On Love, Being in Love, and Waiting on a Train

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About Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime is available at Amazon.com


  1. First of all, wonderful description of what love feels like.I hear you talking about two things by the end of your post: one sounds like the thrill of the chase, and the other is enduring love. The train metaphor is apt, because “far away” is where you’ll be when you’ve let this relationship transform you over time. It’s not the psychotic feeling of loss of control, loss of identity, and of being in the thrall of a single individual. That might be butterflies—lust. The longer change of enduring love is not the result of a singular flood of hormones, but more like the way water widens the caverns through which it passes, by passing there constantly and strongly.

  2. I love this article. So honest and beautiful. I love how you said that it’s scary to admit that you need it too. I remember the first time I admitted openly that I wanted gentleness… Love… Tenderness… Passionate desire… Burning absence…

    I grew up tough. I grew up on porn culture. In the era of sex advice and cynicism and gender warfare. It was really the scariest thing to admit that I wanted more than a quick romp. You know, the kind of romp that so much proposedly pro-fem lit I read told me I should want, need, and learn to do. That to be a woman, I had to be able to screw and love “like a man”, I.e. love ‘em and leave ‘em.

    The more I have allowed myself to communicate about my previously shameful desires about love and sex, the more I have found that I was never kissing frogs wrongly… I was just kissing the wrong frogs. The men who love us and leave us are to be avoided, not emulated. We don’t become murderers to even out the negative effects of serial killers, so why become desensitized to love to even out the negative effects of anti-attachment and anti-love discourse?


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