learned how to leverage this power to satisfy their desires. However, there is only one place where they can not wield their power, and that’s when men date the younger woman or (heaven forbid) the foreign woman. It is very threatening to an older woman – and there’s nothing they can do about it except call it sick.It’s not sick, it’s natural.

      My fiancee is from eastern Europe; from a country where feminism is non-existent. She treats me like a man and I treat her like a woman..and we both love it. A feminine woman is the most beautiful creation in nature but a feminist woman is one of the most repulsive. I recommend that any guy who is sick of western woman spend time in Brazil, the Philippines, or Eastern Europe. Date some women there (they don’t think a big age gap is a problem at all) and you’ll never want to date a western woman again.

      To all the women reading my post out there – go ahead – call me sick. I couldn’t care less……..

    • I disagree with both Dan and John. How can you say that you cannot help who you are attracted to when society has brainwashed all of us into thinking that “younger is better”? You are a product of a society which worships at the altar of youth. You think you’re not making a conscious choice to be attracted to these girls solely because of biology and yet you ignore the fact that every day, you go out into a world in which you are surrounded with imagery of young, hot women. You are getting the message, through advertising, through porn sites, through many different channels, that younger women and girls are the only worthwhile conquest. How is that to be blamed solely on evolution or biology? To me, that is more about subconscious messages: “buy this product and lots of young, hot women will want you”, “drive this car and you’ll have supermodels hanging off your arm”, “make this much money and you can have any woman you want”. To men like you, women are more status symbols than they are people. They’re a reflection of who you want to be: the total stud who’s got it all together. You’re status is raised because, “Hey, this hot young chick totally wants me, I must still have it goin’ ON.” If you can’t be attracted to a beautiful, fit woman your own age, there’s something wrong with you. And for the record, women of all ages are just as turned off by an older man’s hairy back, huge paunch and receding hairline. We’re just a lot more forgiving of your flaws than you are of ours. Also for the record, I think a 45 year old woman’s body is way more beautiful and appealing than a 45 year old man’s.

  34. Dude, peeps need to chill the frick out and quit overanalyzing shit like like this. If an old guy and young girl are attracted to one another, end of story. Quit getting caught up in this nonsense of a “perfect partner” cuz guess what? IT DON’T EXIST! So learn to make yourselves happy so that when you do fall in love or whatever, you enjoy it for the pure sake of enjoyment. By the way, I’ve wanted men twice my age since I was 14. I’m 21 now. My tastes ain’t changin’ anytime soon (well I don’t think I want a 60 year old when I’m 30, but you know what I mean–a man around 15 years older). Of course I’ve had to experience those douche bags who are like around 30 and think they’re too good for me because people are going to judge them for going after a college girl but ya know what? SCREW THEM! Probs gonna get an older guy than that lololol!! So I say the author of this article can frickin’ shove it and quit venting his insecurities on other people. Lead your own damned lives and let us lead ours.

    I just for the life of me never understand why we’re so caught up in this equality bullshit when it ends up making stuff so drab and BORING! God, live a little! And people also need to stop shitting on younger girls just because they have that youthful charm…well men have to wait at least 30 years til they’re really all that attractive and taken seriously, so you know what? It all evens out in the end anyway. Let’s just accept nature and biology the way it frickin is. Oh yeah, and I’m not going to be one of those insecure nagging hags when I’m older because I’ll have at least enjoyed what I wanted to during my youth and can be at peace with serving society when I’m older. Lol.

  35. kingofnyct says:

    I think this article is WAY off the mark. Attraction is a relative experience for everyone. Attraction is strictly defined by what people value. What people value is shaped by their exposure and experience to things in life. If someone is younger and mature and spends a lot of time with older people they wont have such a taboo by dating older. If someone is younger like in college, and inexperienced and spends 99% of their time around frat boys the same age, they will be uncomfortable dating older people. If someone is attracted to wealth, age will take a back seat. If someone is attracted to status, age will take a back seat. I know some friends who are nearing forty who are bartenders and young college girls are flinging themselves at them, knowing full well their age and not caring. This is because they are confident and attractive, which is what those women value, the age factor again takes a back seat. The same goes for men too. The problem is that the older men get, they are less attractive in some ways, but more attractive in others. So the types of girls they attract will change. Girls who only care about good looks will want to date them less, but ones who value security and status will want to date them more. It really depends on the woman. There are countless young men who are at the same age as women who do not get a fighting chance with young women their own age, and they are called creepy just as many times as older men. The bottom of the line is age doesnt really matter, you need only to be attractive to women, otherwise you will get rejected by them either way. The key is simply to have as many positive attributes in the pie chart that a woman values. As for the older women “With the benefit of hindsight and experience” it sounds like they are older and unwanted and have a jealous hatred from younger women who are now getting all of the attention, and no men want them anymore, so they have to come up with a reason to trash older men. This is obviously projection. Hatred from men from the 30-40s unmarried crowd these days is high…

  36. Robert Murphy says:

    “For the love of God Montressor!!”

    Dudes! HE got sealed into a WALL!! Now go read Poe for the same length of time it takes me to retrieve my e-mail e-dress from this spam factory!!

  37. Robert Murphy says:

    Let me finish it for you: “When Older Guys Lust after Younger Women” one should not write an article on the subject, for it will CLOG up the e-mail of a certain ME. THE END!

  38. Robert Murphy says:

    Dear God! 1473 comments! Mine has the honor of being the 1474th? You lads and lasses STILL haven’t figured this one out! Yikes!

  39. I totally agree with the author of this article..I had been leered at by older men when I was in my teens and I definitely did not like it as well as I felt creeped out someone of that age would try to be with me. Also any man who is foolish enough to think only a girl 16 to 24 is attractive has got to be blind.. Many women in the world are beautiful over 24.. Kristy Brinkley happens to be one of them.. In the dating world from what I can see, most secure men over 30 usually pick women within 6 years of their own age because they want a relationship with someone who has similar interests other than just sexual..Too big of a age gap can create problems..If you dont believe me try reading Tanya Tuckers book revealing her own experience dating Glenn Campbell who was way older than her..She states that in the beginning the age gap wasnt as noticible untill later when she realized he not only couldnt keep up with her, but also got annoyed by her younger age difference interests and behaviours…In my opinion the author of this page hit a raw nerve with many older men who know they are following their lusts, more than using any common sense.. Oh and whoever wrote on here that only women under 24 smell good are completely foolish in their thoughts. Not all younger women are hygeine concious, and not all younger women are in shape either.. Many very overweight teens and 20 somethings out there…

    • I’m dating a delightful woman who is 31 years younger than I am. So I guess – according to your definition – I’m not secure. Okay…I’ll accept that – since it it your opinion! Just like it is your opinion that secure men over 30 pick mates within 6 years of their own age. I’m pretty sure you did not do a nationwide study on the issue before making that statement….

      The simple fact is that there are many attributes that cause people to become attracted to each other, and age is only one. For you, age is obviously a big one, but for many others (including my fiancee) age is not as important. For me, age isnt important either; I did not pick Kate because she is younger. I picked her because we have fun together – we enjoy each other’s company and, believe it or not, we have many common interests. She is positive, full of life, and welcomes the arrival of each new day – just like me. I’m sorry to say that there are not a lot of women in my age range that have that same zest.

      Will our relationship last? who knows? but can’t the same be said about any relationship these days? We’ve been together for 4 1/2 years, so we’re way beyond the “sex is great” stage, and if you knew me, you would know she’s not in it for money or great looks! The only way to guarantee that a messy breakup will not happen is to live your life alone. I, for one, do not choose that path!

      You were creeped out by older men that approached you when you were young. That’s fine, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that all women feel the same way. There are many letters on this very blog that were written by women who dont mind…..

  40. Just wait till that older man develops ED. If a younger, needy woman comes along, all of a sudden taking that Viagra with the flushing side effects will all be worth it, whereas, it was a real problem with his wife of 30 years. If we women knew what we were up against down the road, we’d run kicking and screaming in the other direction.

    • Men will stay if they love the woman and if the sexual contact is still satisfying. Women have to accept the fact that they have to help ensure that it happens! Women that lose interest in sex – lose interest in looking good for their man – lost interest in keeping the relationship fresh and alive…those are the women that are in trouble.

      I’ve said it before – men grow more distinguished with age while women often just grow old. Then add menopause on top of that? whth its accompanying loss of libido and physical changes that make sex difficult or painful? It’s a much more difficult position for women than for men. Don’t attack me – I didn’t design the system!

      Men can get ED it’s true, but there are medical solutions for that. Woman, on the other hand, must create their own solutions. If you’ve had the same man in your life for 30 years then you’re already ahead of the game…you have the love and devotion. Don’t blow it by thinking that he’s not interested in sex anymore – just because you aren’t. That’s why he’s looking at the younger woman !

      • Beverlee says:

        Are you people serious? I am 60 and old men look like hell. NOT distiinguished! I am not interested in younger men however because they are children. Looks should not matter and if they do you are a shallow SOB. When you old guys figure out that you look like shit also lol then maybe we can have a decent conversaiton. Is playgirl calling you for a pic op? Me either. My heart is sweet and kind. Cho Mos are Cho Mos are Cho Mos. That’s it. I consider women Cho Mos in the same posittion. These young ladies will kick you to the gutter when you get sick. You are only fooling yourself. Mother Nature will have her way with you. She is a bitch! haha

        • john03063 says:

          Beverlee has presented a perfect display of the reasons I prefer younger women better that I ever could! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: older women turn me off because of their sour attitude towards life. It’s obvious that men her age aren’t interested in her. This, in turn, has created an aversion to any woman who is younger (note the phrase “playgirl” to refer to a younger woman?). I’m guessing she is divorced. She says her heart is sweet and kind, but she harbors a lot of hostility; just look at the words she uses! She also has a bad attitude towards herself (implying that, because she is older, she looks like s**t). You would never hear a younger woman talk or act like that! Each new day is a wonderful beginning for them, and they are full of life and full of zest. That’s the woman I want with me.

          I’m with a younger woman – we have been together for a long time – we plan on marrying – she is willing to sign a prenup (which, by the way, I would want regardless of her age). I’m happy and she’s happy – that’s all that matters to us; it’s really no one else’s business.

  41. This prissy little guy with six chinchillas doesn’t know what for. Just because a man is older doesn’t mean that he appreciates feminine beauty any less. He appreciates it more. And, to describe it as “leering” and “ogling” shows bias, based on the assumption that the man is a pedophile. There have always been and will always be the creeps, who get their jollies scaring women and little girls. They are a despicable fringe, and disdained by real men. Not every man is the male equivalent of a “cougar.” There is nothing wrong with a man of any age appreciating feminine beauty, even young feminine beauty, as long as they are respectful. Young women look like angels because they are more lately come from God.

  42. I am 37 I had a crush on a man 18 years older than me and like a twit I did something no one thought I would ever do and I had never thought of doing before I told him how I felt knowing he is married well the outcome is we have a platonic relationship which does go beyond platonic but not all the way and the feelings between us are mutual. He loves me as much as I love him. I never intended this to happen but I am glad I did.

    • Well, to 31 I say ……… first when you say ” we are in a plotonic relationish ” …… but it goes beyond platonic! LMAO !!!!!! This is apparently a new and ongoing situation and I would bet you have no idea where it is going to go ….. only ideas on where you want it to go! Also, you are not some young girl that is persued by what some would refer to as a dirty only man like the 65 year old man who has leftt this very immature 18 year old with two sets of twins. You are a grown woman with 31 years of life experiece who I view as someone with very poor choices! ………………………. JUST SAYIN!

      • Thank you for your comment. However you have read what I put wrongly. I am 37 he is 55 that’s 18 years older than me. He is married however that relationship is not as good as it could be. This is a two way thing he could have told me where to go in fact that’s what I was expecting him to say but he chose not to. We both know how far we will let it go and unlike most people we will stop it if it feels it might go too far. So as far as I am concerned I feel that we are being mature about it unlike so many who end up saying those all too familiar words “it just happened” nothing just happens in this world.

  43. umm, Johnny Depp is now dating a 26 year old model

  44. Haha I think the dude who wrote this is secretly trying to show younger women what a nice guy he is hoping to win a few……..nobody has a clue what goes on in some young womans mind and im offended that you publically steretype us older guys,and for that matter,the women also…….he needs to get that….Dan San Diego

  45. Hello everybody, here every person is sharing these kinds of experience,
    therefore it’s good to read this website, and I used to go to see this blog daily.

  46. franko says says:

    many men at a certain age feel the need to be with a much younger woman, but since there is such an age difference it is very hard to keep the relationship going. a lot of younger women will go after older men for money, and it is very sad that these type of women take advantage of the older men.

  47. I have a friend who is 65 years old, and his girlfriend is 18……He got her pregnant when she was 17 and she had twins……It hasn’t been even one year and now she is pregnant with twins again…….Are they both crazy to be doing this crap ? ? Of course they are ! But the fact remains that they are doing it……He wont let go of her, and she wont let go of him…….So there you have it ! It takes all kinds to make this crazy world……..Oh yes…..The girl’s divorced mother approves of the relationship ! Immoral ?? Maybe so, but it’s happening ! The point is that it does happen ! Keep in mind also that here in the U.S.A. we have learned too much crap from the churches…..But if you read the Bible, it is full of this kind of hanky panky…Christians are a bunch of hypocrites……..

  48. I would like someone’s opinion– I have this female friend who is 31 yo. She is dating a man and has been for the last 6-7 years who is 40 years older than her. Now from what she has told me,the guy is married but he and his wife don’t love each other anymore and both have agreed to see other people,but yet they will not divorce (all 3 are Filipino). She says she loves him and he loves her. Also according to her, They plan on moving in with each other at some point in the future after his business deal is complete (he’s been working on this deal for 10 yrs). I tried to get more info from her about this but to no avail. To make matters worse,her family is against this(who could blame them) and basically got her to married someone whom they like but she doesn’t love (He’s in the US right now doing paperwork to get her there) I have tried to talk some sense into her and tried to get her to tell her husband that she doesn’t love him and get an annulment. I have also tried to tell her that the relationship with the older guy wasn’t a smart move either because he will never marry her and having that many years between,she’ll be the one who gets hurt in the long run. But she insist on being with him no matter what,even at the risk of losing her family over this guy.

  49. It would appear that few people understand the role the environment plays in human development, including our social environment, it has been very well researched and it is now clearly understood that genes are both activated and deactivated based on environmental stimulus. It should come as little to no surprise to find men seeking the comfort of younger women when our society promotes younger women as sex symbols on an almost continual basis.
    The research is in.
    http://socialrebirth.org/environmental-impacts-on-human-development

  50. The only truth there is. Young girls increase the level of testosterone in older men. Win win for the guy. Young girls smell better. Win win for the guy. Fertility for the girl. Win win for the guy. Any questions?

    • young girls smell better and Loren can’t think…. what kind immature answer is that ?

      • What is immature here Pat? What, you don’t understand the science of biology? Seriously, you can do better then this can’t you?

        • Humans are not only driven by biology, from a long time. We are not only governed by hormones, see we have evolved differently from animals. As for sexuality human sexuality is not driven only by reproduction as it is for animals. Biology is not all, psychology, influence of education and culture influence us far more than biology does.

          As for what I found immature, it’s that , “Young girls smell better” : this is very misogynistic… do younger women only smell better ? Are younger women only defined by their smell or looks?

          • “Humans are not only driven by biology, from a long time. We are not only governed by hormones, see we have evolved differently from animals. As for sexuality human sexuality is not driven only by reproduction as it is for animals” Oh yes they are and deluding yourself won’t change that.
            “Are younger women only defined by their smell or looks” You bet they are.
            Simple stuff here Pat. Time to revisit the issue as it is not as you want it to be. Look at the science Pat.

    • Not sure I agree with Loren’s assertion about young girls smelling better, but they definitely have an effect on men’s testosterone and desire. Sorry ladies, but there is some truth to the notion that older men are distinguised while older women are – well – just old. I think that a man will always choose a woman younger than him if he can….and women buy into this pehnomena also. The women’s beauty industry is a multi billion dollar industry in the US, and virtuall every cosmetic or beauty product is advertised with a goal of making women look young. I wonder how successful a company would be if it produced a face cream that was guaranteed to make a woman look 20 years older……

      • You make two points that are very interesting firstly I wish the beauty experts would make a cream to make you look older I am 37 looking well about 27 great at times but I was once asked aged about 22 if I was old enough to drive very embarrassing. Also Yes a man’s desirer increases when the lady is younger. I have my married man friend as mentioned on here before, after years of his wife not even kissing him I come along and all I need to do is kiss him for a while and well the result is rather obvious. Which as I am a very innocent 37 year old was rather good to know as I had never thought of me having that effect on a man and certainly not a man married and 18 years older than me.

  51. George Mason says:

    The article was total nonsense. The libs will not be happy until they have made EVERYONE think like a woman. That’s what the writer of this article really is; he’s a man with an Oprah induced woman brain. The lack of testosterone is what motivated this article. Let me clue you in on something….guys date younger as long as they CAN. And they do so because younger women are more attractive in every way. And it’s okay (and even trendy) for an older woman to date younger men, but woe to an older guy who likes younger women. The first thing mentioned is “12 year olds” and pedophiles. Malarky. Because an older guy likes younger women doesn’t mean that he’s a pervert and he wants underage girls. I get so sick of this bullshit I could puke. The bottom line is that if a younger women wants to date an older guy, then it’s between THEM. Most people would be so much better off to mind their own business, and the writer of this article is full of crap. “Good men?” As if to be a good man you must only date a woman who is exactly the same age. It’s LOONY. Go tout your goofy rules to somebody who cares!

    • Couldn’t have said it better myself George. I’m engaged to a woman that’s much younger than me. I’ve gone a few rounds with some others here…trying to convince me – or themselves, that what I’m doing is wrong, doomed to fail, unfair to her, etc. I say two things: A – anything that two consenting adults want to do with each other – as long as they both have their eyes wide open – is their business and no one else’s, and B – refer back to A.

      I’m fortunate that I have a woman who knows what it means to be a woman, and she knows how to treat her man. The whole notion of masculine and feminine has been distorted – There are generations of men who think that to be a man means to be a wimpy and whipped blob with Oprah bains – as portrayed in television programs, commercials, etc. And how many women are out there that embraced the feminist paradigm; worked their way up the corporate ladder, became successful, and then realized that they didn’t have a family at age 40. No wonder the divorce rate is above 50% and there are so many more marriages that are unhappy but, for whatever reason, the parties do not break with each other. Men and women are different…we can never be equal! The whole thing makes me sick.

      It seems to me that the feminist movement has backfired. You cannot adopt gender roles that conflict with thousands of generations of human development. To do so will invite internal conflicts that will be difficult to resolve. A recent report published by the Centers for Disease Control states:

      “The study also found that women are two and a half times more likely to take antidepressant medication as males, while 23 percent of women ages 40 to 59 take antidepressants, more than in any other age or sex group….”

      Wow! Almost 1 in 4 middle aged American women are on antidepressants. Maybe the feminists will find a way to blame men for that as well….

      • I’m a little unclear as to the link to corporate ladders/divorce etc… Perhaps you can elucidate?…

        The anti-depressant thing, well women are more likely to suffer from depression in the first place so that may account for the higher number on ant-depressants? Again I’m not quite sure what you are trying to say here, could you explain please? I have never taken anti-depressants myself and I’m not quite sure of the relevance of that issue to the debate.

        As for that horrendous over 50% divorce rate you have in the USA I must admit I’m curious about the reasons behind it, but wonder why you think the old man/young woman pairing is a solution? The twinning of older men younger women could possibly have driven some of those divorces statistically as some of those older men may have had to leave wives to do so (unless they stayed unmarried into their 40s/50s. My OH was divorced before he met me…

        Not going another ’round’ as such but curious about what you have written.

        • Men and women are different but surely we are equal? The definition of equal is to have the same value, not to be the same.

          • Men and women are not equal –and they will never be equal. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that I’m implying that men are superior – or vice versa.

            In the distant past, men were the hunters, protectors, and providers and women had the babies and tended the family. All of the functions were essential. Otherwise, the species would not survive. So which is more important – men or women? No one can really say which tasks have the greater value….

            Today we have supermarkets and police for food and protection. Women still have to bear the children, but either sex can hold the job or take care of the children. Due to the high cost of living in developed cultures, the two-income couple is more prevalent than the single income family. Additionally, the feminist movement has created an expectation; women’s success has to be measured by her success in the workplace. Having more women work means more men are staying home and tending to the family. Having the woman be the earner while the man primarily tends the family conflicts with the biological desires of the representative genders.

            I think this has a lot to do with the prevalence of depression, marital strife, and divorce in developed countries. Neither gender can feel ultimately fulfilled because they are performing tasks that are not in tune with their genetic wiring. One only needs to look at the medical and marriage records in countries where traditional gender roles are practiced to see a dramatically lower incidence of divorce, etc.

            • i aggree completaly men and women should be more traditional as far as how thing,s should be beten them however unless we plan on turning back the hand,s of time thire is little chance of that outher then finding a women who aggrees as far as how thing,s should be betwen men and women \ women by thire natuer should be able to care for thire children and the man should be able to provide however we all know that is not posable in this econimey so marryage,s suffer as well as the children who should have two parent,s i know in my case i am working very hard at patching up a realinship with a lady i care very much about becuse we seprested for that very reasion $$$ however i know in my case i am doing damm near everthing so her and i can be reumited soon and be father to her kid,s witch is the way thing,s should be and yes she is younger then me she is what i fight for

              • I hope it works out for you michael. And there are women out there who subscribe to the traditional gender role model. I’ve found one….and it is wonderful! We are partners – neither one of us is overpowering the other…but we both know how we want our relationship to proceed. We know that it will be difficult – we get pushback from many people – including some on this site- because of our paradigm and because of the fact that she is 30 years younger than me . But we dont care…we are in love and it is perfect for us. I’ve never been happier….

            • Thank you for your answer. The dictionary definition of ‘equal’ is to be of the same value, not that something is necessarily the same. That is why we talk of racial and sexual equality.

              I have known households where dad has brought up the kids and mom has gone out to work because it makes sense (if she has a higher paying job & he likes being with his kids), I have known households where mom has stayed home and dad worked (& a few depressed women in that situation), most commonly these days however both mom and dad work fulltime because it takes two wages to keep a household as you say. I haven’t personally observed any correlation with depression or divorce, nor have I seen any studies which have shown this – please do post links if you have them. I’m discounting your assertion over developing countries because culturally there are too many variables to compare.

              The increase in divorce – that’s a big one. There’s your theory on gender roles. There’s the fact it’s got easier to get divorced and women can support themselves unlike in the past (lower divorce doesn’t necessarily mean happier marriages). My theory (& like you I don’t have proof, just a gut feeling) is that people today have very exacting expectations, we live in a consumer society more so than ever before (& the USA is the epitomy of this) and we (men and women) are used to getting what we want, expecting happiness as our right and becoming discontent quickly when things aren’t easy. Hollywood shows us the girl and the guy getting together but fades out as soon as they marry; our culture is obsessed with romance at a time when marriages are less likely to last than ever before – coincidence?

    • I agree with you 100% brother.I’ve dated and lived with both older and younger. It had to do with mutual attraction from the both of us each time. We both knew what we wanted from the relationships and that was it.

  52. Ed Estrada says:

    I am 58. I like them from 21-35. Why? I’m a cancer survivor who also had kidney surgury from chemo complications. My days are numbered. I survived this but how long do i really have? I’m not looking for marriage/relationship, i’m just looking for a sweet young thing so i can die peacefully. I’m a musician who can teach her, treat her like a queen. I look in the mirror and see what i was and what i’ve turned into and i hate it even though in spite of what i’ve been through look ok. 6″1 175 lbs didn’t lose any hair in chemo, short with a ponytail, all my teeth,etc. We keep plugging away, i’d rather die trying than settle.

    • am pamela Morris from Florida am 25 years of age single and need an older man who can not only give me his love but also the gray hair wisdom and to help handle my business my email is pamelamorris622 at yahoo.com.waiting for your responseam

  53. Wow, Hugo and they actually let you post your opinions. You are nowhere near the expert you position yourself to be, which I suspected when your words overflowed with judgement and bias. So sorry our society is not living with your views as the center of our universe, we should probably look into that. Why my tone? Because the sheer arrogance of your poorly researched piece is astounding.

    I also love how manipulative you were in your work, so sad to see a wanna be journalist resort to such devices. For example, soon into your post you cite an incident with a 12 year old and then later, to disguise your manipulation, say that of course, the article has nothing to do with such extremes. Then why plant the seed to begin with? Ahh, yes, manipulation. You would have made a good lawyer.

    My uncle married his wife when he was 48, she was 26. They remained happily married until his passing at 89, which included raising six kids, all their own kids of natural child birth. In terms of my peers, at least three of best marriages I have ever seen, there was between an 8 to 12 year difference in age. All of those marriages have lasted several decades. Well that just shoots to crap all your rants, now doesn’t it? But then again, you were never interested in the truth, just the rhetoric.

    There are a lot of reasons people hook up at any age. There are a lot of reasons for the whole Cougar phenomenon. Most of those reasons are very human ones, as we are all very imperfect. No one is condoning the manipulation of a young woman in the way you have tried to manipulate us through you’re writing, that is dead wrong- on both accounts. And had you stuck to your opening, I probably would be writing in support. But your wildly random accusations and insane over generalizations just flat stink to high heaven of bias and an agenda, I cant take anything you write seriously.

    • i totally agree…not every girl that goes for older guys feel supposedly ‘exploit’ by them in the future. those that are probably have a grudge against her ex. i know many younger woman older man relationships that worked out perfectly fine. i really don’t mind older guys hitting on me, i just take it as a compliment same goes to guys my age but i usually would regard boys my age hitting on me as a result of hormones overload. older guys…they actually think you’re attractive and that’s a compliment.

      • summer2013 says:

        Well, it is much easier to look attractive in older man’s eyes , than in younger one’s… I agree that less attractive or less confident woman will be more willing to accept older man advances…I see that all the time… and , of cause, many women are after financial stability, which older man can provide in many cases…. but isn’t it a form of prostitution , when one person is selling herself for certain conditions of life ? … old as world … but, I would not call it normal…

        • dear summer you have hit the nail on the head for the most part you are quite right some younger women who are gourgouse and or narsistice over confdent lady,s like you of cource tend to peffer men like your self and sell short that a older man who can provide both love companiship and be finanacaaly stable that kind of relanship is wrong and that to you it is a form of prostitution i am going to presume that you are you are under 30 year,s of age and have no clue what you are talking about alll women need stablity in thire live,s if a man is lucky enofe to have a younger women in his life as he is older who are you to pass such judgement that it is wrong when both the older man and the younger women bennifit from this kind of relanship this is something that more women need to start learning think on this witch would you realy reather have some handsom stud muffen bf your own age who is piss poor or a a older wiser man who can care for you and your need,s want,s

          • I disagree with michael’s guess about Summer2013’s age. I think she is an older woman – perhaps a woman who has lost a man to a younger woman. But I do agree with his premise that what an age gap couple choose to legally do is no one’s business. Saying that the younger woman wants stability and money while the older man wants a hot piece of ass is an outmoded, ancient, and tiring stereotype. Are there some couples like that? sure…but only a small percentage.. I date younger because they are exciting and positive…and Summer2013’s post illustrates my point exactly..she makes generalizations and statements that are clearly personal opinions – not supported by fact or research, and she ends her posting by suggesting that age gap couples are engaging in prostitution?!?! It is a most un-exciting and un-positive comment – exactly the reason I couldn’t be with a woman that has that outlook….

            • summer2013 says:

              You make me laugh, really ..:) If my speaking up my mind from my personal experience ,got such angry and resentful reaction from your side , well, it hit you in a painful spot., otherwise you would not react this way .. let me guess who you are , based on your comments : lonely , unhappy and … well past your spring time… Big “Hello” to you from a happy, young , beautiful, educated, professional Eastern European woman, who is happily married to a great man her own generation, has lots of friends, love ballroom dancing, skiing, tennis, traveling , shopping of cause, who is happened to be financially secure and comes from a great family. Nice to meet you ..:)

              • Summer 2013 – you provide a lively response to my post. It’s interesting to me that, although you call me angry and resentful, you are the one with the hostile post..not me…I only provide opinion … just like you did originally. Perhaps I got your personal dynamics wrong but it does not change the fact that you are prejudicial and clearly against age gap couples because you had a bad experience. That’s too bad for you, but your personal issue has no bearing on other couples.

                I’m wondering what your acceptable age range is? And just for argument’s sake, let’s say that you are single and a man approached you that was 1 year older than your range. Are you saying that you would categorlcally exclude him as a potential partner? What if he was one month older? Or how about one day older? I’d love to know your answer and your reasoning. I’d also love to know why you feel qualified to impose your limitations on the rest of us.

                Your response is full of contradicictions. If you are truly happy with your life, all the things you have, and all that you do, then why do you feel compelled to tell us all about it? who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself? I don’t have to do that…I’m happy with my life and with my chosen mate – who happens to be 31 years younger than me. And before you indict and convict – we have been together a long time…way past the “sex is great:” stage. And I’m just an average guy with an average job (that means she’s not in it for the money or the looks).

                Finally – I think that comparing young woman to prostitutes just because they may be attracted to men outside an arbitrary age range – set by you – is just plain stupid. I rarely use harsh language in a debate, but that comment deserved it.

              • dear summer quite right on several count,s however unlike you and your self centerd life style in my case i have given mine in servace to outher,s and the simple fact that now that i am older 45 and that i happen to enjoy the company of younger women is of no conceren to your,s however concdering your coment,s i see you as a women who in all probality is a rich b)(*& who has never work a hard day in her life and had everthing handed to her on a silver platter furthermore unless i miss my gusse you have a overinflated self worth oppnion of your self becuse in your eye,s you have everything or at least to you you have everthing \ in my case $$$ dose not buy everthing becuse i know fulll well if that,s is all a women want,s why would i want her in my life as a lover or as my mate

          • summer2013 says:

            I thought love is the most important thing when you decide on relationship and marriage, everything else comes second… On the other hand, why do you hold such bad opinion about modern young men? Many of them, at least in my world, are smart, educated , financially secure or working in that direction, and able to provide love and companionship to their partners. All these wonderful qualities do not depend on the age.Culture, background, social circle, education, upbringing- all that makes a person. I have to assure you that many of modern young men are the epitome of the best qualities you can find in any man. And that is exactly what ” generation gap” means. You have limited information about younger generation walking the streets next to you… You should make an effort to know them better…

            • You’re right – love is the most important thing and everything comes second – including age differences! . Culture, background, social circle, education, upbringing- all that makes a person. and other people respond to that….All these wonderful qualities do not depend on the age. You are encouraging michael to be more accomodating and accepting of a younger generation, you say that age does not matter, you say he should make an effort to know [the younger generation] better, but you draw the line at sex and romance….These are all your words! It’s difficult to figure you out….too many contradictions….

      • I read an article that said when divorce occurs in relationships with a big age gap it is almost always the younger partner who leaves. Perhaps they realize the age gap negatively impacted the relationship.. It also said children in these relationships are 30% more likely to have emotional problems.

    • I see alot of wisdom and insight to what he is saying, and as a young girl myself who has had these experiences, I can personally testify. However, the only difference between me and any other young girl out there is- I am not trying to justify my relationship with an older man. I know the damage it does when older men hit on younger girls rather than women their age, it tells us one thing only. It shows us our worth to them is kept very superficial and there is nothing beyond that. Ofcourse, as with all things- there are exceptions to the rule, and not every case is the same. However, looking at the majority of cases out there and observing them without our egos involved, we can see very well this is exactly what is going on. To deny is to choose to stay ignorant. Most likely because one feels threatened by this truth concerning their own life. That is all I can assume when you leave comments in that tone. I dont know who you are or where you stand in your relationships, but everyone has the right to express their opinion, just as you just did. I am personally thankful for this article, as it helped relieve alot of stress and confusion I’ve been dealing with lately. So, if it did nothing for you, atleast you can give thanks its done something good for someone.

      • Hi Alexa,

        Could you expand a bit on the damage done when a man makes an unaggressive, easily turned down, offer of intimacy to someone they find attractive who happens to be younger but who is nonetheless an adult?

        Thanks!

        • As the author points out; older men should be more of a role model to these young women (girls) It would be nice if they could give a compliment to a young girl that made her feel good about herself rather than make her feel that all older men want from her is sex~

          Unless you have lived in a girls skin; you may not understand!

          One thing that I believe is that the young and the old are truely looking for 2 different things! The young is looking for security while the old is looking for a sex partner. They sometimes can agree on the details in between and make a relationship last but in most instances it will not! What makes anyone think that with the divorce rate over 50 percent that this type of relationship could work out any better! My words after a good talk would be .. good luck!

          • This sounds like its coming from either an older woman who has lost her man to a younger woman, or else a younger woman who has had negative experiences with older men. Which is it ?

            Your comment is too general and way too overreaching. It most definitely does not apply to all age gap couples. Do older men want sex? of course we do! but so do younger men…do younger women want security? yes..but so do older women!

            I have been dating women 15 – 30 years younger than me for a long time. It’s not because I want sex from them – it’s because younger women are more full of life and exciting. They are positive and willing to try anything. They have not been jaded, and they have not yet had a bad experience with men that carries into their middle age years. I find that a large percentage of women in my age range are divorced, with kids, and with a sour attitide because of what “that bastard” did to them. They often do not take care of their appearance and tend to be more set in their ways. Sorry, but I was not responsible for the other guy’s bad acts, I dont want to deal with the fallout, and I want to experience as much as I can with my chosen partner. Life is too short.

            I know it sounds harsh, but I am not shallow at all. If I could have found a woman my age who fulfilled all of my requirements, I would have dated her in a heartbeat. However, It’s too late. I’m now engaged to a wonderful woman who happens to be 30 years younger than me……We’ve been together for four years and we couldn’t be happier.

      • A majority of cases? it tells us that the relationship is only superficial? Pretty big generalizations – dont you think?

        Let’s look at each one. A majority of cases implies that you have studied the older guy / yourger woman phenomena. You have randomly selected hundreds (or perhaps thousands) of couples throughout the world (or at least the US) and surveyed their reactions / emotions / etc. I’m guessing that is not the case. Morelikely it is a personal opinion, enhanced by you to amke your argument appear more convincing.

        A superficial relationship? I’m assuming you mean a relationship based on sex with no deeper commitment. I’m interested in your opinion of college relationships. Both partners are the same age, yet it’s likely that very few men in that age range have any interest in commitment AT ALL. You by implication you say that is okay, but a caring relationship between two people who just happen to be outside an arbitrary age range – set by you – is not okay?

        You say that older man have hit on you in the past, and you didn’t like it. That’s fine – but you aren’t relly in a position to conclude that it does damage to all women. The more accurate statement is that the encounters did damage to you. It is okay for you to feel the way you do, but please don’t generalize; many younger women don’t mind. I see 2 or 3 new posts on this very blog from just such women.

        • I think what Alexa said was perfectly valid, it was her experience and the article helped her deal with stress and confusion she’s been dealing with lately – I don’t agree with everything said in the article but a lot of it resonates with me too. I understand very much about what she says about superficial worth, not that this reflects all old man/young woman relationships but when a man exclusively & repeatedly selects young women rather than his own peers because they are young I believe this can be the case. I also suspect that in many cases the older man may be trying to reclaim his own young years by associating with younger people, sadly we all age it’s a fact of life and no amount of surrounding ourselves with younger people will change that.

          No many younger women don’t mind, I was such a young woman for several years, but wouldn’t you know it I got older, it’s a different story now.

          • Hello again E! I’m glad you’ve finally agreed with me! Your response to Alexa is decidedly more personal than your previous posts. You agree with Alexa’s point of view because of your own experience, but you leave the door open to the realization that some age gap relationships are not superficial – you use phrases like “I dont agree with everything but it resonates with me” – “not that this reflects all…” – “this can be the case”. I read this as your acknowledgement that older / younger can work when the right partners are involved….I’m happy about that….

            My only question concerns your last statement. You say that it’s a different story now; you’re implying that the only reason for your failed marriage is the fact that you got older. Can you positively say that’s the case?

            • John, I’m pleased you realise that I was not trying to disagree with you for the sake of it. In your last post aimed at me you said something like “We’ll see who’s right”, that made me feel completely misunderstood – I don’t want anyone’s relationship to fail (remember I wished you luck, no sarcasm intended) this has never been a ‘black & white’ issue to me or a case of being ‘right’, I’m simply expressing my experience and pointing out the pitfalls in such relationships. Answer to your question:

              Firstly my marriage is not failed, it’s having problems as I said earlier, perhaps they will be solved, perhaps not. My husband is over 20 years older than me, in the beginning it didn’t matter, we had a great time – the first few years are the buzz of being in love anyway. I came to not see the gap anymore as did he, although he was undoubtedly rather proud of having a young woman with him & he told me didn’t find women his own age interesting or attractive (he admits that there was a strong superficial element which has been echoed by many male comments on this thread including your own “if I can get a 24 year year old to love me”). Well time goes on as it does guess who’s now the oldest woman he’s ever been with? Can I say 100% this is why we’re having problems? He’s said hurtful stuff which indicates that is so is all I can say, I won’t repeat because I find it hard to deal with. I’m seeing a therapist who is guiding me through this & she believes the age gap is a significant factor, she has been able to point out things from a neutral perspective and I’m only just coming to terms with some of this now and it’s incredibly difficult for me. Does that answer your question?

              Secondly, generalisations – yes they are in abundance on this thread (everyone is posting personal experience none of it is empirical evidence) but why do you pull up Alexa and not the comment about 25 year olds being ‘moma’s boys’? That is every bit as biased a generalisation. My male cousin married aged 25 to a 27 year old, he does all the chores as she has a back condition, a friend met her husband age 16 (her) & (15 him) again they have a wonderful marriage, another couple of friends met at university & had a good marriage for 20 years until her death (he has since met another lady the same age as himself). Young men are not all selfish and it’s unfair to paint them as such anymore than to say all older men are superficial or all middle aged women are ‘basket cases’ (I remembered you said that).

              Do I think age gap marriages can work? Of course I do, plenty do, although I would add the stories about aunts & uncles I take with a pinch of salt – no one in my family knows how unhappy our marriage has been recently, because I don’t like to upset them (there are kids involved) they would say we were a happy ending too. These relationships are different to peer age ones and face many more challenges in the long term and growing older at different stages is not easy. Hand on heart I couldn’t recommend it, I wouldn’t be truthful if I did.

      • Young people have opportunities to meet older people. Older people to meet younger ones. What’s the fuss? And it’s all ego, the love does not last. It’s all sex type of love. Humans are bored and blinded and always need sex over love.

    • @ sneaky writter

      I agree with you. I am 49 my partner is 25. Now the reason why today some women prefer older men is because men there age are today immature moma’s boys. A 25 years old man compared to a same age man 30 years ago is a baby. Women however are still as mature as they were 39 years ago. No woman wants a mon / sun relation, that would be sick. No woman want a relation with a 25 years old boy playing video games like a teenager and let her do all the home chores

      • 37 with 23 says:

        Agree with Pat,

        My girlfriend refers to guys her own age as boys, she is a teacher and the last thing she wants at the end her working day is to return home to another child!

        14 year age gap, is meaningless to us, we are two very compatible adults, that is all you need.

      • completely agree

    • personaly i thought the artical was reather slanted to be honast a younger women and a older match to my way of thinking is a good thing he has the resorce,s she for the most part lack,s pluse the experince to deal most issuse that come up however i make a caviat to that becuse thire are a lot of younger women out thire who want a man to take care of everthing for them as well ie suger daddy \ and or women who lack the motvaton to get what that want or are so far down the money pit and or one of the outher issuse i see women who have issuse,s ie ADD \ or outher such co dependent issuse,s when younger willl latch on to a older man becuse in thire eye,s thire way of thinking is he can fix everthing the reality of this is that is that it willl in the end unless the man is able to do damm near everthing for her in the end she willl droping him useing what ever useless excuse she can find then in time latch on to a nother man to whom she think can give her evertthing to my way of thinking dateing a younger women can be a wounderfulll thing however ask your self is she matuer enofe is she stable enofe for this to be lasting and lead to a commited relanship

      • Interesting perspective Michael, you highlight the fact that some young women may have psychological issues which draw them to older men, a point Hugo makes himself in the article. Do you think it’s also possible that some older men may have also psychological issues which draw them to younger women?

        • 1st why should it be necessarily be a psychological issues ? Why are all other possibilities not even not mentioned ? Because it disturbed Guru, God, Hugo Schwyzer ?

          2nd the picture chosed is insulting, showing a man perving through as if all older men were perverse. The whole article depicts older men as pervs or having personal issues. Women making that choice are not respected either as they are seen only having personal issues or want to take advantage of the older men (congrats to saying women are bitches btw).

          The article is only bias and judgement driven. Very poor.

          And please american men, when will you start understanding that american women are fed up
          with your immaturity ? This is the very reason why some young women prefer older guys : they don’t
          have to play a 2nd mother or nanny. It’s a shame to see over decades how men have become
          immature.

        • dear E some men may have a reasion for seeking out only younger women however in my case the reasion is quite simple i have had very little choice in my life up tilll a few year,s ago of suporting everyone around me as well as takeing care of grandparent,s \ my father and then my mother then a saveraly bi polar wife now ex wife thank god the fact i enjoy the company of women younger then me and if possable as my lover for me is a reward for all the year,s of hard work becuse now it is my time and i chose who i want in my life as well as who may or not be in my bed i peffer women younger then me becuse of what should have been mine as a young man was not possable

          • My comment was not directed personally at your life Michael.

            I asked the question of you only because you highlighted the possible psychological reasons why a young woman may seek an older man but did not mention the psychological reasons an older man may seek a younger woman. As you mentioned co-dependency that is particularly relevant as it takes two people with psychological need to be ‘co’-dependent.

            • allso i did not mention the fact that a younger women is good for a older man and the older i get the more and more i am seriousey convinced that yes we advnace in many thing,s however relansion,s betwen men and women are very much confused as well as for the most part most women are very much confused as to the way thing,s should be women have far to many confusing choice,s \ stablity stem,s from the famaly and outward,s in to the world when thire is stablity life improve,s where thire is confusion life get,s worst this apply,s to men and women

        • Psychological issues? because of who someone prefers to be with? Just because someone has a different definition of attractive does not mean that anyone has psychological issues! I could say that vegetarians have psychological issues (because I am not one) or that gay people are deviant (because they exist outside of mainstream society’s expectations). Is either statment defensible? no….

          Are there problems with age gap couples? sure – is it possible for the older member to take advantage of the younger? yes – how about the younger taking advantage of the older – of course! Age gap couples have challenges – “regular” couples have challenges…life isn’t easy for anyone! And Life does not need to be complicated by having others advise, criticize, or proselytize…Just leave it alone…

          Society sets expectations and directs behavior through its laws. And the majority of States in the USA (and countries in the world) do not place any restrictions on sexual contact or ability to marry on anyone over the age of 15 or 16. If there truly was identifiable damage done to the frail young people by overreaching older people, then sociey would respond with an increase in the marriage age – age of consent – or both. I know I’ll never change minds (especially among the small minority that have adverse personal experiences) but it’s really no one else’s business…

          • Good day John, you didn’t answer my earlier questions regarding equality/dicorce etc but I won’t hold that against you

            The issue of homosexuality is a completely different one to an age one… for a start (short of the unusual step of gender reassignment) people stay the gender they are, they do not stay the same age, the young woman will become a middle aged woman and if her older partner rejected those women as his peer age group (and you John along with others on this thread, give many reasons why you have yourself) 15 years earlier will he cope with this change? Young and fresh is all very well, I can imagine it is very refreshing when you feel jaded by life experiences to spend time with someone who has not had the time to be so affected, but no one stays young forever and if her youth was the main attraction then there will be either a readjustment or trouble. Unless she can pull off the hitherto unknown feat of staying 24 forever.

            Realistically people will express their opinions on such things, even if it doesn’t affect them, and of course some of us have personal experience. It’s no one else’s business, but when you post it on the internet you know you will invite comment, especially when you explain your attraction to young women by slating your peer group as you have done.

            Many of the comments here might give the impression there is a sudden epidemic of young women/old men partnerships but the figures do not support this – the average age difference between couples remains the husband 2 years older (a coincidence that gap is the exact difference in sexual maturity age?) as it has been approximately for many years.

            • E – a more personal response…I’m disappointed…It’s much more constructive to have a disagreement when it doesn’t get personal!

              I’m not sure you understood my last comment. I wasn’t using homosexuality as a substantive discussion point. I was merely saying that what people do, and who they choose to associate themselves with, is no one’s business; and no one has the right to say that relationship A is okay while relationship B is wrong.

              And I never said I rejected my peer group. What I said was that the things that attract me to a woman are a positive attitide, a zest for life, etc. and that, other things being equal, those traits are most commpnly found in younger women. I’ve dated women my age – even older than me – who possess the correct qualities. It just so happens that the woman who captured my heart completely happens to be 30 years younger than me. Notice that good looks or the willingness to have sex all day long is not on my list….I’m really not shallow.

              I’m not interested in dating women that have baggage, are jaded, feel like they’ve been given a raw deal, etc. and that is your typical middle aged woman. Sorry, but what happened in her past is not my fault, and I dont think I need to bear the burden of another guy’s bad acts.

              And I agree that the “traditional” couple still remains close in age; I’ve acknowledged in previous posts that the number of younger women that want to date me is small by comparison, but it is not insignificant.

              My original message remains: leave everyone alone..Each of us must find his / her own way in the world. Just because someone chooses to be with someone else who is outside the age range that you find to be personally acceptable does not mean that they are wrong and you are right – and your personal experience is really not relevant here – because it is personal; there is no correlation to any other couple….

              • I’m sorry John, my reply was only personal in relation to comments you made. You have referred to ‘hormonal crap’ and your experience of middle aged women as ‘basket cases’ – that sounds like a rejection of your peer age group to me, perhaps if I’m mistaken you’d like to explain what you meant by that. Most strangely of all to me you have stated that women closer to your age (nearing the end of their child bearing years, actually substantially younger than you in fact) might still be able to attract a
                man of 70 or 80 – I asked for an explanation for that and you declined to give it…. I’m waiting if you decide to explain.

                Finally “your personal experience is really not relevant here – because it is personal; there is no correlation to any other couple….” Thank you for your opinion but I think that coming from such a large gap relationship for 18 years my experience is perfectly valid, I never claimed it was inevitable for all, but it will correlate with some. Some will work out okay. Some won’t. Some old guys are only into young women and will reject them as soon as they age. Some young women will grow tired of the man as he grows older when she is still relatively young. These relationships are different (generational gaps, not 10/12 years or so) because we go through life stages at different times, we do face different challenges and I can only appreciate this now with experience. I’m sorry my experience matters so little to you and appears to irritate you, but perhaps it will strike a chord with some other.

                • E -If you looked closely at the post where I referred to hormonal crap and basket cases you will find that the statements were irony – not reality. I concluded that post with “how’s that for generalizations?” … And I admit my statment about 80 year old guys was a little off the cuff – A better way to say it is that men are tuned into women that have the ability to reproduce. Losing that ability affects their attractiveness toward men that want children – like me.

                  And I see you have started to define your acceptable age difference between partners – you say that generational gaps are different, but 10-12 years is not. I’m curious…exactly where do you draw the line? what age range is acceptable to you and what age range isn’t ? 10 years? 11? 12? and if your acceptable age difference is 10 years, you would categorically reject a potential partner if he was 10 1/2 years older than you? How about 10 years and 1 week older ?

                  Of course your experience is relevant – to you….but not to anyone else. Neither is mine, and that’s my whole point – You are trying to warn and convince young women of the danger because of your personal experience. You would not be espousing that point of view if your marriage was completely happy and satisfying. In fact – you would be telling all of us how wonderful an age gap relationship is. Your paradigm has changed based on a personal experience; mine has never changed…..

                  • John, I did realise it was a deeply sarcastic reply and could see you were annoyed with the original speculation about your partner being a young man’s trash which I completely respect (& for the record didn’t agree with) but it’s a shame you had to say it in that way and ‘dis’ another group of women in order to make your point.

                    Regarding age gaps I do think that when a person is young or old enough to be the parent of their partner that is when a certain dynamic can occur. I could explain further but you don’t want to hear about my experience. I am not in a position to answer your question about my own acceptable age of potential partners because I am not looking for one – I am and always have been 100% faithful.

                    I understand when you put it bluntly that at 54 you want a second family and that is why young women attract you, fair enough, you know the risks, so does she, good luck to you both. Despite his age my husband is a wonderful father (sorry, I keep forgetting my personal experiences count for zip).

                    Finally, it’s not exactly true that I would have been “telling all of us how wonderful an age gap relationship is” if things were different. Completely honestly I still love my husband (despite everything) and always have, but even in the beginning the thought of in all probability such a long widowhood (& as we women live longer add another couple of years onto the age gap) did upset me and time does not make it easier, it’s very hard to see him age, harder than I can articulate in words. For that reason alone I would strongly caution a young woman considering such a marriage. Paradigms are all very well John, but sometimes you have to be in those shoes to know how it feels.

    • http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/02/exile-in-gal-ville-how-a-male-feminist-alienated-his-supporters/252915/

      I found that interesting link on Hugo Schwytzer and his commitment to the women’s cause
      very interesting

  54. To be honest, I haven’t scoured the above text fully, but perhaps I could reveal an incident that may put the above into a little more perspective. I’m 56, single, have put on a bit of weight, but fortunately don’t quite yet resemble Jabbar the Hutt just yet. I also happen to be a very “shy guy”, and as a result don’t approach females largely due to lack of confidence and experience (have always had this problem). The last time (about a year ago) that a female I didn’t know said “Hello” to me in an interested manner was a (exclusive) private school girl who I would guess was between 15 and 16.

    Some years ago whilst going to an inner city pub to listen to music, the only females who approached me (and usually offered me a drink) appeared to be no more than about 18.

    I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from this information.

  55. Joel W.
    You sound like you’ve had a woman use for all the wrong reasons. I can assure you that is not the case here.

    The only thing between my co worker and I was lunch. We would even talk about our favorite book and movies. In no way, shape, or form did I ever lead him on. We never even hugged or touched. He never came on to me before that night. Like I said, he was just a friendly co worker to me.

    To your original question, when he rubbed my hand I so shocked I just got up and told him he had to leave and I did thank him for the ride.

    You say I responded “favorably”
    No, I responded nicely when we initially met. Him being “nice, funny and very fit” are just qualities that I noticed AFTER we continued to hang out.

    When I said “our thing”
    I meant, we were used to having lunch together and having conversation. It was nothing intimate implied in that.

    And I will Not give you a break. I don’t know you, but you come across as a man scorned.

    1. Did I ever say he paid for all the upscale bistros? No, Sometimes I would pay for lunch. Like I said, that was our thing: LUNCH. No more, no less
    2. I would never go anywhere with anyman at 2 am unless it was a family member or emergency
    3. I would never go with anyone to a hotel room unless I was on vacation

    What boundaries were there to bring up? We were lunch buddies no more no less. Your reading more into it then there is just like my co worker.

    And you don’t at all know the type of woman I am.

    You obviously have a low opinion of young women. Sorry they treated you bad.

    Moderator Note: Edited to remove personal insult

  56. MM_McGee says:

    Women my age are more likely to call me on my bullshit? Are you kidding me? Women my age are typically making up bullshit to call me on, calling me on bullshit their ex husband did, trying to mould me into someone I’m not and calling me on the bullshit of not being that person, telling me to stop smoking out, on and on. They’re terrified of acting young and having a good time, as if somehow all that glorious adult responsibility is suddenly going to disappear and their lives will turn into a train wreck of poverty and broken careers. It’s not like American Beauty isn’t dang close to the reality for many men in their 30s.

    I sacrificed a lot of my 20s to become a mature, stable, established adult. I married a woman exactly my age, then, after our divorce, dated a woman just three years younger than me. Both of them exhibited the following behaviors that women in my generational cohort (let’s set age aside and just look at what women in their 30s learned in the 1980s) seem to exhibit: a general distrust of men because men are “inherently” “controlling” and “violent” “rapists”; the view that you can have a career, a caring man who will raise your children, and an alpha male who earns the dough all at the same time; the idea that they can/should put off having children until they’re 40; the idea that they can have an equal relationship and have chivalry from a man at the same time. There’s more.

    These are just a few of the ideologies my generation got dumped on us. Fortunately, a lot of this has died off, except in the academy. Younger women just except to have careers: it’s not a dang revolution for them, and men aren’t automatically viewed the enemy standing in their way. Yeah, it’s nice to be with a woman who doesn’t think she’s “sleeping with the enemy.” So kill me. Many women in their 20s have stopped identifying as feminists because they actually believe in equality, which is another relief for an older man dating a younger woman. Feminism is not about equality. Then there’s the fun factor. I’m frankly tired of women who take themselves, their careers, and their ideal image of a man too seriously. I already did all that, spending 15 or 20 years perfecting myself as much as possible. I don’t need to be told I have more work to do. I don’t need a honey do list. If a younger woman approaches me (yep, that’s how it happened), what am I supposed to say: Nope, sorry, my attraction to you is socially constructed and I must deny it to myself and to you in order to be the kind of man a 30 something nag will love?

  57. Towards the end you say that most women are disgusted by men who are 10, 20, or 30 years older. Then, you cite Johnny Depp as a good example for men to follow, but you inform us that he is 48 while his French girlfriend, to whom you say he is devoted, is 38. That would be a 10 year difference. So which is it? Is Johnny Depp a “devoted” mate, or an old 40-something “lusting” after a woman 10 years his junior?

  58. I don’t find it wrong for an older person to find a younger person attractive. I don’t find it wrong for a younger person to find an older person attractive. The fundamental problem with a May-December type romance is that December usually dies decades before May.

    My husband’s grandparents were 20 years apart. He died eight years ago. Watching her live day to day for the last eight years has been heartbreaking. The man whom she loved her entire adult life is gone. She has no finical woes, he made sure of that before his retirement, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is dead and she is still struggling to learn to live without him.

    It’s great for a man to show off his young, sexy wife when he’s much older than her, but what happens to this woman he claims to love when she’s no longer attractive to men because of her age and he’s dead? She will probably end up spending the last twenty years of her life alone—if she lives that long.

    I feel the same way about older women with younger men. It’s not love when it’s selfish. And that’s exactly what the December is in a May-December romance; selfish.

    • 37 with 23 says:

      Its interesting I have dated younger women for many years, varying from 4 years difference to 14, the girl I am with now and will in the not so distant future get married to.

      If we are generalising, women mature faster than men, anyone disagree?
      If we are generalising, long term happiness requires a meeting of minds as well as bodies? disagree?
      So to me, its normal that men date younger women.

      How much younger?

      Well you might want to avoid becoming a fat, slow and dull guy in your 30s and beyond as you have to consider that although being older and a little wiser, not much, but a little will work to your advantage being a lot rounder in general is not going to work so well!

      I do not subscribe to the, DATING younger is selfish…. if you think that we are going to split up because in 50 years time I might have shuffled off and she may have a decade on her own then its ridiculous… no one can tell you what is going to happen next week, month or year, so do not make decisions based on what MIGHT happen in 50 years!

      I look after myself, I look after her, we are intellectually suited and fully expect to be married until death do us part…

      When you are adults, age is meaningless…. it just is.. if i saw a 60 year old woman with a 21 year old guy, i would not bat an eyelid, life is short and if they make each other happy you have to trust that they are mature enough to know the bigger picture of what MAY be.

      The girl who talks about the 67 year old guy and she is 23…. flirting is a two way street and i guess at 67 he was more HOPING to be in with a chance of dating you than expecting, I find it hard to believe that you were totally clear in the lead up to him CREEPING YOU OUT.

      oh… I am on a foreign keyboard and cannot properly punctuate! Just so you know.. thank you

    • Mary is making a sweeping generalization based on one experience. The brutal fact is that one partner will almost always die first, and the other partner will spend the last years of his / her life alone. Mary laments upon her grandmother’s sadness now, but she fails to acknowledge the many years of happiness grandma experienced with her chosen mate. Her grandparents obviously had a good marriage, and they were smart; they had a financial plan to protect the younger member of this 20 year age gap relationship. Mary closes by inferring that her grandfather was selfish for taking such a young woman for a bride. I think that the history of this successful relationship proves that it was the right decision for both of them. I would even go so far as to say that Mary’s grandmother would have been the selfish one if she refused to enter into the relationship based solely on the age gap.

      • I do realize personal experiences are a very bad reason to form an opinion in our modern society. If the situation were reversed and he was the younger one left behind and heartbroken, I’d feel she was just as selfish.

        Our society IS selfish. Generally, I feel most women are more selfish than men–in my personal experiences, so I realize this opinion might be wrong.

        Real love is not selfish. It does what is best for the other person.

        • I agree…real love does what is best for the other person. However, what is best has to be viewed through that person’s eyes – not society’s eyes…When grandma was contemplating marriage to a man 20 years older she HAD to think about the fact that he would die first – yet she married him anyway. I’d be interested to know how grandma feels about this; if she had to do it over again, would she have looked for someone else ?

          • Grandma wasn’t thinking about his age, she was thinking about the death of the man she would have married had he come home from war. She loved grandpa, she loved him very much, but he was the second choice for her, not the first. The first choice was her own age.

    • Mary my dear, you say it so perfectly. I’m so sorry to read of your grandmother, I know I’ll face along widowhood too. I would NOT marry an older man if I had my time again.

  59. I am almost 23 years old and I honestly want to kill myself whenever I read things about how I will soon pass my attractiveness peak. I hate everything about being a woman — or rather, I hate everything about the way society “values” us. I just don’t want to deal with it any more. (To be clear, my feelings about this are not limited to looks.) I want to be reborn on a planet where intelligent beings are all truly equal and only gain value with age, and don’t oppress or abuse others.

    • @M – don’t believe it for a second. And it isn’t a “peak” the way you seem to think it is. Think of it as a dramatic rise (because girls aren’t attractive until they are women but this happens over just a few years) followed by a long time in the sweet zone. It is very true that this depends on your actions: healthy, fit people can have decades in the sweet zone while people who treat their bodies like garbage have a much briefer period. My wife is 51 and she has been beautiful to me every day since we met in college (and, yes, I still catch people looking at her so it isn’t *just* the fact that I love her). But more than that, you can gain so much of value in the next few years that a good man will appreciate – especially if those years are shared.

  60. as a 23 year old woman, I am NOT attracted to older men (in mid 30s, 40s, 50, 60s, 70s, etc). Yeah, some are cool to be friends with (in a work related situation) but normally, I just don’t associate with people outside the 18-24 age group outside school/work; we don’t travel in the same circle. Yet, I more often than not find myself on the receiving end of twisted obsession from some men 40 and up (more so online).

    What’s worse is , at the time I was 21, this 67 year old guy chased me desperately. He was a co-worker (pretty sure just a retirement job for him). He was nice, charming, very funny, and suprisingly fit ( he didn’t look young or anything), but He wore his age well. Once he came and joined me for lunch and then everyday that was sort of our thing. He would email me some funny jokes during work. Then he asked me out to lunch (outside cafeteria) and would take me to really upscale bistros just for lunch. Then he started to email me things about concerts/plays that were coming up and if I was interested in going. It really started to make me feel awkward because he was hitting on me and I didn’t even know it! He was playing the friend role.

    Long story short, my car broke down one afternoon and offered to drive me home. He stayed long past his welcome talking me to death and trying to rub my hand. The next day I put in a transfer to another department. It really creeped me out because I viewed him as more of a grandfather than a boyfriend or “friend with benefits.” Why would he think I’d be interested in him? Idk.

    Now, I’m just weary of older men and wish they wouldn’t try and flirt with me. It makes me cringe.

    • If you’d had that with a black person, would you be wary of blacks? And has something like that never happened to you with a person your own age?

      Just to be clear: this guy’s actions were inappropriate. But the author of this piece is stating that older men should not feel attraction for you, not that they should not behave inappropriately. If he were arguing the latter, nobody, I think, would disagree.

      Can’t we agree that inappropriate acts are inappropriate whatever the age/gender/orientation of the person involved; appropriate actions are fine; and feelings – well, you feel what you feel, and there’s not much you can do about that!

      • Wtf? what does race have to do with anything? I’m talking about the 40+ age gap that made me wary of older men.

        No, nothing like that has happened to me with people of my own age. It seems the people I associate with just ask you out on a date.

        Yes, inappropriate acts are just that.

        And yes, you can’t help who your attracted to. But, is the attraction mutual is the answer..

        • The only thing race has to do with it is that you are now wary of other people who you see as being like this guy. You’re seeing it as an older man thing, whereas not all older men behave creepy; and not all younger men don’t. If he’d been an older black man, would it have been an older man thing, or a black thing? If he’d been black and your age, what would it have been – a black thing, or a him thing? If it had been a gay woman? – and so forth. I’m arguing that you can’t tar everyone with the same brush. But leave that to one side if you don’t agree with it.

          The author of this piece explicitly states that attraction to younger women is wrong in and of itself. If you don’t find that a problem (in and of itself) then you disagree with him.

          The question of whether the attraction is mutual is indeed an important one. Always. Whether both are the same age or not.

          I certainly think that most older men who think that loads of young women are into them sexually are delusional. But, it has to be said, so are people who think that younger women are never into older guys. These out and out rules scarcely seem either to explain the rich reality of life, nor to be particularly useful as guides to how to behave. “Don’t be delusional; don’t be creepy; if someone (and this goes just as much for women as for guys) is spending loads of money on you, there is at least a fair possibility that he is romantically or sexually interested” seem, I dunno, wiser?

          • perfect tibby. Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m a mid 50’s guy and I usually date women in the 20-30 age range…lilabee had a bad experience and she passes it off as as “old guy” thing. I see it as more of a “creepy guy” thing. Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable telling this guy to take a hike. That’s her problem. What would she have done if this guy was 25 years old?

            I’ll admit that the percentage of 20-30 year old women that want to date me is lower that the percentage of women closer to my age. But it is by no means insignificant. lilabee does not want to date older guys – that’s her right. I want to date younger women, I know the challenges going in and I chose to accept them. That’s my right…

            • if you are in your mid50s and you date women between 20-30, that means you are getting the women who have been rejected by their male peers or who are emotionally messed up. it’s a fact amongst women – that only seriously damaged women or gold diggers will go for guys that old. a 30 year old man’s trash is still diamonds to a 50 year old. sorry to burst your bubble.

              • A fact among women? and you have surveyed every woman on the planet to arrive at this conclusion? Sorry to burst your bubble Maria, but there are women out there that date older or younger – just like there are men that date older or younger. Perhaps your opinion is based on personal experience or faulty logic – but the facts do not support your conclusion. I will agree that there are messed up gold diggers out there, but there are also many young, smart, and attractive women that simply prefer older guys. In fact, my experience tends to directly contradict yours. I find that women closer to my age are the ones messed up. They have been treated poorly by men; they are bitter and resentful. They often do not take care of their bodies or their minds. Then you throw in the hormonal crap that accompanies menopause, and you have a real basket case on your hands. How’s that for a generalization ?!?!

    • @Lilabee – well, aren’t you just the most precious little flower. At 23, you restrict all “social” contact to the 18-24 year old set. So, just at the point that you should be discovering that there is a much broader and more interesting world with people of all ages, talents, achievements and interests, you’ve determined that *your* world is going to remain firmly in the college undergrad demographic.

      Look, no one is arguing that older guys should believe that younger women are all in to them. By the same token, you are a perfect argument for why older guys with their act together should be really wary of young women. Your comments about “desperate” older guys who develop “twisted obsessions” with you speak volumes about you – while revealing very little about the actual topic being discussed here. Personally, I don’t buy it for a second.

      • @Lilabee – Sorry if I was too hard on you. I should have just said that you need to understand that your view on older guys is very much conditioned by the fact that you seem to have a fairly narrow range of “acceptable” social friends. I went a bit negative because your post struck me as needlessly judgmental; with a broader perspective you wouldn’t be so quick to write off people that might prove really interesting. I am not suggesting that you date a guy who is 67 (or anyone else, for that matter) but I would suggest that you push back hard and early on people who begin to make you uncomfortable. This leaves you more room to get to know people without expectations or “twisted obsessions”.

    • Lilabee, you spoke that this older guy tried to rub your hand.

      What did you say? What did you do?

      Did you say, I like you, but I am seeing someone; or I’m sorry, thanks for the ride, but I need to go to bed now, I’ll see you at the office. Did you ever just directly TELL HIM, that you are not interested as a bf, or lover? If you did not, then in his mind, it is easy to see that you led him on. Rubbing your hand, if he thinks you are interested, is a rather gentle come on.

      Now, to quote YOU:

      “He was nice, charming, very funny, and suprisingly fit ”
      So, to his eyes, you responded favorably. You then say:

      “Once he came and joined me for lunch and then everyday that was sort of our thing.”

      “our thing.” Apparently he did feel like it was you guy’s thing. Did by this time you explain you were not interested? You go on to say:

      “Then he asked me out to lunch (outside cafeteria) and would take me to really upscale bistros just for lunch.”

      By this time, either you are very stupid, or you did not care about his feelings, taking what you could. Wow, such lunch perks. Upscale Bistros? Give me a break. I am an entertainer, and I’ve met MANY women like you. DO NOT SAY, that you had no idea. Anyone whose ever been out and about knows a man does not keep regular company and spend money, without some form of tacit agreement. If you did not lay the law down by then, you led him on. I can only imagine the humiliation he must have felt upon the stigma of a women asking for a transfer, for what can be construed as sexual harassment, which can follow him through his career, and create problems for him, long after this event is over. Sad, because like it or not, you led him on the entire time. You are type of woman who takes a guy into her hotel room at 2 AM, only to make an accusation the next day. Yes, you are so innocent. You let him eat with you every day, let him take you to expensive Bistros, and yet you are ‘creeped out,’ by his interest?

      By your behavior, he had ever signal to believe you were interested. Never did you say you clearly told him your boundaries.

      You write with a fair degree of articulation. You are obviously reasonably intelligent. You are also destructive, with malice. Based on your intelligence, I would never believe you did not know what was up.

      You just didn’t care.

      Then you say no younger men, or boys are rude, or so sexually direct. On that, your credibility is suspect. It is the chief complaint of women that the younger guys, are obsessive in their quest for sexual favors.

      Maybe, you need to examine your behavior. I am not saying you intentionally lead anyone on, but if you pay attention to how you actually inter-relate, perhaps you did not get your message of ‘NOT interested’ out clearly to the old guy.

    • Lilabee I’m really sorry you’ve received such ignorant rude replies, the fact is a lot of the people commenting here are old men who have an agenda, they’re trying to convince themselves that young women want them & not because of their wallet or daddy issues. Comparing with race is stupid (& actually quite offensive to the heroes of the civil rights movement who battled for RIGHTS, not the right of an old men to letch after a young girl), no one is saying these men can’t ever date women only that they should be more circumspect – it is not usual for young women to want old men, it happens but it is not usual & most young women prefer young men. Of course there are a few old men who will convince themselves that is not true, there’s no arguing with them I’m afraid.

      To those who defend this 67 year old letch, imagine it’s a 67 year old woman trying to fondle a young 23 year old man…

      Joel, maybe just maybe Lilabee went to lunch with this guy because she thought of him as a grandfatherly figure? I know at her age I wouldn’t have believed a 67 year old would pull a stunt like that, poor girl – talk about feeling old age creeping up on you!

  61. In other words!! GROW UP!!!

    • Grow up? that’s all you have to say? maybe you should refrain from posting comments until you have something substantive to offer. Matt is completely correct. The willingness to bring a child into the world is completely different from the cultural and biological urges that create the natural attraction for younger women. Many on this forum argue that men conveniently hide behind biology as an excuse to justify their attraction to younger women (pointing out the fact that most men in this situation do not want to father children). I would argue that those men are actually the most mature and responsible of all. Imagine if all men that hooked up with younger women got them pregnant – what a disaster….

      I have been dating women between 15 and 25 years younger than me for 4 years. I subscribe to the campfire theory – I leave them better off then when I met them. Sexually experienced, condifent in themselves, with no fertilized eggs and no STD’s. Anyone here want to tell me I’m wrong or immature?

      • “I have been dating women between 15 and 25 years younger than me for 4 years. I subscribe to the campfire theory – I leave them better off then when I met them. Sexually experienced, condifent in themselves, with no fertilized eggs and no STD’s. Anyone here want to tell me I’m wrong or immature?”

        I sure wouldn’t want my daughter to date you put it that way (& I’m too young for you myself). You think it’s your role to sexually educate these women? To raise their confidence? So they aren’t confident to begin with? It sounds like you’ve got a power thing going there, to do this sort of thing repeatedly.

  62. “The great lengths to which countless men go to avoid fatherhood suggests that the continued evolutionary imperative to “spread one’s seed” is oversold to the point of being illusory…” You are making a straw man argument. The real argument, which you are attempting to thwart here, is that men are sexually attracted to females based on inherent physiological urges and cues that naturally respond to corresponding traits in young women — beauty, youth, health, apparent fertility, availability and the physical display of readiness to mate. The attraction remains true, regardless of a man’s personal plans for avoiding or not avoiding fatherhood. The two are related and yet entirely separate. Society can only curb, contain or pervert the facts of sexual attraction which are inherent to our species. You try to claim that men pursue women far younger than themselves because society has bent them to do so. Some men pursue younger women for one reason: because they can. If there were more young women available, then more older men would pursue them. Young women are attractive to men period. When a man ages this does not change, because men’s attraction is not based on choosing the best mate for doing his taxes or planning a vacation or providing for his family. The younger a woman is, while still being old enough to conceive, so long as she is strong and healthy, the more attractive that woman will be to ALL men. Live with it. It’s just a fact. Stop getting all bent out of shape when some men take advantage of their status and cash in. Most of them don’t, and even the one’s who do, generally take quite good care of the women they partner with and the children they Father. Taking responsibility is a choice. Attraction is not a choice. Promises are promises, and sometimes they are kept and sometimes they are broken. By blaming everything on society or on Men you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. Young women have no problem with using what they got to get what they want. Men are simply doing the same thing, only they are more likely to have more of what they got to get what they want when they are older, while women are less likely. Get over it.

    • “The younger a woman is, while still being old enough to conceive, so long as she is strong and healthy, the more attractive that woman will be to ALL men. Live with it. It’s just a fact.”

      I know quite a few gay men who would really disagree with that statement.

    • The younger a woman is, while still being old enough to conceive, so long as she is strong and healthy, the more attractive that woman will be to ALL men.
      Even if you were just talking about men that are attracted to women you’d still be generalizing.

      You make some points here but no need to make sweeping remarks like that.

      (And for the record “The great lengths to which countless men go to avoid fatherhood suggests that the continued evolutionary imperative to “spread one’s seed” is oversold to the point of being illusory…” doesn’t completely fit either. Spreading one’s seed doesn’t inherently mean they would stay around to take responsibility. But he does a nice job of ignoring the countless men that actually fight tooth and nail to be in their kids lives when the mother, the courts, and the very people that would be screaming murder if he was ducking out.)

  63. franko says says:

    i am a straight man, that would love very much meeting a good woman today. one that does not have the SHIT DON’T STINK OF AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, and are just SO DAMN NASTY TO TALK TOO.

  64. I am 32 and my gf 20. First, she dated guys since she was 14 losing her virginity at 15 and dated both older guys and teens of her age. She feels guys her age are idiots, cheaters, and a bunch of other ugly traits. I treat her like a queen because I am glad to have a smart, young, beautiful and firm breasted girlfriend. Its the truth. If you want to know about the issue, don’t make it complex.. simply ask people. By the way, I am a mechanic and she has more money than myself. Her family has properties and businesses. Also, I entered her family’s circle and am well accepted, while other man would prefer to remain away from. In other words, it works because we both have reasons to keep each other.

  65. I think the person who wrote this is the sick person. In todays world there are all kinds of prejudices against african americans, white americans, hispanics, asians, poor, rich, gays, non-gays, people with children, people without children and I guess now its who you date or marry! Age, can be only a mental state and if you feel good with someone younger or older then go for it. This is not to say I agree with dating underage partners. This I am against, But since when is a 25 year old woman a child? Funny all through history this was not the case and your statement that if your over 30 year old your know old, please. Sorry about what ever abuse happened to you when you were younger that caused you to look at anyone over 30 as a pervert but age prejuduce is just another sad prejuduce in our world today. Look at each individual case and quit trying to put us all in boxes.

    • This article was talking about YOUNG women as in teenagers…not 25 year olds. Don’t comment if you didn’t actually read it.

      • So where do you draw the line Nancy? the age of consent is 16 in most states in the USA. Those state legislatures decided it was okay for 16 year old girls to have sex with anyone else over 16 – so a 60 year old guy can legally have sex with a 16 year old girl (with her consent of course) … Far younger than 25.

        Maybe ths solution is to raise the age of consent (and the age of majority)? How about 25? Or here’s a better idea – maybe we raise the age of consent and majority for women only? How about 18 for boys and 30 for girls? since they need so much more protection? That would solve everybody’s problems….

        • PeachyMushroom says:

          CASE IN POINT! Might as well restrict a human being’s right to experience life until 30 according to these mucks. I mean who cares if half your life has passed by, if all your youth and energy is gone before you really are free to pursue life’s joys in whatever way you see fit? Ha. Protection my a$$ these are miserable people trying to suffocate young people in their own miserable jealousy. And only recently having been a “teenager” can I not sympathize?

          • PeachyMushroom – I like the way you think…call me if you are ever in New England…I think we could have a great time 🙂

        • We’re not talking changing the age of consent here – but rather grown men think about why the young woman is interested in them & don’t kid themselves.

  66. Challs Smartly says:

    I guess if you are making the argument that the appeal of younger women to older men is cultural, then you should give an example of a culture where this kind of desire is absent, or at least not as pervasive as it is here.

    • I’m not making that argument at all. I’m saying that attraction can take many forms…and a person’s age is only one of many factors… I’m also saying that who a person is attraced to is probably the most personal of decisions – and it is really no one else’s business. The fact that person A does not approve of person B’s chosen partner does not make A right and B wrong.

  67. While I think a guy lusting after a 12 year old is a little much, I dont have a problem with any age gap relationship that is legal. Who are any of you to decide that two people are not right for each other? Sure, maybe it doesn’t work out – but the divorce rate in the USA is above 50% – so most relationships dont work out anyway. Three years ago I divorced a woman who was my age (I’m 54 now). The marriage was a mistake from the start. I’m now dating a 24 year old woman and we couldn’t be happier. We will get married – we both want children. Can any of you positively say it is a mistake? and even if it is – its our mistake not yours. I’m sorry that I’m not available for a woman closer to my age – someone who has lost the spark of youth, and may be close to the time in her life when she can never again have children. But that’s the way it is. They can probably still attract 70 or 80 year old guys. If I can get a 24 year old to love me – why shouldn’t I? I didn’t create the rules of attraction – I’m just playing them to my best advantage.

    Wil I die before her? probably – we have discussed it and we have made financial provisions for her protection. I agree that there is an elevated risk for the younger member of an age gap relationship. But the failure of the couple to talk honestly and openly about the challenges – and craft a workable solution – is not a good reason to proscribe an age gap relationship for everybody.

    • statistics+ men who marry younger women live longer

    • John you have a similar age gap to me & my husband – now I’m 40 & not the cute little perkt thing anymore it’s falling apart.

      Sure it’s your mistake to make, but be aware that the gap between you will almost certainly throw up problems in the future – yes anyone can have problems but when you are so far apart in age there will be more than in a peer age relationship.

      Are you the same John who complained earlier about his ex not having sex enough? Don’t want to worry you but at your age you will find that department will not function as well as it did in a few years, that’s nature I’m afraid. If it was you who lost patience with your ex you’d better hope your new lady is more sympathetic because with a 30 year age gap you will find in the next 10-20 years you will not perform as well as man her own age.

      • E has made many comments on this blog today – but this one hints at her true motive for all the negativity. E says it herself – she is not a cute perky thing anymore and it is affecting her marriage. Perhaps E would not be so averse to age gap relationships if hers turned out better? I can’t possibly entertain the notion that she thinks her rocky marriage is her fault so that leaves only one other guilty party – her husband. It seems like her husband has discarded her and she blames her age and appearance. I find it entertaining that she belittles my attempts to instill confidence in the women I date (in other comments) when she has so little confidence herself!

        Will I die before my fiancee? I’ve already covered that elsewhere. Will my libido wane with advancing age? most likely – but intercourse is not the only intimate activity that couples can engage in. I have been responsible with my girl…We have talked about all of this stuff. E – we have thought of all the negative inferences of a 30 year age gap – they have been identified and discussed.

        Will my relationship last? Who knows? Will it fall apart because of the age gap ? maybe / maybe not. The divorce rate is above 50% in the USA so most relationships are doomed to fail. I, for one, am not interested in withdrawing from life because of that. I have found a wonderful girl and I will enjoy her for as long as it lasts. I’m sure E can find someone who loves you – even though you are not cute and perky anymore….

        • Thank you for your reply John, I can see this topic is important to you as you revisit regularly, and I understand why given your situation.

          Yes I do have confidence issues (glad you find it entertaining by the way), this is why I was drawn to a man old enough to be my father, something I’m only coming to terms with now. The article above makes references to low self-esteem as a reason for such attractions and that resonates with me. You yourself say that you instill confidence in the young women you date, but confidence is not something you bestow on someone (either by sex or even love), it has to come from oneself, from within, not from another.

          I do have an agenda, as do you (& many other men commenting here), you may find me entertaining (always nice to brighten someone’s day) but this is my side of the coin and after 18 years of a mosty happy relationship which is now struggling mainly because of the age gap I feel pretty well qualified to commment. There is not one single other comment I can see from the younger woman (not in the first throws of passion but further down the line), although there are lots by older men telling us how it’s okay to have these age gap relationships. I thought I would redress the balance and give the other side.

          Good luck to you & your fiancee, 50% is pretty high (it’s not so high in the country I live in) I can understand the “What the heck” attitude with figures like that. There is however one thing that troubles me about your posts though and that is the admission you only date younger women, it would be one thing if you loved this one 24 year old and would love her whatever her age but another that you are only attracted to younger women. She has at her age a lot of emotional growing ahead of her, which she can’t possibly appreciate (you must know this at your age though) she will change physically and emotionally over the next few decades. How will you feel when she is not young anymore? When life’s experiences grind her down? What if she needs anti-depressants like your ex? Will you find yourself longing for a younger woman? Someone you can teach sex to and instill confidence in?

          I do not aim to belittle anyone, but some of your posts have saddened and alarmed me.

          • E- Thanks for replying! I can certainly understand your reaction to this subject – even though I don’t subscribe to it. I feel compelled to correct you on a number of issues, but only after apologizing for saying your situation entertained me. That was wrong. A better statement would be to say that I find your situation – and your subsequent reaction to me – ironic.
            I never said I date only younger women. Since my divorce I have dated women from all age ranges – the youngest was 22 and the oldest was 58 or 59. I’m not interested in someone strictly because of their age. Limiting yourself to “35-45” or whatever eliminates so many people who may, in fact, turn out to be perfect for you. Intelligence, confidence, a positive outlook, and a zest for life are my primary attractants, and the reality is that, together, these four traits are most often found in younger women. That’s why I prefer them – not because of their age.
            Instill confidence? I never used that term either – you did. I agree that confidence comes from within. My post said that I leave them confident – but only because they start out that way. I do not date women who are not smart, not confident, or do not know what they want. Also – for the same reason – I do not date virgins; I’m not interested in being a teacher or taking something from a person who – up to the point she loses it – believes that her virginity is the most precious and treasured thing she possesses. I guess I’m saying that I’m not a user.
            I pinned my dreams to one person when I was younger, and it turned out badly. This time I’ve learned about women from all age, race, income, and professional demographics, and I‘ve settled on this one person. We have talked about all of the problems associated with an age-gap relationship. She knows about everything; she is going into this thing with her eyes wide open (in fact, she has been reading these posts, so she knows about everything you have said too).
            Of course she will change – and so will I. Change is inevitable and I’m not going to worry about what might happen in the future. Carried to its logical extreme – we are all going to die, so why bother doing anything with our lives at all?
            Will I find myself longing for a younger woman? is not the correct question. A better question is – Will I find myself longing for another woman? Doubtful but possible. You could ask her the same question and I bet you get a similar answer. Nothing in life is a sure thing – especially in the relationship category, as you now know.
            FYI – my wife was on anti-depressants for night terrors and anxiety disorders that she’s had since she was 12. I was mildly offended that you inferred the medication was needed as a result of my marriage to her. It’s not good to draw conclusions without knowing the whole story.

            • John, thank you once again for your response & thank you for considering my POV. Quite a lot of points you make there so I’ll go through them on a point by point basis (okay it’s ‘War & Peace’ I’ll grant you):

              I’m pleased you agree and understand the nature of self-confidence & accept your apology to me about my confidence issues (I think annoyed you & it was a knee jerk reaction) but your earlier statement of leaving women sexually experienced & confident combined with your earlier reply to me quote “I find it entertaining that she belittles my attempts to instill confidence in the women I date (in other comments) when she has so little confidence herself!” did strongly give that impression, I make no apology for this one, note that you did actually say ‘instill confidence’ there, not me. If there has been any feeling of teaching or instilling confidence however subconsciously I hope you will check yourself on this one, you sound intelligent and self-aware but we all have our instincts & with men it can often be to have power even if benign. Not just to you that one, but any guy in such a position who finds himself in such a position reading this.

              I’m sorry if I read the line “I have been dating women between 15 and 25 years younger than me for 4 years” as meaning you only exclusively date younger women, you do not mention the older women in any of your posts and the line “I’m sorry that I’m not available for a woman closer to my age – someone who has lost the spark of youth, and may be close to the time in her life when she can never again have children. But that’s the way it is. They can probably still attract 70 or 80 year old guys” also gave me that impression, however I wonder why you suggest a 54 year old woman (or even younger as you suggest nearing her child bearing years) should want to date a 70 or 80 year old man just because you (one man out of the millions in the US) are not available? Why would she not date another man nearer her own age?

              As for your ex wife, my aim was not to offend but your line “Sorry women…if you dont take care of your man – he leaves…..simple as that. I’ve had sex more in the last month than in the last twn years with my ex wife.” Reads to me quite offensively in tone, but accept you did not intend it to come across as so, my reaction was knee jerk to that tone and also a fear for your fiancée that you may not treat her well if things went badly for her. I’m sure there was more wrong with your relationship than sex, but this is neither the time nor the place to go into it.

              I would think we would both agree given our personal circumstances this is a very pertinent and interesting issue. I do not suggest your marriage will follow mine (which is not over yet, but yes we’ve had troubles & the age gap is showing itself in ways it never did before now I’m hitting middle age), everyone is different and as you quite rightly say change is inevitable/we all have to die etc – I get you entirely believe it or not. I was there many years before you and said all the things you are saying now, to all the nay-Sayers who warned us (most of them kindly). I could tell you a few tales, like the workmen who shouted down to us from the roof they were working on to tell my then boyfriend to leave me alone because he was too old for me. None of it mattered; the only thing that mattered was I loved him. I’ve already nursed him through one near fatal illness & married him in spite of it; this all comes with the territory of being the younger partner. So you see, I DO understand very much your perspective, I know first hand that when you’re ‘in love’ nothing else matters & although I do not know her I send my genuinely very best heartfelt wishes to your fiancée. I’m glad she read my posts, I hope she is not too cross with me for taking her man to task & apologise if so (that after all will be her prerogative, if necessary).

              • Hello again E

                I think we’ve beaten this issue to death. You are concerned for me and my girl because of what happened to your marriage. I am optimistic about the situation because of what happemed to my previous marriage ( with a woman my own age). maybe it’s best if we leave it at that. I wish this blog could last for the next twenty years so we could both find out who is right…….

                • It certainly will be left at that. You’ve had your say, I’ve had mine, my opinion is not driven by venom or jealousy but personal experience of the pitfalls, my friends in peer age relationships have a shared life stage experience as they grow older at the same pace as their husbands that I feel sad I won’t have, the actuality of this is much harder than the theory as with many things in life. I hope you will be very happy together, that you will not leave her too young a widow and when she is no longer young you will still love her. Yes sure come back in 20 years time & update me if you like, why not?

  68. Northern Guy says:

    I find that the people most outraged by older men dating younger women are single women who are no longer 18-25 or wives who don’t want their husbands to look at ANYONE younger or more attractive. And gals, as feminist as some of you are, I see older women going gaga over some 20-something year-old stud muffin ALL THE TIME. The fact remains that both men AND women are captivated by the firm fresh bodies of younger people. And why not? They’re at the top of their “attraction game”. Does anyone have a sexual fantasy involving someone old, decrepit, sick, wrinkled or obese? I don’t. I think the difference is that male sexuality has been villified to the point that it’s cliche. Anything a man desires sexually at all is deemed evil and exploitative, while anything a woman does for her own personal best interests or agenda is filed under “empowerment”. Let’s be honest here. Oh wait, we can’t.

    • Yes, you are so right… we can’t be honest, that is. What is further overlooked, and not mentioned, is while critics looks at ‘older men’ as the ‘gross, dirty old men,’ because they are attracted to young woman, they do not ever discuss the fact that MANY young women prey on the diminishing vanity of older men past their attractive prime. Online girls from 17 to 21 by the thousands, sending out their: “Im a college girl, wanna see my pics?” Then of course, they’ll strip for… how much? Then there is the “Age is just a number’ approach, that they can fall in love with you at any age… well that lasts how long? Oh, until you get wise, or the money you give them slows down. Women are just as, if not more predatory as they ascribe men to be. Our society was so blind to this, that most movies made prior to the 60’s or 70’s, almost never showed women, doing a murder. Why, well, because women don’t do that.

      Really?
      Well, Eve separated Adam from his Divinity, it was a girl, who arranged for John the Baptist to lose his head. Lucretia Borgia had an affair with her father, Pope Alexander VI, (yes, one of the catholic popes), and acted as a seductress, for her dad, who pimped her out to help him gain political power. Then we have Mata Hari… yes women are totally innocent.

      • “Well, Eve separated Adam from his Divinity, it was a girl, who arranged for John the Baptist to lose his head. Lucretia Borgia had an affair with her father, Pope Alexander VI, (yes, one of the catholic popes), and acted as a seductress, for her dad, who pimped her out to help him gain political power. Then we have Mata Hari… yes women are totally innocent.”

        ROFL!! Ever ask yourself WHO wrote the bible? Little clue, it was not written at the time, but centuries later and those who wrote it had an agenda. Look at other religions, the Greeks for example, who did not have such a misogynistic approach.

        So sorry to read of these predatory young girls who chase you around the internet, when you no doubt are surfing purely for biblical references….

    • I’m in my late 30s and long divorced. I get hit on by younger women all the time. I often feel guilty about it even though in every case they initiated and in a couple cases where it was more than sexual, I really like the woman. The response of the 30+ women who dated older men when they were teens can’t really be taken as gospel. I’ve literally been coaxed into sex by women then been told I was evil for tricking them— Even though I was persistent that I didn’t want to yet… I’ve learned a lesson from it all and try to keep them out of my house.

    • No actually Northern guy I don’t lust after guys young enough to be my son, I have a teenage son & that would just be creepy… Ick

    • “The fact remains that both men AND women are captivated by the firm fresh bodies of younger people”

      Are you kidding ? As per world health organization in 2007, 74% of people are overweight in the US. No firm bodies here…

  69. Adeline says:

    The reason why most younger women love dating older men is not because “It makes them look mature” among other girls their age but older men are mature enough and can handle the relationship quite well. I was about 15-16 when I fell in love with this 25 year old. I never did like dating peers my age or similar to that because I don’t find them mature enough, they don’t know how to handle a relationship like older men do. Younger women attempt to mature quickly then younger boys. Older Men like nor hit on younger women because their young and beautiful, they find young women “cute” and very attracting.

  70. It’s funny, why the lust of an older man should be differently judged than his lust when he was younger (that goes for or women and younger men too)? If an older man feels lust for a younger woman and is not attached to any other woman why is it abnormal for him to pursue his happiness in this way, if that happens to make the younger woman happy too?

    We are not talking about hitting on underage girls. We are talking about consenting adults with an age difference of maybe 20 or more years. We are also talking mostly about men who had to forgo a lot of fun in their younger years to achieve all the accomplishments in their life.

    I agree with the three top reasons why older men date younger women. However, I want to add one more that nobody is talking about. If a man has kept himself in good physical shape, is healthy and attractive, stayed young at heart and spirit, has a cool attitude about trends (music, fashion, sex, etc.), and is unattached, why wouldn’t he be appealing to any younger woman? And here is my point: such a man cannot get along with a traditional woman close to his age, especially if the notion of building a family is not one of his priorities.

    A woman of his age, say 45 and up would generally have a few kids, a few divorces, a few ailments, and a restricted lifestyle not to speak about her physical attractiveness. How many (soccer-) moms do you know who have time to take care of their body, their looks, and follow trends (movies, music, new restaurants, art exhibitions, etc.)? Call me superficial, but I like beauty, attraction, and excitement. How many have the time to go on trips, or party in the weekend once in a while, or attend a concert out of town, etc. We are not talking about Hollywood stars whose job requires them to stay in good shape and have all the resources they need.

    A successful man who spent his life studying, learning, and working hard to arrive where he is, is entitled to enjoy the fruits of his labor and pursue his happiness at an older age; and if this means to partner with a younger woman, then more power to him and her. Unless the only reason for their relationship is to build a family and have a bunch of kids, I don’t see anything wrong in such a relationship. It might even last much longer than relationships between couples of similar ages.

    And what is wrong if the older man can offer her not just stability and experience, but also a much better material life than a young man, stressed by the rat race and struggling to make ends meet, can? And, maybe, he can insure her a better future when he is not around anymore?

    • You are right!
      By the way, I think you would enjoy wathing “Breezy” . It is a great movie from the 70’s…

    • I’ll add one more thing, in favor of older men going for younger women – an unhealthy amount of women over the age of 40 are on antidepressants, and unfortunately, suffer from sexual side effects. Namely, never interested in having sex. That alone, in my mind, more than justifies the idea of older men & younger women. Period.

      • it’s true! My ex was on them….killed her libido….I had sex less than one or two times a YEAR! Sorry women…if you dont take care of your man – he leaves…..simple as that. I’ve had sex more in the last month than in the last twn years with my ex wife..When I suggested that we try to find another medication, she said no. That was it for me……

        • God John you’re a charmer aren’t you? Wonder why your ex was on the anti-depressants in the first place?

      • Charlie says:

        Well that is judgmental. I am one of those woman, and my sex drive is rocking. Thank-you.

    • michael says:

      thank you finaly someone who understand,s that from age 13 till a few year,s ago 40 and 50 hr,s week,s are normaly for me as well as a crapy marrage to a gold digger \ yes a older man and a younger women is a good thing he offer,s more and deffnaty can and willl suport her as long as he rember,s to watch out for the gold digger,s

    • I would have agreed with you 18 years ago when I embarked on a relationship with a much older man – it’s only now I’m 40 & the marriage is hitting the skids that I would disagree. There is much sense written in this article particularly the bit about low self-esteem in such younger women.

      • Apologies my reply above was aimed at JB, you see quite in favour of age gap relationships – just wanted to give you the other side of the coin. After 18 years I’m probably one of the most well qualified people there is to talk about it. My advice to any young woman considering such a liason is be VERY wary.

  71. AstroMaus says:

    I was 54 when I married my 18 year old wife. I met her in the Philippines when she was 16, but we did not fall in love until two years later. We’ve been married 20 years, and I could not have asked for a better wife. She has taken good care of me, and I have taken good care of her. We have endured much ignorant statements such as “she is only after your money”, “she only wants a green card”, “she’ll leave you as soon as she gets her citizenship”, “you should go to jail for being a pervert for marrying a baby”. None of these, or the hundreds of other stupid statements ever came true. …..
    Sure, it was fun being married to a young beautiful lady at first, but after a couple years, we never even thought about the age difference. We were, and are, just two people in love. I don’t recommend marrying someone 36 years in age difference, but there is nothing Lawfully or Biblically wrong with it. By the way, nearly ALL of the folks over the years who have said so many stupid things have been divorced at least once in that time.. some of them several times.
    We have four wonderful kids, age 12 to 18 , all excell in school and sports, and are very well behaved. And, they are being taught to wait until marriage to have sex, just like their mother (wish I could have waited! haha) Will they wait? Who knows? But they have a great foundation.
    And, I know some of you are going to make some more stupid remarks about our relationship, but you know what? It’s your problem, not mine. We are happy.

    • Congrats to both of you!

    • No problem at all from me, yours sounds like a good respectful marraige despite the fact you have a 36 year age gap. It’s very sad your wife will likely be a widow most of her life unless of course she remarries.

  72. Kaylee,

    I’ve no doubt you are right. But older men are hurt when you scowl at them in the streets when they are enjoying looking at you. I would not for one moment suggest you smile if you don’t want to. What makes you feel that you have the right to not only tell men how they should move their own eyeballs around in their own heads but also to have the audacity to consider that your thinking of your uncle sexually makes this act somehow morally wrong? It is only moving one’s own eyes in one’s own head!

    Mind you, I agree with you on the sitting too close. People should not invade other people’s space.

    • Maishimoto says:

      …what? Of course a woman would have every right to scowl at a man who gives her a perverted gaze. If he has the right to look, she should have the right to glare.

  73. So I guess all you pervs approve of Courtney Stodden and her geriatric husband?

  74. dear seedy old man,

    please, stop predating on me – it’s creepy. if young girls liked old men, we’d hang out at nursing homes/lawn bowl rather than at clubs.
    you may think it’s “natural” to have urges for someone my age, but let me tell you – the idea of having sex you with your saggy balls & backside is anything BUT “natural” – it’s enough to make me puke.
    that, & you remind me of a seedy “uncle” who hits on me at family gatherings after he’s had a few. it’s just…so not hot. you are annoying, & after you creep me out i just feel dirty from all the seediness (& definitely not in a good way).

    sincerely,
    a girl young enough to be your daughter.

    • Brooke…I understand how you feel…and I would respect it if I personally knew you. But you dont have the right to tell every older guy to stop seeking younger women. Many women don’t mind; there are numerous posts right here from women that enjoy the attention and benefits of dating older guys. It seems you have a personal issue with an uncle that may have affected your judgment. You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to tell me who I should or should not be attracted to……

  75. Wait just a minute people. I am 59. I like younger women. Not teenagers. Not 20 somethings. But I would not hesitate to ask a 30 year old woman out if I knew she was interested. Thats the catch. As a mature man (I hope) I realize that I cannot push myself on anyone. Like everyone I have fantasies when I see a beautiful woman. If she hapens to be 23 I just admire her beauty from a distance. I do not think its “creepy” for a mature man to appreciate sexiness or beauty. I was “young” once too. I got plenty of attention from women. I still get flirted with by women half my age. What sould I do crawl into a cave and hide?. I take care of myself and if a younger woman finds me attractive then all the better. ITs a stereotype to say that older men who look at younger women are “creepy”. If thats so then there are alot of creeps in this world, even your own fathers………

  76. So,

    The coffee shop thing … the guy being given mothers number, there are a mother and daughter who work different shifts in my local store and i believe both are very much into me…

    Daughter is 22, mother early 40s i am 37 for me its a no brainer, the daughter is FIT the mother IS NOT.. although not bad looking (for her age)

    Sadly.. or not i suppose, my actual girlfriend would not be too amused (23)

    I have dated younger women before.. current age gap is 13.5 years and in this position so long as you treat them with respect, do not patronise and offer new experiences… I find most 20 somethings find men their own age to be mostly immature.

    The girls i have dated that are younger, are bored of clubbing and getting drunk, i think men take much longer to grow out of this phase and many adult women have to date guys that are nothing but big children who get drunk.

    Show them the world, give them your time and older men have a lot to offer.

    It might help that i have my own company so we can do whatever the hell we like when we like…

    But the girl i am with now, loves andrea bocelli (as do i), travel in europe, JZ and Beyonce, classical concert’s and opera …. a 23 year guy, is just not on the same plane as this girl..

    So i do not buy that older guys have nothing to offer… experience counts for a heck of a lot

  77. Charlie says:

    I would appreciate some input into my comment. Thanks all. Look up.

  78. Don Maccy says:

    It’s interesting how people have been conditioned to believe what is right or wrong. You’re an adult at 21, haaaaaaa, funny, outside America you’re usually considered to be an adult at 18. Conditioning counts for most of the negative comments on here about younger and older people getting together and most of you don’t even know that your so called thoughts come from the conditioning that you’re unaware of.

    We all have to follow laws, we have no choice and most of us abide by them. If we’re within the law then why the hell does it matter what two people do? Two ‘adults’ are free to choose. FREE to CHOOSE. Any age, any sexual preference. Don’t Americans bang on about freedom until they’re blue in the face but don’t those same conditioned, negative, prejudiced meddlers then try to decide what is right and wrong for everyone else?

    More specific to the article, the writer makes his living from forcing his opinions on others through courses. He is not objective, he is making money, doing his job. He’s manipulating opinion because it’s his job. Then he complains that older men manipulate younger women. Haaaaa, funny guy.

    Who do men of 40+ not want to look at women of 40+? Because most are unattractive. Most are fat. So they look around and see younger women in better shape and more attractive. It’s that simple. Older women do the same with younger men but it’s more difficult for an older woman do get a younger man into bed. It’s really that simple. Freedom to choose what you want is good. What you get……depends on how hard you try.

    People of the same age don’t all get married for love. We all know that the unspoken reasons are usually more important to each individual than the socially acceptable reasons that appear obvious. People marry for security, to have kids, to escape family, because they’re getting to a certain age and so on. Freedom to choose.

    Don’t be manipulated by article writers who are just making money. Just know that you have freedom to choose whatever you want to do, preferably within the law, and that you can do anything you want because opinions are just opinions.

    Freedom to choose. 🙂

  79. I just have to say as a 21 year old female who lives in an oil boom town full of single ex-cons. I get hit on by men older than my father all the time and it makes me angry, makes me feel unsafe, and absolutely disgusts me. For many of these men, the idea of sex has manifested into entitlement and they try to get into my parked car or try to pick me up when I’m walking my dog. In what world do any of them think that will work? Do they realize porn stars get paid to be that submissive and easy? What non-hooker would go for that in a creepily old man!
    I don’t like being creeped on in general, but there genuinely is a difference between my college peers noticing that I look good, but not over-ogling or assuming they will get something out of it, and these crazy expectations from overly aggressive creeps.

    On the other hand, if an older man isn’t creeping and treats me with respect and is decent looking I could be attracted to him. I dated a guy 9 years older than him and my intentions were probably worse than his. He didn’t infantize me and treated me like I was his age ( and I was 19) and emotionally I was fine after we went separate ways and we are still good friends.

    I think they thing that bothers me the most is, like I said, the air of entitlement I feel from them and their really skewed expectation. I’m not saying an older guy can’t get a younger female and not have it be healthy, but old, unemployed, unattractive men EXPECTING something out of disrespect is beyond worrysome. OK, end rant

  80. I have to say that I disagree with this article. I’ve always been attracted to much older men. When I was 17 I was dating a 43 year old, and when I was 20 I was dating a man in his 60’s. Of course neither of those relationships lasted, but I don’t feel used because of it. I’m now 27 and currently married to a man that is 8 years older than me, but what I wouldn’t give to be with that 54 year old hottie (that was my best friend for the past 4 years) instead.

  81. I disagree with Mr. Schwyzer. The assertion that the older man/younger woman phenomenon, if you will, is dispelled by the turnoff a woman of twelve felt once. Maybe she had not began to embark on sexual curiosity. Maybe catcalling and lust have nothing to do with being the object of desire. If porn sites teen sections are inundated with traffic then it seems true there is an interest.

    But those sites are normally showing older men with the teens as a big part of the offering. Rarely are they “rape” scenes. They are two or more willing participants enjoying each other. The point that is missed in the above article I believe is investigating the divorce rate, especially involving college equally aged men and women seems to be extraordinarily high. It’s high everywhere too, not to be mistaken, but there’s just the fact that boredom sets in and men seem to find immediate titillation and hope in thinking of someone younger. The cougar thing is just an equal opportunity invented trend. Yes it does in fact have a short term charge but there’s nothing to show an ongoing cultural interest in staying in a monogamous relationship where the woman is significantly older. And usually the disinterested party is the woman.

    The reason why many women will find long-term success with an older man has many aspects. first and foremost the woman will be the object of desire, always the little girl, always fresh. And before someone discredits this with the idea that men will just use the woman and move on, that’s plain silly. This discussion cannot be conducted in two different arenas. It’s not about thrill-seeking hit and run sex participants. If it is then it holds no traction with anyone. These people are out for “new” sexual partners. They will move on from younger, older, white, black, asian, skinny, curvy, well,point is made.

    This discussion to be fair has to be about those looking for monogamous long-term involvement. The women get their man that looks at them with the glean in his eye. They hope they a wiser mate. The man gets his catch. It reinvents him. It makes him significantly more proud. There is both cultural and historically evidence of this. There were U.S. Presidents taking 20 year-old wives. Certainly something that was looked upon, even spoken about, but absolutely not scandalous. Throughout time it has been accepted. And with valid reason. And this notion is not to tell equal age couple that they’re wrong. Just as interracial relationships have significantly increased in number, homosexual relationships, those between diverse cultures, there is no formula that is the only one. But to dispel the older man/younger woman coupling as a mythical perversion and an unwelcome come on by dirty men is just plain inaccurate.
    The point of talking to women in their 30’s about their feeling used in their teens by older men also falls short of having real substance. A man of 40 involved and successful with someone 25 seems normal. Men have always been a decade at least slower in the emotional maturity department for example. A 40 year old man shouting out of the car at a girl of 12 is plain wrong. It’s not evidence. It’s self serving in fact to make a point. If the woman was even close to being an adult would she be walking on the street in 12 year-old clothes?

    Oh well. I’ve over-stayed my welcome. My wife is half my age and is furious that I’m still up typing. That’s true. Not for effect. She hit on me at a club and has been finding her way home every day since.

  82. “Author: Lesa

    Comment:

    RSM, this last post is much better. You other post were shall I said rude and you say we in the US are mad men? If you are here in America then you must abide by it’s laws. Just as I must abide by the laws of your native country. That’s basically how it works. And make no mistake I understand fully why you have not told any of us where you are from.

    Let’s talk your comments about EAP. He lived in the nineteenth century and yes he married someone much, much younger. Men seem to bring up the laws from other centuries to justify their acts. That being said, let me say this: there is a reason why that is not the law today. The main reason is that at the time in which Poe lived there were individuals who were involved with rather inappropriate dealings with children including the selling and bartering of children for the purpose of prostitution and other things. Then they would marry the child or worse to cover up what they had done. To solve this problem laws were inacted. Just so you know when a law is passed it is usually done so because some one did something they shouldn’t. I sure that is true no matter what country you come from. BTW I don’t think we as American’s try to enforce our laws on other countries. But you much know that w hen you are in another country you much do as the Roman’s do. I can’t preach

    the gospel of Christ in your country but you can worship Allah in mine is an prime example of just how tolerant we here in the US are.”

    In response to this I was not being rude, you think this becuase you cannont handle the idea that your ways are not the end all be all. It is not I who had an issue or had an “I’m right and your wrong attitude” because I already said that I respected your laws even though I did not agree with them.

    The reason I am so angry is due to the fact that several of my brothers in the place where I came from have married women who were twelve some of whom were thirty at the time. In short you are calling my family as how would you say a bunch of perverts! I love my family very much but YOU who call me rude just finished calling my brother’s who are far more loving than vitually anyone I have met in the United States “mentally deranged!” Tell me, how else would you expect for me to act?

    Now as I have said before I considered the laws of your land and abided by them as that is what you believe. But tell me something Lesa, did once, just once did that line of thought enter into your head? No you not only said that all people who did this were perverts (as you are pointing out in your line of thought) but never considered that feelings of anyone else outside of your country or upbrining. I call that arrogance because it IS ARROGANT. You and your culture are so arrogant that not only can you NOT look at another’s perspective, you also condemn anyone who does not share your views by as you say that it must be wrong. You talk about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and yet forget the line Judge not for fear you will be judged? Well you just judged my family as perverts.

    You are also mistaken in thinking that in Poe’s time that somehow they were “less evolved” than the United States. I hate to brake this to you but your justice system is MORE twisted that it was 100 years ago. If you don’t believe this then why don’t you take a visit to one of your prisons and see how many criminals there are compared to 100 years ago? This indicates not a system that DOES work but one that DOESN’T.

    Also I have no clue as you would say that the people in this country are tolerant of Muslims but most of the people in your country are FAR from tolerant. From what I have been told by people they see Muslims as terroists (sorry about spelling and no I am not Muslim) who need to be put out of your country and who are going to “burn in hell”. Where is all of this tollerance you are talking about? In your country it took the African American commuinty over a hundred years to even be able to sit at the front of a bus and to this day they are still having issues with this in some states. The Spanish community is seen (and I appologize to all who are of Spanish decscent) are considered “Trash that needs to be dumped and sent back to their own country”. The Europians came and took all of the land from the Native Americans and gave them back very little. Your entire contries history is based off of bias, intollerance, selfishness, and ostricizing anyone who does not fit into the WASP mold despite the fact that it was supposed to be a place where “All men are created equal.”

    The only reason that you think the United States is tollerant is becuase it is tollerant to people who act and think like YOU. Anyone else is branded as evil, perverted, God rebelling, or needs to be swept under the rug for the scum that they are.

    This is why most other countries do not wish to have the United States involved in their countries. The United States or rather many in the United States do not “practise what they preach.” After all are you really going to sit there and talk about how loving the Untied States is to children when you made abortion legal? I would hardly call the murder of MILLIONS of unborn children “loving.” They may have barted children but they certiainly did not put drills through their heads (I have seen abortions so I know) in order to satisfy their over obsession with sex.

    • Also, I would not get to judgemental over the “child prostitution” as you have no idea about what those families are going through. Many of these families does this becuase they have no other way to survive. Tell me Lesa are YOU going down to where this is happening to taking care of all of these children? You condemn those who do this and then wash your hands of those children who you claim to care about so much. You would stick them into a foster home and forget about them. So please do not come here talking about how evil this is until you overcome your own evil of sweeping the children of your own country under the rug when it suits your purpose.

      • I don’t sweep children of my own country under the rug when it suits my purpose…..I counsel them. As a licensed therapist in mental health I work with the children who have been abused and used by men and have also worked with women and men who have been the victims of abuse. In this country we don’t sweep them under the rug we get them help and as far as the foster care system goes that system does every thing it can to reunite children with their families when it is possible. I have also work with immigrant children who have been in those “marriages” and child brothels who have escaped and been brought here. There are literally thousands of programs nationwide that address the issue of child abuse in this country. If you would read some of the stories on this website you might just find out about some of them. Again you are making comments without knowledge.

        • You are evading the question…please answer it. How can you say your country has love of its children when it approves of abortion and allows the slaughter of millions of them every year? You on the one hand have an issue with the abuse of a child but support a country where millions are slaughtered every year in this fashion ? And you wonder why I think your country is full of madmen when it allows this? If you are so against children being abused then why don’t you stop the mudering of them first?

          I also have a second question for you.

          You tell me that “when in Rome do as the Romans do.” Which means acording to your view you say that I should respect your laws which I do.

          But suppose for a moment, that you came to live where I am from where the law allows this (not saying that you would but for how you would say for the sake of the arguement… tell me would you respect the laws even if you did not agree with them or would you try and intervine?
          If you say yes then may I suggest you acutally make the changes in your “Roe vs Wade” case and save all of those unborn children rather than masking the murder with the excuse that its a womans right to choose.

          You also are in error in assuing that everyone in this arrangement is abused. There are some in all locations but that is no different in your country. Abuse is not based on age but all people in all walks of life are abused in some way or another. Trust me I have been in both locations and people in this country are for more abused than where I am from.

          • And you are evading what your country of origin is from. Please either tell us so we can have an actual conversation about laws in each, or let’s move on.

            • I understand…..the truth that your country allows the slaughter of billions of innocent children is a hypocrisy that you find too hard to swallow so you want to evade the question. A bitter pill I understand but it IS one that you are avoiding. The question of where I am from is trivial compared your countries approval of the mass murder of its own children. It once again shows your arrogance in doing this by comparing as though my avoidance of the question of my origin were on the same levels as this atrocity.

              Well it’s not going to work. You know FULL well that it is an atrocity but are too stubborn and arrogant to admit it. As I said a bitter pill to swallow I know. But one that you are going to have to come to full recompense on.

              But you are right about one thing…we are moving on as I refuse to tell you where I am from. That frankly is none of your business as we are discussing YOUR COUNTRIES LAWS. This is a topic about how the UNITED STATES feels about such things not where I come from.

              Of course I have as you say no doubt that you will think that it is I am the one who is avoiding something in not telling you assuming that they are on the same level. Well as I said before…where I am from is trivial…the slaughter of billions is not…if you cannot see this then that is your problem not mine.

              In any event we are done as you refuse to acknowledge this. If you cannot see how trivial the marriage of an older man to a young woman is compared to the legalized slaughter of billions of infants then we have nothing more to discuss as you and your country need far more help than I can provide.

              And since I know Americans cannot stand NOT having the last word I will concede and allow you and Lesa to have it and tell me how wrong I am when the evidence clearly shows that I am not.

              Take care.

              • Not the point dude.
                There are abortions. Yep there are.There would be far far far less if this country would get it’s shit together about birth control, social support systems, sex education and universal health care. Duh.
                There are issues with aging in this country.
                There are issue with healthcare in general in this country.
                I’m not at all against age issues in marriage, I’m not arguing that. Some 21 year old wants to marry a 60 year old? I don’t give one damn so long as they are happy.
                Now….16 and 50 I have more of an issue with MOSTLY because we don’t teach 16 year olds how to deal with any issues of maturity.
                I’m a big believer in cultural relevance and that sex is socially mediated.
                I’m arguing that you keep slinging around how great your country is, when you won’t share the country so that we can avail ourselves of support/policy/information! Let us in on the awesomeness of your country! Have an actual conversation with me instead of laying hyperbole out about abortion, cause we get it. You don’t like it.
                Help us figure out how to change the culture so we can significantly minimize it’s impact.

          • I wasn’t evading any question but what I was trying to say, which obviously went right over your head, is that it happens here and I help those who are here. That’s my job. BTW I never made any statements about child prostitution I was referring to why laws were established in the 19th century regarding how young someone could get married and child prostitution was one of t he reasons the laws were changed. Do you even read the comments or do you just rant?

          • Umm, excuse me!!! It is you RSM that is evading the question posed to you earlier. You spoke about virginity being a virtue and that the U.S. mocks it, so someone asked you if you were a virgin since you must not be married? They also asked “so you mean to say that these 30yr olds that marry 12yr olds stay virgins until their wedding day?” Men don’t have sex before marriage in your culture right? Answer that and stop evading the question.

  83. Gee the pedophiles are coming out of the woodwork.

    Better go back in there because we parents are going to shoot you if you try to enforce your views of 12 year olds as easy pickings again.

    I wont intellectualize it like you do or get fancy numbers to prove my point or yours.

    There is no compromise when it comes to my kids or even the kids of other people.

    Don’t belittle us just because we are not pedophiles like you.

    We pack big guns.”

    I will happily leave your country once I can but promise me one thing Bong…PLEASE STAY HERE. Please don’t ruin the rest of world’s freedom for your narrow minded views. I can see now why you do not wish to “intellectualize” as you obviously have no intelligence to intellectualize with.

    I would continue this but I would hate to…how is it put “continue to go into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. So please go back to “chawin” tobacco or slopin’ the hogs or shooting whatever you use that big “shootn’ gun” for.

    PS I took the liberty of correcting some of your grammatical errors. At least I have an excuse as I was not born here.

  84. PeachMushroom says:

    I would really like to speak to John and RSM’s comments as I wholeheartedly agree with them. While I was born and raised in the United States, I come from Indian background where age gap marriages are in fact (or at least WERE…even Indian society is leaning towards what is considered “modern” gradually hence lower age gaps) encouraged it has been like that in my culture for thousands of years, despite what people think of it being right or wrong. And no I am not in favor of forced or child marriages. But there was a time women got married at 14 to men 10 years older than them. The reason why this isn’t the case anymore is not because it is inherently harmful for teenaged women to be romantically involved with a (keyword) DECENT man (not some perv just after sex) is because priorities have changed for younger people these days as we want to pursue education, career, etc. It’s a sociological issue, nothing else. I realize the point of this article is focusing on “lust” and how that is bad, but really the fact is that it is wrong to be sexually abusive regardless whether it is an older man against a younger woman or a younger man against a woman who is his peer, or even vice versa with the woman being the perpetrator (yes IT HAPPENS! women aren’t anymore angels than men). And, as a girl and a young woman, I can’t begin to vent and describe how ABSOLUTELY frustrating it is to be denied the right to be seen as a fully functioning and capable human being and not someone with a mental disability who needs constant protection, in fact protection to the extent it becomes suffocating and you can’t even live your own life. If, as a 14 year old, I were in love with a 24-30 year old man, so be it. If he were a decent man, he wouldn’t lust after me he would care for me as a friend, and if it were meant to be, we’d marry when I came of age. It’s that simple. Articles like these only promote mass hysteria so that adult men think to completely segregate themselves socially from young girls/women not in their family because of some paranoia that will label them perverts. I think we need a healthier approach to issues like these that are more focused on the actual violence/abuse itself than a large-scale blanket generalization based on age. Our obssesion with age in American culture has become so twisted, it’s frightening and sick, despite the fact we are always calling ourselves so much more “advanced” and “liberal” than eastern societies (who so obviously need our help and influence to be more civilized don’t they?) I’m frustrated with this “western is superior” point of view, even though I was born here and lived here my whole life.

    • After reading your comment and words, I decided to respond as it were.

      First of all thank you for your kind words; they mean much. I have known people from india and they have always been a polite and kind people, you are no exception thankfully even though you were born and raised here. I can only imagine how difficult it is. I too share your views in many ways. It saddens me that your culture like all others are being destroyed by the…how did you say…westernized view. I have come to the conclusion that this me-istic attitude of others is doing far more harm than good.

      I also share your views that men or women should not simply have sex because they have lust and that is selfish. Marriage is about giving to the other and not taking which is why the divorce rate is so high in the United States. The destruction of their families is the result of their own selfish pride. Marriage can NEVER work if the two people refuse to care for the other more than themselves. This requires sacrafice of your own agenda and putting aside all petty pride for the welfare of others.

      In the case of the Untied States where pride is king, famiies cannot survive and will not be able to. But sadly as you point out, it has become how you say…sick and twisted.

      In addition there is a severe hypocrasy (sorry about spelling.) You see what I failed to mention is that the mother of this sixteen year old rejected the idea of a relationship despite the fact that she married her husband when he was seventeen and she was thirty five. It was also known in the family that chances are that this man molested his own daughter when she was two (there was a police report made at the time but the laws were different back then.) So despite the fact that it was fine for them it was not fine for me or her daughter. But I have come to expect this in a country where on the one hand they teach that adultery is wrong and both male and females cheat over sixty percent of the time. Where they claim to obey the laws and yet have no issued cheating on their taxes. There is no honor nor kindness nor understanding amoung many Americans.

      This is one of the reasons that I have never married over here. Where I come from viginity was something that was honorable. Saving ones self for marriage was repsected. Here it is mocked and treated with contempt. I fail to see how having control and dedcating ones self to another for them alone is foolish but it is to the United States. As a result, I sadly cannot find anyone who has not been with at least a half dozen men or more.

      In any event I agree with you in much of what you have said. Please do not continue to be frustrated as you are not alone in how you feel. There are others.

      • RSM, are you saying that where you come from, these older men (in their 30s) who are marrying young girls have NEVER had sex before, & are virgins? they don’t loose their virginity until they are over 30? wow!
        are you a virgin? i take it you’re not married?

  85. The divorce rate in this country is somewhere north of 50%. And the majority of those divorces are among couples that are close in age. So predicting success by age alone is just stupid. I was married for 23 years to a woman 2 years my junior, and it was horrible. I stayed in because that’s what society says you should do. It was horrible. We split a few years ago, and I’m now actively dating.
    I am 49 years old. I’m not ripped, but in reasonable physical shape. I live a modest life (no one is after me for my money!). In the last 3 years I have dated, and had satisfying relationships with, women that range in age from 18 to 40. Yes – some of the women I’ve dated are younger than my oldest daughter. So what? Those of you that say it’s creepy – can you tell me why? Is there any better reason than “it just is” or “they are too young to make that kind of decision” or “the older male has an unfair advantage”? Ridiculous again. The law regards an 18 year old as an adult; responsible for her own decisions; she can sign contracts, be sued, be put to death for her crimes, and serve in the military. Why is there a need to protect her from me? If that’s really an issue, then maybe the best solution is to raise the age of majority (and the age of consent) to something more palatable – maybe 25? 30? What do you think? Or here’s a better idea – how about a higher age for just women? Since they need to be protected more? Stupid? Yeah.
    And regardless of what some readers think – there is an evolutionary component to this. The survival of the species depends on men coupling with women that can reproduce. That means that younger women have the edge. Also, men can sire children well into their 70’s and 80’s, while women are all done earlier – often much earlier. You can reduce the effects, but you can’t fully legislate or debate these responses away from the men; they are hard-wired that way. Sorry feminists, but that’s the way it is and that’s the way it will always be.
    I am currently seeing a delightful woman who is 27 years younger than me, and we are talking about marriage. This marriage cannot possibly turn out any worse than my first marriage. Will I die first? Probably; we have talked about that and we have a financial plan for her protection. We both want children, and we get along wonderfully.
    I agree that the older partner (usually the man) has more responsibility to ensure that the younger one doesn’t get hurt. But the failure of many older partners to live up to that responsibility is not a good reason to proscribe an age-gap relationship for everybody.

    • Ok John, let me say this. If you really think about it did your first marriage not work out because of the closeness in age or because the two of you were not a good match? Second what does biology have to do with it anymore. I hear that tired old excuse all of the time. At 46 I’m still able to concieve and produce viable offspring. Plus the new medical evidence now supports the idea that although it was once thought that a older mother produced more genetic defects now we know that older father can produce even more genetic defects than women. And that such developmental issues as Down Syndrome can be developed when the mother is young not just because the mother is older. Really it’s all a crap shoot. And think on this. Last year at work 10 couples who are my age were pregnant and delivered healthy babies. But I will say this: congratulations and I hope everything works out for you.

      • Biology and medical evidence may not have anything to do with it anymore – but the wiring in an man’s brain will always be geared toward a woman that can produce healthy offspring. That’s the whole basis behind sexual attraction. And the simple fact is that – while there may be a loss in sperm motility etc. for an older man with a corresponding decrease in his ability to produce offspring – the older woman is completely barred from reproduction once she reaches menopause.That makes her less sexually attractive. Don’t blame me – I didn’t design the system – but that’s the way it is.

    • Yes men can sire children well into their 70’s and 80’s. But sperm declines in physical health after a man reaches his mid 30’s or so. It is much safer to have children for a young verile man, otherwise nearly half of an older man’s embryos will spontaneously abort. It is true that women are sexually attracted to younger men the same way that men are attracted to younger women. There are some hollywood actors who are older, but the most attractive ones are always in their mid to late 20’s, while the most famous and beautiful actresses are in their early to late 20’s. Men don’t age as fast as women, but that doesn’t make it biologically ideal for an 18 year old to date a 40 year old. Older men who do this take the young women away from young men. What’s wrong with you dating a 30 year old instead? They are no less attractive at that age.
      An 18 year old girl, no matter how much you might like to believe it, does not know what she wants yet. She is vulnerable and naive, and so are teenage boys. They can make adult decisions, but they are obviously not as wise or educated as you. Not to mention that your daughter must be repulsed.

    • Daljit Singh says:

      Very wonderfully explained. I was married to a woman for 17 years who was five years younger than me and it was horrible. I am 56 and dating women from Russia and Ukraine and they have no issues about age difference. The age difference doesn’t even cross their minds. I am in love with a 28 year old woman who takes such good care of me. I was a multimillionaire but went belly up three years ago so now have very meagre means. This doesn’t bother her at all and she has no interest in coming to USA just because it is USA. We plan to live in India and costa rica. We plan to have a child and my view is that I will die much before she will so why not leave a legacy behind and each time she will look at the child she will think of me too, besides it is so soul satisfying to raise a child.

  86. “Men really don’t know what young women think when they are being hit on by a much older man and I don’t mean 5 to 10 years older. I’m talking old enough to be their dad older. I was out with other couples for dinner and the ladies went to the restroom. Inside crying was a young girl with her friends and they were comforting her. My friend asked her what was wrong and her friends filled us in on what had happened when some older men had hit on them. The upset girl said through her tears ” Why won’t they leave us alone. We can’t go anywhere without some old guy trying to touch us or hitting us up”. That pretty much sums it up. It’s not that women are jealous when an older man is with a much younger woman it’s that we remember when it was us and that gross feeling and the sicking feeling in our stomachs when it happened. That’s not true for all women but it is true for most of us women.”

    Fine, you win…older men are sick demented perverts that are so gross to look at that they don’t deserve love. Please go by your own judgement on yourself when you reach forty and never be in love with anyone younger than you are (and I mean even one year younger…they are younger than you are so its sick; numbers rule here and as a result it is number based. If they are younger than you are its perverted) . Remember you are a sick demented pervert for doing so.

    But… here is the thing…all of you women who get screwed over by that 18-21 year old that dumped you like a bad habit for something hotter when you got pregnant or whatever other issues you came up with….you got what you deserved. Please don’t whine n’ bitch of how an older man is sick to look at and and then start crying croc tears when the younger guy you dreamed of went after someone who was hotter than you. If YOU have the right to not date someone older and think it is sick physically then HE has the right to dump your ass when he finds something physically better. Your boyfriend saw that you weren’t good enough for him physcially so he went after something better. Deal with it.

    Remember according to you what you look like physcially is all that matters in a relationship. This is your reasoning and I am simply going to the full brunt of it. If you think that it is stupid then perhaps you should rethink how stupid your comments are. And don’t try to start breaking the rules of logic now that they came back to bite you in the ass. Don’t make comments of how I am in idiot when you made idiotic statements thinking that all older men are worthless to bother with.

    So in short if those younger girls complain about how badly they were treated by older men and how sick they are, then don’t expect me to cry too much for then when that 20 year old dumps them like a bad habit a week after he finds something hotter.

    • First let me say that I think you have me confused with Jessey Olsen which you so adamantly castigated in your earlier rant. I did not say that as a man of 40 you were old and disgusting and gross and undeserving of love. I was referring to the man who confronted me as a child. His behavior towards me was gross and innappropriate. To me at that time an older man was 25 not 40 and anyone in their forties would have made me say ewwwwww. You seem to have a lot of pent of anger over this and as I read and reread your statement I have come to several conclusions. One you could not have read my comments at all. If you had you would have read that I myself am older and therefore do not see you as a older man gross and unattractive at all. And two you seem to be looking for a younger girl to validate your sense of self. This is what this article is all about. The author is stating that men in society today are being taught that a young girl is the penniacle that all men are striving for and somehow it has to do with biological needs…. bull. Why is it that SOME men see themselves being only valued by how young of a girl they can attract? In your statement you say that you have attracted a girl as young as 16 like this is something to be evied. It is not. If you had said that you were dating a younger woman of 35 or 30 no one would see you as some sort of pervert and yet you would still be the subject of envy by men of your age group. But you seem to be targeting girls of a much younger age and then are appalled when you are treated as if you are a child molester.

      And what is it that you are attracted to in such a young girl? Their wisdom, their knowledge, their professionalism, their success? At 17 what is it they have attained to see them as such a alter of desire? A high school diploma? It is none of these it is only their sexuality and lack of knowledge and experience. They do not have enough life experience to know that you are not attracted to who they truly are? They do not yet know that you won’t even know who they are by the time you are through with them and moved on to another young girl. You don’t even see them as human you see a piece of meat. Nothing in your comments make me think that you have even thought of the young girls you are attracted to as individuals or at least humans at all. What is it that you have in common with these young girls? You only mention age and nothing about what else you find so attractive which makes me suspect of you intentions.

      Also you made comments about pent up anger I have about some man who dumped me for a hotter girl. First let me say that when a young girl is dumped by a young guy who goes after someone hotter than she is she doesn’t go for an older man. On the contrary she goes out and finds and even hotter young guy. Second, and this relates to my previous comments, I’m in a relationship with a older man. I’m the hot young thing in the relationship. We woman have always been approached by older men and will always be until the day we die. I think this is something men really don’t get because it does not happen to them as they get older. As a woman and a older woman no matter how old I get there is an older man out there who sees me as that hot young thing. Not because I’m young but because I’m younger than they are. If I was 75 there will be a 90 year old man out there ready to hit on me. But that 90 year old man isn’t looking for a 17 year old girl. This is really the point of the article and my comments. I have no problem with a man dating a younger WOMAN. I do however have a problem with a older man going after a child.

      • First of all I am aware of the difference between the two of you but the comment was directed to both.

        Second of all, I directed the comments this way because you and several others have an extremely narrow minded view of exactly WHAT makes a person mature or ready for marriage or a relationship. You seem to think that just because a person has reached a certain number in an age that makes them somehow better or more suitable for a mate or not.

        You also seem to have a very narrow minded view that the rest of the world must follow the United States views and anyone dating a person under the age of eighteen is wrong. There are many countries (including a state in the United States) where a person may marry as early as twelve. These countries have no issues with this and do not see it as wrong.

        I come from such a culture where this is common and it was not child molestation to consider someone that age. When I came over to the United States, I tried to be civil and assume that the Untied States was not as arrogant and self-righteous as everyone where I came from made them to be. I assumed wrong. You country contains a people of madmen. You on the one hand have on issues with movies that gore and slaughter each, sometimes by torture (as I have read from the excerpts of the SAW movies) and yet you have issues with someone under eighteen having sex. You claim tolerance and equality for all people and yet you limit those rights when you don’t agree with them even though you might have agreed with them before simply because the law now says so. And then when someone comes to your supposed wonderful country and simply wishes to marry someone who where they came from would not be wrong, you presume to judge them as a pervert. Well, who exactly made YOU judge over anyone? Where exactly is it written that if the masses in YOUR country say it is wrong, the rest of the world must agree with you? Such arrogance.

        Edgar Allen Poe married his thirteen year old cousin in his late thirties (if I recall correctly.) Tell me, was he a pervert? In France, it is not uncommon for others to have sex with people much older than themselves as they see them as experienced. Are they perverts as well? Or does fault lie with YOU for being so arrogant and ignorant as to think that you and your culture’s views must be shared by the rest of the world? I think that we both know the answer to this.

        You claim tolerance of all races, all nationalities, all religions but then limit those freedoms when you think that somehow it is of benefit to you never considering that some of us have and should have the right to live as we were brought up.

        As I said, where I am from there was no issue with this and I would never have been considered a child molester for even considering the idea. Of course knowing your countries laws (probably better than you do as I have seen with most Americans,) I never did anything but I was rejected as a friend by the family even though I assured them that I had no intentions of perusing anything and it was she that tried to peruse me. It saddens me that I who would have gone after a woman am considered sicker in this country than a person who had sex with the same member of that sex.

        There are some tolerant people in this country but I find more often than not (from reading your blogs etc.) that you seem to think that your laws work for everyone else. This is NOT true. People in other countries have as much right to see things the way they wish as you do.

        I find it also amusing that you seem to think that professionalism, wealth and success are the only things to measure a person by. Such a capitalistic view is NOT shared by everyone else in the world. Wealth, power, and success have little meaning from where I come from and so you once again arrogantly assumed everyone wanted to live a capitalistic life. Where I come from, these have little meaning as the tangibles are not so important as the person you are with. Something else that your country seems to lack.

        You also seem to think that I perused her. As I have mentioned she perused me and I rejected the idea on the grounds of your country’s laws. You also seem to think that I would only go for younger women despite the fact that I was once interested with someone who was thirty-eight.

        So what I am angry over is your arrogant, judgmental attitude. To be fair this is not completely your fault as it is the culture that you come from. A culture that one the one hand teaches equality for everyone and then will treat the criminals more fairly than the people who are starving to death on the street and where virtually no one will so much as look at them. A country where spirituality and kindness are pushed aside for the top dollar and the bottom line.

        So in short before you continue to judge me, you might want to take a good hard look at yourself and your own country before you condemn someone that came from another culture.

        I am done here.

        • I appologize to everyone for my poor english but as I said I am not born here.

        • RSM, this last post is much better. You other post were shall I said rude and you say we in the US are mad men? If you are here in America then you must abide by it’s laws. Just as I must abide by the laws of your native country. That’s basically how it works. And make no mistake I understand fully why you have not told any of us where you are from.
          Let’s talk your comments about EAP. He lived in the nineteenth century and yes he married someone much, much younger. Men seem to bring up the laws from other centuries to justify their acts. That being said, let me say this: there is a reason why that is not the law today. The main reason is that at the time in which Poe lived there were individuals who were involved with rather inappropriate dealings with children including the selling and bartering of children for the purpose of prostitution and other things. Then they would marry the child or worse to cover up what they had done. To solve this problem laws were inacted. Just so you know when a law is passed it is usually done so because some one did something they shouldn’t. I sure that is true no matter what country you come from. BTW I don’t think we as American’s try to enforce our laws on other countries. But you much know that w hen you are in another country you much do as the Roman’s do. I can’t preach the gospel of Christ in your country but you can worship Allah in mine is an prime example of just how tolerant we here in the US are.

          • In response to this I was not being rude, you think this becuase you cannont handle the idea that your ways are not the end all be all. It is not I who had an issue or had an “I’m right and your wrong attitude” because I already said that I respected your laws even though I did not agree with them.

            The reason I am so angry is due to the fact that several of my brothers in the place where I came from have married women who were twelve some of whom were thirty at the time. In short you are calling my family as how would you say a bunch of perverts! I love my family very much but YOU who call me rude just finished calling my brother’s who are far more loving than vitually anyone I have met in the United States “mentally deranged!” Tell me, how else would you expect for me to act?

            Now as I have said before I considered the laws of your land and abided by them as that is what you believe. But tell me something Lesa, did once, just once did that line of thought enter into your head? No you not only said that all people who did this were perverts (as you are pointing out in your line of thought) but never considered that feelings of anyone else outside of your country or upbrining. I call that arrogance because it IS ARROGANT. You and your culture are so arrogant that not only can you NOT look at another’s perspective, you also condemn anyone who does not share your views by as you say that it must be wrong. You talk about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and yet forget the line Judge not for fear you will be judged? Well you just judged my family as perverts.

            You are also mistaken in thinking that in Poe’s time that somehow they were “less evolved” than the United States. I hate to brake this to you but your justice system is MORE twisted that it was 100 years ago. If you don’t believe this then why don’t you take a visit to one of your prisons and see how many criminals there are compared to 100 years ago? This indicates not a system that DOES work but one that DOESN’T.

            Also I have no clue as you would say that the people in this country are tolerant of Muslims but most of the people in your country are FAR from tolerant. From what I have been told by people they see Muslims as terroists (sorry about spelling and no I am not Muslim) who need to be put out of your country and who are going to “burn in hell”. Where is all of this tollerance you are talking about? In your country it took the African American commuinty over a hundred years to even be able to sit at the front of a bus and to this day they are still having issues with this in some states. The Spanish community is seen (and I appologize to all who are of Spanish decscent) are considered “Trash that needs to be dumped and sent back to their own country”. The Europians came and took all of the land from the Native Americans and gave them back very little. Your entire contries history is based off of bias, intollerance, selfishness, and ostricizing anyone who does not fit into the W

            ASP mold despite the fact that it was supposed to be a place where “All men are created equal.”

            The only reason that you think the United States is tollerant is becuase it is tollerant to people who act and think like YOU. Anyone else is branded as evil, perverted, God rebelling, or needs to be swept under the rug for the scum that they are.

            This is why most other countries do not wish to have the United States involved in their countries. The United States or rather many in the United States do not “practise what they preach.” After all are you really going to sit there and talk about how loving the Untied States is to children when you made abortion legal? I would hardly call the murder of MILLIONS of unborn children “loving.” They may have barted children but they certiainly did not put drills through their heads (I have seen abortions so I know) in order to satisfy their over obsession with sex.

        • RSM, would you be attracted to a girl as young as 12? just because it’s considered ok but your native society, it doesn’t mean that it is right. would you be ok with having sexual feelings towards a 12 year old?

      • And where is the bright line? when does a child turn into a woman? the law says 18. What do you say? and why? I’d love to know….

        • Well according to where I come from when the person is mature enough physically to have sex. Women it’s when they can have…how do you say it…when they have a period? Men its when they can ejactulate. Usually this is around the age of twelve hence the reason it is allowed at this time.

          You would call this puberty I believe. Where I come from it’s maturaty sexually. For obvious reasons you could harm someone before this so it is not allowed although in cultures years ago it was. In fact there are many countries that allow this and in fact it is allowed in the state you call West Virginia for a man or woman to marry at age thirteen. Correct me if I am in error of this.

          • Keep also in mind that where I am from the divorce rate is much lower. We don’t usually abandon our mates at the first sign of trouble. This is why you have so many issues with marriage in the United States. Very few people from what I have seen have any loyalty. As you pointed out John, the divorce rate in your country is over 50%. While I will not go into my views on why as I do not wish to further offend anyone, the reasons I think are clear.

            I what I will say is part of it is due to the how shall I say…me-istic view on life. Your country simply has too much focus on self which is sadly spreading.

          • Where do you come from?

            • *Smiles* I knew that question would how you say in your country “come up.” I would rather not go into that as I miss my home greatly and in fact talking about it now was a mistake as it only brings up that I am not home. Needless to say that currently I am in the United States but my home is not here nor is it on the Western Hemispher. I appologize for not going into any further information but for now I would like to leave it at that.

              What I do know is that my brother contacted me and I be going home soon. I am glad as I miss my father, mother and brother greatly 🙁

          • just because someone is ready for sex PHYSICALLY (i.e. they menstruate/can ejaculate), in no way does this mean they are ready for it mentally. & even so, a girl is still developing physically when she has her period for the 1st time – she still looks like a CHILD. & you don’t find it disturbing that men are STILL attracted to them?

        • You answered your own question. But RSM was talking about sixteen year olds not eighteen year olds, thats a big difference. And even at eighteen use some common sense. I have a friend who married a much younger woman. She was 18 when they met. But he had the common sense to wait until she was older and had at least completed college before he persued her. He was very much aware of that ” dirty old man” syndrome.

  87. Men really don’t know what young women think when they are being hit on by a much older man and I don’t mean 5 to 10 years older. I’m talking old enough to be their dad older. I was out with other couples for dinner and the ladies went to the restroom. Inside crying was a young girl with her friends and they were comforting her. My friend asked her what was wrong and her friends filled us in on what had happened when some older men had hit on them. The upset girl said through her tears ” Why won’t they leave us alone. We can’t go anywhere without some old guy trying to touch us or hitting us up”. That pretty much sums it up. It’s not that women are jealous when an older man is with a much younger woman it’s that we remember when it was us and that gross feeling and the sicking feeling in our stomachs when it happened. That’s not true for all women but it is true for most of us women.

  88. Things may be changing as we get older but for women some things don’t ever change. Older men always hit on us. When I was a young girl it happened and now at 46 it still happens. That’s a big difference between men and women. Several young men I work with have made comments about me getting myself a young boy toy since many men they know are with women younger than they are. I remind those young men that at my age I am still being hit on by older men and that it never ends. When I was young an older man in a near by town( 3 miles from my home town) hit on me everytime I went to that place. He always was telling me that I needed a real man and that ” those young boys don’t know what to do with you, but I do”. I was so grossed out I can’t tell you how sick to my stomach I was. The guy was just a creep. I remember telling my sister but not my dad. You see I had a father who had survived Jim Crow in the south and after seeing some things that went on in that time he was angry and a angry black man with 5 daughters is a dangerous thing. My sister never said a word just gave me a knowing look but she told Daddy. He pulled me aside and told me point blank. ” you don’t have to put up with that shit” and he was right. He told me to show that man my intelligence and he would back away and if he didn’t he told me to kill him and hide t he body long enough to find him and we would dispose of the body. True story. The way that older man treated me made me want to look for someone who was my equal my mental equal not someone who just wanted a piece of meat. That’s what I see from a lot of older men and it is their fault they are seen that way.

  89. Author: Jessy Olson Wrote
    Comment:

    Any 20 year old woman dating a 50 something man is going to be creeped out by his old man body! We like the money and the free ride we can get. I’ve found that men who were hot and had no problem getting a woman when he was young is more content when older and not lusting for girls young enough to be his daughter. On the other hand, guys who couldn’t get a girl…. tend to never quite get over it. They continue wishing and wanting because they never were fulfilled as a young guy. It’s sad really! You older guys checking out the younger women are usually just living something out in your mind. Nevertheless, you want to believe you could really be with a hot chick for your hotness. You are not hot and if you are,,,,,, you’re probably a movie star, duh… Also, women laugh their ass off at old men who are not secure enough to just be with a lady their own age. One difference between men and women. A woman can look in the mirror and truthfully determine the level of man she c

    ould attract. Men tend to look in the mirror and never see their age…. they really think they could get hot young girls. I only want guys lusting over me if they are hot enough to be at my level. Sorry…that’s the truth. I know you guys will have your bubble broken and want to say this isn’t true.”

    All I can say Jessy is on behalf of the human species I make a request PLEASE do us all a favor and do not procreate… the world has enough imbiciles without you spreading your runied DNA in it.

    And before you put your foot in your mouth again keep in mind that I am 40, not rich and I have no issue attracting women in the 18+ Range (I acutally had a sixteen year old who was interested in dating me as I acutally look fifteen years younger than I am so much for your delusion that all men over 40-50 have creeped out bodies. And no that is not a delusion or a lie so please don’t bore us with a response of how I am lying and just “making it up.”

    If you truly believe that love is limited to a number then you are dumber than you look which more than likely boggles the mind.

    • Jessy, if I were you I would seriously…not joking here…I would serious look up NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and take the test as you seem to have ALL of the symptoms.

      That is not an insult…you really do seem to need help…please get it.

  90. I think there is still a lot of taboo in our society about dating people that are much younger than yourself. I think this is somewhat inapropriate and you should be able to have a choice who you date without being judged, as long as they are of legal age of course!

  91. John Walker says:

    What a pile of codswallop.

  92. Fight the power,

    A man old enough to be a woman’s father needs not to be looking at her, biologically it may make some sense, but we are past those times, we can grow babies in pitri dishes now. And there is no longer a survival of the fittest need to procreate. What is so wrong with him that he can’t look at women his own age. What gives him the right to think that his old ass is too good or better that the old ass woman he needs to be looking at. Young Women need these men to look up to, not to sleep with. And I just wish I knew and understood this when I was 17. What hurts me and makes me feel so angry and resentful was the fact that he did know these things. He just didnt care enough to leave me alone, and give me the opportunity to find a comparable partner. If I stay with him, when I am 40 he will be 70 (if hes not dead). What kind of sex life will I have. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!. This is the thing a Niave 17, 18, 19 year old girl like myself didnt think about. And No you cant hurt by looking its the conversation that follows, that what fucks you. And PLEASE, STOP mentioning George Clooney, his best days are behind him, and Dude is just fucking old!

    • Fight the Power says:

      “What gives him the right to think that his old ass is too good or better that the old ass woman he needs to be looking at.”

      This statement demonstrates that this has nothing to do with abuse or control and this is all superficial. Your attitude is basically “older guys are ugly, so they shouldn’t go for hot young women”. You probably also think it’s wrong for average looking men to be with beautiful women their own age.

      You claim the reason you are against older men pursuing younger women is because they can take advantage of them. But if a guy just looks at a girl and doesn’t actually pursue her, how can that hurt? You admit that just looking doesn’t hurt, but you are still against it. Why are you against something that doesn’t hurt anyone?

      Even if older men don’t want to date much younger women, when you see someone beautiful it is natural to be attracted and look. Do you think you’re not going to be looking at hot young men when you are 40? Again, if you think it’s so wrong, then tell older women to stop looking at Taylor Lautner. Hell, even JUSTIN BIEBER gets attention from older women. The female equivalent to Justin Bieber is probably Beyonce, who is like 30.

      Just curious, when exactly is someone “too old” by your standards? 5 years older? 10 years older? 15? 20? Or just whenever the girl thinks he isn’t “hot” enough?

    • Fight the Power says:

      And again, if this is really about people with more life experience being able to take advantage of younger people, then by that logic you shouldn’t be allowed to date most people your age, since most of them have not been married or had kids like you have. Of course, you wouldn’t agree with that because that’s not what this is about.

    • I find it amusing that people here on the one hand talk about men being over 40 looking at someone younger as “disgusting” but have no problem with two lesbians or two gay guys making out. Here is a news flash for you…if you think people have the right to have same sex relationships, then you have a lot of nerve condemning older men or women for being attracted to a younger person. Spare me your hypocrisy.

      And my guess if that if George Clooney or Brad Pitt were interested in you, you would be all over them for thier money if not thier looks.

      • …what does older men dating young women (or girls) have to do with homosexuality?
        these young girls are BRAINWASHED into it, or in their young naivety think that this is what they want. then later feel disgusting & dirty for being with an old, seedy, creepy guy.
        in a same sex relationship no one is being taken advantage of (provided there isn’t a huge age difference).
        & as a 20 year old, i can safely say i wouldn’t go george clooney – my mum’s already called dibs on him 😉 & i dunno about getting ange’s sloppy seconds…& maybe a young girl WOULD be all over them, this article is just stating that older men shouldn’t be going after younger girls in the 1st place.

    • @AN STR…I think that you have some serious growing up to do. When your mind and maturity reach your body then perhaps we can continue this conversation.

      By the way, seventeen year old niece married a sixty five year old man. She is very happy with him and no is not insane or was forced into it and before you start trying to assume something in the back of your head that you have no verification for I will save you the trouble…SHE perused him. She is very well taken care of and is better off than most of her friends whose boyfriends all dumped them…

      Tell me AN STR, when was the last time your boyfriend took you on a Caribbean cruise like my niece had?

      Chances are that it has been a while.

      • most of us don’t date someone based on whether or not they can take us on a “Caribbean cruise” or not…& the women that do are obviously with the guy for the wrong reasons (if you catch my drift).

        but honestly, a 65 year old man having sex with a 17 year old girl? fuck…that’s messed up. egh it’s practically pedophilia.

    • AN STR —
      Your views are very ageist, and you seem completely UNaware that many people do not feel the same way you feel about relationships between men and women of even vastly different ages.
      Your private preferences are nothing more significant than that and do not apply universally.
      You are always free to say no to men you find unappealing for any reason.
      To condemn men (Harrison Ford, Charlie Chaplin and many others) who love women who are much younger than themselves and to make presumptions about such relationships is arrogant and stupid.
      Liz

  93. Fight the power, you just need to live and experience more, because if you can’t see how someone older can take advantage of someone younger. Then I don’t know what to tell you. If you could…..Do me a favor when your’e 30 and you’ve had some relationships and you’ve lived a little, or better yet when you have children, go back to this conservation and ask yourself, could an older woman or man take advantage of my 21 year old daughter. Hopefullly your answer will be different

    • Fight the Power says:

      Could an older guy take advantage of a 21 year old girl? Sure. But could a 21 year old guy do the same? You bet. Anyone can take advantage of anyone really. People 21+ are adults and I think they can make their own decisions.

      And really, I don’t think this whole thing has anything to do with abuse or control or anything like that. If a girl doesn’t want to be with an older man because he can take advantage of her, then fine. But then if that is the reason then why do these girls think it’s wrong for older men to even LOOK at them? Can they hurt you just by looking too? What this is really about is girls being stuck up and not wanting attention from guys who are “not worthy”. Girls don’t even like it when unattractive men their own age look at them. I’m actually pretty sure that if an older guy was super attractive like George Clooney, the girls would not mind him looking. So it’s all superficial really, nothing to do with any of the stuff you’re talking about.

      • 37 DATING 23 says:

        I agree, esp when you are talking about women in their 20s, its a pretty patronising attitude towards adults.

        This article tells me the author does not believe that young women can be mature.. its false and I wonder at what age, does the author consider a person to be “An adult”

      • It seems dad wants to keep his daughter for him….

        she is 21 but I’m pretty sure she will have issues with her father when meeting a man even her age.
        Dad will find many excuses to say his daughter the she chosed was not the good one : not a good job, too small, too big… I experienced this with my father in low. I was 25 she was 21

    • Fight the Power says:

      Also, by your own logic, it’s wrong for you to date most people your age. You say that if you’ve had more life experience than someone, you can take advantage of them so you shouldn’t date them. You say you’ve been in a relationship with someone much older and had a child. I think that means you’ve had more life experience than most 23 year olds. So then is it wrong for you to date them? Your logic just doesn’t make sense.

    • cindy age 25 says:

      Right on!

  94. Are you kidding me Fight the power, there is a difference in age. Have you ever realized that only old people ever say, “Age is a state of mind”. Its because there old. My grandfather is 78 and will tell you that he feels like 20, but the truth is, HES OLD!!!! And even if people mature differently the difference between a 19 year old dating a guy whos 50 and 30 year old doing it, is experience and despite what you may believe you have to actually live life to get life experience. A 19 year old can’t truly tell you that she’s had life experience. Heck most 19 years I know still havent been to a funeral of a friend or someone close or had to go a week without food or lights. At 30 you’ve lived a decent amount of life and you have at least began to find yourself and know who you trully are. At 16 or 20 or 23, youre barely getting off your parents health insurance!!

    Age aint nothing but a number, Ta LOCA!!!!

    • Fight the Power says:

      Yes, but I think when you get to a certain age, you are no longer a child and you are capable of making your own decisions and at that point, an older person shouldn’t really be capable of taking advantage of you. Again, if we are talking about a 17 year old or someone under 21, then yes, perhaps they haven’t reached that level yet and an older person can have some influence over them. But when you get into your early 20s, I think you are past that. Me, I’ve never dated anyone, still live with my parents, and still go to college, so really in terms of life experience I’m pretty similar to a 19 year old. But I think I am capable of dating someone much older without them having power over me.

    • Fight the Power says:

      I mostly seem to be into girls around my age, but if woman like Taraji Henson(who is like 43) was hitting on me, I’d be all over that in a heartbeat.

  95. And as for your last comment, yes I am virgin because I’ve never dated anyone. I was a loser in high school and have confidence issues because of that and have trouble talking to girls. Not my fault. But I actually think I’m a catch, so when I do get over my confidence issues, I’ll probably end up with one of the highest quality girls. And I won’t settle for any less.—

    OK lets play on that, Lets say when you were in high school with all your confidence issues, some 47 year old woman who looked like 20 came guaking at you, and lets say you began a relationship with this person and down through the years she used and abused you. How would you feel? and don’t tell me you wouldnt have started anything with this woman because you probably would have because she would have played all of your weaknesses like a brand new violin.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Yeah I probably would have started something with her. But probably not a long term relationship because I wasn’t(and still am not) looking for that yet. And yeah it would suck if she “abused me” but it would be no better if it was a girl my age. And I think a girl my age would have been just as able to “play all my weaknesses” to be honest.

  96. Fight the Power says:

    What do you mean I feel guilty or conflicted about a relationship? There is no relationship. I’m not in one. But I don’t think there would be anything to feel guilty about if I dated a girl 4-5 years younger than me.

    And you say that he can control you because he knows what women your age wanted to know? Well guess what, I DON’T. Like I said, I have never dated anyone, so I am pretty much clueless about women. How does that qualify me to take advantage of a woman? Just because a guy is older doesn’t mean he’s experienced. Just like just because a girl is young doesn’t mean she’s inexperienced.

    And as for your last comment, yes I am virgin because I’ve never dated anyone. I was a loser in high school and have confidence issues because of that and have trouble talking to girls. Not my fault. But I actually think I’m a catch, so when I do get over my confidence issues, I’ll probably end up with one of the highest quality girls. And I won’t settle for any less.

    • In any event if you do not believe me about the physcial age of marriage being twelve in some contries you may look it up.

  97. Obsessing over a young actress or moviestar that you probably will never meet, and actually going out and getting a young boy, is two different things. And you can say I’m lying all u want but I have spoke my piece. The Young is for the Young, and Old is for the Old. Period.

    • Fight the Power says:

      If out of all the movie stars out there, you obsess with the one that is underage, then you probably WILL get with an underage person. Do you think most of these women wouldn’t date Taylor Lautner if they had the chance? You know they would, and you would have no problem with it.

      You should change your statement to “young girls are for young men”, but young men can date whoever they want”.

    • Fight the Power says:

      And even if you are telling the truth, it’s still a meaningless statement. What is “young” and what is “old”? Is there a magical age where one becomes “old” and is suddenly capable of taking advantage of people under that age? It’s all arbitrary really. People mature differently. I know 19 year olds who are more mature than 25 year olds. It’s about life experience, not age.

  98. Fight the power,

    You can say what you want, but this is my personal experience, his age had ALOT to do with the abuse. Because he’s older he had much more control over the relationship, he said when to use a condom and when to not (for example). And because I was so Young, I dint feel I was entitled to say NO. And yes even though your pervert ass won’t admit it, you ARE taking a joy ride on someone else’s youth. I don’t care if you didn’t get to have fun you’re youth; the FACT is… you had it, it was YOURS, and you don’t deserve to take it from someone else. AND NO!! I don’t think that a woman should date a much younger guy, because she can take just as much advantage of him. As that old fart did of me!

    And in reference to the statement you made about young guys taking advantage me…….That is EXACTLY what he told me would happen if he didn’t come along and “save” me. And the Irony of it is, that is exactly what he did. I would rather be tossed aside from a guy my age, than suffer the abuse I’ve been going through all these years. At least I would have been able to get a CHANCE at finding a decent partner. One that wasn’t slapping old heavily used balls over me and one that I wouldn’t be burying the same time with my parents!!! So instead fighting the power, you need fight the urge to troll for jailbait!

    • Fight the Power says:

      And I still fail to see how being older gives a guy anymore power over whether or not you can use a condom. Do older people have magical mind control powers or something?

      And again, I’m a 24 year old virgin who has never dated anyone, if you STILL think I have the ability to take advantage of a girl who is 3-4 years younger than me just because of my age, then you have absolutely no credibility.

  99. WHAT THIS WOMAN HAS POSTED IS NOT BULLSHIT, AND YOU SO CALLED MEN NEED TO LISTEN.
    At 17, I stood 5’11’’ and 150 lbs, and when I look at old photos of myself, I just say WOW!!, I was so beautiful and seriously did not have a lick of self-esteem. At that point in my life there is only one word that could describe me NIAVE. I was riding the bus coming home from school one night and when I got off at the first stop. One of the biggest challenges of my life was waiting for me; it came in the package of a 47 yr. old man, with enough Swag to kill you. My conversation with him lasted about 15 minutes, and in those 15 minutes he promised me the world. I guess plain ole stupidity was blinding me at the moment, because how could I have expected him to fulfill his promises if he was riding the bus like I was? Anyway, I was curious and I called him, a major warning sign should have flashed when he wanted to have phone sex with me the first night I called him…….The relationship went on, of course my parents and most of my friends disapproved. But I didn’t care, he said he loved me and every bone in my body believed him. And because I chose to believe this, I endured many years of social, mental, and physical abuse so much that I am crying writing this. Strangely, in some sick, demented way I needed him to make me feel beautiful, loved, and wanted.
    To make a LONG story short so much TIME has gone by, I am 23 now and because of him and all his abuse I no longer have my size 6 figure, I have a child by him, and I find myself unable to accomplish any goal I set out to do. But you know what, despite all of this, because I am a bit older and know a bit more I find myself realizing that I am still beautiful, and way too young for this now 53 year old man, I look at my daughter and I don’t want her to suffer the same fate. I realize now that it was my low self-esteem, my own “Daddy Issues”, and that fact that I was just plain young, dumb, and you know the rest that led me to be with him. I still have not found my way out of this relationship, my heart is filled with so much resentment, every day I tell him and show him that I want out, but he thinks he owns me or deserves me. And the fact that I have let this man control my every move for the past almost 7 years has made it difficult, but don’t worry for me, the longest rope has its end, and I WILL get out of this relationship.
    WORDS OF ADVICE: for those of you NIAVE girls out there that think “my old man would never abuse me”, think again…when he won’t allow you to go out with friends-THAT’S ABUSE, because believe it or not you need this time with friends this is YOUR time to enjoy YOUR youth, because please believe when he was your age, he did. When he won’t allow you to go jogging because “you could get snatched or something”-THAT’S ABUSE. When he won’t allow you to be the young women that you are, and wear the clothes that you want to wear-THAT’s abuse. I could seriously go on and on and on. But what I am trying to say is… Men leave that young girl alone, you’ve lived you’re life, let her live hers. Even at 23, I know that I won’t think the way I think now or have the same interest that I have when I am 30. Let alone when I was seven TEEN or eight TEEN. I keep thinking to myself how much better my life would be if this old as dirt, piece of pervert crap man never approached me. So MEN If you want to feel young, go buy a motorcycle. Don’t take a joy ride on a young woman’s youth, you’ve had your years and it’s not fair to take hers.
    If any young girls out there need advice or just to talk I’m here, email me at thefinder2265@gmail.com

    • Fight the Power says:

      Ok, so you were in an abusive relationship. What does that have to do with the guy’s age? I’ve heard about WAY more young women being abused by guys their own age than by older men. Yes I agree that 17 is too young for a 47 year old, but once you’re in your early 20s, I think it’s perfectly fine to date men in their 30s or 40s.

      “Don’t take a joy ride on a young woman’s youth, you’ve had your years and it’s not fair to take hers.”

      what makes you think that just because a guy is older he’s already “had his youth”? I am 24 and I have never gotten a chance to date anyone yet. Most 18 year old girls have enjoyed much more of youth than I have.

      And I wonder, do you feel the same way about 30something and 40something women pursing younger men? Would you tell women to stay away from younger men? Because I would not mind if an older woman was attracted to me.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Oh and don’t be too down on yourself, if you didn’t meet that guy, your life probably wouldn’t be much better. You probably would have hooked up with a bunch of douchebags around your age who would have used you and then tossed you aside for the next hot girl when they got bored. Sounds like a lot of fun right?

  100. Fight the Power says:

    Feminists: Why do men in their 30s go for younger girls? Younger girls want hot guys their own age, not ugly old men in their 30s. Why don’t men learn to appreciate women their own age? (Of course, I am 30 and I am still only attracted to hot younger guys, but now I am looking for someone who will provide and be a good father, not someone I’m attracted to, so the men in their 30s should date me)

    Conservative dads: If an older man tries to get with my 19 year old daughter, I’ll get my shotgun and blow the pervert’s head off. But there’s nothing wrong with older women having sex with young boys though, cuz we boys want it. When I was 14, I had sex with my hot teacher and it was great. Boys are different from girls, girls are fragile and need to be protected.(Except before I was married with a daughter, I did always try to pick up younger women and had sex with a few)

  101. PeachyMushroom says:

    Of all the comments posted hear, I agree with Fight the Power the most. And for all the author’s good intentions with which he concludes his article, I absolutely resent the underlying assumptions he makes about the supposed motivations and intelligence levels of teen girls. Teen girl automatically equals stupid? I’m sorry, not cool. Some role model if you can’t even give us basic dignity.
    And for the women who are obviously letting their own insecurities shine through, just why in HELL would you even feel the need to defend your self-image as older women and feel competitive towards girls half your age or younger? Isn’t the whole point of having matured being that you’re past that and that you’re happy and comfortable with yourself? You’d think you wouldn’t need to pick out all the flaws of someone being appreciated, most of the time in all good humor, for something like youthful beauty and innocence.
    Yes, that is a superficial trait to admire, but well, what is the fun in life if we don’t have at least some superficial traits we enjoy indulging in? Live and let live, be happy that someone finds you attractive and be happy loving yourself.
    And being a pervert has absolutely NOTHING to do with age but someone’s CHARACTER! As if nothing else could exist between two people attracted to each other than sex. What a pathetic one-dimensional way to live.
    And dare I admit it…I’m a 20 year old girl who absolutely ADORES men 10 to 15 years older than me for their ripe mature faces and the overall attractiveness that comes from an older man and have ever since I was 14. Yes, at the illegal age of 14, I must have not been a human being like a 30 year old woman. I must have only been motivated by proving my sexual sophistication to them. NO WAY could I possibly just enjoy looking up to an older man as a role model and feeling attracted to him at the same time. =)
    Instead of people from different age groups living harmoniously together, we end up in petty fights trying to throw dirt on each other. After all, we’re only after sex and good looks. Instead of older women teaching younger girls to respect and esteem themselves, they demean them. Also I can tell you, never have I or my friends bothered to waste our time talking about “ugly” older women. I wonder who the immature ones really are?

    • Fight the Power says:

      Yup, I agree with you 100% as well. Most of the women who bash older men for liking younger women are hypocrites, and it’s clear if you really analyze the stuff they say. Take IB above for example. She complains about men not liking older women, but then she admits that when she was under 25, she did not like attention from older men. And it’s obvious it has nothing to do with age differences, because she talks about how right now she would like getting attention from younger men. So basically, it’s that she doesn’t find older men attractive.

      I think for some older women they are jealous of younger women, but with others, they just envy men and hate to see them enjoying life. It’s pretty pathetic in my opinion.

      • PeachyMushroom says:

        Yeah, and I really get pissed off about this hidden agenda…”LET’S PROTECT YOUNG GIRLS!” Um, I think it was pretty clear to me growing that I would be the one protecting myself and not having other “adults” assert their authority over my body or self. If a man is creeping on you, I don’t care if he’s 14, 18, 28, or 58 he’s still the same sleaze. If a man is respectful towards you, whatever his age, he’s awesome. That’s that.

        Honestly, in discussions like these, and I’ve seen so many in online communities, the duality always involves a combination of wanting to protect a girl too incapable of protecting herself and bashing her for being too stupid and immature. Somehow an advanced age symbolizes some form of demonism when attraction is directed towards someone considered too “young” by society. Don’t people even stop to think how utterly bogus that is? I mean, shouldn’t the same standards in respect apply to anyone without having to count numbers for crying out loud?

        • Fight the Power says:

          Yup there’s a sexist element to it as well. There’s this idea ingrained in our society that young women are “weak” and that older men have some sort of power to manipulate them. This is absolutely ridiculous, because being older doesn’t give you the power to manipulate younger people. If anything, it’s intelligence that would give someone the power to manipulate another person. So should we start saying that intelligent people shouldn’t date less intelligent people?

        • Fight the Power says:

          This sexist attitude is best demonstrated by the fact that so many fathers show hostility towards men try to get involved with their daughters, but if a woman were to get involved with their sons, they would never show the same hostility, even if the woman was much older. You will find this especially among old-fashioned conservative men. Interestingly enough, this is just about the only issue that these kinds of men will agree with feminists about. These men probably hate feminists more than anyone else. But they are doing a very good job of helping to enforcing this feminist-created social norm.

          It’s funny how the system works. The feminists oppose older men dating younger women because they hate seeing men get what they want and be happy, and the misogynistic men oppose it because they think their daughters are too dumb to make decisions on their own. Of course, many of these men probably had sex with younger women before they got married(maybe even after), but it’s all good because their small right-wing minds can’t understand the concept of being a hypocrite.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Honestly, it’s really nice to see that some young women appreciate older men. You always hear about young men obsessing over older women, so why should older men get the same attention from young women? When I’m in my 30s, I will most likely be dating women closer to my age, but I would like to still get attention from college girls. I mean, I don’t see why a guy would not get attention from younger girls unless he is just not attractive. And “not attractive” means not attractive to women his own age too. So it is a confidence thing. When I someone says “young women don’t want men over 30”, to me they are really saying “women don’t want men over 30”. It’s really simple logic, I don’t see why most women don’t see to get it.

    • Fight the Power says:

      When asked about that, some women will say “well, when we’re older we’re looking for a different kind of relationship than when we were young”. But what you’re looking for in a relationship doesn’t affect who you think is hot. The more I read what these women have to say, the more it seems like they aren’t attracted to men their age at all and only go for them because the younger guys can’t provide the relationship they’re looking for.

  102. Fight the Power says:

    Honestly, what pisses me off more than people saying that it’s wrong for older men to be attracted to young women is people talking about how young women “aren’t attracted to older men and only want guys their own age”. Young men are attracted to older women and lots of older women are attracted to younger men. So why can’t young women be attracted to older men? What you are essentially saying is that older men are just unattractive. So when older women say this, they are basically admitting that they aren’t actually attracted to men their age and would prefer someone younger, meanwhile saying it’s wrong for older men to like younger women.

    When I am in my 30s, I will probably be dating women closer to my age. But if I feel like young women are no longer attracted to me, that is damaging to my self confidence, because I know it is not about compatibility, but actually about me not being as attractive as younger men. I mean, young men get attention from older women, so why shouldn’t an older man get attention from younger women, unless he is just not attractive? Older women don’t like being told they’re no longer attractive, so neither do older men.

  103. Aside, sorta: I am shocked that the new USA network’s TV series about a woman lawyer is called “Fairly Legal”–an obvious play on “Barely Legal”. It really bothers me.

    A little wink at the viewers!

    http://www.usanetwork.com/series/fairlylegal/

  104. I am definitely a man of around the ‘creepy old guy’ age of 45 and I have quite a lot of experience when it comes to the teen girl/older man scenario. I mean I have actually studied it from a marketing perspective and I have to say that I have come to a couple of conclusions about this topic that differ slightly from article’s author.

    I realize there are men out there that absolutely get off on the idea of forbidden fruit and that this impulse may drive them to do things like tell a 12 year old that she has great ‘tits’. I do not understand what this leering, perverse fool would hope to accomplish with this activity. In his mind, I wonder did he see her begging him to let him touch or see them. Who knows, the effect was to traumatize someone and if that were my daughter I would want something to be done about it.

    However, I find the nude image of girls between the ages of 18 and 24 to be arousing as well and I will even confess to lusting after a few in my day but…. I think a lot of what makes me look at teen girls is not so much that I want to get wild and bump uglies with them. When I see them I often see girls from my past, girls I had relationships with or crushes on and this brings on a wave of nostalgia and sentimentality that is sweet in a way and creepy in another (the occasional erection can be considered creepy).

    While I concede that images or videos of teen girls engaged in sexual activity is, in fact, stimulating, I also assert that it is mere fantasy and the consumers of this know that. I personally have found that men my age, the ones capable of rational thought would never date a woman half or more our ages. It is ridiculous to think you can have a fulfilling relationship with a teen girl when you’re a man in your late 30s or 40s. As a man, you have seen and done too much.

    I think most men, while enjoying the fantasy, really want women around their own age. Women that can relate to their experiences and who have learned through their lifetime how to really treat a man right and expect the same in return. These women know how to seduce and arouse in ways a 20 year old girl, no matter how mature she may be, could ever fathom. The best part about women in their 30s and 40s is that a well-rounded man can and will enjoy their company both prior to intercourse and well afterwards.

    • Fight the Power says:

      So can you tell me why exactly it is inappropriate for an older guy to lust after 18-24 year olds? Last I checked, they were adults and I see no reason why it would be wrong for a guy to be attracted to them. Especially when we are talking about women 21 and up. In one of my posts above I was talking about the new correspondent on the Daily Show, Jessica Williams. That woman is 22. To me, she is indistinguishable from a woman in her late 20s. There is absolutely nothing about to to suggest she is “too young” or “immature”.

      One thing I pointed out before on here is that it is often impossible to distinguish a college aged girl from a woman in her late 20s based on looks alone. Asian and Black women especially, tend to have youthful faces and tend to look the same when they are in their late 20s and even 30s. It’s the same with some Caucasian women. So are yous suggesting that it’s wrong for older men to be attracted to these women and that they should only like women with mature womanly features?

  105. Fight the Power says:

    I was recently watching The Daily Show and they have this new correspondent on there named Jessica Williams. In my opinion, she is EXTREMELY hot. I assumed she was in her late 20s or early 30s or so because she is indistinguishable from a woman in her late 20s physically and because of the program she is on. But I looked her up and apparently she is only 22! It just reminds me how absolutely ridiculous people are to suggest that women in their early 20s are too young for men over 30 to be attracted to. Like I said, she is physically indistinguishable from women in their late 20s and early 30s and it seems to be the same mentally as well. I can’t see myself, even when I am in my 30s and 40s, seeing a woman like that and thinking “oh she’s too young, I don’t find her attractive”. If that’s what you people expect, dream on, because that’s not the way things are, the way things have ever been, or the way things will ever be in the real world.

    • Fight the Power, I think the author just wanted to make the point that SOME young women (like, under 23 years old) don’t like it or understand it when men 10+ years older approach them. Evidently there are men that are not aware of that. I didn’t like it when I was that young. By the time I was 25, I was OK with it. I matured a bit.
      My husband is almost 50 and points out attractive young 20-ish women all the time when we are out, no one is saying the attraction is not natural. You sound like you have been burned by some particularly nasty young women and now are pissed off at just about everyone. Don’t blame all women just because some of them are abusive. Just like I don’t judge all men by the ones that make it very clear that they love girls – but aren’t that crazy about women.

      • Fight the Power says:

        A woman who is 22 and thinks older men should not approach her is stuck up and shallow, and that behavior should be regarded as such. I would not mind at all if a woman over 30 was attracted to me and if she was hot I’d actually love it. I think instead of trying to get men to stop approaching younger women, we should be trying to get young women to stop being stuck up.

      • Fight the Power says:

        Yeah, so you were a shallow stuck up young woman. Not all young women are like that.

        • Wow – good luck finding a young woman like I was who went with men based on how sexually attractive and also how mutually compatible I found them – in other words if we had FUN hanging out together — unlike the VAST majority of younger women who judge by your financial success and who are only too happy to go with older men ONLY if and because the man has a good income, house, etc, and wants to settle down. You’re an ass for calling me superficial and shallow and now I am sorry I even bothered trying to communicate with you. Have a nice life!

          • Fight the Power says:

            For your information, I’m 24, so “young” women aren’t really “younger” than me. As for you, I don’t really care why you dated men. If a guy is attracted to you are bothered by it, that makes you stuck up, regardless of his age. You should be grateful that man would be interested in you. And what makes you think young women can’t be sexually attracted to and have fun with older guys? I know a woman over 30 I would LOVE to date, so why can’t 21-24 year old women feel the same way about men over 30?

          • Fight the Power says:

            As for calling you shallow, I meant when you were young. I thought you would have realized that by now. Look, if you didn’t want to date someone older than you because of compatibility reasons, that’s one thing. But you said that you DID NOT LIKE IT when older men showed interest in you. That is not because of compatibility, it is ALL about looks. I know the attitude. In fact, girls who think like that would LOVE it if a hot younger looking older guy approached them, they only hate it when the guy is not attractive. There is nothing wrong with only wanting to date people you find attractive, but if you think someone is not worthy to approach you based on their looks, that is stuck up and shallow. Sorry.

          • Fight the Power says:

            “unlike the VAST majority of younger women who judge by your financial success and who are only too happy to go with older men ONLY if and because the man has a good income, house, etc, and wants to settle down. ”

            Actually, this seems to describe what most 25+ women are looking for. Most younger women seem to have no interest in how much money a guy has and just date whoever they’re attracted to. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. But of course, they tend to only date young good looking guys. So basically, it seems to me like all women regardless of their age, are ONLY attracted to hot young guys and other women, but when they are older, they want to settle down and the hot young guys can’t help them with that, so they go for guys they are not really attracted to. Yall really deserve a round of applause.

          • Fight the Power says:

            And even though you deny it, I can tell you have a serious problem with men dating younger women. But of course, it doesn’t bother you when women date younger men.

            I am not an older man, but I can tell that the reason some older men date younger women is probably because they want to be with someone who is genuinely attracted to them and not someone who is just looking for a good provider to settle down with because all the guys they are attracted to are young and not ready for that.

      • Fight the Power says:

        And what’s there to not understand about men 10+ years older being attracted to you? If you are attractive and an adult, of course men are going to be attracted to you. Read any biology book.

        The author has an agenda, and that agenda is to try to stop men from dating younger women because he doesn’t like it, the same way people used to not like interracial relationships. He is nothing more than a bigot.

      • Fight the Power says:

        Oh and why are you complaining about how older women are not appreciated when you admit that as a young woman you did not appreciate older men? Older women get tons of attention from young men, so how are they the ones who are unappreciated???

        • “Older women get tons of attention from young men” – wow, I wish I could be single again for a few days ’cause I would love to hang out where all these adoring young men are!

          • Fight the Power says:

            Interesting. Based on the way you talk, you still find younger men more attractive than older men and prefer their attention. But you are under the impression that you are too old to attract them and my guess is that is why you go for men your age, not because you actually prefer men your age. If you really found men your age as attractive as younger men, you wouldn’t have minded them approaching you when you were under 25. My guess is that like most women, you got self-conscious about your age at 25 and this is what led you to be more tolerant of older men, and that if you were still as confident as you were in college, you would still have a “boys under 25 only” policy. So really, you can’t complain about older women not being appreciated, since you as a woman don’t appreciate older men.

            • All I will tell you is that your above conclusions are wrong, but if you want to go the rest of your life believing them, good luck.

          • Fight the Power says:

            And here’s another thing that proves that your aversion to older men had nothing to do with compatibility and was all superficial. You now admit that you would love to get attention from younger men. So if older men flirt with you, you don’t like it because they are older and you have nothing in common, but if younger men flirt with you it’s a dream come true? That’s what pisses me off about women. They would love it even if the guy is a 15 year old CHILD, as long as he’s cute, but if the guy is older and unattractive, it’s “gross”. Hypocrite.

      • Fight the Power says:

        And I actually haven’t been “burned” by any women. But of course, I have never dated anyone yet and I am usually too shy to approach women. And this feminazi crap I read on here really doesn’t help with that. And no, I’m not pissed off at everyone, just shallow stuck up girls and everyone who wants to be a bigoted fascist and control who gets to date who.

  106. jdoubleu says:

    Read the book of Ruth from the Bible. If it works for the ones involved…it works…no matter the reasons. After all we are all just people trying to get by in this thing called life. Leave it lay people! It is what it is….
    I just had a friend die….. and I think he would say to us all now…. we all just do the best we can with the cards we are dealt… thats the bottom line…

  107. Not Really says:

    The author says “This is about the cultural cachet of dating a much younger woman—and about the difficult-to-deny reality that younger women lack the experience and wisdom to call their older lovers on their bullshit.” There is truth to both of these points, but they aren’t even close to the real reason of ‘This is about…’. This is almost entirely about the sweet young body and fresh looks. Period.

    • “The author says “This is about the cultural cachet of dating a much younger woman—and about the difficult-to-deny reality that younger women lack the experience and wisdom to call their older lovers on their bullshit.” There is truth to both of these points, but they aren’t even close to the real reason of ‘This is about…’. This is almost entirely about the sweet young body and fresh looks. Period. ‘

      I am trying to ignore this topic because the comments have become ridiculous – but I would love to demonstrate for anyone interested that the “cultural cachet” of dating a younger woman (and the disapproval our culture has for younger man – older woman relationships) IS a huge factor – I have walked into situations where my age was thought to be late 20s- early 30s and was flirted with and included in whatever social groups were there. The when they found out my real age (40 something), suddenly I was marginalized. God forbid a guy be seen with an older woman! Even though the same guy was eyeing me up and flirting before he knew my age. Thank god this is very related to particular race/ethnic and socio-economic class. Upper middle and upper class white men being the ones who insist on young and thin. Guys in my own working class neighborhood want “hot” and hour-glass, regardless of age, so I get my fair share of admiration.
      Would love to set up experiment in which the same woman goes to various dating sites and setting, but in one group she has her age listed as late 20s, then in the other, early 40s. Guaranteed there will be a big difference in interest no matter how hot she is.
      I wish people would mind their own business and let people date who they want. Remember, I stated that there is nothing wrong with the older man – younger woman relationship. But the older man- older woman relationships AND the younger man – older woman relationships can also be fantastic, but tired of some of the men on here who feel they have to insult older woman to defend their choice of younger, insinuating to other men that you are a loser if you have an older woman, no matter how hot she looks — guys who find their older woman atttractive then have to deal with the society pressure to start looking at younger women. Oh well.

      • Fight the Power says:

        IB, may I ask the general age brackets of these social groups where you were marginalized as a 40 year old? Are you referring to people in their late 20s-early 30s or college aged people in their teens and early 20s? If it is the former, that is very strange. If it is the latter, as man you would have been marginalized even if they thought you were in your late 20s. Believe it or not, there is no stigma on women pursuing younger men, only older men pursuing younger women. This is because it is not socially acceptable for a man to be mean to a woman who approached him whereas women are ENCOURAGED to whenever the man is older or unattractive. You have it easy and should really stop complaining. We know all these social rules are aimed at limiting men and their ability to enjoy life and any man with half a brain will never buy into this bs.

        • Fight the Power: It was late 20s- early 30s group. Believe me, they can be just as immature and snotty as college age.
          I don’t know if anyone brought this point up, too: for humans, reproduction is NOT the only function of sex, and, in fact, not even the most important one as we move on in years. Go do research on the subject of how human sex is different from almost all other mammals. There are at least two other important functions – pure pleasure, and long-term bonding, both of which are what majority of women age 40 – 60 are looking for, especially if they already had kids and are finished with that phase. Anyone who says older woman should just give up having a man and sex is trying to repress a basic human drive. And women like me aren’t going to repress it. And don’t tell me what the Bible and religion says about it – show me science and empirical evidence and experience. Now go on arguing on here while I go have sex with my still hot 49 year old husband.

          • Fight the Power says:

            “Anyone who says older woman should just give up having a man and sex is trying to repress a basic human drive.”

            Nobody has said that women should give up sex. It’s men who are considered creeps for being interested in a woman sexually without being in a committed relationship with her. But of course, only “mature” men over 25. It’s considered ok for teens and college boys. That’s because when women are young, they want to enjoy those kinds of relationships with boys their own age, but then when women get around 25, most of them are not interested in that kind of thing with guys their age and are just looking for someone to provide for them and be their “companion”. It doesn’t matter if men want to continue to enjoy the casual type of relationships they did when they were younger, they are expected to not date younger girls and only date women their age who are looking to settle down. Of course if older women still want to enjoy casual relationships, which they usually don’t, they are allowed to pursue it with whoever they like. Basically the whole system is made to repress men’s desires and give women more power.

            • Fight the Power – .I give up – you see the system as stacked against men, and yes there is a lot of unfair crap such as divorce and child custody laws that are unfair to men. My only issue here was that why, when older men (say, 30 – 50) are attracted to younger women who are at least 10 years younger, WHICH IS PERFECTLY NATURAL, – but WHY do SOME of these men have to justify this attraction to younger women by trashing OLDER women (40+) like me? It is also PERFECTLY NATURAL for a 30 – 50 year old man to be attracted to women their own age or older. If she’s hot, she’s hot – my husband loves Julianne Moore above every other actress and she is a few years older than him. I’m tired of older women being talked about by some, certainly not all, men as if we are the consolation prize, or even the booby prize, if you can’t get someone in their 20s. Sorry but there is no way I am “less” than a white trash Barbie. 21 years old, with a GED working a minimum wage job, with 3 kids already (all different dads) – but because she looks like Megan Fox, some of the men on here have outright said they would pick her over any woman their own age. And you know what – good for them, go get the younger woman and good luck, as long as there are enough men who value women their own age, I’ll be fine.

              • Fight the Power says:

                Actually, I wasn’t even talking about divorce or child custody laws, I am mainly just talking about the social norms when it comes to dating, flirting, and attraction.

                Maybe some men talk about older women like that, but it is definitely not the norm. I am 24 and growing up guys around me have always seemed to be attracted to older women in the same way as they are to girls their own age. Yet the reaction of young girls to the idea of getting involved with a guy over 30(even over 25 really) has always been something along the lines of “eww gross” or “creepy”. So to me it seems to be the other way around.

                Me personally, I don’t really care about age. I would choose 41 year old Taraji P. Henson any day over Megan Fox. Of course, Megan Fox isn’t that hot in my opinion. But I would pick Taraji over most hot young actresses. Of course, that’s not to say I won’t also be attracted to young women. So when I am attracted to a younger women, I don’t want to be judged for it.

  108. Dennis Teel says:

    i was 52 and my girlriend 24 when we met //i look younger than my real age //her and i dated and clicked.we’ve been together for 4 years now. and are quite happy. we listen to the same music(evnaescence,green day,etc,)watch the same movies(horror and otherwise mostly 80’s movies) and like doing the same things(carnivals,theme parks,camping,shopping,etc).. when somebody says something stupid like “what could you two possibally have in common ” it’s easy to tell them.

  109. I call shenanigans. The biological imperative is key to understanding the interplay between older men and younger women (or older women and younger men, or older men and younger men, or whatever). Just because a modern 40-something man doesn’t actually want to impregnate a 20-something woman doesn’t mean that clear, collagen-rich skin and taut muscles/fatty deposits (which scream fertility) aren’t a huge part of what drives his attraction to her. And as far as the “regrets, I’ve had a few” argument put forth by the author, it’s the worst kind of house-of-cards, self-reporting pseudo-science. I personally dig “hot moms,” women in their 30s and 40s who radiate a ripe mango vibe instead of a un-appetizing green papaya (I’m 40 and reasonably happily married, btw). But I know for a fact that were I single and so inclined, my financial resources alone would attract women in their 20s.

  110. This is ridiculous. A woman of 18-24 can make up her own mind. They are not weak creatures that need coddling. Now I can understand older men hitting on women younger than this being an issue. A fully grown man approaching a 12 year old is kind of messed up. But to blame men for being attracted to young women is ridiculous. Let’s face it, all people, men and women are in their physical prime at that age. Does it surprise us that they are to be found attractive? Blaming a man for “choosing” to be attracted to this is paramount to blaming someone for choosing to be gay.

    • Joe –
      Your common sense is very welcomed!
      A lot of the comments in this post are very ageist and also patronizing to young women, as if they are not adults.
      I am 53, and since this discussion began several weeks ago, I have — as throughout my life — been approached by men of various ages, expressing a romantic interest in me.
      On my 53rd birthday last month, a man who is not yet 40 took me out on a date.
      Romance and sexual attraction includes a wide range of personal preferences for both both men and women. FACT.

    • I so disagree with this article. I am 23 and also have been attracted to older men but I waited til I was of legal age. Until then I tried to date guys my age but it just didn’t work. I’ve been friend with my fiancée for 3 years bit of us were in relationships at the time so we were able to build an actual friendship. Besides we worked at the same place and neither one of us believed in dating someone you work with. After a few months of being single he asked me out. We have been together for two years, have a house two dogs and both of us work full time jobs. This relationship can work and does work and to put it down is ignorant. I’m not depressed or have daddy issues. We’re in love. The only bad thing I can say is that I fear him dying before me because I would miss him so much. If you want to know or learn about a positive older an younger woman relationship I can tell you or you can read my blog. The fox and the princess on blogger.

  111. “The great lengths to which countless men go to avoid fatherhood suggests that the continued evolutionary imperative to “spread one’s seed” is oversold to the point of being illusory.” – It’s always funny to me how it’s the people most ignorant of evolution that tend to criticize it the most. The fact that many men don’t want to have kids has little to do with the fact that their attraction to younger women is biological in nature. Sexuality is a mixture of both biological and cultural factors, and the same sexual drives are expressed differently in different circumstances and environments, just like how genes can be expressed differently depending on the circumstances. Men have always been attracted to younger women, deal with it.

    I love how two fringe element pop-culture books which no doubt have not been peer reviewed and are not scholarly sources are referred to as “evidence” for Hugo’s nonsense position. This is what trolls always do. They take up a marginal idea or cause and back it up with support from the few loonies in the writing community.We could go around finding support for just about anything if we wanted to do things that way. That’s not how science works kiddies.

  112. my dad married a 25 years old girl last month!he is 55 year old..it was ridiculous so i left the house 🙁

    • Dear What Is Love —

      Obviously, your father has every right to choose his mate, independent of your approval or disapproval of his choice.
      Your moving out of his home sounds like a good move for you, as well as for your father and his new wife, too. It’s sad that you seem to regard your change of residence as some sort of punishment of and rejection of your father. Instead, however, it sounds to me like a natural, healthy evolution in your adult life.
      Perhaps your father’s young wife means you will also have more brothers and sisters in your life!
      Congratulations!
      I hope you will find a way to celebrate your father’s happiness in his new life.
      Sincerely,
      Liz

    • ridiculous ? why ?

      The choice of a partner does not concern you dude. Do you prefer your dad alone and miserable or happy ? or do you want to keep your dad for you alone.

      And it’s horrible ! You left the house ? Dude it’s adults are to do… leaving their parents home sooner or later

      • cindy age 25 says:

        Glad you left. Don’t listen to others who will say you have a problem. You are the healthy, sane one. People who want to justify the relationship between a much younger and much older person are willing to go to any length to justify their position. They’re in denial about commitment, love and loyalty and confuse those things with lust and attraction to what is momentary.

  113. Jared you hit it right on the head brother. Guys like Hugo would not say one thing about men having sex with other men for either the reason he supports it or is afraid to go to jail for a hate crime. People like him are driving this country into the ground. As I commented earlier there is a 20 something age difference between my girlfriend and I and we both feel totally natural about our entire relationship. I also failed to mention we are an interracial couple on top of that so we have had our share of lookers but another plus is that both our families are completely supportive of our relationship. Her mother was the very first to welcome me with open arms and always tells my girlfriend that I am a good man. Did you notice people closest to the situation usually are fine with it but control freaks like the guy that wrote this article think they know everything? You and I know guys like Hugo speak like this because they know they could never score a younger more attractive woman and they are just jealous. Older men and younger women started before language and is the most natural thing there is.

  114. Jared White says:

    Oh man….hard to know where to begin. I’m an older guy, and I am not remotely attracted to women my age. And I do not care a whit what anybody thinks about this fact. I would actually like to start a family and have children with the right woman.
    I think that generally speaking, feminism is bullshit, and amounts to simple man hate. The whole “creepy” and “creeper” thing is just man hate that has grown out of vicious feminism.
    The white race is headed for extinction, and people like Hugo are to blame for this fact. The idea that you can turn dating into yet another area of PC enforcement is truly astonishing to me. Don’t you people ever get TIRED of sticking your noses into other people’s business? It’s gotten to where an older guy dating a 25 year old WOMAN is called a “pedophile!” This is total INSANITY.
    The perfect and self righteous goofballs here would never say squat about same sex marriage or cross racial dating….but oh my God! An older guy dating younger women!!!!! Call the police!!!!
    Idiots.

    • Jared —
      I appreciate your sentiment spelled out so clearly!
      This criticism of adults of different ages becoming romantically involved with each other is bizarre and seems to me symptomatic of many, various neuroses, some of which you have described so well!
      Liz

    • Fight the Power says:

      I couldn’t have said it better myself.

  115. truth sets you free says:

    what ive seen 6 or 60 year old girl or woman act precisely the same way when it comes to male female dynamics.

  116. truth sets you free says:

    what is article writers point ? to say he is gay or an older woman who even the creepiest older man is not attracted in a weird way ?

  117. Dear Hugo,
    I must say I still disagree with your premis on the biology of this type of situation even though you have a very well written article. I am a divorced man 44 years old with a 16 year old son. I live with my 21 year old girlfriend and we have been dating for 2 years. At the moment we plan on getting married and having kids. While at times she can be a little immature we get along great and we love each other. The reason I disagree with your take on biology is because I seem to be driven by the procreation of our situation. When I am with my girlfriend I have this overwhelming desire to make babies. She is the only thing that stops me as she wants to wait until she gets her career going. She is very attractive and would be considered by just about everyone to be a perfect 10 so lust obviously has something to do with it and like most guys I am attracted to women in their 20’s, however she creates this pure desire in me to get her pregnant. I love kids and even though my divorce from my first wife was mutual I was heartbroken because we only had one child and I always pictured myself as a family man type dad with a large family. I guess only time will tell if I get that chance. On a side note my father is 21 years older than my mother and they raised me and my two sisters while staying together ever since they were married. Maybe it runs in the family.

  118. I find this article along with it’s comments are funny and sad. It’s funny because of the hypocrisy in the majority of the comments made. Like somehow the people should be protected from the consequences of the choices a person has made during their lifetime.

    Example, a woman decided school, career and other things were more important than finding a compatible mate and settling down to have children, but when she’s ready at age 40 to do this, every single man in her peer group needs to suck it up and commit to her now that she’s ready. Then she’s somehow shocked to find these men don’t want anything to do with her after she’s rebuffed them or someone like them for the last 20 years.

    Men say that want a relationship with younger women because they are hot or not jaded or what-have you but isn’t this woman going to eventually age? Or are they just hoping they will have died by the time she’s reached the jaded point?

    As much as our society doesn’t want to hear it, the best way to find a long lasting mutually fulling and loving partnership is by find someone you can grow-up with. Yes, I said grow-up with and not grow old with. Everyone grows old, but not everyone is willing to grow-up. Being a grown-up requires a sacrifice of self instead of a hyper narcissistic focus on one’s own self and pleasures. Self-fulfillment is the death of a relationship every time, and it doesn’t matter what age either party is or if the man or the woman is older. When both parties are out for self-fulfillment the relationship will always be lacking.

  119. “JS: Why not accept “your fate?” Wome are supposed to accept the fact that by the time we reach 40 we’re no longer deemed desirable or dateable by men. We reach a certain age and suddenly we disappear in the eyes of society. We’re supposed to accept that our shelf lives are up and that we have to make way for our younger counterparts – who we once were and one day they will be us. Society says “you’re only good until a certain age so get what you can while you can.” And if you divorce or become widowed later in life you get judged or excluded for possibly having baggage….the double standard is sickening…Many women may not have attracted guys during the 20s and 30s and you know what we had to do… “suck it up.” Now we hit our 40s, 50s and 60s and it’s okay for society to label us as “pumas” and “cougars” if we find ourselves dating younger men. I may be approaching 40 but I certainly don’t appreciate the labels. Yet a 50 year old man wants to date a 20 year old g

    irl and that should be acceptable and not considered “creepy?” Society should have pity on you because maybe you didn’t get the pretty, hot girl when you were in your 20s and 30s…please. Yes I say “suck it up.” Women are expected “suck it up” and accept our fates – only fair that you men should accept the fact that as you age you should grow up and put away childish wants and desires as well. Face it – none of us gets our youth back no matter how many young people we surround ourselves with as we age.”
    I wanted to address whoever wrote this because she sounds like she is letting the most extremely chauvinistic view on this subject really get to her psychologically — believe me, if you are a 40 year old woman who is half decent looking and want either sex or a full-blown relationship, there are PLENTY of guys of all ages who would NOT have an issue with your age. Of course there are plenty who would, so, basically, tell those guys to go fuck themselves. The thing is, they don’t wear a sign saying their preferences, and these days, many men are afraid to approach women because they don’t know if they will be welcome or rebuffed. Also, it might take awhile to find the right guy. Valentine’s Day just passed with 2 of my friends, one in her 40s with a guy about 10 years younger, and one in her 50s with another 50 something, both got big bouquets of roses from their guys and it’s just as exciting as when you are 16 and get flowers from your first love. (My husband got me flowers too – he and I are both 49.) Don’t let the posts here get you down psychologically – there is so much diversity in this country that you can find someone who is into you, and of course the more attractive you are, the more you can find. By the way, I do think it is OK for 20-something women to get together with 40+ men – but it works the other way too, you just don’t see it shoved at you in the media or it is treated as a freak “cougar” thing, I know of way too many successful older woman – younger man couples to let some of the comments on this blog get to me.

    • Thank you IB for addressing my post. I’m woman enough to admit that a lot of these comments bothered me. But what I find amazing is that your words mirrored those of a friend I spoke to within the past few weeks. Up until 6 months ago I was okay traveling the path I was on. I am single, never married, childless but felt it was not the end of the world. And I was actually ready to embrace 40. I’ve tried to take care of myself physically, mentally and financially. I’ve had to learn as I’ve aged how to be my own best company. And I accepted within the last 5 years that if I was meant to have a mate that our paths would eventually collide. If someone did not want to be with me over the long haul I would learn to be okay with that as well. But now to read posts that imply women like myself as we age have nothing to offer, can’t be wowed, are not innocent or are no longer pretty enough is infuriating. But I do realize it’s the opinion of some and not all. And unfortunately I took a job to a small area and have not seen much diversity when it comes to relationships. Perhaps if I did being on this site would be the furthest thing from my mind…LOL But thank you for your post – it helped me see the possibilities….it will also help me get back to the healthier state of mind I was at before I started reading such articles. And I will take your advice on how to handle any suitor who is not willing to accept the women I am today… 🙂

    • Thank you IB for addressing my post. I’m woman enough to admit that a lot of these comments bothered me. But what I find amazing is that your words mirrored those of a friend I spoke to within the past few weeks. Up until 6 months ago I was okay traveling the path I was on. I am single, never married, childless but felt it was not the end of the world. And I was actually ready to embrace 40. I’ve tried to take care of myself physically, mentally and financially. I’ve had to learn as I’ve aged how to be my own best company. And I accepted within the last 5 years that if I was meant to have a mate that our paths would eventually collide. If someone did not want to be with me over the long haul I would learn to be okay with that as well. But now to read posts that imply women like myself as we age have nothing to offer, can’t be wowed, are not innocent or are no longer pretty enough is infuriating. But I do realize it’s the opinion of some and not all. And unfortunately I followed a job to a small area and have not seen much diversity when it comes to relationships. Perhaps if I did being on this site would be the furthest thing from my mind. But thank you for your post – it helped me see the possibilities….it will also help me get back to the healthier state of mind I was at before I started reading such articles. And I will take your advice on how to handle any suitor who is not willing to accept the women I am today… 🙂

  120. The funny thing is that those who defend big age gaps as normal always focus on the youthful appearance of the woman. Are you shopping for meat or looking for life partner? I am guessing it is the latter. I am 44 (45 in June) and my wife just turned 45. We have known each other since we were 18.She is more desirable now. Not only is she incredibly beautiful, she is experienced, wiser and more mature. She is better (at least for me) than the 18-year old version of her. Also, there was a huge difference between the 18-year old version of her and the 21 and 25-year old versions. She will tell you there was a huge difference between her at 16 and her at 18. I do agree that as people grow older, age differences mean less (until one nears retirment age). However, a 21 year old and a 17 year old is not a match. When I was 21, I did not want to date a child. I was past proms and all the other pimply teenage activities. As for sex, I was not so hard up that as a college student I needed to cruise the high schools for action. Do some of you wonder why you are in your 30s and cannot find anyone your own age? It is because life passed you by! Everyone else grew up and you didn’t.

    • Fight the Power says:

      What’s really funny is that women who attack age gaps usually talk about how older guys are “not hot” and that they only want “hot guys their own age”. It really has nothing to do with maturity differences for them and if you honestly believe that you’re naive. These women just don’t want to be approached by guys they consider “not hot” even if they are the same age. But I assure you that if an older guy is “hot” they would love to be approached by him.

      And also, age does not necessarily determine maturity. I am 24 and quite honestly, I am mostly interested in 20-22 year old girls. I have never dated anyone and I am still taking college classes, so I have more in common with girls in college than girls my age. When I am around 20-21 year old girls, I don’t feel as though they are on a different maturity level than me, I feel like they are my peers. No, it’s not about youthful appearance, because the types of girls I like still have their youthful appearance when they are in their mid-late 20s. Nobody has the right to tell me I’m perverted or creepy for liking the girls I like. Most people who do that are just sad pathetic haters anyways.

  121. If over so many twenty-something year old women weren’t open to being with George Clooney, things may be different.

    This is a two-way street. Men go for younger women for a very simple reason: it WORKS. Often even with women who swear they’d never do it.

    • I have to admit that until recently I had no idea that a significantly younger woman could be attracted to me. I am early 40s reasonably fit and must be ok-looking at least, with a bit of grey hair and a decent complexion. I do get looks from younger and older women, which of course is flattering. I recently had an affair with a woman in her late 20s. We developed a friendship and flirted with each other over an extended period of time and came together because we were both vulnerable and unhappy with our lot. So many of the things I was looking for are documented here and on other sites and I just couldn’t believe my “luck”. Of course – and how foolish I was to think it could be otherwise – it all came to an end. I couldn’t live two worlds and she rightly didn’t need to put up with the crap, especially from someone my age. Perhaps she took a second look and thought to herself – holy crap he is an old man – and I don’t blame her. In my mind I felt that huge tug between what I wanted – to feel young again, be with an attractive, intelligent, passionate woman and even father her children – against reality – financing two households, breaking the hearts of my wife and children and ultimately dying on my new wife before she turned 70 and I knew in my heart it couldn’t and shouldn’t work. At the same time my loins were telling me a different story, it was so tempting and when the opportunity really did present itself it was amongst the most rewarding and pleasurable experiences I have ever had. Of course when it disintegrated – I assume – it triggered mid-life crisis – which by the way is a normal part of male development – and I must say I have repaid the pleasure in blood a few times over. Unfortunately, my wife has also paid and many times more than me. I expect too that the other party has paid a price but hopefully grown quickly from the lesson learnt. My comments based on my experience:
      I think it is quite natural for a man to be attracted to a younger woman, even if he has no intention of having children. I feel that drive is biological and the choice to abstain from having children is cultural/lifestyle based.
      I think there are women who are attracted to older men – and in any age group. However, I think that when it comes to first impressions, older men are on a hiding to nothing. A man really needs to have some sort of x-factor, some aspect of his being that is perceived by the target woman to be extremely desirable and difficult to find elsewhere. It is most likely going to be something non-physical and will have to be expressed over time.
      I think some older men are unrealistic in their expectations and should take a look at themselves in the mirror and in particular compare themselves with fit young men in the age group of the women they are chasing. Just remember too, that it is much easier for women to get away with body fat than men. I look in the mirror and can see stuff that wasn’t present when I was 30 and know I cannot expect to win a younger woman on physical presence and that in all reality there is minimal likelihood that I can repeat my “luck”. And in retrospect, I can say it isn’t worth it.
      If I were on the hunt, I’d be definitely looking for a woman in her late 30s but I have realised I already have a woman and I’m far better off working on what I already have.
      I expect criticism from the community and I deserve it. I am treating this as an important part of my therapy, being on the road to being comfortable in my own skin. Someone talked about insecurity – and hell yeah I have plenty of that, so much more than I had ever thought. And my wife? She is a great woman and I am lucky for that.

  122. the article is inverting what exactly is the social culture influence and what isn’t. If we replace the “fertile” age range with 25-30, males would still act the same way, being obsessed with having sex with them, but not wanting children. because its the not wanting children part that the cultural and social change since long ago. The sexual desire is STILL based on the genetic aspect. That you would even argue this using poor analogies and reasoning proves this article is bull.

  123. the article is wrong on one count: It IS about sexual attraction to the most fertile female, with the most survivability.

    The trifling fact that a guy doesn’t want a baby with them doesn’t mean they aren’t attracted for the genetic reason.

    Let’s make the case different. Lets say that 30-35 is the “peak” for females. All men would be trying to get into their pants, but the part of the man that can think about LONG TERM consciously, will still not want to have that baby/family with the chick. They just want to have sex with them because they’re attracted to them because of the genetic impulse to have sex wuith the most fertile and virile females. The brain that thinks rationally and in self-interest overrides this so that their attraction only leads to them wanting sex, and not family/babies.

    So you can see, the reason is still the same, the whole “baby” issue is malarkey because its actually THIS issue which has changed due to SOCIAL changes and reasons, and NOT genetics that have changed.

    point is, your argument is flawed because you’re putting the cart before the horse and inverting the truth about which part is society influence.

  124. As a woman in her 60’s, I honestly feel sorry for men who are only attracted to much younger women or as the title states “lusts after younger women”. There can really be much richness (emotionally, psychologically and intellectually as well as sexually) in relationships with women in your own age category. However, I feel more sorry for the daughters of all of these men because on an unconscious level they are sending a message to their daughter that when she older she will not be attractive to men her own age. When she ages, she will start to fear that she will no longer feel attractive to men. Women look to their fathers as role models as to how they can expected to be treated as women throughout their age span. Parents are adult role models to their adult children throughout their life. So I hope some men will give some more thought about what type of women you are attracted to. If your young daughter only sees you dating much younger women than than your age category, it literally sends her an unconscious message or perhaps even a conscious message that when she ages and she is single for whatever reason, men will not be attracted to her. And REALLY, the attraction or the non-attraction to people our own age has to do more with how we feel about ourselves (our fears, and how we feel about ourselves) as we age than it does about age of the person we are dating. The other side of the story is, the much younger woman will grow up and eventually will have enough jewelry and shopping and start contemplating her place in the world – she will one day wake up and look at you and wonder why she is there. It happens all the time. She will eventually feel exploited although she too was exploiting but she will be out of touch with that. Because she is young and not very insightful that is why she was attracted to a much older man.

    • Sorry, Dee, but I could think all I want about anything and it isn’t going to change who I find sexually exciting and who I am not turned on by. I think centuries of gay people trying to be straight – and failing – has taught us that sexual desire is not something you can change through thinking that it is a bad thing.

      If you ask us not to act on that desire, well, fair enough. But not to *feel* it? If your passions are such that you can control whether you feel them or not, lady, they are not passions as any that I have felt.

  125. “Men’s sexual desire is driven by culture, not evolution”

    No just no. What a load of old waffle. Evolution drives everything, even culture. Why deny science and reality?

    • Well I gotta add my two-cents here:

      I didn’t see where you picked that quote from, but for me a more accurate way of describing it would be: “Men’s sexual desire is driven by culture and evolution.” There is certainly an evolutionary aspect to it, of course. We have physically evolved so that certain areas of our body are more sensitive to physical touch than others. We have also evolved to seek out mates who would be the best with regards to reproduction. But that’s not all we are. If it were, we’d have never developed monogamy, or equated skinny with beautiful, or a myriad of other characteristics of human sexuality that are culturally specific.

      Culture is, in part, a reflection of our biology, and a reaction to the physical environment. But it is also the result of human agency. Human beings do not always create cultural mores around what is most advantageous biologically. We are complex creatures, and teasing out the origin of our cultural customs is a difficult.

  126. Wow. Just so much insecurity on here by both genders. And I really do not get the racist-based commentary in the posts. Just nasty. For the record, I’m 43, my wife is 37 and I have a son and daughter–and fear so much for them in this time of utter stupidity and sexual insecurity.I find it supremely ironic and hysterically funny that since childhood I’ve heard it said that men have this horrible fear of growing older and have midlife crisis looking like aged jokes. But I have to say, women have more than caught up. The headlines of female celebrities is both testament and reflective of the societal trend that women have a profound fear of growing older. Look at Demi Moore. Talk about a nuclear meltdown. And she’s a wealthy woman that can afford all the fitness gurus to keep her “young.” What chance does the average Jane have? Men today suffer no delusions about their fate. The movie Fight Club had already voiced what was unmistakably true: We will never be rock stars or porn stars and not going to get the super model babe and get an NBA scholarship. Just ain’t gonna happen. Which is fine. What you do is work hard and fine what you are good at. What is your passion? Have a life–not a fantasy and live life instead of a fantasy. For before you know it, you will be old. And women that think a 20 year old will want them when they are 30 and 40 for anything more than a causal one-night stand to them brag about nailing the MILF, they are far gone delusional. There is a genetic reason why men seek younger women when older–not old mind you–but older, like 5-10 years max. And there is a reason why women like older men. You can say all you want that there isn’t a biological reason like Hugo Schwyzer is falsely arguing, but you’d be fooling only yourself, for society at large throughout time and the planet show otherwise. Every human being, regardless of age, gender, or race, deserves love and happiness. To deny biology is foolish with this kind of role-reversed stupidity that men have done in the past. Sorry ladies: you are not a unique snow flake and will not be Kate Perry or a Victoria Secrets model. You’re an average Jane. Which is fine. Don’t be that aged joke that at the end is that lonely 30 or worse yet 40 year old women living “wonderfully single” alone in her apartment and two cats. And to you younger guys out there, don’t lead these women on when all you want is a quick lay.

  127. wellokaythen says:

    I haven’t read all 1100 comments, so forgive me if I’m repeating someone else’s ideas.

    I reply to the title question (“Is it natural…”) with another set of questions. Let’s suppose it is “not natural,” whatever the heck that means. I tend to think if something exists, then it’s a phenomenon, and it can be studied scientifically to some degree. I’m not sure how something that exists can actually be “unnatural,” unless it violates the laws of physics, in which case it can’t really exist in the first place. (There are theoretical/real particles that seem to violate what we might call the laws of physics, so even that is no guarantee. But they’re found in the universe or should exist in the universe, so they should be by definition “natural.”)

    So what if it is somehow “unnatural”? Is that the same thing as evil, destructive, wrong, and needs to be eradicated? There is something quite “unnatural” about the internet. Perhaps we should dispense with it? After all, sometimes the internet is used to exploit women and is used by rapists to seek victims.

    By the same token, if something IS natural, does that mean it is good, wholesome, defensible, and should be preserved? I’m thinking arsenic, snake venom, appendicitis, and cholera are all perfectly natural, but generally not conducive to human welfare.

    • Good point. I’ll do you one better. What if older men lusting after younger women isn’t “natural” but is instead “SUPERnatural”?

      Does “supernatural” mean good or bad or other? Are men in those moments possessed by demons or angels or something else?

      I have the same response to the phrase “male privilege.” I say no, being male is an honor AND a privilege.

    • I could hug you, wellokathyn, if you weren’t in another part of the world. 😉

      I think trying to argue whether it’s natural (by which people usually mean biological) or cultural is the wrong way to look at it. What we should pay attention to is what harm it does (or doesn’t) cause in our society. The article I think at least tries to look at the results of older men lusting after younger women, and doesn’t try to focus on the origins of it. And as you rightly point out, “natural” doesn’t mean good, and “unnatural,” doesn’t mean bad.

      As for whether older men lusting after younger women is a bad thing or not…I think it can be. It depends. I’m sure when I’m in my 50s and 60s I’ll still look at 20-somethings walking down the street and think, “oo that one’s got a nice bum.” There’s no harm in that. For me the problem comes when older men harass younger women…and in my own personal experience and from anecdotes from my friends…it seems to me that most of the cat-calling and so on comes from older men. I have rarely had a man who was from my same age group call out to me in the street or make sexual overtures, but I have had that happen from older men. That is where it’s a problem…when it’s unwanted attention.

  128. I’m lookimng for the kind of women in my backed to spend more than nufe time with on the my weekend ‘s and also throw the rest of my with in the near feacture in my sake as much for her as well and don’t if she reject my ass so many people uselee do on my be half. so many people that now don’t even act there act there age down earth and wourder why how in the hell so people down that fall in love in that town of algoma oh hell I can even find in good Old Sturgeon Bay in the feacture and beyond the hand’s of time throw out thev year’s to come where every theuy are my in general. All my life as I got old and whyour throw out my the kid’s get really thanin the year’s come ask every happen to year ago every fall apart that i acn remumber back in those ady up back than and I did n’t not go in algoma at all it was old Sturgeon bay high school class 1987 back befaore the internet so many people remumber back than because tey war here year ago.

  129. I think I understand where Traci C was coming from somewhat.

    I have an online dating profile, and though I set the age of my date between 20 and 30 (I’m 23), I still get hit on a lot by men in their 40s who, shall we say, have let themselves go. I am dedicated to staying trim and healthy, so it’s a bit of a turn-off, but more than that, the sense of entitlement some of them have as though they are doing me a service by hitting on me is even more of a problem for me.

    I can’t control who certain people find attractive; if they find me attractive, fine, but the implication that I should be flattered by the attention and them telling me I am “more mature than my peers” for talking with them if I send back a quick “thanks for the kind comments on my smile etc” is getting a little old. I don’t find it creepy per se – that’s a very loaded word and should be used very carefully I think – but just a bit exasperating. I can’t help but think of all the 40-something year old women out there frustrated that many 40-something men are too busy pining for girls 20 years younger than they are instead of looking at the women their own age.

    No matter how hot an older man might be, we are at different stages in life and experiences, and I am personally uncomfortable dating someone so far beyond my age range. It’s a personal quirk perhaps, but then all people have their own unique tastes in dating so…I’ll shut up, haha.

    • Still, I think this issue would disappear if there was an even proportion of adult males to adult females in our country, or maybe more males than females (then we’d have different issues). Some really out-of-shape, negligent (appearance wise) 40-60 year old men feel entitled to someone 20 years younger – they know that in a place like NYC, especially if they have a JOB, there are plentiful single women available. Yes, I know there are a lot of really out-of-shape, negligent (appearance wise) 40-60 year old women, too, but I don’t see them thinking they deserve ANY man except their husbands or boyfriends if they have been together for awhile. The single, good looking women age 40 -60 have slim pickings, especially when the same age men about equal in attractiveness want a trophy and our conventional society says younger=more prestige and status.

    • “No matter how hot an older man might be, we are at different stages in life and experiences, and I am personally uncomfortable dating someone so far beyond my age range. It’s a personal quirk perhaps, but then all people have their own unique tastes in dating so…I’ll shut up, haha.”

      Its very true that you are at different stages in life but so what? Can you learn something from someone who has already gone through what you have gone through. If you take the life experiences argument seriously than you should only date people of the same gender, culture, religion as yourself since any one of these things can massively alter life experience.

      I don’t believe the stage of life argument, life experiences or maturity. I think the true motivation is just age prejudice which I find odd. I think the origin of the age prejudice is our school system which segregates people by age. I used to have it. When I was in school I remember there was this idea that it was odd to interact with students younger than you….older than you was a good thing, but interacting with teachers was again strange.

      • Well I think the stage of life argument works sometimes, though not always. It depends on the individuals and it depends on what they’re looking for in a partner. A 20-year-old and a 50-year-old are in different stages of their lives. And so the question becomes, what do you want in a relationship? Does your partner end up treating you like a child sometimes because of your age? Or vice versa…does your partner treat you like a parent? Then there’s a problem…well unless that’s what you both want. And different religious beliefs can affect a relationship too. Yet again, it’s on an individual basis. But an Evangelical Christian and an agnostic will have some issues that others might not have.

        Now, because our culture largely treats teenagers as children, I think a relationship between an older man (or woman) and a teenager is a problem. Because then it’s not about different life experiences….it’s about why a kid is seeking a sexual relationship from someone who is an adult, and why is an adult seeking a sexual relationship with a kid. I know they aren’t physically children; they’re young adults. But culturally we do not put teens into the category of adult.

  130. Let’s make this even more confusing – why do men in their late 20s and early 30s and also men over 60 more openly flirt with me than men my own age? Why? Do middle age people just hate being around other middle age people? Because at this point, I almost expect the younger and older men to always be more open and friendly and complimentary, and the ones my own age are just dismissive, so now I have a negative attitude about most men my own age (40 – 60 year olds) too!

    • PursuitAce says:

      Wish I could help you out there. All my friends are military or ex-military. They don’t flirt with, hit on, or ask women out since it could be considered sexual harassment. I assume when they date the women have asked them out. But we really don’t talk about it. As for the civilian males, 40-60, you might be referring to, it sounds like they’re in it for sex and it’s all physical. They want the best trophy they can find. Seem like lost souls to me.

  131. I’ve noticed a lot of men complaining on this forum about how they shouldn’t be “judged” or “scolded” for being attracted to younger women. I totally get that. I’m a younger woman and I get a lot of attention from older men. I can’t say that I actually want any of that attention, but I’m not going to tell you who you can or can’t be attracted to.

    What I don’t get is how all these old guys EXPECT to get with younger women. I’m being approached by men, who in my opinion, are pudgy (or fat), losing their hair (or bald), wrinkly or saggy, etc. I try to be polite when guys like this come up to me (they are fellow human beings, after all). But I have NO desire to be with them physically! And from the reactions of most of the girls I know around these men – almost all of them feel the same way!

    I came across this blog in an attempt to understand why I have all these old dudes coming up to me. And reading this, I think it’s really hypocritical how all these older men are putting down women THEIR OWN AGE as being “fat”, “wrinkly”, “saggy”, “tired” etc. MEN, PLEASE LOOK IN THE MIRROR! I think A LOT of men are totally kidding themselves when they say that they are the exception (“I don’t look my age” or “I look really good for my age” or “I’m really fit/ attractive” etc). Try looking at yourself through a 22 year-old’s eyes and THEN tell me how good you’re 35, 45, or 55 year old ass looks! LOL. At least a lot of those old women had kids so that’s why their out of shape – what’s your excuse?!!

    Also, even if I could overlook the whole physical thing – the fact that they want someone so much younger kinda wreaks of MID-LIFE CRISIS (I should know – our neighbor just went through this!!!)! And there’s nothing attractive about it! Guys, you need to stop being in denial! You’re old – grow up! Sorry to vent, but it’s just really frustrating and CREEPY!

    • I gotta agree with your position 100%. I’m one of the guys complaining, and I also think that if I knock you for feeling that way, I’d be a total hypocrite.

      in terms of understanding it: I certainly don’t think that younger women should find me attractive, and when they do (and some do) I find it surprising, or wonder whether they are joking.

      But generally, young women who go for older men I think like assertive, confident older men. And more to the point, most older men think that the younger girls who like older men are going to like this about them. So there is no point in being unassertive – the ones who are not going to like you are not going to like you anyway, and you stand more of a chance with the ones who might if you act like that is the thinking.

      Hope that helps. For what it is worth, pretty well all of us- feel far less confident inside than we look. So I am not sure that working on the assumption that these guys actually think this stuff just because they look and act as though they do is a useful way of understanding why they act with you how they do.

    • I am sorry, but could you please mind your language in this one? Calling guys “creepy” has a similar (NOT the same) effect on guys as calling girls “sluts” for certain behaviour. It´s just not cool and you needn´t do it.

      Also, you are stating in which behaviour men should not engage, i.e. hit on younger women. But I´d be interested to know what is permissible to do for them. I will be old someday, but I am not physically attracted to older women. Would you say that men like me should just “suck it up” and accept their fate? Also some guys were not able to get with younger girls when they themselves were younger. 16 to 23 year old girls did not want me, generally. Can you imagine how that feels? That is an honest question – because judging from your comments it seems like you do not have problems getting attention from older guys, so I´m inferring a fortiori also from younger guys.

      • I agree with JS, that was pretty uncalled for. I think it is better for older men to understand exactly what is going on in the head’s of the younger women who they may try to hit on, just so they can understand how that may not be received well.

        However, I definitely think that tastes change as you get older. I believe when people age, they generally continue to be attracted to their age group. At least women are, so if you are a good deal older than a woman, then she probably will not be interested. Some of it may be physical attraction, some may just be because you’re at different points in your lives. So it wouldn’t be fair to say to “suck it up” and accept you’re not going to get young women, but you also need to understand that on average, younger women will be interested in younger men. If you only like young women, then it will be harder to find an appropriate woman.

      • JS: Why not accept “your fate?” Wome are supposed to accept the fact that by the time we reach 40 we’re no longer deemed desirable or dateable by men. We reach a certain age and suddenly we disappear in the eyes of society. We’re supposed to accept that our shelf lives are up and that we have to make way for our younger counterparts – who we once were and one day they will be us. Society says “you’re only good until a certain age so get what you can while you can.” And if you divorce or become widowed later in life you get judged or excluded for possibly having baggage….the double standard is sickening…Many women may not have attracted guys during the 20s and 30s and you know what we had to do… “suck it up.” Now we hit our 40s, 50s and 60s and it’s okay for society to label us as “pumas” and “cougars” if we find ourselves dating younger men. I may be approaching 40 but I certainly don’t appreciate the labels. Yet a 50 year old man wants to date a 20 year old girl and that should be acceptable and not considered “creepy?” Society should have pity on you because maybe you didn’t get the pretty, hot girl when you were in your 20s and 30s…please. Yes I say “suck it up.” Women are expected “suck it up” and accept our fates – only fair that you men should accept the fact that as you age you should grow up and put away childish wants and desires as well. Face it – none of us gets our youth back no matter how many young people we surround ourselves with as we age.

        • I kinda hoped that emancipation was about freeing women from their constraints, not tying men up with the same ones.

        • JS, we would, but that’s not really our fate. I’m 37, and my wife is 26. One of my exes was 12 years younger than me, and another was 2 years older. I have friends in their 40s who manage to attract women in their 20s. This is a two way street. Men will often be open to the option of dating significantly younger women because, honestly, many of the younger women are completely up for it – more than younger men are up for dating older women.

          In my case, my wife is smart, idealistic, and importantly – not jaded. Both men and women get jaded with age. If she was 40, that wouldn’t have made a difference – it would actually be better in a sexual sense, because older women are generally more sexually open. But I’m okay with waiting.

          Most of my friends – late 30s, 40s, some 50s even – have been pursued actively at some point by a much younger woman for a relationship. And in most of these cases, these men have rejected the advances because they want someone they can relate to (in a relationship that is – as far as sexual advances go, I’ll be honest, there have been very few rejections).

          So it comes down to this. It’s not fate. It’s options. Men pursue women of a wider age range because they CAN. Many younger women are very interested in older men – and these men have that option.

    • Fight the Power says:

      So what about the older men who ARE fit/attractive? Younger men are attracted to fit/attractive older women. Also, do you think that all younger men are super hot? What about the ones who are fat or unattractive? Oh and I know guys who have been balding since their early 20s. What should they do? Approach older women? Because older women aren’t anymore likely to be attracted to an unattractive guy than younger women are. And do you really think all younger women are super hot and entitled to a hot guy? Because there are tons of young women who are pretty unattractive.

    • Fight the Power says:

      I am 24 and have never dated anyone yet, and a big part of it is because of the attitude people like you have. I am not fat or balding, but I am not too confident about my looks. I’ve gotten mixed messages and for all I know, I could be ugly. Because of this, I’ve always been too insecure to approach girls because my thinking was always “if I’m ugly, then I have no business approaching them”. And now here I am. So do you think I did the right thing? Is that what every guy who doesn’t look like a model is supposed to do? Stay back and let you all date the hot guys? Guys have needs and it’s not easy for natural for a guy to spend his youth avoiding girls. So shame on you for expecting guys to do that. I really do blame people like you for my problems and honestly I hope you have nightmares every night for the rest of your life.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Oh and I don’t know your age or what you look like, but my standards are pretty high. If you are not black or hispanic, chances are you are below my standards, and even if you are young, it would be me turning you down not the other way around.

      • Fight the Power. You’re standards are pretty high and that’s why you don’t like white women?

        Wow.

        You know, I do not find most black women attractive at all, but I don’t credit it to having HIGH standards, I simply credit it to that not being my taste in women.

        • Fight the Power says:

          John, I never said I never said I don’t like white women. There are lots white women I find very attractive. I find beauty in lot of different kinds of women. However, when it comes to which women I will actually be open to dating, it is more limited to certain types that I find myself particularly attracted to. And because of the physical features I happen to like, these women are usually black or hispanic. But of course, there are also white women I would be open to dating, it’s just that there is a smaller number of white women than black/hispanic women. For example, when I see a group of 10 black women and 10 white women, I will most likely find a few of the white women attractive, whereas I would probably find MOST of the black women in the group attractive.

          The point I was trying to make is that even though the poster above seems to think she is too good for all those “old unattractive men”, it is very likely that I would have interest in her even though I may not be one of the attractive men, and I don’t think it will be any different if I was older.

      • ok fight, im not going to get into a whole mess with you. but i think maybe you should seek therapy or someone to talk to. this sites interesting so i come her like what, once a month, or every few months, and you’re always on this topic. you’re worried about why young women dont like older men, when you’re not even an older man. you’re like 24, why does this topic concern you so much. ask yourself that. i know why it concerns me(Because i get harassed by older guys), but it doesn’t bother me so much that i always feel the need to argue about it. if you’ve never dated anyone, maybe its because you’re always on here, and you might not try. you just think “well i know girls are like this and that, so i wont even try” wth? go out and just be you, and maybe you’ll find someone for you. worry about older men problems when you get there.
        Good Bye 🙂 ! and btw, this comment wasn’t meant to be offensive, so dont take it that way.

    • Fight the Power says:

      And here’s an interesting thought. You complain about older men hitting on you because “they should know we’re not interested”, but then why don’t you complain about 15 year old boys hitting on you? If you are 18+ chances are you are not interested in 15 year old boys, so then why is it ok when they hit in you? This is all just superficial and immature and you don’t mind if the person is “pretty” even if you are not interested in them.

  132. Leroy Joseph says:

    I am 57 and I don’t find women under say about 40 sexually attractive anymore. I have a 29 year old daughter. I think it would be a little weird to be sexually attracted to someone her age. Yet my wife doesn’t look any older to me now than when we met. It is because we have aged together. I am most attracted to women near my own age group or only slightly younger. If I came on to a 25 year old, I wouldn’t blame her a bit for treating me like an old pervert, because that is what I would be.

  133. Black and Hispanic and Asian women tend to look younger than Caucasian women ONLY as we get into our 30s, 40s, etc. Because that white skin can’t take the sun and ages faster. Easily solved with sunscreen.
    I just don’t get where Fight the Power thinks women only like young boy-looking men and not over-30s,. over 40s, etc. Son, (and I can call you that as I am 49), the women I know my age don’t even register young college-age guys on our radar EXCEPT when they are friends of our sons and over our house and I am running around serving them soda or whatever. (and the last thing I am thinking about them is if they are attractive or not!) I stand by my belief that women like men their own age the best. When I was in my early 20s, I did not like if a 40-something or older man talked to me unless he was drop-dead gorgeous like a Paul Newman or something, I liked men my own age. Now, I do not find the boyish faces of early 20-somethings sexually attractve, they are like kids to me; I find a mature man with some lines on face to be attractive, provided he doesn’t let his body go into a big pot-bellied mess. Right now I do think a certain 31 year old actor is gorgeous (Taylor Kitsch, check him out, much cuter than Taylor Lautner) but that is an exception, not the rule.

    • Fight the Power says:

      I’m no expert on what women are into and I’m not saying all women are into young-boyish types. I am just saying that when young women say that men over 30 are “gross”, I usually do not expect that when they are 30 they are going to be attracted to men their age. What we are attracted to PHYSICALLY doesn’t really change, just our dating preferences within that which we are attracted to. I mean, it CAN change based on experiences, but that varies from person to person and doesn’t naturally happen with age.

      • I disagree. I’m sure a lot of 14 year old girls didn’t view boys their own age as unattractive and yet at the age of 25 they would be hard pressed to date a 14 year old boy.

        As a male in my 40’s I can’t see myself being with a 20 something, because to my eyes they’re hot, but they look like Girls, not Women. I like women in their 30’s and 40’s. If they have absolutely no lines on their face, not even the laugh lines around the eyes, they look like children to me.

        This doesn’t mean I want a woman who let herself go. I want someone who takes care of herself, and there are plenty of women in their 30’s and 40’s who take care of themselves.

        • I happen to think it is natural for some men in their 30s and 40s to be attracted to women in their 20s and I do think some women in their 20s are attracted to 30- and 40-something men.
          But who you are attracted to doesn’t follow some conscious logic.
          I liked Richard Gere when he was in American Gigolo in the 80s and I was a teen, and I saw him on his 60th birthday and I would LOVE to have him as my man. So in reference to what Fight the Power said, my taste didn’t change much in a sense (he looks pretty much the same to me now as he did then), but the signs of aging on him (white hair, etc.!) did not decrease my attraction to him as I got older too – he defines male hotness from my current view!. But as a 20-something, I would NOT have been attracted to the 60-year old Richard Gere. There’s GOT to be some built-in changing in your taste as you age — not something I think about either, it is instinctive. John seems to have a similar view so I don’t think it is only women whose taste for men naturally (not by forced conscious choice) changes to go along with her age. Am I making any sense?

          • The “built-in changing in your taste as you age” thing you mentioned has been something I’ve thought about for a long time.

            Last week I was on the NY subway train heading into Manhattan where I saw this incredibly cute blonde, the kind that would have turned me into a puppy at the age of 23, but all I could think was, “Wow, I would have really been attracted to her when I was younger,” and while I recognized that she was physically attractive that was it.

            Later on in the day on the way home while waiting on a train platform I spotted a woman closer to my own age. We made eye contact a few times, and it turned out she was getting on a different train a minute or so later so I didn’t approach her (I also couldn’t see her left hand and I always check the ring finger first) , but I felt DRAWN to her. It was a completely different type of attraction. The woman much younger than me was attractive, but I wasn’t attracted to her, while I found the woman closer to my age attractive AND I was attracted to her.

            If someone reading this doesn’t understand what I mean between finding someone attractive while not being attracted to her this look at it this way. You can see a pretty painting in a museum, but that doesn’t mean you want to go to the gift shop and buy a print.

            • Fight the Power says:

              Yes, some people’s tastes do change as they get older the way yours have. But this is not built-in and I would bet that most men your age do not require a woman to look older than 30 in order to be attracted to her. I know for a fact that we are not wired to just be attracted to people our age, because I am 24 and when I see hot women in their 30s or 40s, I am attracted to them, and I have been since I was in high school. And I know for sure most guys will say the same thing. So why should older men not be attracted to younger women?

              When it comes to underage teens, it’s different. The reason I’m not attracted to them is because of the fact that they are considered children. However, purely in terms of looks, there is nothing unattractive to me about a 16-17 year old girl. That is why if I meet a hot girl my age who looks like she could be 16-17, I will be attracted to her. But if she is actually under 18(or 18 and in high school) I will not be attracted to her. Now, if we are talking about a 14 year old girl who hasn’t finished going through puberty yet, that is different, in that case, her looks are unattractive to me.

            • Fight the Power says:

              Note, I am not saying I PREFER girls who look like they’re 16-17. However, like I’ve said before, there is usually no difference physically between a girl at 17 and a girl at 21. So since I am physically attracted to girls who look 21, I am also physically attracted to girls who look 17.

        • Fight the Power says:

          “I disagree. I’m sure a lot of 14 year old girls didn’t view boys their own age as unattractive and yet at the age of 25 they would be hard pressed to date a 14 year old boy.”

          Again, it is different when we are talking about underage teens, especially when we are talking as young as 14.

          However, I should point out that 25 year old women do not consider 14 year old boys “gross” the way some younger women claim to find older men. Finding someone “gross” and not wanting to date someone are two VERY different things.

          • Fight the Power, you are only 24, I think it is normal that you find mature 16+ year olds attractive and would not think it strange if you dated someone 18+. I think most women I know, myself included, are having problems with the 40+ year old men who won’t consider a woman over age 25. And I definitely was unhappy when an obvious 40+ year old tried to hit on me when I was under 25. Especially when that is ALL he flirted with, and completely ignored women his own age – that does not seem natural to me. And I work with a whole lot of guys like this so I know it exists!

  134. Fight the Power says:

    Many of you seem to assume that young men are always approach women respectfully and that it’s always the older guys who are leering at them. I am a 24 year old guy who goes to college and I can tell you that is not even close to the truth.

  135. anonymous says:

    Hugo: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This article is right on. I am a 23 year old woman, and have always looked several years younger than I am. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been absolutely disturbed, repulsed, and let alone terrified by the “attention” of older men.

    I’m not referring to an “older” man glancing at me, smiling at me, or making conversation. I’m talking about 50-60 year old men (strangers) leering, making very inappropriate remarks, asking me on dates and then getting angry when I politely decline… It is obvious that I am not interested; there is no good reason for them to do this. If an older man is hitting on me, fine, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt; perhaps I look my age that day. It’s when they don’t get, or refuse to get the hints I am not interested and then continue their attempt change my mind that it’s a problem. Not only that, but if the man starts out politely, how do I respond? I feel horrible ignoring anyone; what am I supposed to do? If I answer their questions, I’m “leading them on,” if I ignore them, I’m a “b@&!*”.

    I don’t care what feminists say; women inherently feel the need to be protected. Our virginity (physical and emotional) is precious and should never be coerced or manipulated away from us. Men who leer, whistle, or make inappropriate remarks are only trying to exert their power over us. They’re letting us know that if they wanted to, they could overpower us and take whatever they want.

    Regarding a comment I read: Why don’t guys mind when older woman are into them? Because most men don’t feel the same need for protection. It’s not terrifying to them. Women aren’t “creepy” because they have no (well, to be fair, they have a different kind of) power over them. Yes, the power of rejection is absolutely heartbreaking (trust me, we’re scared of it too), but the power and possibility of sexual abuse is devastating.

    I’m not at all saying that these relationships don’t sometimes work out. My good friend (24 years old) is dating someone seven years older than her and I don’t see it as a problem, because of his character, her judgment, and so on. I just need people to understand where some of us are coming from. Not all of us are the dreaded feminists. We still admire chivalry – protect us. I know a lot of you men are gentlemen; don’t give that up.

    • I completely agree with you that the men behaving in the ways you describe that upset you are behaving in completely unacceptable ways. 100% agree with you.

      The author of the article, though, I think was arguing that older men should not even find you attractive. Which you don’t seem to mind…so I’m unclear why you agree with him!

    • Fight the Power says:

      anonymous,

      Yes, we all understand that it is wrong of men to approach women in the way you describe. However, wouldn’t you agree that this is even wrong if a guy your own age does it or younger does it? I’m 24 and I would never treat a woman like that, whether she is younger than me or older. It has nothing to do with age, it’s just inappropriate behavior. And as for your “power” argument, that would apply even if the man is young. In fact, if we are talking about physically overpowering a woman, when the guy is young he is probably stronger and thus more capable of doing that than a 50-60 year old man.

      What Hugo is saying is not the same as what you are saying. Hugo is a radical feminist and would probably disagree with your idea about women needing to be protected. His argument is that it is wrong for men to even be attracted to younger women, let alone approach them politely. And also, he is not just talking about significant age differences like 50 year old men approaching 20 year old girls, he is even talking about men as young as 30 being interested in you. Even at 24, I find this very offensive.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Honestly, your position does not offend me. I think it’s fair for women to feel threatened when they are approached in the way you describe. But the typical feminist argument has nothing to do with that. I really feel like it’s all about them being stuck up and thinking that older men have no right to approach them simply because they do not find older men attractive. Only someone who is immature and stupid would think like that..

      I am 24 and not one of those young looking ones, I could easily pass for 28. But I have never really dated anyone yet and I am still taking classes in college, so I find myself mostly interested in 19-22 year old girls. I am EXTREMELY offended by the idea that I have no right to be attracted to them. There is absolutely NO way it is harmful to girls for me to be attracted to them or date them and anyone who says otherwise is a feminazi liar.

    • anonymous says:

      Confession: I just found this website and read a few articles right after the other, so I got this article confused with this one: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-young-girls-really-seduce-older-men/ haha. Whoops!

      Yes, I definitely agree that it applies to all men regardless of age. It applies to the 10 year old boys that sexually assaulted a [male, I believe] classmate I heard about recently 🙁 And I have been inappropriately spoken to and stared at by men my age, and it upsets me just as much. But I have had many more inappropriate comments and whatnot from older men than those my age, for some reason, which is why this bothers me so much.

      I still do agree, however, that a 30 year old should not approach a 19 year old, or even a woman in college, due to the differences in maturity levels and life experience. I, at 23, wouldn’t have a problem dating a man in his early thirties as long as he was a solid guy. The problem with me is that I look about 19, so men that age who approach me might think I’m younger than I am and I would question their credibility, at least at first. If that makes sense…

      Here we go:

      I think that culture promotes the idea that humans are most physically attractive in the 18-24 range; popular celebrities usually fall within this range (or look the part). But wrinkles and any signs of age are considered “ugly” (and then there are the comments that they are “distinguished” in men, but unattractive in women – http://www.news.com.au/features/are-we-ready-to-see-hillary-age/story-e6frflcr-1111115148250 granted, that was Rush Limbaugh). But in my opinion, Audrey Hepburn in her later years was just as beautiful as she was at 20, wrinkles and all. Maybe even more so – her devotion to Unicef showed her inner beauty. I think culture/media also promotes the idea that we “deserve” what we want. My reason for saying all of that is: just because men are attracted to younger women doesn’t mean they are entitled to them.

      Two things that really resonated with me in this article are:

      “Kerry Cohen, author of Loose Girl and the forthcoming Dirty Little Secrets: Breaking the Silence on Teenage Girls and Promiscuity, argues that ‘when adult men sexualize teen girls, even just by ogling them, the girls are reminded that their worth in their world is dependent on how sexy they are.'”

      and:

      “This isn’t about infantilizing young adults. It’s about building a culture where good, kind, and responsible men serve as guides and mentors to young people, boys and girls alike, who need our safety and our strength.”

      This is why I find porn so destructive. I think men should do themselves and women a favor, and refrain. Especially from the type of porn written about in the “other” article (http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-young-girls-really-seduce-older-men/):

      “We see this theme in pornography. One of the staples of written erotica (both in serious literature and in modern porn) is that of the very young girl who seduces a much older man. A little Googling led to one website, “The Young Girl Erotic Repository.” It features an archive of stories, most of which feature the same thing: girls 12-16 (or even younger) seducing their uncles, teachers, pastors, and—astonishingly often—their own fathers.”

      ….Terrifying. I don’t find that natural. I don’t know how common that is, either. But even models and celebrities can look younger than they are; sometimes they are made to look younger than they are. I don’t watch porn so I don’t know for sure, but a pastor I listened to recently explained that many of the women used for porn are just “barely legal” and could probably pass for younger. I don’t know.

      • Fight the Power says:

        Ok, nevermind then , I don’t agree with you.

        Yeah sure there is usually a maturity difference between 30 year old men and 19 year old girls, but why does that make it wrong for the men to be attracted to them physically? Do you also think it’s wrong for 30 year old women to be attracted to 19 year old boys? Also, like I said, I’m 24 and I’m definitely still attracted to 19 year old girls. Actually many of the girls I’m attracted to look like they could be 16. If a girl is under 18, I’m turned off by her age, NOT her looks. I love black and hispanic girls and they tend to look younger. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And besides, age doesn’t determine maturity. Like I said before, I’m 24 and I’ve never dated anyone, so I see most 24 year old girls as being more mature than me since they’ve had relationships already. Honestly when I talk to 20-21 year old girls I feel like we are on the same level moreso than girls my age. Some of them may even be more mature than me. I think you need to stop labeling things as wrong when they don’t hurt anybody. Quite honestly, I’m offended by your assertion that it is wrong for me to be attracted to certain girls. And to be honest, I think lots of women only say this stuff because they are jealous of younger prettier girls.

        • Okay, fair enough. I’m sorry to have offended you, honestly. I’m glad to hear your opinion because I know there are flaws in mine. I’ve never made the connection that black/hispanic women tend to look younger – is that common knowledge? Maybe the men who are interested in me do realize how old I am.

          I think a lot of women who hold my point of view have been abused in the past, and we are extra sensitive to these topics. Some women are just angry, and some ARE likely jealous of the younger prettier girls.

          I would think a woman several years out of college at age 30 would have no business dating a 19 year old boy. But yeah, I’m sure some 30 year old women are attracted to Taylor Lautner (as I saw you had mentioned in other comments). Some of my friends are. Does that mean they’d date him if he was still underage? I don’t know.

          As I think about it, perhaps I’m not speaking against the fact that people can be physically attracted to someone 10-15 years younger then them. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong by being turned off by the age instead of the looks. I applaud the fact that if you were to approach and speak to a girl and find out she was underage, it seems you would instantly drop the idea. However, I don’t believe everyone has the same heart as you.

          What about 30 year old men who are attracted to women their age, or a bit younger, who look 16, and for whatever reason, can’t get a girlfriend. Some desperate men might find an actual 16 year old and seduce her to get what they want. This is where it is dangerous, because the age boundary can get lower and lower. Children are literally being prostituted everywhere so men can have orgasms. That’s where I think it’s hurting people.

          • Fight the Power says:

            I’m glad you understand my opinion a bit better. Yes I agree that child prostitution is a horrible thing and a big problem. But like I said, I think that as long as men realize that children under a certain age aren’t mature enough for sex yet and do not pursue people that young, then there is no problem with men being attracted to girls who look much younger than themselves. Also, the truth is, a girl usually doesn’t look like she’s definitely 16 or definitely 19, they could be anywhere between certain ages. I go to college and I usually can’t tell if a girl is an 18 year old freshmen or a 23 year old 5th year senior. There are many 23 who look younger than certain 18 year olds. The way a girl looks really doesn’t determine her age when we are talking about this age range.

            As for the desperate men, if they can’t seduce a girl over 18, then what makes you think they’ll be able to seduce a girl under 18? Idk, it’s never seemed to me like high school girls were any “easier” than girls a little older. Of course I see what your saying and I do think that is something to worry about.

            As for black an hispanic women looking younger, no it’s not common knowledge, it’s just something I seemed to notice. Actually, idk about hispanic women, I don’t see that many around here I’ve just heard that from someone somewhere. But I’ve noticed it with black girls and with asian girls it is common knowledge.

      • Fight the Power says:

        Oh and btw, you don’t determine a person’s age by how they look. There is no difference between the way a 19 and 23 year old girl look anyways. And if I see a girl on campus who looks like she could be 16, I’m still gonna assume she’s over 18 cuz she’s on campus! It’s common sense. You’re 23, not 19.

  136. I live in nyc. I’m 34 and hapily married to a woman I met in college in the city. I have 4 younger sisters as well. I have watched the same patter with countless women…it goes like this: Young educated women moves to the big city and decides she will have “fun” and use all her sexual power she has as an attractive young women for all its worth. She wants to try out the artist, the finance guy, the spanish guy, the white guy. The black guy, the artist, the club promotor….etc…..and at the end of it she plans on meeting mr. Perfect. But then reality sets in that she is no longer the adorable 22 year old flower she once was. Now she has been with many men, her looks have faded, she is more hardended by her experiences, she is no longer valued the same way by men.

    Now she realizes she’ll likely have to settle down with a man that is half as attractive as she could have snagged when she was in colllege, and could have uysed her beauty and youth to find a great life partner to grow with. Instead she has used the allure of her youth to sleep with different men and have “adventures’ and “experiences”. Its a trade off, life is about trade offs…its reallly very simple.

    Look, men are entitled to the fruits of feminism as well. And the flood of casual sex that feminists empowered single men with has changed everything. Feminism was the greatest thing to happen to the super single manchild….he now gets to have his cake and eat it. He has been liberated from commiutment at an early age and can now sow his wild oats with the army of single, educated “liberated” “empowered” women who make awesome dates, and are clever and lots fun. And then settle down with the multitude of nice family girls that just want a family, and don’t have all the baggage.

    Feminists don’t seem to undersdtand that men do not think like women. We don’t want a women who has “experience”…..we want a woman who can grow with us. Why would we want to settle down wth a woman that has given her best. Most attractive years to dozens of other men, when its just as easy in the post feminsist age to choose from all the younger women that will give him and him alone these best years of her life?

    • Julie Gillis says:

      Do you in this situation, as the male, have “experience” or are you hoping (globally) that the man and the woman would just give each other their best years. Best years how? Of beauty? What makes her less attractive as a 30 year old woman with experience? Her looks being less perfect than a 22 year old?

      Is a woman’s value her beauty and virginal nature?

      I guess I get your point, but it seems to say that no one over 30 or so is worthwhile, in terms of marriage or that any of the adventures someone has had (non sexual even) increases their complexity and interestingness. Just looks. Just innocence.

      I see nothing wrong of course with people marrying and growing together. I’ve done that myself because I happened to fall deeply in love at 25, but I’ve also met lots of amazing people at various points in my life who were older and I found them very valuable. I’d hope a mate would find them valuable too.

    • Hi John,

      I live in New Jersey. From a very young age I always dreamed of meeting a nice man and getting married. I certainly thought I would be married by now. I am now 30 and still not married. I have had a few long term relationships.I have had some short term relationships. Some relationships I ended, Some where ended by the man. I have rejected men. And I have been rejected by men. The fact that I am a woman doesn’t mean my life has been easy. The fact that I am a woman doesn’t mean that I was careless with men and “used” my “fading beauty” to capatalize on hurting men left and right. The fact that I am a woman doesn’t mean I am only as good as my 20 year old self. I’ve probably hurt a few men unintentionally when ending a relationship, and I know I’ve been hurt too.

      Now, I also have no doubt that there are women that use men. Whether they are 20 or 40. But I know that life experience is vastly more wide for women and for men then the picture you painted. And when men make the suggestion, such as you, that women “waste” their “youth” looking for experience, it seems to suggest that women are not full human beings capable of a vast amount of experiences both good and bad, even in their youth. And in reality, that is completely demoralizing to women in general.
      It’s true that some women and men want to sow their wild oats. They want to experience life. Stereotypically, when men want to do this, a lot of people think it’s healthy. It’s even suggested that men sow their oats before they settle down.

      If I had a say in it, I would have been married by now. But life is not perfect and neither am I perfect, or the men I have dated were perfect. I do know that I am a better partner today then when I was 20. And I bet that many 30 year old men are also better partners today then their own 20 year old selves. I would have LOVED to been with a man that wanted to grow with me. I’ve seen it happen with my friends who dated someone since college. That is certainly an experience I would have liked to have and a situation I would have liked to be in. I think that experience can bond people. But that was not the life I was able to create, despite wanting to.

      So excuse me if I am not the perfect human being men today are looking for. Young, perfect, mature, wanting to settle down…I’m a human being. And maybe that is what this is more about. An inability to see women as people that make mistakes and want to experience life and all it has to offer just like men do.

      It’s funny to me that you don’t think men should “settle down with a woman that has given her best. Most attractive years to dozen of other men..” But that somehow women are suppose to settle for men older themselves. Men that also inevitably, in terms of physical looks and age, gave their best to other women themselves.

      By the way, I don’t think my best years are behind me. I actually think I have more worth then I did when I was 20. I can offer a man so much more at this age then I ever could at 20.

      But I guess I deserve to be punished for the fact that I am 30. All because of an very limited and degrading mentality that pretty much demoralizes women as a group by suggesting we all eat men up an spit them out. You’re not that older then I am. When I went to college, there weren’t alot of men looking for committed relationships. There were lots of men that wanted to hook-up alot. Then I went to my first job and the young 20 guys still wanted to hook up. Men of our generations don’t want to settle down either all the time. Why do you get satisfaction out or perpetuating what women “deserve” because of this?

      • Fight the Power says:

        Erin, I’ve said this before, but you seem to be self conscious about your age. This is strange to me, because it doesn’t seem to me like most men consider 30 year old women to be any less desirable then younger women, so long as they take care of themselves. But then when I read some of your comments about how “it applies to men too”, it seems to me like YOU consider men at 30 to be already aged to the point where they are no longer as physically appealing as they were when they were younger. And perhaps this is why you expect men to feel that way about 30 year old women. Well, something you should know is that a man at 30 does not consider himself an “old man” who is no longer physically appealing and now needs to settle for a woman who is willing to overlook his shortcomings.

        I am pretty sure that when I am 30, I would not want to date a woman who is thinking “if I was younger and more attractive I would get with a hot 20 year old guy, but I’m too old now, so I’ll settle for this guy who is more age-appropriate”. That mentality is sooooooooo unattractive. Who wants to be with someone who makes them feel old? That’s why it’s a bad sign when younger women talk about how men over 30 are gross; if a woman wasn’t attracted to them when she was young, then why would she be when she’s older?

        • I’m sorry Fight the Power, but your post doesn’t address anything i commented on in response to John. Neither does it come close to representing anything I ever thought of said.

          • Martin_Chilled_out says:

            Hi Erin,

            You may not agree with many things that ‘Fight the power’ has to say but he is right when he says you are so self conscious about your age! Come on, you are just 30, just out of your twenties. And judging by this picture, I can’t say whether you are 22 or 30. You look like a young healthy woman. You may very well meet a mature attractive 25 year old guy & fall in love with him & may live happily ever after. Who knows? You need to get more fun out of your life, young lady….

            • Martin_Chilled_out says:

              And Erin,

              Don’t you also think that aging is a very individualistic & subjective thing–I have seen people (both men & women) in their 20s who look completely washed out, old & tired. At the same time, I have observed people in their 40s who look attractive. healthy & are very energetic. It’s not the chronological age that matters; but your attitude & most importantly what you eat & how well you play–I mean outdoor physical activities! I said this because I know women in their 40s with unending enthusiasm for life & eat and play well. May be I meet such people because I am now working as a paragliding instructor! So, I was saddened when I saw your comments about turning 30! I am not saying it’s all in your head–but you really can set your own rules and live your life according to your inner convictions! Anger & depression can really destroy your cells…

              All this may sound like unwanted advice but I couldn’t help it because I am a father & my daughter is around your age–she is 27.

              • Of course Fight The Power has the right to say what he believes in Martin. I totally agree. I just don’t see him responding in accordance to the conversation in my response to John.

                I agree that I am self conscious about my age. Girls learn very early how society seems to feel about women getting older. But I don’t understand why you feel sad about my comment about turning 30. I’m not the one saying 30 year old women are less attractive, that seems to be coming from a lot of men. That women are less attractive as they get older and men need to go for younger women.

                I totally agree that aging can be individual and subjective. That there are people in their 20s that look washed out. And I agree that you can live your life by your own rules. I am neither angry or depressed. But I do think how men view women and their aging process has an impact.

  137. marisela a says:

    since a young age i have had a discreet thing for older men. i am latina and when my neighbor and god mother got me a job at the la county dept of public works in alhambra, i would literally get hit on every day by older men. i was always strong headed and secure and would play it off. most were married so when they would hit on me at happy hour, i would pretend to play it off but secretly flirt. i would play hard to get and finally give in to them once i knew they were stable and not phycho…the first guy i gave in to was a 45 year old and we snuck away to palm springs for a weekend of wild sex..he was perverted and used me..

  138. First, we all are attracted to others of all ages, and as long as 2 consenting adults are involved, who cares.

    But I know a lot of women in my age group (I’m 49, so is my husband) are touchy on this subject and I think I know why – don’t know if this has been mentioned or not already, but in the US in general (and esp. in certain cities like mine) there are WAY more available females than males for the straight dating pool. Given that, a newly divorced 40 something woman is not going to get a decent looking 40 something man unless she really overhauls her appearance – because the 20-something women don’t have enough men their own age to go around so they are going for the older men. It’s just simple math.

    & I’d love to live somewhere where there are 10 good looking men for every decent looking woman! Just for the attention!

    • Do you think that there is an element of many older women no longer feeling as though they can blame younger women for ‘taking’ the men that they think should be theirs to choose from (as, quite rightly, as a society we are moving away from blaming women for every sexual thing that happens, certainly amongst the more progressive of us) and that leaves a ‘blame gap’. Rather than ‘those little hussies are taking all the men’ we have ‘men are psychologically sick for wanting those poor innocent girls who aren’t even grown up yet (look, brain scan! science!) and can’t possibly form meaningful relationships with them (look! I know someone whose relationship with an older man failed! MY relationship with an older man failed! I know an older man who just wanted to use the younger woman! Oh, I am going to ignore all the younger men who just wanted to use women their age, and all the other relationships that I know of of the same age that have failed!).

      Or am I just being silly here? I honestly don’t know – though I do know that most people, myself included, far prefer demonising someone else, or a group of people, to recognising that I may be the one at fault or have been dealt an unfair hand that really isn’t any specific person’s problem.

    • Fight the Power says:

      “there are WAY more available females than males for the straight dating pool.”

      Really? Because it seems like there is always an abundance of single men who are having trouble finding a girlfriend. Are you sure it’s not just that there aren’t enough supermodel-looking men to go around and that’s what most women are looking for?

    • Fight the Power says:

      Also, you seem to imply that young women only go for older men when they can’t get a man their own age. I don’t think that’s very accurate.

    • As an older man and an outsider to the personal relationship scene, I realize that I am socially non-existent, and no one cares what I think. Really.

      But I see jealousy as a major factor demonizing older guys lusting after young women. A man of 30 or 50 or 70 might consider any female of legal age as a potential date or mate, given a mutual attraction. But the women of his age consider him to be their “class year” or their “property”, so to speak. If he consents to their segregation by age, all is well. But if he jumps the age fence imposed by the women of his age, they are scorned, and we all know about women scorned. They then condemn him as being juvenile (“not mature”), a pervert, a cradle-robber, a child molester, or worse, whatever worse is, just because “old” is, maritally speaking, repulsive to him, however much he may prefer the social company of those his own age, or even the aged with their lifetimes of experience.

      Baggy and saggy “maturity”, burned-out “not-hot-ness”, and bitter, negative cynicism is just not as emotionally and sexually attractive as youthful beauty and vitality, “hormonal heat confined under pressure,” and innocence not yet burned. Whatever else she has going for her, if her chemistry doesn’t turn him on, he will probably prefer to stay in touch as a dinner partner rather than as her partner for the wedding feast.

      • Know what? There are so many exceptions to any general rule that these posts are not all that meaningful. 65 yo reject ( that is a sad name BTW) you actually made a good point – women do consider men their own age to be their natural dating and mating pool, I wouldn’t say “property” because I don’t think that way. It was a shock to me when I turned 40 and the 40 year old men started ignoring me. But I did start taking better care of myself, lost weight, etc. and now do get glances even at my decrepit old age (heavy sarcasm). Demi Moore, Johnny Depp – about my age. Attractive. Nuff said.

  139. The younger one says:

    I’m 21 and just recently moved cities.. In my previous city there was a guy who is 35. We were getting very close, and he was a really great guy , and i do believe that had i stayed where i was, we would have taken that last step into a relationship, but we did have our differences. The most notable thing he said that really brought up our age gap was ‘sometimes you girls really show your age’

    I do think that older men and younger girls can work, but it’s going to be a lot of work
    Most people in their 30s are ready to settle down and have a family, while people my age (generally speaking) are only just leaving the comfort of their parents and finding their own path in life.

    It’s difficult because i do like older men but the places we are at in life are so different. It must be hard for them too, having that interest in a younger woman and yet being so different (maturity wise, experience wise etc)
    For the guy i previously mentioned, he had loads of trouble with his ex – she was 22, he was 33, because her family was standing in the way. It broke his heart. It was tough for him to tell me about her. I think its a hard thing all around.

    I do think it’s sad that people seem to think it’s perverted though. Sure if the girls/boys are underage.. but when they are 18+ i think its up to them if they feel ready? Sometimes you can’t help that attraction? It’s just that chemical stuff in your head

  140. The comments by most women here are so depressing and condescending. I always have and always will find girls from the ages of 16 to 28 attractive (I live in an awesome country where 16 is the age of consent [because sex is less dangerous than driving a car]). I really don´t see that changing anytime soon. And it does not matter whether women want that or not.

    I really don´t get the point of trying to police a man´s desire. Seriously. Imagine, dear ladys, if guys tried to do the same thing to you. Actually, you are already fighting against it. It is one of the main tenets of feminism that a woman may control her own sexuality completely.

    So why can you not, in case you consider yourself feminist, grant the same thing to men? Like, you know, live and let life?

    • Since most of the comments centered around men finding more worthless the OLDER women got, how is it you feel depressed and condescended to?

      I find it depressing when anyone over the age of 25 finds 16 year old girls attractive in a sexual way.
      I also find it depressing when I hear older men lamenate their worth as they age while they disparage mine.

      I find it depressing getting told that I “wasted my youth” because I wasn’t married by a certain time. Assuming that I used men myself and now somehow I *deserve* to be alone. Or that I don’t deserve a peer and should only be with someone older then myself.

      I am hoping though for most men, sexuality is much more then a woman’s youth.

      • You seem to assume that I wrote certain things that I did not really write. I don´t think women get worthless when they are older. Of course they do not, I just may not be physically attracted to them, that is all. And I do not get what is so wrong with that. Also, I don´t think you´ve wasted your youth. If you didn´t want to marry, that´s very fine by my. I honestly do not care about when or if you get married – and I find it despicable when others would judge you for that.

        I have read comments written by you before and can tell that you are in fact very able to aptly comprehend comments made by others. I am puzzled as to why you would misunderstand me in such a manner.

        So I shall try to be clearer: Just as you or any woman does not want to be policed about their sexuality as long as it is in accordance with the law, guys also want to be allowed to find attractive who they find attractive. This is not really a choice either, just like it is no choice whether I am attracted to women, men, or both.

        In any case, if you express a (fake) taste judgement by saying that you find it depressing when anyone over 25 finds 16 year old girls attractive, I´d be interested in some kind of justification for that, like really.

        • What did I assume about what you wrote JS?

          You made some comments about what you find depressing and I responded.

          You are depressed by comments from the woman here. I feel the same about a lot of the comments from the men here. I articulated why. You don’t have to *care*, if I get married or not. That wasn’t really the point of the comment. The point of the comment was to illustrate ways men are judgmental and harsh critics of women.

          I think we have a big issue in our culture that doesn’t require men to grow and mature in their sexuality. Alot of male entertainment panders to a frat boy mentality about women. I think this has done alot to shape male sexuality. Some men do see to grown and mature in their sexuality, and that’s a wonderful thing.

          As for finding a grown man or woman’s attraction to underage teenagers depressing, (totally baffled why you included the word “fake” in here as if I would have a reason to lie about something like that), it’s simply because while 16 year old boys and girls have more mature bodies then their 12 year old selves, they are not fully grown adult human beings either. Either physically or mentally. They are still growing and developing in a lot of ways. And to me, it’s flat out strange that any adult would be attracted to someone in that stage. It really doesn’t bode success for either a man or woman to be with a partner attracted to teenagers that are still growing and developing mentally and physically.

          • Erin, I notice that implied message in many men’s responses too – like “Ha Ha! You (women) rejected me when you were in your 20s, now you’re in your 40s and I get to reject you!” I would just ignore it – there are nice men and women, there are mean men and women, and you have to search out the ones that are right for you.

            • You’re right IB. Thanks. I guess that mentality just bothers me because I didn’t “spend my youth” rejecting men left and right. Sure, I have rejected men but I have also been rejected by men. Regular men! It wasn’t like I was dating all 6 foot plus millioniares.

              • Erin I appreciate your comments and agree with most of all you had to say. I read “pascal” and others by men who seem to think after a certain age women are no longer desirable. I’m highly offended by the assumption made that because I’m 39 I”ve made choices, lived certain ways and am no longer capable of growing, being molded or easily impressed. This is why my younger counterparts are more desireable? I can’t tell you how many young women I work around who’ve had more drama, relationships and kids who are a fraction of my age. I feel a man may run from me because I’ve experienced so little in life when it comes to relationships and the physical. And yet a girl who is very pretty, 25, unmarried but may have 2 kids is more desireable than a woman in my situation? What’s funny is that the 20 and 30 somethings we are competing against now will one day take our places on these boards. And men who pursue them seem to think that for some reason they will stay naive forever. In my 20s and 30s I had older men approaching me – many I knew were up to no good when I was given numbers to call that weren’t home or work. The impression I got from guys my age who approached me made me feel like I was a last resort when the women they desired didn’t give them the time of day. I spent these years as a college student and later a young adult working to take care of myself as my parents wanted me to do. Now I’m almost 40, independent, never married, childless and I feel in good health and physical shape. I never believed in trying to use a man to just to impregnate me or make and I’ve gone from being dateable to “dried up” and undesireable? How is it okay for society to categorize me as such without knowing me yet we tell men it’s the norm to push aside women my age to pursue our younger counterparts? Why is it we must accept how society labels us but it’s okay for men to not grow up and pursue the women young enough to be their daughters and granddaughters? As women age we’re resorted to getting things pulled, tucked, and blown up to remain desireable to our male counterparts. It seems to be expected of us. Yet a man can look like h’s’ having twins – but as long as he has a paycheck, a house and a pension he’s entitled to keep a youthful woman at his side?? Up until I read this article I was actually thinking I”ve missed out on so much by not having major experiences in the world of dating. But after reading this article and comments I’m going to learn to be even more okay on my own path….society’s beliefs are just so messed up…I know now at this age I could never entertain a relationship with a man who could not appreciate the woman I am now. I believe in being young at heart but there comes a point in all of our lives when we do have to put away childish ways whether we want to or not.

  141. I have long ago given up what a woman wants. It is everything and everything and is culturally accepted.

    Done and Done.

    please try and extend the same to men from time to time.

  142. Sorry, do not see the benefit of dating women my age or older, maybe only for 1 or 2 exceptions, but in general nowadays women my age are burned out, lived out and want just a guy to comfort them and let spend his rest of his life towards them only. They did party, had their life experiences, traveled the world are oh so wise, but I look beside love from a partner something to shape and to see growing.
    That is only possible with younger women. Women my age want a stability I am not prepared to give.
    They want my full attention to give to make their life better on cost of mine. Not interesting for me. I have too much to do, to work for and enjoying in my work, just to go to spend my life and time pure to waste on someone else life. With a younger partner I can shape and show her the world, so she can discover it. I always leave the door open, so she is free to go , but always have a place to come back to, if she wants to. A woman my age does not need to discover anything. They should just understand, while they were busy with getting their life experience, they were getting older and now they want to settle and to have rest and be spoiled, they search for a fool, who want to give them that.
    Never I will date anyone my age(except as I said for a few free spirits I know, who are like me). I prefer to stay a whole life alone, using my time for my own and shaping younger people, than to waste it to pamper a woman of my own age.

  143. OK HERE I AM AGAIN I GOT DELETED AND I REALLY NEED ASOME FEEDBACK ON MY SITUATION.
    HELLO, i HAVE DATED THIS MAN SINCE I WAS 22 YRS OLD AND HE WAS 36 YRS OLD, I AM NOW 26 AND HE IS 41. WE HAVE A 1 YR OLD SON AND I AM DUE WITH OUR SECOND SON ANYDAY NOW. HE WAS MARRIED BEFORE WITH HIS EX WIFE AND THEY HAVE A 10 YR OLD DAUGHTER. THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 16 YRS. HE ALSO HAS A 20 YR OLD DAUGHTER FROM A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HIS EX WIFE. HE LOST HIS JOB AFTER 16 YRS WHEN HE MET ME AND HE HAS HEALTH ISSUES WITH HIS HEART NOW. HE LOST HIS HOME AND HAS NOTHING BECAUSE HIS DIVORCE. I ALSO THINKS HE CHEATS ON ME WITH HIS X WIFE AND SO I REALLY DONT LIKE THERE DAUGHTER AROUND BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THERE LAUGHING AT ME AND THEY ALL HAVE SECRETS TOGETHER. HIS OLDEST DAUGHTER IS BASICALLY LIKE MY FRIEND WE GET ALONG BASICALLY BECAUSE I THINK WE BOTH HATE THE X WIFE. I LEFT MY FIANCE BEFORE I MET THIS MAN, HE HAD NO CHILDREN AND HE WAS VERY FAITHFUL AND I THINK EVEN MORE MATURE THEN MY BOYFRIEND NOW. I THINK I MESSED UP MY LIFE NOW BECAUSE I LOST MY FIANCE AND I FEEL VERY STUPID THAT I AM WITH OLDER MAN, NO JOB WHO IS NOT IN GOOD HEALTH AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH KIDS NOW AND I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THEM IF I HAD JUST STAYED WITH MY X. MY X MARRIED NOW AND IS STARTING A FAMILY OF HIS OWN KAZAMA AND I FEEL SO STUPID BUT I TRY TO HIDE IT. NOBODY SHOWED UP FOR OUR SONS FIRST BDAY AND I THINK IT WAS MY FIRST REALITY CHECK ON HOW EVERYBODY SEES MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS MAN THAT IS 14 YRS OLDER THEN ME. HIS FRIENDS ALSO DIDNT SHOW UP. ALSO MY MOTHER IS 42 AND SO IS MY FATHER. I KNOW THEY ACT LIKE NOTHING WRONG BUT I KNOW ITS WEIRD THAT THE DAD GRANDPA AND GRANDMA OUR THE SAME AGE. WHAT WILL I TELL MY 2 BOYS WHEN THEY GET OLDER… SO LOST

  144. wellokaythen says:

    There seems to be an assumption in the article and in some of the comments that younger women have more fragile hearts than older men. Thus, if a May-December romance ends, it’s the younger person who feels the heartbreak and the older person who just shrugs it off and moves on. Maybe as a general tendency that’s true, and I’m saying *maybe*. It is not also possible that a younger person who break an older person’s heart?

    I am also trying to figure out what Hugo and others mean by psychological damage or emotional damage, especially how it’s different from run-of-the-mill romantic disappointment. Is sadness or anger at the end of a relationship automatically some sort of damage that only one of the two is responsible for? Is there a different quality of feeling somehow when your boyfriend is your age vs. slightly older vs. much older?

  145. JustAThought says:

    I’d like to venture a random thought that popped into my head as I was reading some of the comments above. Although men may be capable of having kids as they get older, I do not think that it is necessarily “Nature’s will” for men to be reproducing when they get old (like over 45 or 50). The incidence of erectile dysfunction increases significantly as men age, and I think that is Nature’s way of saying to some men “you’re too old to be having kids” just like the mean age of menopause for American women is 51 (not that you should necessarily try having kids up until then). With the advent of Viagara, the ED issue is sort of taken care of. Anyway, I just thought it might not be entirely Nature’s intention to have old guys reproduce until the end, for those of you who might think otherwise. But similarly, with the advent of all these Reproductive Technologies available today, the ability of women to have kids has been extended somewhat (admitedly to a lesser degree than men’s – but still greater than was expected in the past). I also think that if men wait too long to have kids, they will not be able to keep up with them and may possibly pass away before they are grown. I feel like with all the pharmacological and medical advancements made today, the biology excuse of “that 42 yr old woman is too old to have kids, I need a 22 year old” has kind of gone out the window. I know women who have had healthy kids at 47 (luckily women generally live longer!). Of course wanting the 22 year old for “other reasons” is still fair game! lol. Anyway just wanted to share a random thought. 🙂

  146. Evangeline says:

    So what I was trying to get at is, what if you did all that “preventative” work of not dressing/acting slutty, and you still get the unwanted attention? Can you entertain that perhaps anyone who rapes is mentally sick and that merely crossing paths with such a person can get you raped if that is already their mission? And yes, rape is a crime of control – it should be common knowledge to anyone with an education beyond high school, as they teach it in freshmen university psychology and sociology courses (which are part of General Education requirements, regardless of what major you are). Maybe go read some basic psychology papers on rape or at least Google it to get clued in with what most people already know. Clearly, you don’t get that bad things happen to “good” people in addition to “bad” people, too. From your very sheltered and naive view (“if it didn’t happen to me because I did XYZ, then it won’t happen to anyone unless they do XYZ”), it will probably take something awful to happen to someone close to you for you to ever see that. I’m just going to beg to differ with you (you sound quite hopeless!) and hope that you don’t have to one day realize how incredibly far from reality your opinion is.

    • If your still getting *unwanted* attention grow up and deal with the fact that you cannot control everyone on the planet. No actually I perfect not to think all criminals are motivated by mental illness because that usually gets them a get out of jail free card when they deserve to locked up. No, someone who is on a “mission” to rape is going to pick the easy target, not the person who seems like they are going to make their “mission” difficult to accomplish.
      I’ve read the basic psychology papers on rapists and I’ve interviewed actual rapists. They have a much different view as to why they rape than what psychologists think. I did all that research after my Aunt was brutally raped and murdered. Yes, she did almost everything possible to protect herself and it still happened–hence the good things happen to bad people–because no amount of prevention stops all criminal behavior.
      It’s kind of why we have and need jails. So please brush up on your reading comprehension before telling me what I have to say is wrong. You are obviously not understanding what I am saying. I know how close to reality my opinion is. There is a reason I own a 150lb Rottie/German Shepard mix and a gun and why I will never live alone.

      • *Bad things happen to good people.

      • What conclusion did you come to about why men rape Emma, if you don’t mind me asking?

        • The first thing to know about rape is there are two kinds of men when it comes to rape. Those who WILL rape (1-5% of the male population) and those who WILL NOT (95-99% of the male population.) The second thing to know is rape is about “getting off” some need the power over/humiliation of the woman/man/child to get off or have an orgasm, others just want to have sex. Some are angry at the woman/man/child they raped and others believe she/he wanted to have sex with them. Some feel the woman/man/child slighted them in some way and she/he was deserving of being raped, i.e. she/he owed getting him off as payment for however she/he slighted him. Some a just mentally disturbed and need to be locked up in a facility for the criminally insane. A “normal” man is NOT going to rape a woman because of power or humiliation or whatever other reason a psychologist deems is the reason men rape. Criminal men rape and it is important to make the distinction between “normal” men and criminal men because criminal women also rape for about the same reasons. Although men are treated unequally more harshly by the criminal justice system.

          I put normal in quotas because I didn’t want to hear any whining about the definition of what normal is. Normal is a person who won’t commit criminal acts in everyday situations(i.e man asks woman for phone number and she rejects him.) That’s how I am defining it for this discussion.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Rape and “unwanted attention” are two VERY different things. Just because you don’t think a guy is hot and don’t really like him flirting with you, doesn’t mean he is doing something wrong.

      And like I have stated before, girls in their late teens are often physically indistinguishable from women in their mid-late 20s. I usually can’t tell if a girl is 19 or 25 just by looking at her. so are you suggesting that men over 25 or 30 or whatever should not approach women at all? Because that would be kind of ridiculous.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Also, a girl can’t say it’s ok for some men to approach her but not others. Either it’s ok for a man to approach a woman or it’s not, it can’t change based on whether or not the woman happens to be attracted to the guy.

      • Dear “Fight;”
        Relax! It’s OK to speak to women!
        IF a woman doesn’t like you, she’ll let you know.
        But give yourself a chance before you walk away from a woman you like!
        Liz

  147. It’s actually kind of simple. If teenaged girls would stop dressing like sluts (Opps, I know wrong of me to say–where is SlutWalk when you need it?) then men in general would probably stop looking at them and seeing an object for sex. I know the little princesses should be allowed to dress however she wants, but when a woman dresses to catch the eye of men, she really can’t complain when men look even when she doesn’t want them to look. When I was 12 my mother only let me dress like a 12-year-old and while I do have large breasts (even at 12) older men didn’t approach me because I looked like the child I was.

    Stop blaming men for everything. We need put some responsibility on women. That girl’s mother should have made sure she was dressed in a way that didn’t encourage men to think of her in a sexual way.

    As a teen I hated that my mother wouldn’t let me dress like the girls popular with boys/men. Now that I have my own daughters I completely understand where she was coming from and fully plan to make sure my girls wear age appropriate clothing.

    • Evangeline says:

      EMMA – Wow. Are you serious??? If women didn’t dress like sluts, guys wouldn’t harass them?? I come from a conservative household with a very conservative mom who I’m close to. I dress conservatively and professionally, but I have been hit on by a number of older men in and out of the workplace. I don’t dress like a slut, nor do I act like one. How I dress and act is completely INDEPENDENT of how men choose to behave. How can you expect WOMEN to take responsibility for MEN’S ACTIONS?!

      Do you honestly think that every single female that an older man (or any man) pursued was dressed like a slut? Some men like the idea of innocence, chastity, and a challenge. Ever think of that? Lots of older men (and men in general) want to be your first to take your virginity- that’s why they chase after ridiculously younger women. Some men want to manipulate and control. Most men like the idea of a woman that hasn’t been around with lots of guys – so they zero in on women who look sexually-naive or conservative. Maybe it never happened to you, but there could be other reasons (besides your clothes) for that. Maybe you had a low incidence of perverts in your area, maybe the pervs liked your boobs but thought you were an ugly kid, so they moved on to other girls, maybe you never actually crossed paths with any actual pervs so there was no opportunity for them to hit on you, maybe things have changed since you were young, who knows? If you think that dressing conservative and acting conservative is going to prevent men from leering or hitting on your girls, you are in for a very rude awakening.

      Really hope that when your daughters hit 18 and are out of the house (and out of your supervision), nothing bad happens to them at college or in their young adult lives. Because if something does happen, I would imagine you asking your crying, distraught daughter over the phone, “Well what were you wearing? You MUST have been wearing something slutty, otherwise why would men be groping/ drugging/ raping you? Men don’t do these things unless you are asking for it, so take some responsibility! ” Women with your attitude of blaming the victim rather than the perpetrator, MAKE ME SICK! God is so very good that he made you someone else’s mother and not mine. He is even better to have kept people like you out of my life and away from the people I love. Praise be to God!

      • Evangeline says:

        And also, you clearly have NO IDEA what the SlutWalk is about. I’m not thrilled about the idea of women dressing provocatively to make a point, but I support the basic principal of the walk: Blame the perpetrator, not the victim. In case you don’t know, rape is generally not a crime of sex or passion, but a crime of power and control. Men who commit rape generally are looking to humiliate and dominate a woman by violating her body.

        • Yes, I get SlutWalk, it’s about a woman being able to do whatever she damn well pleases and ignoring the possible consequences of those actions. I don’t lock my door to keep good law abiding people out of my home. I do it protect myself from criminals. I do not support SlutWalk for two reasons, 1) It’s slogan is ‘Sluts Say Yes’ implying if a woman is dressed like a slut she is automatically saying yes and 2) It naively gives women the impression they can do whatever they want because they have no responsibility for their own personal safety.

          Perpetrators of crimes should be fully prosecuted under the law, but people also should take commonsense measures to protect themselves. It would be lovely if we lived in the world with no criminals, but we do. To naively walk around and do whatever feels good and expect nothing bad to happen is unintelligent.

          Did a woman’s study course or a physiologist tell you why rapists rape? Ask a rapist and the whole power and humiliation thing isn’t usually on his list of reasons. Whatever his reason, it doesn’t excuse criminal behavior. I never said a rapist shouldn’t bare the consequences of raping, I am saying that women need to wake up and take responsibility for their own safety.

      • Did you read what I wrote?

        Obviously bad things happen no matter how many precautions a person takes, but I do not believe demonizing men as group fixes social problems in anyway.

        People should be responsible for their own behavior. I feel bad for people who are victimized, but it pisses me off when that victimization could have been prevented in the first place. Prostitutes are the most likely to be raped. Do I think they should be raped? Of course not, but I do think if they changed their profession they are less likely to be raped just the same as person is less likely to be electrocuted if they don’t work with live wires.

        Actually, my husband is the type who liked the young, conservative type. Yeah he hit on me, yeah he’s older, but I still wouldn’t call older men hitting on younger women harassment. And oh yeah, we’ve been together happily for 18 years, married for 13 of those years–and I was in my teens when we met.

        The way women think it’s alright to sexually harass men with purposeful visual stimulation to provoke arousal by the way most of them dress makes me sick, especially when they then call harassment because a man they didn’t want attention from gives them attention. If a woman is gonna dress in a way to attract the attention of men, she should be mature enough to realize and deal with the fact she may attract the attention of men she might not want to attract.

        I am teaching my children to see reality as it is and not how I wish it was. They needed to understand every action has intended and unintended consequences. Bad thing happen to good people and as they say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Why let my girls naively believe they can do whatever they want without thought of consequences, and that goes for every aspect of life and not just what pertains to the sexual conduct of other people.

        It’s not blaming the victim, it’s helping to prevent other women from being victims–but of course that’s bad when it might infringe on her right to do whatever she wants without thought of what the unintended consequences might be.

        • I live in South Beach (the southernmost section of the City of Miami Beach, Florida). Women here wear next to nothing all the time, and there is NO ELEVATED RATES OF RAPE HERE.
          The greatest danger citizens face here is from the city police, who routinely shoot black men dead.
          Otherwise, however, walking down the street during the day or dressed up for a fancy night out, women here commonly wear shorts that expose a large part of their ass. For another example, I’ve seen women walking along the street in broad daylight wearing sheer, lacy body stockings with nothing beneath but a thong and pasties.
          Just north of South Beach is a beach where nude bathing is allowed.
          RAPE IS RARE HERE.
          Sometimes consenting couples — whether homosexual or heterosexual — can’t seem to wait to find a private place to be intimate, but there is no elevated rate of sexual assault of any kind.
          IF you imagine that sexually provocative fashion is the cause of rape, you should move to the Middle East, where women are often obliged by law (and social custom, too) to cover themselves in public from head to toe.
          bur·ka   [boor-kuh]
          noun
          a loose garment covering the entire body and having a veiled opening for the eyes, worn by Muslim women.

    • I’ll cop to it if no one else will: a woman does not need to be dressed “slutty” for me to look in her direction. In fact, the more outrageously, flamboyantly revealing the outfit, the less I am likely to take a long look. I can tell you from firsthand experience that wearing a conservative pantsuit is no guarantee against being ogled. There are women who work where I do who wear hejabs that cover all the face except for the eyes. They have quite sexy eyes, in my opinion. They are clearly not dressed sluttily.

  148. Are we really here to enforce our own hang-ups and baggage on other people? The anti-burger people banning burgers, the burger people banning tofu – how about “I don’t like burgers, but you can eat what you like?”.

    (That’s, um, a metaphor, yeah? Unless metaphors make you feel yucky too).

    • Hey Tibby,

      I love your metaphhor. Hahahah….”The anti-burger people banning burgers, the burger people banning tofu…”

  149. “Everyone who doesn’t have the same taste as me is wrong or unnatural or lying and YUCK and has the same motivation as the awful person I once knew!”.

    Jeez, how about everyone’s different and stop being so judgemental?

  150. I’m 32 and don’t find younger women attractive…never have. I don’t find them sexually desirable either…no fantasy or as you say, late night jerking off to porn. I’m good looking and not over weight for my age either. I can read right through young women and there flirtatious childlike behavior- only turns me off more. I’m attracted to women my age with similar mindsets. Don’t be fooled into thinking every guy is dying to get into some 20 something girls pants. I think women over estimate men and there desire for younger women. Shit gets old quick. Give me an educated woman that takes pride in her looks, has self respect and class…now that’s fucking hot.

    • That’s really refreshing, Fred. I don’t know many guys in their 30s or older, but I hope guys like you aren’t in the minority! 🙂

  151. As a 24 year old woman dating a man 13 years my senior, believes that to find love, however or wherever you may find it, you must be extremely lucky. I can’t understand people’s obsession in categorizing others that don’t fit their particular “moulds” and would hope that any mature minded person could take a view on life that is far from self-centric. Being as it is, a complex world with various different and competing demands whether they be cultural, social, socio-economic, employment/education related, religious, emotional, psychological etc, I believe that it would be, at all times, totally inappropriate to believe that we could rightly take a polycentric and completely individualized issue and pass judgement on it (unless of course it offends our Criminal Code, in which case I capitulate). I am thankful for the tolerant and accepting society in which I live (Australia 🙂 ), that mainly nourishes both myself and my relationship and hope that one day everyone can be afforded this degree of respect for every aspect of their life.

    Here’s a few reasons why I love and adore my older man:
    * he is an amazing intelligent person with whom I can discuss many aspects of my life,
    * we have had similar experiences growing up and from these take a deep shared bond that flavours our perception of the world without requiring verbalisation as such,
    * he is supportive and encouraging of my career goals and thoroughly approves and encourages equality as regards finances, future time spent care-giving to children and sharing of other domestic duties,
    * he is emotionally stable and financially secure
    * we have amazingly open and honest lines of communication, which we both work at maintaining and nourishing
    *he is a sensitive and caring in pleasing me, and I in turn love pleasing him and he allows total freedom of my sexuality and
    * most importantly he makes me happy!

    Please note that none of these things are predetermined merely due to his birth date and it would be a total fallacy to believe this. I love, respect and value my partner because he encompasses all my values, dreams and desires and because we have a full and total understanding of ways in which we can express any issues we may have.

    Unfortunately articles such as these are taken entirely out of context and dont take into account the myriad of complexities that are apparent in life as we know it.

    • Vanilla –
      Thank you for sharing your personal experience of love and happiness with a man of a different age than you!
      I agree with you that love is a very individual experience, not confined to the dictates of birthdates!
      Liz

  152. I’m 21 and I hate hate h ate when older dudes try talking or flirting wiht me. :-\ I think its disgusting and I just totally wanna run the F*ck away or like mace them or something. lolz. It’s just nastee to me, like their old pervs or something. Sorry, but that’s just how I feel. Pls, just stay away from me!

    • Fight the Power says:

      Wow. Ok, I understand if you aren’t attracted to older men or if you think they are too old for you to date, but you talk as if they’re committing a crime or something JUST FOR TALKING TO YOU! Actually, part of me thinks maybe you’re a troll, because of your horrible spelling. Are you 21 or 12?

      Btw I wonder what you’re going to do when you’re 30. People don’t become attracted to something they think is repulsive n omatter how much time passes by.

  153. Thank you for this fantastic article! I think it’s very much on point.

    I am 28 years old. When I was 16, I dated a man who was 30 years old. I dated him for 1.5 years and lived with him for a year. At the time, I thought I wanted this. Now, looking back, I was out of my mind. I was a little baby. HE should have known better. How do I know? Now, as a woman of 28, I cannot even look at an 18 year old male and think of him in that light. To me, he’s young, developing, growing. I’m sure that when I reach 30, I will feel even more like this. Not to mention, an 18 year old guy is a kid to me with no life experience and not a lot in common with me. Where would the connection be in that? My current fiance is 9 months older than me. That’s a bit more like it 🙂

    To “Fight the Power” above, I understand where you are coming from on most of your points. I would have argued right alongside you when I was 18. Honestly, I really would have. Something changes as we mature as women. Maybe in 10 years, you will still believe everything you are saying now. But there’s a pretty good chance that the 10 years you put between you and your current age will shift your perspective a bit, if not completely. When I was younger, I ONLY dated older guys. I didn’t date a guy near my own age until I was 26, because that’s how long it took me to realize that what you’re saying, nice as it sounds, just doesn’t check in at the end of the day. Would you date an 8 year old? I am sure this sounds INSANE to you, right? But the main reason for this is because that is a child compared to you, but I bet when you were 8, you had crushes on 8-year-old boys. It really does continue along like this. Each year just adds maturity in ways we cannot fathom until it actually happens. For a 40-year-old guy to go after an 18-year-old girl seems just as sick to me. You don’t wanna even know what is going on in that man’s head! You are 18 and if I were your big sister, I’d smack the stupid off the face of a 40-year-old date if you brought one home with you! Often, a mature PERSON (man or woman) is attracted to someone they have a lot in common with, and life experience is a MAJOR factor in this. If a man is attracted to a much, much younger woman, chances are that something is a bit (or extremely) “off” in his emotional development, which means he’s a cesspool for dysfunction, hence a bit dangerous for the fragile growth of a sprouting young woman. Many men like this like how easy it is to control a younger, inexperienced woman. I have a few curse words to describe these types.

    Please don’t see my feedback as a way to condescend or discredit your opinion. I just don’t see things the way you’re describing them based on my own personal experiences, observations, and personal research.

    • AMEN, Ashe! You are very perceptive! 🙂

    • Fight the Power says:

      Ashe, first off, I am a guy. I am 24 and I am attracted to younger women as well as older women, but right now I kind of prefer to date the younger ones(19-22 year olds).

      I am only 4 years younger than you and I do not agree with your statements at all. I don’t think this will change as I get older. Seriously, how many guys have you met who think it’s creepy for older women to be into them? Probably none, because guys have no problem with it. So I really don’t see why it should be any different with women.

      Tell me, if you had an 18 year old brother and he was dating a 30 year old woman, would you feel the same way about that?

      • Hi Fight the power,

        If you are 24, you can date someone 22. That’s absolutely fine; but, a teenager (18 or 19) will be too young for you because there will certainly be a difference in maturity levels. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that a 19 year old teen will have a 24 year old’s maturity. She will realize it only when she reaches 24 or 25. Teen brains (male or female) are still developing…They may come across as sexually mature but they really are immature in a million other ways…Mass media usually portrays teen girls as hyper sexualized creatures but that’s far from truth…On this comments’ section, everyone is in a dizzy trying to force maturity on teen girls–they don’t want teen girls to be included in children so that they can go after them without any guilt what so ever!

        • Fight the Power says:

          Ideally, I would rather date someone 21 or older, but I don’t think it’s wrong for me to date an 18-19 year old. Yes, they tend to be less mature, but so what? I’m not planning on taking advantage of them or anything. And dating aside, I don’t see how just being attracted to someone and flirting with them can be harmful to them even if they are too young to date you. When I walk around campus or at the mall and see pretty girls, I don’t know how old they are. Lots of girls look like they could be anywhere between 17 and 25. Now, if I meet a girl and find out she is 17 then I’ll be turned off because of her age. But if she is a 22 year old who looks like she could be 17 then yeah I’m still gonna be attracted to her.

        • Fight the Power says:

          And if we are talking about casual sex with no relationship, then I don’t see how it’s any different for a 19 year old girl to have sex with another 19 year old guy than for her to have sex with a 24 year old guy. If she is just looking for sex, that’s all she’ll be getting either way, so I don’t see why it’s a problem. And actually, the 24 year old guy is probably more educated so he would be more likely to practice safe sex and be more mature about it in general than a 19 year old guy.

        • Fight the Power says:

          And LOL @ “you can date someone 22”. I don’t need your permission to date anyone. Who do you think you are, the dating police?

          But yeah, I’d better hope that’s the case, because I’m still in college, so I’m not going to be meeting very many girls over 22. And to be perfectly honest, I find that 21-22 year old girls are pretty much on the same level as me, even more so than girls my age actually. I haven’t really dated yet because of personal issues and I’m still looking to play the field and enjoy my youth. Many 24+ women are focused on their careers and some are looking to settle down. That’s not where I’m at in life.

        • Fight the Power says:

          Two of my replies are still awaiting moderation only one got posted.

      • I have to agree here to an extent. If you’re 35 and the girl is 19 that’s a huge developmental difference. The older we get the less this gap occurs. When I was 29 I was with a 43 year old woman, but it wouldn’t have been the same if I was 19 and she was 33. Compare 22 year olds to 28 year olds. There’s a noticeable difference as most people are actually getting over their teens in their early 20’s much the same way a 13 year old isn’t terribly removed mentally from an 11 year old. They still have the little boy/girl aspects to their personalities.

        Right now I’m 45 years old and sure, I see plenty of incredibly hot 25 year olds, but I also have to TALK to them so I prefer women 33 and older. They’re outgrowing the drama normally associated with people in their 20’s, they have enough life experience in order for me to find them mentally stimulating and, I have to say it, they’re also better in bed – the physical and mental go hand in hand. A relationship is not one or the other, it’s both.

    • Fight the Power says:

      But I do respect the fact that you follow your own standards. I think most women who bash older men who go for younger women(like Pat on here) actually ARE attracted to younger boys themselves and they just have a problem with it’s an older man and a younger woman.

    • Fight the Power says:

      Oh and the thing about 8 year olds doesn’t apply. When you are younger, age matters more. When I was 17-18, I found 15 year olds to be too young and was not attracted to them. But now I am 24 and I am still attracted to 19-21 year olds and don’t see them as being children and don’t even see a major maturity difference between me and them.

      • Beyond the age of consent, we are all adults, regardless of our age, with the right to accept advances from or refuse and to pursue or retreat from other adults.
        I find the point of view expressed by the author of this article to be patronizing to young women. The co-ed upon whom he based his silly lament appears to regard herself as a child. It’s unfortunate that this professor, to whom she confided, has chosen to support this woman’s neurotic view of herself as a child.

        • Hey Liz,

          Don’t even start with this age of consent thing—that’s only a legal formality.
          A 20 year old girl is no way going to be a match in maturity levels of a 30 year old man. Only another 30 year old woman will understand what games the 30 year old man is up to. As for teen boys & girls who are legally adults(18 & 19), they have some serious growing up to do before dating people older then them. There is something known as emotional damage too! Just being physically mature doesn’t mean they still not kids! They are in many ways& you know this!

          • Fight the Power says:

            So then when do you think that people are old enough to date older people? And do you really think there is one age that applies to all people?

            “Only another 30 year old woman will understand what games the 30 year old man is up to.”

            So you don’t think that 20 year old guys play games? Actually, most 30 year old men are looking for a committed relationship with a woman, while most 20 year old boys are out to convince girls to sleep with them. If you ask me, it seems like young girls need to beware guys their own age if anything.

            “There is something known as emotional damage too!”

            Are you saying that most young women who date older men go through emotional damage as a result? What about all the emotional damage girls go through from getting hurt by guys their own age? Also, I’m curious to know what you think about men dating older women, do you also think they go through emotional damage or is it only when the man is older?

            • “So you don’t think that 20 year old guys play games? Actually, most 30 year old men are looking for a committed relationship with a woman, while most 20 year old boys are out to convince girls to sleep with them.”

              You hate it when other people generalize. But you are doing the same thing too when you say “most 20 year old boys are out to convince girls to sleep with them.” Now, how can you speak for all 20 something guys out there? I & my boyfriend are 22 and we may be only dating as of now. But, he is far very serious about committing to me than I am now. I want both of us to settle a bit in our careers before moving in together or getting married. But we are not dating casually at all. I haven’t even flirted with another guy ever since I started dating him. And I am sure I won’t find him ugly when he turns 30.
              And, yeah, I will answer your question. I don’t think 30 year old men are ugly at all. They could be very hot as you mentioned. I have also seen a lot of hot 30 something women too. But I think a 19 year old boy is better off not dating a hot 30 year old woman because she might be able to keep it very causal but he might not be. So, there could definitely be emotional damage though physically he may be lusting after a hot woman. But you forget that the same scenario applies to younger women too. A 30 year old man may be looking for commitment more than a 20 year old guy simply for the reason he has had enough & now he wants to settle down. He will definitely be more settled in his career & might have already had his share of fun in his life. Most 30 year old men would have finished their college too. So, these 30ish men shouldn’t forget that young 20 something girls need to go to college and generally find out what they want to do in their lives. By fun I don’t necessarily mean sexual fun…it’s about finding about life, travelling, trying different subjects for studying or just being plain silly having a good time with friends & life in general. That light heartedness will be lost if a 20 something girl settles for a 30 year old guy. Same is applicable to 20 something guys too. In the long run, though even a 20 year old guy can play games and be manipulative, a 30 year old man is more likely to cause emotional scars in a 20 year old girl than a 20 year old guy. And I will tell you why. When I was 18, I could clearly see through the games guys in my class would play on me or other girls. I could see right through that & avoid such guys till I met my current boyfriend. I am also able to see that he has a great deal of emotional intelligence & is optimistic about finding someone to grow old with. But if I at 22 go for someone 30 or above, I might get deluded by his need for settling down and mistake that readiness for commitment for love. In fact, that commitment has everything to do with his age—be it 30 or 35. Not love. But when my 22 year old boyfriend is ready for commitment, I know that it has nothing to do with age. So, just don’t assume that only men above 30 are ready for commitment. And men 30 and above ready for commitment with a younger woman may doing it for his own motives only. Being ready for commitment is not some sure shot way to avoid emotional damage in relationships.

              • Fight the Power says:

                You’re right, there are young men who are ready for commitment. It’s not fair to say that all younger men are just looking for sex. However, it is pretty safe to assume that there are more 20 year old men who are not ready to commit then 30 year old men. But I really don’t think that many 30 year old men are looking to commit to a woman they aren’t actually in love with. Typically, if a guy is ready to commit himself to a woman, it means he is in love with her.

                Fair enough. While I don’t agree with you completely, your reasons are not completely superficial and senseless like many other women who hold this opinion.

            • Totally agree with you.

              The dating police needs to stop. Let people do what they want to do if they’re past the age of consent. There are so many stories, so many different people, so many different circumstances, the idea that there are rules to follow is simply absurd.

          • Fight the Power says:

            Also, does this “emotional damage” just apply to relationships or hook-ups too? What if a 19 year old girls thinks a 30 year old guy is hot and just wants a casual sexual relationship with him? How is that any difference from having a casual sexual relationship with a guy her own age? And again, would you answer the same if it was a 19 year old boy having a casual sexual relationship with a 30 year old woman?

          • Fight the Power says:

            Oh and..

            “Just being physically mature doesn’t mean they still not kids!”

            Tell that to all the women(probably yourself included) who drool over Taylor Lautner.

            • Oops…I don’t drool over Taylor Lautner at all….I am 22; but I don’t drool over a 19 year old Taylor. I actually like this guy in my editing class who is way hotter than Taylor Lautner. He is around my age only. May be you are drooling over a childish Selena Gomez and hence you jump into conclusions about others’ preferences. I am more clear headed now at 22 than I was in my teens; so, I don’t think teens are mature at all. Men just want to scream at the top of their voices that teen girls are mature so that they could be guilt free(Men like you included).

              • Fight the Power says:

                Wow, you’re 22? I thought you were older. A 19 year old old is only THREE years younger than you. That’s nothing. What, does a person have to be born in the same year as you in order for you to date them or something? Really you usually can’t even tell the difference between a 19 year old and a 22 year old, they look about the same.

                Actually no, I am not attracted to Selena Gomez. I actually didn’t know she was 19 until recently. I assumed she was 16 or 17 because she is dating Justin Bieber. Idk, I just don’t find her attractive. But in my experience, you’re probably one of the few 22 year old girls who doesn’t think Taylor Lautner is hot.

                • Fight the power,

                  I don’t see TL as only 3 years younger than I. I see him as a teenager. And I genuinely think I have grown as a person from 19 to 22. And I know I will further emotionally mature as I go from 22 to 25. Didn’t you think that 15 year old were kids when you were 17? That’s nothing, right? Taylor Lautner…eeks! At the same time I think am lucky to have my 22 year old boyfriend and am not attracted to 30 year old men who are ‘been there done that!’ That’s my personal preference. I actually don’t like the fact that they are so mature! And if they are not mature at that age, I wonder how silly they are being so immature at that age. I myself don’t see myself pursuing 20 somethings when I get to that age. I should be a successful entrepreneur by then married to my current boyfriend.

                  • Fight the Power says:

                    At 17, yes I saw 15 year olds as too young. But 2 years makes a bigger difference in that case. That is the time when they are going through puberty. 15 year old girls tend to not be fully developed physically, so it’s often pretty easy to tell the difference between a 15 year old and a 17 year old. But a 22 year old v.s. a 19 year old, I usually can’t tell the difference. Physically they are both fully developed and 19 year olds are no longer in high school and many of them no longer live with their parents and have already gone out into the real world. I’m not saying they are fully developed adults or anything, but they are mature enough for certain things, among them dating and sex.

          • Fight the Power says:

            Also, why don’t you complain about 17-19 year old guys who date 13-15 year old girls. It happens a hell of a lot more often than 30 year old men dating 18 year old girls. But it doesn’t seem to bother you, because this is all about enforcing the league system; you think 30 year old men are ugly, therefore they have no business pursuing hot young women, but you think teen boys are hot so they can pursue whoever they want. Nothing but superficial bs.

            • So then when do you think that people are old enough to date older people?

              I think people are old enough to date older people when they are 25 and above. It’s applicable to both men and women. Neurological developments occur till age 25. My big brother is 26 & he told me that he started perceiving everything more clearly when he was around 25. He refers to me & my boyfriend (we are both 22; well he is 3 months older) as you “kids” whenever we all hang out together. He really has more maturity than both of us, for sure.

            • 13 -15 year old girls’ (and boys too) bodies are developing. That’s why I didn’t include them in any of these discussions. They are below the legal age & there is no need for them to date. I started dating only when I was around 19…In my opinion, these underage girls should be stopped by their parents or big sisters/brothers if they have any.

          • Joy –
            It is not necessary for you to tell me what I “know,” as you have attempted to do in your remark.
            I stand by what I wrote.
            It’s a big world out there. Disney World is NOT the real world, which is why it costs a lot to go and spend time there.
            Grow up!
            Liz

    • How about a 16 year old who makes out with 13 year old girls? How about a 18 year old guy with a 15 year old girl? Even a 21 year old guy with an 18 year old girl? In each of theses cases the devlopment stages of the two are way too different. Even teh nmost matyre 18 year old girl is not at the same stage as a 21 year old man. If the two happen to be at the same stage it is probably because the 21 year old guy is an emoty shell who is not enagaging enough for women his own age.

      The whole sexual attraction arguement is so shallow. Relatiionships that work go beyond that. You beed to be friends with each other, have common interests and have similar desires. The closer in age and background, the more likely this to be. The younger the people the more important it is that their ages be the same. Girls do not mature faster than boys. They are forced to act older than what they are. My wife (who is the same age as me) foudn this out the hard way.

    • First off, dating anyone under 18 is illegal and I think that’s great. Mixing different-age relationships with statutory rape is just smearing the former, and an insult to men. Most men are not pedophiles. I am guessing the websites with underage girls are popular because of the added “you really shouldn’t do this, and you never would in real life” factor. I am enjoying young girl’s sexuality – I think it’s funny, it’s a fact of growing up, but I’d definitely not even think about doing anything about it. When I was 19 I actually had a 14 year old girlfriend who desperately wanted to lose her virginity, but even at 19 – a stupid teenager – I knew that there was just no way I’d do that.

      Now I am 39. Older men date younger women IMO mostly for the lack of baggage, the care-free-ness of younger women. My theory is that this all has to do with the biological clock: Women, once they pass 30 have to basically look for a man to settle down with if they want to have kids and a family. Maybe they don’t care about that at 29, or at 31, or at 35 – but at some point, before 40, it will hit them – it’s got to be now, or never. There is nothing wrong with this – it’s just a fact of nature.

      If you’re 20 and disgusted with us men hitting on you – that’s your good right. You do what you want. But there are many girls who are into older men – when I was 20, 25, I never knew that but as I got older the pool of available women kept growing. At 35 I can date any woman from 20 – 40, and plenty want to. At 25… not so much… too young (looked like 18, admittedly, I am a babyface), maybe not enough money, who knows?

      BTW my wife is the same age as me (we met 10 years ago). But I can very much see, especially as I get older, how a woman 10 years younger than me would be OK, too. A woman at 18 is just a kid, serious relationship very unlikely. But a woman at 29 is mature and can make a perfectly good partner whether you are 29, 39, or 49. As we get older, age differences matter less.

      • Hi Nik,

        You sound like an ignorant person with no knowledge of the new scientific developments in the field of reproductive science. Yes, there are men who father children into very advanced ages & you may come up with examples. But the plain truth is that no sperm bank will accept sperms from men above 40 years of age. Till a few years ago, there was no sufficient technology to observe & study human sperms. Now we can. With each ejaculation, chances of DNA copy error increases. Like every other cell in a man’s body, sperms also age. And aging sperms cause birth defects, spontaneous abortions and miscarriages. Men above 40 are almost six times as likely to have children with autism compared to that of men under 30. Such researches were applicable to only women in the past. But now we know better.

        So, if a young woman of 25 decides to have a child with a man above 40, her chances of having a miscarriage or having a child with birth defects increase despite her being young. Those societies in which it’s norm for young women to be with much older men also don’t care much about women’s reproductive health. In certain Asian communities, if a woman miscarries, it’s only her fault. If there is infertility involved, it’s also her sole responsibility. They are made to pop out babies till a healthy male heir is produced or are forced to undergo abortions if the fetus is female. Ever heard about Asia’s missing girls?

        • What I am basically saying is that the same science & researches that said women have a biological clocks are now saying that men have biological clocks too! So there goes your argument out of the window about “facts of nature”.

    • Hello Ash I seem to get no response here and i read your comments and you basically are about the same age as me maybe 2 yrs older and have same views as me only i am in this situation and i really dont know what to do i am stuck. heres what i wrote earlier . please tell me what your thought are and if theres any hope for me ……HELLO, i HAVE DATED THIS MAN SINCE I WAS 22 YRS OLD AND HE WAS 37 YRS OLD, I AM NOW 26 AND HE IS 41. WE HAVE A 1 YR OLD SON AND I AM DUE WITH OUR SECOND SON ANYDAY NOW. HE WAS MARRIED BEFORE WITH HIS EX WIFE AND THEY HAVE A 10 YR OLD DAUGHTER. THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 16 YRS. HE ALSO HAS A 20 YR OLD DAUGHTER FROM A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HIS EX WIFE. HE LOST HIS JOB AFTER 16 YRS WHEN HE MET ME AND HE HAS HEALTH ISSUES WITH HIS HEART NOW. HE LOST HIS HOME AND HAS NOTHING BECAUSE HIS DIVORCE. I ALSO THINKS HE CHEATS ON ME WITH HIS X WIFE AND SO I REALLY DONT LIKE THERE DAUGHTER AROUND BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THERE LAUGHING AT ME AND THEY ALL HAVE SECRETS TOGETHER. HIS OLDEST DAUGHTER IS BASICALLY LIKE MY FRIEND WE GET ALONG BASICALLY BECAUSE I THINK WE BOTH HATE THE X WIFE. I LEFT MY FIANCE BEFORE I MET THIS MAN, HE HAD NO CHILDREN AND HE WAS VERY FAITHFUL AND I THINK EVEN MORE MATURE THEN MY BOYFRIEND NOW. I THINK I MESSED UP MY LIFE NOW BECAUSE I LOST MY FIANCE AND I FEEL VERY STUPID THAT I AM WITH OLDER MAN, NO JOB WHO IS NOT IN GOOD HEALTH AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH KIDS NOW AND I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THEM IF I HAD JUST STAYED WITH MY X. MY X MARRIED NOW AND IS STARTING A FAMILY OF HIS OWN KAZAMA AND I FEEL SO STUPID BUT I TRY TO HIDE IT. NOBODY SHOWED UP FOR OUR SONS FIRST BDAY AND I THINK IT WAS MY FIRST REALITY CHECK ON HOW EVERYBODY SEES MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS MAN THAT IS 14 YRS OLDER THEN ME. HIS FRIENDS ALSO DIDNT SHOW UP. ALSO MY MOTHER IS 42 AND SO IS MY FATHER. I KNOW THEY ACT LIKE NOTHING WRONG BUT I KNOW ITS WEIRD THAT THE DAD GRANDPA AND GRANDMA OUR THE SAME AGE. WHAT WILL I TELL MY 2 BOYS WHEN THEY GET OLDER… SO LOST

      • Dear “ITS ME,”
        Your situation sounds very difficult — with a small child to care for, and you are also pregnant again; your husband is out of work, and you suspect he is cheating on you! What’s more, your parents are not supportive of you or attentive to your son, their own grandchild!
        (Please do not blame YOURSELF for your parents unwillingness — maybe inability — to give the love and support you and your son need!)
        From what you write, sounds like you are under an awful lot of stress and are feeling a lot of rejection from the people who should be most supportive of you, your husband and your parents. Especially during your pregnancy, when your stress is also damaging to your unborn baby, you really need a lot of love, someone who is in your corner, supporting you emotionally, at the very least!
        For the sake of yourself and your kids, you must get the support you need to cope with the many challenges you are experiencing all at once right now.
        If you don’t have a close friend, a confidant, someone who cares primarily about YOU and will listen attentively while you discuss your feelings and concerns, please contact a church, which will have a range of support available to you. Or call a crisis line in your community, where help may also be available to you.
        Considering your husband really should be your closest friend, have you discussed with him your suspicions that he is betraying you with his exwife?
        Is he getting any employment counseling?
        From what you have written, it does not sound like he is committed to the family you have created with him. Considering, as well, your remarks about your regrets over marrying him, it might be that separating from him will allow you to find a new life for yourself and your kids while you are still young.
        Meanwhile, you should know that a lot of people make big mistakes as they enter adult life in their 20s, including especially in regards to marriage choices. A lot of young people do not appreciate until after they are married the huge impact of marriage in their lives and in the lives of their children, too, of course.
        I really did not understand what I was getting myself into when I married (a man considerably older than me) when I was 24. (Eventually I discovered that he was gay, but never came out of the closet, kept marrying women to try to keep up a façade for his conservative, wealthy family, who supported him financially – but not emotionally — throughout his life.)
        You are not alone, but you must reach out beyond your family for the help you need — and deserve — since your husband and parents are not supportive of you.
        Sincerely,
        Liz

  154. @Fight the Power, YOU ARE COMPLETELY CORRECT!!!! 🙂 Although I wouldn’t want to date a 19 year old or a 46 year old, I would much prefer to be hit on by the young, fit, attractive 19 year old boy over a 46 year old geezer. But also note, the 19 year old is much closer to my age (25) than the 46 year old. Yes, that’s shallow, but so is a man in his 40s who ignores women of his age and goes exclusively for women in their 20s, because they are more attractive and he can’t help who he’s attracted to. Neither of us can help who we find attractive! Older men (which doesn’t include you – you are in your 20s!) can justify your desires for younger women with “it’s biologically natural”, but that doesn’t mean it will be reciprocated, because younger women may not be attracted to you. In my remarks, THAT WAS ALWAYS MY POINT! Glad you are finally getting it! In my entire life, I’ve honestly known of only ONE younger girl that hooked up with (not even dated) a man in his 40s. She was a student failing in our class and she hooked up with the newly-divorced prof. She was a girl that NO guys her own age wanted – she smelled funny, she looked funny, she acted weird, etc. But to the 47-year-old prof she was the jackpot – he got to hook up with her, she passed her class – it was win-win! Although practically all the girls (and guys) in our class gagged out of disgust because our prof was super old and ugly, but that’s off-topic. So don’t lose heart – clearly, there are exceptions to old guys ending up with young chicks! I’m sure lots of guys on this forum can regal you in stories about how they landed a younger girl. I’m just saying – go for it, if that’s what you want. But you can’t change younger women’s preferences for mates, so if you are constantly striking out, reassess *your* criteria for a mate. And no, at 24, you are NOT too old for college women (I’m talking about big age gaps)! 🙂 So go for it! Good luck and I hope it works out! Take care.

    • Fight the Power says:

      NOW we’re getting somewhere!

      Ok, so you’re saying the ONLY problem you have with older men hitting on younger women is that younger women aren’t attracted to them? Ok. So then I have to ask you this, what about attractive fit older men? Also, what about young guys who are not fit and attractive? Do you think it’s wrong for THEM to hit on you? Also, 46 is a bigger gap than 19. How would you feel about a 31 year old guy hitting on you? Would you prefer that over the 19 year old or is that an old geezer too?

    • Fight the Power says:

      Also, if you don’t find older men attractive at all, what are you going to do when YOU’RE older? Are you going to date men you aren’t attracted to or are you going to change your opinion on this topic? Because either one would make you a hypocrite.

  155. 100% lazy guesses going on for this bit, decided to think up a random theory for the nature debate.

    Based on wiki’s life expectancy I’m going to make a wild guess that the life expectancy during our evolution stages would have been what, 30 years? If this is true than people over 40 would have been quite rare and possibly non existant, how can we assume women like much older men? Pretty much 15-30 would be a fertile time for both men and women, so if there is a built in preference wouldn’t it be for this age range in both genders?

    Possibly males are more attracted to fertility, youth and health whilst females are attracted to mates who can provide for them, if that is true then any age male can fit that depending on his income/resources these days since physical strength isn’t all that’s needed any more to provide. But fertility, youth and health are still pretty much locked in to a more narrow range.

    Tear the quick theory I made up apart, just adding fuel to the fire for debate. Quite frankly I believe attraction is a mix of nature and nurture, some will be instinctual and some will be from our experiences + our thinking brain. There’s no one size fits all approach to attraction either, people reallllly need to remember that!

  156. Hi Scott,

    You are a middle aged man attracted to young women. And I would not call you a pervert as long as the women you actually have sex with are CONSENTING ADULTS.

    But I have to disagree with you when you say it’s natural for men to go for younger women since they can father children at any age. You sound like an ignorant person with no knowledge of the new scientific developments in the field of reproductive science. Yes, there are men who father children into very advanced ages & you may come up with examples. But the plain truth is that no sperm bank will accept sperms from men above 40 years of age. Till a few years ago, there was no sufficient technology to observe & study human sperms. Now we can. With each ejaculation, chances of DNA copy error increases. Like every other cell in a man’s body, sperms also age. And aging sperms cause birth defects, spontaneous abortions and miscarriages. Men above 40 are almost six times as likely to have children with autism compared to that of men under 30. Such researches were applicable to only women in the past. But now we know better.

    So, if a young woman of 25 decides to have a child with a man above 40, her chances of having a miscarriage or having a child with birth defects increase despite her being young because birth defects caused by aging sperms are known to occur irrespective of the female parent’s age. Those societies in which it’s norm for young women to be with much older men also don’t care much about women’s reproductive health. In certain Asian communities, if a woman miscarries, it’s only her fault. If there is infertility involved, it’s also her sole responsibility. They are made to pop out babies till a healthy male heir is produced or are forced to undergo abortions if the fetus is female. Ever heard about Asia’s missing girls?

    So, from a biological point of view, young women are better off with fellow young men. But you certainly can keep your social point of view & your personal preference. No one can stop you as long as you keep it legal by going for only adults. And, yeah, 45 or 50 year old dad of a 20 year old girl would certainly hate it if her boyfriend is closer to his age than her daughter’s age. Not all middle aged men are in the same station in life as you are now. I am a young father of a healthy baby girl (I am 27 now & my wife is 25) & we would very much like it if she marries a young healthy man her age after she grows up into a capable young woman.

  157. Scott – You’re 43 and they’re 17? Younger women are great, but even *I* think that’s a little gross. And you’re argument against homosexuality makes little sense.

  158. This is my last comment to all – there’s nothing wrong with desiring a younger woman. If you can get one, go for it, rather than arguing and fighting with people online about how it’s “natural” and “biologically reasonable” to like younger women. Just go out and do it and prove everyone wrong (instead of blogging in hypotheticals)! If, after, all your efforts, you can’t seem to land the coveted younger woman, maybe consider that younger women just aren’t that into YOU and find someone somewhere in between what you want and what you can actually get. I’m not going to fight with anyone, so don’t bother trying.

    • Well, in that case you disagree with the author of the original article, who seemed to equate desiring younger women with curb-crawling for 12 year olds!

      And to be fair, I don’t think that many people (certainly not I) have suggested that younger women generally like older men. As I put it in my first post:

      “I think it is clear that fewer women in their 20s are attracted to guys in their 40s than vice versa (I think The Onion has done a piece on a teenage asian woman who really had the hots for balding, fat old men), but as a previous poster has mentioned, would you write an article suggesting that ugly people should not look with desire upon the beautiful, or that obese women should not look with lust upon athletes?”

      The question that this blog deals with is: “should we be down on men who desire younger women?” The author thinks ‘yes’. I, and by the sound of your last post, you, think ‘no, good luck to them – but they’re probably not going to be that successful in getting what they want!”

      So hurrah, we agree!

      🙂

  159. Hi Fight the Power – I didn’t even see you pose a question to me before. I just randomly checked back at the blog today and skimmed Carmen’s response bc it was the last one there. I kinda skimmed your comment just now and you asked something about what if I got hit on by a 19 year old? If I did, I’d take it as the compliment it was intended to be, and move on my merry way. Although 6 years isn’t a huge age gap, there’s a lot to say about maturity and mindset. He probably wants very different things out of a relationship at his age than I do at mine. Ditto if the guy is 6 years older. So what’s your point? I’ve always preferred men my own age, at each stage of my life, like I already said. And if you really are as young as you say you are, the problem of young women finding you unattractive is a long way aways. So I’m not sure why you are so compulsively angered by this topic.

    And just so you know, I don’t come back to this blog often because there’s a lot of activity by a lot of people – it’s hard to keep up with. I also find it sad and draining to read your comments. I’ve only read a few of them, but they sound kind of hate-filled with more interest in picking fights and telling women how stupid they are, rather than understanding why women feel the way they do. Female comments on a male blog offers men the unique opportunity to learn the female perspective and use it to date wisely. But rather than take this as an opportunity to get some insight, you chose to chastise women for not thinking the way you do. It makes me feel that any discourse with you (and most people here) will end in fighting, nit-picking, and persecution, so what’s the point? So don’t be offended if I don’t respond to your (or anyone’s) posts. I’ve mostly given up on following this blog anyway. I wish you all the best in your romantic endeavors. Take care.

    • Fight the Power says:

      The point I was trying to make is that you are complaining about older guys hitting with you, yet I know you would have no problem with a younger guy hitting on you. You said the reason you think it’s not good for older guys to pursue younger women is because younger women aren’t interested in dating the. But you aren’t interested in dating 19 year old guys either, so then why aren’t you complaining about them hitting on you? It makes no sense. Now, if you wouldn’t have a problem with a guy 6 years older than you hitting on you, then that’s different. But believe it or not, there are many women who are creeped out by attention from guys 6 years older than them. Yet you will never see a woman who is creeped out by attention from guys 6 years YOUNGER than them.

    • Hey Pat,

      I can see why you are fed up with this blog, and I consider it wrong to insist that anyone replies to anything.

      Couple of points though. “Female comments on a male blog offers men the unique opportunity to learn the female perspective”: please don’t infer that i mean this bitchily, but this is hardly a unique opportunity.

      ” you chose to chastise women for not thinking the way you do”: some men on here do that, sure, as do people of all genders on blogs: radical feminists, if anyone, I think being the most guilty of this. What I, and many other people on this blog are chastising women for, if we are chastising, and I guess we are, is for feeling that a) every guy who behaves in a certain way does so for the same reason, and b) believing that every form of relationship that is not to their taste is entered into with bad motivation. The corollary is also unlikely: that every guy who dates someone their own age is doing so for reasons of mutual personal growth and the like.

      No need to answer :). I’d love to hear your view though.

      (For what it is worth, and i don’t want to feed the troll here, but I disagree entirely with Scott’s post. Largely because he, also, seems to think that anyone who doesn’t share his taste is perverse, and scrabbles for ‘science’ to show it).

    • Fight the Power says:

      The reason I am angered by this topic is because I think it is bigotry to say that older men who are interested in younger women are perverts. Most people think it’s bigotry to say that gays are perverted, so why are we still showing this kind of intolerance when it comes to older men who like younger women(which IS natural btw). Also, unlike many young men, I am aware of the fact that I won’t be young forever, and before I know it, I’ll be one of those “older guys”. And actually, it is not that far off, since many people consider men 25 too old to be pursuing women under 18-21 year old girls. All I can say is that I still see myself being interested in those girls in a year, especially if I am still taking classes at college. So yeah, I am pretty offended by the suggestion that I am a pervert for the way I naturally feel and no I have nothing to learn from someone who holds this intolerant point of view, I am simply trying to make people realize how ridiculous this is, but it seems hopeless with most people.

    • Fight the Power says:

      *I meant to say 18-21 year old girls, not under 18-21.

  160. Carmen:

    Is there *anything* that a woman could do with a consensual man that you would consider bad? Is there *anything* a man could do out of the conventional that you would consider good? Is all science that disagrees with your view (such as arguments about evolved desires) just excuses, while science which agrees with you (“people’s brains mature in their mid-20′s”) actual proof that you are correct?

    And if you have met some men who do things for given motives (date younger women so that they can manipulate them), does this mean that all men who do that thing do it for the same motive?

  161. As I write this I am assuming that this Hugo Schwyzer is either gay or actually a middle aged woman. I am 43 years of age and I have little if any attraction to women my age. I am not a pervert. I just like beautiful young women. Yes, as young as 17 or 18. Is this sexual? Yes. Women are sexual creatures. Is it perverted? Absolutely not. This is my natural state. We live in the only society that finds older men and younger women to be a problem. I have visited South America and I saw many older men with young women. This is the natural human condition for a man. I think it is unnatural to expect an older man to be with a woman his age. But that is the way western society has corrupted it’s people to believe. I mean take a homosexual for example. We live in a society that says it is wrong for an older man to be with a younger woman. The same society says that it is ok for a man to put his penis into another mans anus. We are perverts if we like younger women and we are prejudice if we don’t approve of homosexuals. Isn’t that absurd? I mean if you really think about it, there is no more of a disgusting creature on earth than a homosexual man. But we live in a society that says queers should be accepted and treated equally and older men who like younger women are perverts. When did this happen? Do we really live in a society that is so backwards to nature? And yes, this is my opinion, but I am certain that it is shared with the majority of men. So as far as I am concerned, it is totally natural to desire younger women, and it is against nature to prevent this from happening. Get it? Men can reproduce throughout their life, and women can’t.

  162. Carmen Speer says:

    I agree that these “biological” imperatives are rather just the same misogynist excuses patriarchy has been making for eons. It is easier to control a younger person. Employers know it (the Japanese corporate hiring system is a good example of this), and men know it. Younger women may act or seem mature, but they are not, no matter how smart they are (in fact, if they are smart, they will know they are not). I was one of the ones who thought I was smart and different. I was abused and exploited, as much by internalizing our society’s implicit mores that my sole source of worth was men’s interest in me as by the men themselves. Neuroscience has proven that people’s brains mature in their mid-20′s, and I for one felt a huge change after age 26. I am really different now, at 28, than I was just 4 years ago. However, people still mistake me for 22, because I am young-looking, so there goes the theory that women in their late 20′s no longer look as good as younger women. This double standard for looks–that men age well but women don’t–is just another example of misogyny. There are plenty of gorgeous older women who age well, and plenty of not-so-hot older men who don’t. It’s interesting, but a younger friend of mine–a bisexual friend who happened to have an interest in me, and who I turned down because, at 5 or 6 years older, I felt too old for her (though I would not if she were 30 and I were 36)–this friend dated a man in his 40′s who habitually dated much younger women. His former girlfriend and he broke up when she was 23, and they had been together 6 years, so since she was 17 and he was in his mid 30′s. In any case, my friend recognized that he tried to control and manipulate her, and said herself, “he’s looking for a plaything he can manipulate, and he makes me feel like an object.” She broke up with him, because she cares more about her self-respect than gifts. For similar reasons I have refused much older men in the past, though in my teens I was not as wise as she. It is different if it is an isolated case–that is, an older man and younger woman just happen to fall in love–but I think that older men date younger women habitually for the same reason they date dumber women (or women who play dumb): they don’t care about women as people, only as objects for their fantasies, they don’t want an equal, they want a plaything or a servant, and they’re on a power trip. In the case of the man my friend was dating, this was particularly obvious. He’s a successful businessman, a self-made millionaire, and handsome, and smart. He wants to start a family and keeps trying to pressure a succession of young girls into marrying him. The truth is, unless he looks to the east or the south or orders a mail order bride, women that age