Because reproduction requires both men and women, Misty McLaughlin says the War on Women is more accurately a War on People, and asks men to take responsibility for their part.
This article originally appeared at Role/Reboot.
In a beautiful twist on the gruesome women’s-health-as-political-theater we’ve all been subjected to lately, female legislators in two states have introduced bills to limit men’s access to birth control. Representative Yasmin Neal of Georgia has forwarded a bill to prevent men from access to vasectomies, while a collection of female legislators introduced a similar piece of legislation in Missouri.
Both bills were direct responses to anti-abortion and anti-contraception votes in those states. They’re tongue-in-cheek, of course: Who doesn’t want men to have access to vasectomies? Would anyone actually want men to have less reproductive responsibility than they do today? Certainly not the women sponsoring these bills.
The truth is, of course, that men outside the context of traditional straight-people marriage aren’t getting vasectomies in large numbers. And vasectomies are actually the only place in our culture in which men’s responsibility as reproductive actors actually gets talked about, much less assumed.
Outside of these two bills, no one in the national discussion is even raising the question of men’s reproductive responsibility, nor their rights. It’s as if reproductive health, and reproductive responsibility, were solely the domain of women. Somehow, our entire national conversation about reproduction, reproductive health and responsibility has not extended to roughly half of the people who participate in making babies and circulating STIs.
(Let’s be clear here: No one is actually threatening vasectomies—either their legal status, or their almost universal coverage by insurance companies. Vasectomies are widely understood to be relatively simple and safe procedures that fall under the category of preventive health.)
Dear male readers out there, listen up.
I want you to be outraged. Not angry because women are getting all the attention, but furious that in this conversation, no one has even acknowledged your role as a reproductive actor at center stage. It’s as if babies got made completely without you. The stage is set for our national pageant on reproductive health; we’re in act three; and you’re not on it.
Men: Rush Limbaugh insulted you, too. If, for example, you have ever taken a free condom from a student center in order to engage in safe sex—in other words, if anyone else ever paid for your contraception—Rush Limbaugh implicitly called you a slut and a prostitute.
By his logic, you should be making sex videos for public consumption. (You should know that your insurance company would likely cover the cost of any Viagra you might require to make such a sex video. In case the need arises. Or rather, in case it doesn’t.)
Men, here’s the thing: It’s a war on women, of course, because of the particular biological weight that we carry in childbearing. But it’s a war on you, too. We are witnessing a war on everyone’s rights to control what they do with, and what happens to, their own bodies. It is not an exaggeration to say that this is a war on people, and on individuals’ rights to define the private terms of their own lives and their families. To the people provoking this war, what’s most important is declaring the “personhood” of fetuses—far more important than either your rights or those of your female partner, should you have one.
For men who are outraged, here a few ideas for what you can do—in public, and in your own private life—to claim your role as a reproductive actor:
- Demand decent male birth control. Start by advocating for decent birth control options for men, of which there are paltry few. Somehow, we have the technology to accomplish all sorts of amazing things, including babymaking outside the context of heterosexual sex. Just as there’s a strong market demand for more and better options to help people become parents, we have to establish that there’s a market for male birth control technologies beyond condoms and vasectomies. This requires insisting that men are capable of being central, reproductively responsible players in both reproduction and the prevention thereof.
And once we have effective male contraception, demand that insurance cover it.
- Know your birth control. Take the sugar pills. If you’re in a relationship with a woman who is doing all of the birth control work for you both, it’s time to step up. Get to know your birth control (because it’s yours too), and find a way to play an active part in it. One of my husband’s ex-girlfriends used to make him take the pink sugar pills on the 4th week of her cycles. As his wife, I love her forever for insisting that this was his responsibility, and I love him for stepping up to claim it.
- Don’t let the men on stage now speak for you. Because in the absence of other strong male voices in this debate, that all-male panel of anti-choice, anti-contraception religious officials and professors who testified? They’re the men on stage in this debate, and they are speaking for you.
Insist that your lawmakers represent your perspective as a sex-positive, reproductively responsible man. Speak loudly. Demand that your male representatives walk out of hearings and meetings in which the perspectives of both men and women aren’t considered (not just female lawmakers). And when you do speak up, speak up along with and next to like-minded women. Don’t talk over us, please, but join us in telling your own stories as a reproductive actor.
- Follow the lead of the men from Texas. And I don’t mean Rick Perry, nor the particularly horrific cuts to Texas’ Women’s Health Programs recently doled out by the Texas state legislature. I’m talking about the fellows at Stand Up Men, who have charged the men of Texas to fight “the infection of silence,” as Glenn W. Smith and James Moore called it this week—a silence that results from treating this as a War on Women, instead of a war against us all. Talk to your legislators, talk to the women in your lives, and most importantly, talk to other men. Get on the stage, and bring other men with you.
And women, here’s our part in this: We need to acknowledge the place of men in these issues, to insist on their role as reproductive actors, and on their reproductive rights, too. Men should be testifying in these hearings, as should we. With seizing great responsibility should come great rights. We have historically borne the weight of biology and also the weight of this particular war on our rights. It’s time for, and we also need, modern men to step in and wage it with us.
For all of us: We need a new politics of universal reproductive rights and responsibility. We need to start treating reproduction like it’s a central part of the human—in addition to the female—experience. We need to hold each other accountable in our partnerships, our communities, and in public. And we need to start treating reproduction like it’s a health issue for adults. Just like we can’t legislate people’s behavior on any other health issue, we need to stop legislating what people do consensually with their own bodies regarding sex and reproduction. We need to start doing everything we can to increase our collective health—men and women, beyond biology—by promoting safe, healthy sex.
Misty McLaughlin edits the Family section of Role/Reboot. She is a parent by vocation, a nonprofit web consultant by trade, and a writer and seamstress by fits and starts. Among other topics, she’s passionate about exploring issues of gender and generation, helping other households to find cultural loopholes that allow them to make their own models, and promoting institutional support for rebooting our roles. Follow her on Twitter @mistymclaughlin.
Photo credit: Flickr / emilianohorcada
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Does anybody know where I can find the vote tally on those anti-vasectomy bills? I’m curious to see just how close they came to actually passing.
Actually, its not a War on Women when you realize that the single greatest threat to Human Civilization is over population what we really have is a War on Human Civilization.
Really? After all feminism has done to cut men out of the reproduction rights issue, you want us to swoop in and save you?
Nah. You’re on your own. Especially after the whole “feint” about outlawing vascetomies. Feminism has framed this ENTIRE issue as women’s domain, so women can deal with it.
Don’t wanna get preggo? Keep it in your pants or see how much female condoms ruin sex. Enjoy seeing what its like to be a man you guys!
Wow DLZ. I wish every time you sat down on a first date, I could just walk up and hand the woman you’re with a transcript of your post here.
I’ve brought this up with my girlfriend before. She agrees with me. She’s a former feminist, too.
He’s got a point though. This BS over vasectomies whether it was a joke or not, (and I’m not entirely convinced it actually was a joke, mind) really has made it hard for me to really care about what happens. It’s sorta like calling someone a moron and then asking for their help with a project.
Also, I’m rather sick of being treated like a footsoldier . Feminists have made it pretty clear there’s Only One Valid Opinion that can be had on this issue, and guys had better have it. Or else.
It wasn’t a joke, it was satire. Think Jonathan Swift and you’ll get the idea.
The perception that it is largely white men sponsoring this legislation and the anti-vasectomy proposal is to raise awareness about women’s perception of men passing legislation that doesn’t affect men. It seems fitting satire then to introduce what they felt was in-kind legislation.
You’ve never seen an anti-vasectomy bill come up before, and the legislators that have introduced it have said explicitly what the purpose was. What gives you reason to not believe that? All this outrage seems so misplaced to me.
Not to get too political here, but in some parts of the country I think that enough of those religious old white men might vote for this bill and vasectomies might actually become illegal. That’s why I, politically, am without a party, republicans and their religiosity are as bad for men and men’s issues as are the extreme fringe vitriolic feminists. It’s a shame really! PS. I’m not specifically responding to anyone’s comment. This thread has gone way off the deep end into endless quibbling about irrelevant semantics.
The point is that feminism (or rather political feminist organizations) have spent the past several decades either willfully ignoring the problems faced by men, distorting their severity to conform to the feminist’s ideological world view, or telling men that “Men’s issues aren’t our problem.”
Now if they just stuck to that last one, I don’t think anybody would have a problem with it (Or at least I wouldn’t) but you can’t spend the lifetime of an entire generation telling men that you don’t need them (fish and bicycles) and what happens to men isn’t your concern and then suddenly turn around and demand men’s help. It’s nothing more than trumped up chivalry, and not only that it’s damned hypocritical.
Feminists often object to their campaigns being described as “hysterical”, because of the history and etymology of the word. But when we have a debate over whether it should be compulsory for occupational health insurance to cover contraception (for women only) or not framed as a “war on women”, followed by spiteful stunt-legislation against the few reproductive rights men actually have as leverage, it’s hard to think of a better word. Then we have this article, framing men’s input only in terms of responsibilities. I’m with DLZ and 8ball on this one.
Well said.
I truly don’t understand this entire discussion. People talking past each other, ascribing beliefs to each other, demonizing entire groups of people. It’s all just so painful to read.
A large part of why I discount my emotions almost entirely is because I know they can and will be wrong. I know there are biases inherent in the organization of my brain, biases that make me see and think things that aren’t there. I’m walking around with a blind spot – literally and figuratively – and my brain is more than happy to fill in the details. And those details will be skewed towards confirming my existing beliefs. This is the essence of confirmation bias.
I take refuge in research. I like numbers. And I try to hear the stories others tell and understand that those stories are all told within a frame that skews their perception of reality but doesn’t make it any less true to them. We respond to stories, and when the truth of those stories are in conflict with the facts, we will often side with our truths.
The stories here and elsewhere are quite interesting, primarily in how much they are an amplification of fear and mistrust. Reading some of the comments, you would think women dumpster diving for used condoms was some sort of epidemic; that flushing pills down the toilet was a common occurrence (those things cost money – when my partner wanted to get pregnant she stopped buying them). I read women’s stories where I hear the same fear and mistrust. Fear that condoms will suddenly go missing mid-coitus. Mistrust that the guy really has had a vasectomy. To hear them tell it, half the men in bars are infertile.
What strikes me most about the discussion around contraception is how little trust people seem to have for each other. Quite frankly, why anyone would want to fuck someone they didn’t trust is beyond me. That they would even entertain doing it without a condom – other contraception be damned – is something I truly can’t wrap my head around.
What is more amusing is the idea that options for male birth control are intentionally being suppressed by someone. Feminists? I live in the Commonwealth of Big Pharma. I have relatives who work for Big Pharma. I can tell you they would love nothing more than to come up with a pill that men would have to take every day of the year. They don’t give a damn about you taking control of your reproductive cycle or whether you trust women to be truthful about their birth control regimen. What they care about is making sure you transfer to them a tidy sum on a regular basis.
The truth is, it’s just plain easier to control the reproductive cycle of women. There’s a natural menopause that happens during pregnancy, and we’ve simply hijacked that mechanism with hormonal supplements. There is no natural pause in sperm production; we keep cranking them out by the millions day after day, year after year. They die and are reabsorbed and we simply make more. And so contraceptive options for men remain frustratingly limited. Hopefully the RISUG trials prove as successful in humans as they have in other primates.
Yes, there is an asymmetry to contraception. Yes, there are plenty of paternalistic doctors who ignore your contraceptive wishes. But let’s not assume it’s some sort of conspiracy at play here: ask a doctor and they’ll tell you the number one side effect of vasectomy and tubal ligation is regret. There’s also asymmetry when contraception fails. Women get pregnant. Men are on the hook for child support. An abortion is procured. I’d rather avoid all of that, which is why I support low cost contraception for everyone and subsidized childcare.
Instead of trying to figure this all out together we seem to find it preferable to snipe at each other, talk past one another, and ensure our positions are securely fixed lest we accidentally hear the other and move towards some common understanding. One would think we’d all be in this together. Sex is fun, and instead of spending all this time arguing about who has it worse and who should do what I’d rather be having more of it. If that means splitting the cost of contraceptive pills or an IUD, how exactly do I lose?
Amen. Sex Ed ample bc and low cost child care amen.
I think another thing that’s going on is that people are expressing their bitterness about all the things feminism did wrong in the past, and I DO think those feelings are justified. I think for a while there, historically, feminists did say that ONLY WOMEN ARE NOT IMPORTANT. From what I’ve read, I think they thought it was politically a good move? Like, let’s fix up these issues before we move onto these other ones. Except, as a side effect, they alienated a lot of people with similar issues who weren’t women and they’re paying the price for it now. I guess it’s hard to say ONLY WOMEN ARE IMPORTANT strategically and not also say it ideologically. So I’m gonna say now, guys, I’m really sorry they did that. They really messed up. They thought that picking a narrow strategy was going to help, but they hurt a lot of people. [Insert joke about women and strategy here.]
However, I do want to point that nowhere in this article does this author explicitly identify as feminist — and it is likely for that very same reason. Because feminists historically cut other groups out of the debates, while she’s trying to pull other groups back in, which seems to be what people want. And it seems like a lot of the comments on this article (like @PatrickBrown) are explicitly acknowledging that men want help with these issues too. You guys are agreeing! Except, in a weird childish, spiteful way, where now that what you want is happening, you suddenly don’t want it anymore. “No! I wanted the cookie before lunchtime, you can keep it now!” I understand the bitterness and I think it’s perfectly justified, but these women are just a mass of people, and sometimes movements of large masses of hurt people figure take a while to figure things out and can only see in hindsight that these strategies backfire.
And I guess, to reiterate what Nick said, the biases are understandable, but feminism is a giant movement made of lots of disagreeing people, so it’s unfortunate that all of these articles don’t start with my apologetic disclaimer that I tried to type out (I don’t even identify as feminist), but if you get past the spite of “it didn’t happen back when I wanted it, so I’m gonna oppose it now that it’s happening way later”, I think we’re really all on the same side. =/
There is a lot of reason and wisdom in this post. And also, there are generations of people coming into each movements at various times. If there are women, feminists NOW who are only hearing about things that happened THEN (or vice versa) perhaps we couldn’t have made that fight with you THEN….so..it’s not completely linear.
Juuuulia:
(I don’t even identify as feminist),
I greatly appreciate your good faith but as one such person that’s fighting his bitterness now I’ll tell you that if you don’t identify as feminist and if you’re a woman that didn’t want to keep men out of the birth control conversation then your apology is going to ring hollow a bit. Its the same reason I don’t apologize for the small subset of men who are rapists.
but if you get past the spite of “it didn’t happen back when I wanted it, so I’m gonna oppose it now that it’s happening way later”, I think we’re really all on the same side. =/
I don’t think the line of thought quite goes like that, although it can end up that way. To me its more like, “They didn’t want to hear me then so to hell with them now that they suddenly want to listen to me.” Its not always the issue and whether to support it or not based on bitterness but the people in question.
Nono, I hear you. But I think the missing piece of the puzzle is that a lot of active women that DO identify as feminist now aren’t aware of the historical issues, which is why they’re puzzled by all the backlash they’re getting. I’m 22; I wasn’t there when they told the men/gays/trans/black/Latino people that they didn’t matter and I think that was a huge mistake. T_T So yeah, I’m apologizing because I think I’ve figured out that this is a thing that needs to be apologized for? So maybe if I take a stab at it now then other people will notice and articles like this WILL come prefaced with these little disclaimers, as I think they need to be.
Saying you identify as feminist is as problematic as saying you listen to metal — they’re both really branchy (actually, so is saying you’re a mathematician). There’s a lot of feminists that branched and turned into weird clothes-prescribey people that think they can tell all women what to wear, even though the point of feminism was to let everyone where whatever they want, for example? There’s a lot of angry militant people. It’s a mess. So I don’t identify as feminist purely because I do think people should wear whatever, people should listen to each other’s issues and people should help each other out. But I can tell you that I do agree with this lady because she’s asking for help but she’s willing to listen.
Haha, actually, I AM interested to here the men’s reproductive issues that you may want to bring up. My friend had a baby with a guy and he was telling me that she was asking for a baby and refusing birth control before he was ready. Like she’d say “I want to have a baby with you” as if it was her decision, and not letting him wear a condom and stuff. I was surprised to realize that guys don’t have a lot of options in a situation like that except.
(I do actually listen to metal, but I never tell anyone.
)
I cannot tell you how appalled I am that your friend did that. I think he should have refused to sleep with her and/or broken up with her. That’s really entirely uncool.
We’d never think it cool if the man was like, “I’m not wearing a condom and taking away your birth control pills cause I want you to get pregnant.” In fact, we’d tell her to dump him. Same deal. Babies need parents who both WANT them. This is unfair to him and to her child.
I know, right?! And I hadn’t even considered the scenario before he told me about it. It’s not like he can sneak a condom on and pretend it’s not there and there’s no pill he could take. I don’t know, they’re a strange couple and they have two kids now and I think they’re making it work somehow? But it was weird because he wasn’t saying “no kids ever,” he was waiting for financial stability. At least that’s how he tells it. But also the “now I can’t have sex with my girlfriend” scenario really sucks a lot too, so you’re left powerless and just hoping she doesn’t get pregnant this particular time. =/ No sex? Or terrible sex? =/
Yes, there is an asymmetry to contraception. Yes, there are plenty of paternalistic doctors who ignore your contraceptive wishes. But let’s not assume it’s some sort of conspiracy at play here: ask a doctor and they’ll tell you the number one side effect of vasectomy and tubal ligation is regret. There’s also asymmetry when contraception fails. Women get pregnant. Men are on the hook for child support. An abortion is procured. I’d rather avoid all of that, which is why I support low cost contraception for everyone and subsidized childcare.
I think the reason some folks come with that conspiracy theory is because of their own experiences being dismissed and ignored. You say that when contraception fails women get pregnant and men are the hook for child support. The difference is that while there is no shortage of people that will shout from the highest mountain that the pregnant women should have all options available to them many of those same people will tell that guy that he should have, “kept it in his pants” even when he is being treated unfairly in way those folks would not stand for if that pregnant was being treated like that.
I live in the Commonwealth of Big Pharma. I have relatives who work for Big Pharma. I can tell you they would love nothing more than to come up with a pill that men would have to take every day of the year.
This is probably why a lot of American Big Pharma won’t touch RISUG with a ten foot pole. A shot that can last nearly 10 years (or be counteracted with a second injection of another compound) AND its almost as cheap as the syringe used to administer it?
Instead of trying to figure this all out together we seem to find it preferable to snipe at each other, talk past one another, and ensure our positions are securely fixed lest we accidentally hear the other and move towards some common understanding.
Old wounds are talking that’s why. I have to admit that I’m a bit off put that now all of a sudden women are interested in what have to say about women’s birth control options when in the past even when I was agreeing with them with no prompt I was being shouted out because I’m a man. I can’t speak for all the snipers but I can say that my sniping comes from a place of, “Oh NOW you want to listen to me now that you have use for my voice? And I’m supposed to just forget about the ways I’ve been treated in the past on this right?”
Sure folks like you and Julie hear aren’t a part of that pack and its not right to unload on you. But at the same time there is a pain, a deep seated, troubling pain that wants validation and simply put its not going to come from people who had no hand in causing that pain in the first place.
Personally I’d like to see every single one of those jerk women/feminists that have disregarded me on this topic in the past to say SOMETHING to acknowledge how they treated me (and I bet I’m not the only one). But I think I can safely say that I will beat the Easter Bunny in a snowboarding contest in hell before that happens. In light of that it is extremely easy (almost seductively easy) to fall into a mood of not wanting to cooperate with anyone that so much as appears to remind them of the ones that caused that pain.
I appreciate that you want to try to keep the eye on the proverbial prize though.
Aahh, you beat me to what I said, except I think that’s because I didn’t scroll enough. Do you think the pain and bitterness can be combated with enough condescending head-shaking and “women are bad at strategy” jokes? I do think in the past they didn’t listen to other groups (like gay/trans/other race) not because they DIDN’T care, but because they mistakenly thought “if we care about this one thing a lot, we’ll fix it completely and then help out everyone else after!” (My history is iffy, but I feel like maybe that’s kinda how it worked for other civil rights movements before? Work really hard to desegregate one school, and then they all fix themselves after?) And I think it’s been years and feminist issues aren’t completely fixed and they’re realizing, oh yeah, it doesn’t work that way. =/
Do you think the pain and bitterness can be combated with enough condescending head-shaking and “women are bad at strategy” jokes?
Ultimately no but that’s what being blinded by hatred is all about. The issue or topic at hand doesn’t matter anymore its all about getting back at people.
…I do think in the past they didn’t listen to other groups (like gay/trans/other race) not because they DIDN’T care,
Even now in the present it still still comes off as that they only care about other groups because they finally figured out how helping those other groups would benefit women.
This is a great thing to discuss. How does one tell if the person/group is interested in real intersectional change, or only out for the group?
To me one sign of a person being interested in just for certain groups is a tendency to try to draw fast conclusions about other groups, as if they don’t want to spend must time on them. I’ve done it myself even.
I disagree:
http://noseriouslywhatabouttehmenz.wordpress.com/faqs/
https://noseriouslywhatabouttehmenz.wordpress.com/2011/09/05/ozys-law/
I think the initial feminist movements were militant and blinded by rage? But then after stewing around in these various issue along with polyamorous and genderqueer people, they discovered Ozy’s law and realized that all the normative assumptions and issues were kinda really hurting everyone? And they were like whoaaa, things are isomorphic. O__o!
I should have quantified that with a “some” with that, “Even now in the present it still still comes off as that they only care about other groups because they finally figured out how helping those other groups would benefit women.”
I agree that some of them recognized Ozy’s Law but if you look at how “Patriarchy Hurts Men Too” is chirped as if that’s all that needs to be said about men I think there is some truth to what I say. Also I’ve drawn this conclusion from some of my early dealings with some feminists on body image.
It seems that among some of them when men are insulted over our fat its not misandry, no its misogyny because apparently when someone really wants to insult a fat guy they go for the woman jokes. That only speaks of a common weapon to use against fat guys but does not speak to the core fact that men are shamed over their weight. To try to say that anti-woman hatred is what fat shaming men is about is like saying Al Queda is dangerous because they have AK47s.
That really sucks that someone did that. But this lady isn’t doing that now! Can you agree with her about the things she IS saying?
By “this lady” are talking about yourself, Julie or the folks I was just talking about my above comment?
I meant the author of teh article. ^___^
Oh the writer of this post?
Yes I can agree with them but just as people actively defend the hesitations and apprehensions of women that have less then grand feelings about men its going to be hard to come around to women even when I agree with them on topics like this.
Fun fact: vasecotomies are illegal in my country (Poland) and any doctor performing it can face up to 10 years (if I remember correctly).
On the other hand abortion is also illegal unless the pregnancy is a result of a crime (incest, rape, paedophilia) or the pregnancy carries a risk to health and life of would-be mother.
Remember this folks, MEN have no reproductive rights whatsoever. I have seen many times on the internet that well “Men can just keep it in their pants” and on the surface this seems like they have the right to say NO, but in the area of law, they actually don’t. If the women is able to obtain his sperm by any method and impregnate herself with it, the men is still held responsible. Therefore common sense dictates that he doesn’t have the right to say NO.
Let me put it this way. Lets say a law says that a woman has the right to an abortion , BUT the case law has cases where a man (or anyone) was able to stop a woman from having an abortion. Can we really say she has the right to an abortion.
As a progressive and twenty year “choice”advocate I think it is past due time we address the lack of reproductive rights for men. This is one progressive cause that could unite men and women in the protection of the “right to choose”. It may be challenging but the subsequent healing between the genders that could occur would be well worth it. Ive lost two clients this year whose psychological distress was directly related to feelings of powerlessness regarding their lack of reproductive choices.