On Rape and Sexual Violence

We don’t shy away from the difficult conversations. We embrace them. We want to talk about them. We want people to have a voice about the issues related to men that they haven’t had before.

Rape is a polarizing topic. It’s difficult to talk about because there tends to be both blame and shame thrown around. We’d like to get beyond that, talk about the issues through the sheer power of storytelling. To find a different way into the conversation, so that a thoughtful, intelligent, insightful conversation can be held.

On Rape and Sexual Violence

Trigger warning: Many of these articles contain personal anecdotes of rape, sexual violence and abuse that may prove triggering for some.

You Can Get Laid Without Being a Jerk

There are a lot of ways to be a jerk when you’re trying to get laid. Emily Heist Moss writes a letter to her brother about how to make hook-up culture be about pleasure and consent, instead of “scoring.”

♦◊♦

The Accidental Rapist

Just because your partner isn’t saying “no,” Hugo Schwyzer writes, it doesn’t mean it’s a “yes.”

♦◊♦

I Used to Stand in Dark Hallways and Say “Kiss Me”

Lisa Hickey wants to have a conversation about rape. But until today, she didn’t know where to start.

♦◊♦

The First One to Come Forward

Tom Matlack has a conversation with one of the first victims to come forward about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church.

♦◊♦

I Ain’t Talking

When you can’t talk, write poetry.

♦◊♦

The Consensus of Flies: A Rant

Jackie Summers has a message for everyone: fuck society.

♦◊♦

Victims of the Crime

When Paul Kidwell’s girlfriend was raped years ago, the devastation of her trauma extended to their relationship, and though they have both moved on, that memory remains part of their lives.

♦◊♦

Rape Culture and Other Feminist Myths

According to some feminists, Quiet Riot Girl writes, rape is much worse—and better—than all other violent crimes.

♦◊♦

Panic

A woman finds herself unable to shake a single incident from her past.

♦◊♦

Girl Power

Paul Henne wonders how appropriate women’s self-defense classes actually are.

♦◊♦

Violence Against Women Is a Men’s Issue

Michael Flood wants us to stand up and do something about violence against women (and men).

♦◊♦

The Secret Children: A Poem About Abuse

Rick Belden, with a haunting poem of abuse, the ramifications, and how to move forward.


NOW TRENDING ON GMP TV

Super Villain or Not, Parenting Paranoia Ensues
The Garbage Man Explains Happiness
How To Not Suck At Dating

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About the Editors

We're all in this together.

Comments

  1. The Wet One says:

    Errrr…. At the risk of starting an intergalactic flame war, may I suggest “No means No!”

    I found it quite simple to understand in fact.

    Is that a good enough start?

    Let the war begin!

  2. How sad that out of eleven articles only one includes a male survivor, and even that article fails to mention anything about sexual violence against boys and men. It is despicable and troubling, although unsurprising, that people at Good Men Protect seems to think that sexual violence against boys and men does not happen and is not worth talking about.

    • The Bad Man says:

      Nobody really seems to care about male victims of anything. I’ve been wondering about this site for a long time.

      • I believe that Good Men Project post articles that are submitted. Maybe if you have or know of a story you would try to write?

  3. Tony Martin says:

    I agree with several of the other posters here.
    The GMP is starting to be a place I don’t want to come.
    I feel ignored and attacked when at one time I felt safe and welcome.

  4. Kenny, these article series are by invite only. Anything I would submit would not get included in the series, and would likely get rejected or buried on the site.

    • Lisa Hickey says:

      All submissions are considered. We have a very open submission policy. We asked for submissions on this topic from a wide variety of people, and specifically around men and boys but did not get any.

      We are ignoring no one. To say that anything you would submit would in get included in the series and would likely get rejected or buried on the site. is misinformation and blatently unfair.

      If this is not the site you want it to be, it’s up to you to step up and make it that way. That’s what everyone else is doing. You can email me directly at lisa at goodmenproject dot com with any submissions around categories or topics you think we are missing.

      Thank you, and all are welcome.

  5. I, too, have been very disappointed with the content posted in conjunction with this topic. I had assumed (this being a site for and about men, or so I thought) that the primary focus would be on male survivors and related issues, but clearly this is not the case. I’m not disputing the value or the necessity to promote exploration and discussion of other points of view in relation to this theme, but to me what has been presented so far has been way, way out of balance for a site about men and the male experience.

    If the intention was to include the female point of view, an article written by a woman who is a partner of a male survivor of sexual abuse or rape would have been welcome. If the intention was to shine a light on the acceptance of sexual violence in the culture, how about an article about the appalling acceptance, as constantly evidenced in mainstream comedy, of male rape in the prison system? How about some attention to folks like Kathy Barbini and her excellent documentary “Boys and Men Healing”, or the people at MaleSurvivor.org and 1in6.org, or the extraordinary fellows at SECASA in Australia who recently made the incredibly brave “Back on Track” short film? There is simply no shortage of viable material available from the male point of view on this topic.

    My disappointment is also personal, as I had submitted material for this theme under its original title (“Rape and Sexual Abuse”) and had been told it had been accepted and would be posted with the other pieces on the topic. So far, I have yet to see it. Perhaps this is an oversight or perhaps an editorial decision given the shift from “Rape and Sexual Abuse” to “Rape and Sexual Violence”. Or perhaps the material is on the schedule and simply hasn’t been posted yet. I don’t know.

    I wouldn’t discourage anyone from submitting something to this site, but I will say that, based on my experience, the process is pretty dodgy. You may get an acknowledgment of your submission or you may not. If your article is run, it may be buried deep in the bowels of the site from Day One where no one will ever know it’s there. Or, as I’ve found, you may be told your submission has been accepted and wind up wondering if it’ll ever show up.

    Earlier in this comment I characterized GMP as “a site for and about men.” Perhaps that’s my problem. Perhaps I was only trying to see what I wanted to see. Maybe I’ve been proceeding from a faulty assumption all along. Or maybe what I’m seeing now is just some sort of temporary glitch that will be corrected going forward. I hope so. Men need an open forum for expression and exploration of the masculine experience, every aspect of it, just as women do for the feminine, and we all need to understand both sides (and the middle) of the spectrum a lot better than we do now.

  6. The Wet One says:

    I suppose you don’t have enough prison inmates submitting articles. Isn’t that why we send them to prison in part? So they can be raped into behaving better?

    You may want to contact those concerned about the prison rape epidemic to get some info.

    In the outside world, men getting raped does happen but it’s a whole lot rarer than the insider world where you may very well end up someone’s bitch.

    Just sayin’…

  7. In a comment several days ago, I said that I’d submitted something for this topic, that I’d been told it would be posted, and that I had yet to see it on the site. Among other possibilities, I suggested that perhaps the material was on the schedule and simply hadn’t been posted yet. Apparently that was indeed the case, as my submission was posted yesterday, as promised, and the link can be found above on this page. I’d like to thank the folks at GMP for accepting and posting my submission and including it with the other material on this topic.

    I also said:

    “I wouldn’t discourage anyone from submitting something to this site, but I will say that, based on my experience, the process is pretty dodgy.”

    I want, first of all, to be crystal clear that my use of the word “dodgy” did not apply to the site itself or to anyone associated with the site, but only to the submission process as I had previously experienced it. I’ve since been assured that numerous changes have been made over the last few months to address the types of problems I’d experienced previously and improve that process.

    That leads me to my next point. I said, “I wouldn’t discourage anyone from submitting something to this site,” and I meant it. If you have a point view that you feel is absent and you’d like to see it represented, submit something. Test the process and find out how it works for you. Maybe you’ll be satisfied. Maybe you won’t. But either way, you’ll know you’ve tried to do your part to move the site in the direction you’d like to see it go, and perhaps more importantly, you’ll be demonstrating the integrity of your beliefs, which is something positive you can do for yourself that goes far beyond what or what does not appear on this site or any other.

    I frequently pester folks I know to submit something to this site, not only those who like it, but those who don’t. I also advise everyone to show their support for the material they do like by posting a comment, a Facebook like, or a tweet, by sending email about it to friends, by blogging about it, etc. If you see something you like, support the hell out of it so that the GMP staff can see some tangible indications of interest. That’s something anyone can do that doesn’t require writing and submitting an article.

    In a reply to an earlier comment, Lisa Hickey said, “If this is not the site you want it to be, it’s up to you to step up and make it that way.” I say take her at her word. Try. Submit something. Challenge yourself. See what happens. Her actions and communications in response to the issues I raised in my previous comment have demonstrated to me that she is sincere in both her desire to include a wide variety of voices on this site and her willingness to approach criticisms about perceived problems and deficiencies with integrity. That, for me, is reason enough to keep trying, and to continue to encourage others to do the same.

    • Lisa Hickey says:

      Thank you Rick. I appreciate your thoughtfulness in this reply. We have an amazing group of people who are working literally 24/7 to make this happen. We talk about the topics that people — mostly men — submit to us. (About 85% of our contributions come from men). We try to be as responsive as we can to everyone. We also appreciate all of you who think there are topics of importance we are missing. The easiest way to do that is to submit. One thing that has been working — if you are afraid you will be the only voice, or your submission will be “buried” in other content — then feel free to submit as a group of people who are passionate about a topic. Get 4 or 5 people who can all approach a particular issue as it relates to men. It will then take on a bigger presence on the site.

      Finally, I encourage anyone out there to email me directly at lisa at goodmenproject.com at any time if you have questions about the submission process, the content, the issues we talk about or if you just want to help.

      Thanks to all.

  8. Tony Martin says:

    My comments still stand and I’ll be watching to see if things change.

    Its good to see Rick Belden being featured, as always.

  9. in which the tgmp totally excluded male survivors and female sex criminals.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Good Men Project put together a powerful package on rape and sexual violence today. I recommend the particularly powerful pieces from GMP CEO Lisa Hickey and my wonderful colleague, […]

Speak Your Mind

*