The truth about five sayings that have lessened what it means to be a man.
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“Did you do your homework? Time to get ready for school. Do you need a ride? Be polite. How did the test go? Smile when you talk.”
I want you to know the truth about five sayings that have lessened what it means to be a man.
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These are the bits and pieces of advice you hear from me every day. The small things take up so many of our conversations. So much so that the minutia of life seems to become the priority. Well these things, though important, are not the priorities of life. You deserve to know the things in life that matter. Things like never pee on the ground, wearing flip flops, seafood is the best food and if you have to pay to join, it isn’t a job, are important. But you need the vitals. You need to be able to wade through the wave of junk and see truth. There are some horrible cliché’s out there that have a way killing what is important. Much like our daily conversations, these cliché’s take our focus off of what matters. I want you to know the truth about five sayings that have lessened what it means to be a man.
Women are not equal.
I would struggle if I were as beautiful on the inside as I were on the outside, but was looked at mostly for what is outside.
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The people on this Earth that grow and deliver new people into the world are not equal to us as men. They are amazing. They can make a home out of a hovel. They bring laughter when times are tough. The harder life is the tougher they get and do it all with grace and dignity. They are so special because, even if we had the ability to do what they do, I’m not sure we have the will. I don’t know that we could look at the bills that aren’t getting paid and still love the person who is doing their best, when their best isn’t enough. I would struggle if I were as beautiful on the inside as I were on the outside, but was looked at mostly for what is outside. Luckily my outside isn’t so great! We don’t hold doors, tote groceries and carry them over puddles because they aren’t strong enough. We do it because we are amazed at how much stronger they are than us.
Don’t stand up for what you believe.
Don’t just stand up for what you believe. Live for it.
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Today everyone is standing up for what they believe. It is so easy to sit in a protest with a cup of $6 coffee, while the police wait for you to go away. Everyone has a blog where they voice their opinion about politics, social values or the price of the luxury de jour. It isn’t enough to stand up for what you believe. Every action you take, word you speak and reputation you have can accentuate who you are. We live in a time when your whole life can be a statement about values and beliefs. Don’t just stand up for what you believe. Live for it.
You are not good enough.
You are better than good enough. You are exceptional.
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When one person wants Indian food for dinner and another (the smart one) wants seafood, they compromise with Asian because it’s good enough. Settling on the shirt with the stain is good enough. Getting a C in a class that you could have gotten an A in is good enough. Good enough barely makes the mark. You are not good enough. I have seen what you can do. When you put your mind to something to which you can also apply your talents, you are unstoppable. I have seen you dig yourself out of holes, create new art, live through your work and be a light in other people’s lives. Those are not things that are good enough. Those are your gifts to the world. You are better than good enough. You are exceptional.
Don’t chase your dreams.
Catch them!
I don’t just love you.
I will live for you every day because I more than love you.
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I can’t count how many bosses have gone unpunched, plane tickets have gone unbought, and poor choices have gone unmade because of you. Everything I have goes into building a better life for you. I beam with pride when you are around. Every time you learn something new my heart swells. When you are happy I am ecstatic. When you are sad, I am crushed. Your dreams for you are my dreams for you and I will give anything I have to help you get there, no matter where there is. Every mistake I made raising you came from the best of intentions mixed with the worst of abilities. If you don’t get everything you want in life it will only be because I let you down. Sure I love you, but I love my friends, good books and seafood. (Have I mentioned that?) But you are my life. Many people would die for their kids and I am one of them. I heard a man say that dying for your kids is an easy choice, which you only make once. But living for your kids, every day is tough. I will live for you every day because I more than love you.
Also by John Henderson
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Photo: Getty Images
When I hold open doors and the like for women I do it because they are my fellow human beings who deserve all the respect and civility that status entails, not because they are superior beings who I feel compelled to serve (they aren’t, and I don’t). And if I ever have sons, I will teach them the same thing.
John, You have me in tears brother. I have heard these phrases all of my life. I also didn’t have an amazing father like you to help me maneuver through some of the “good enough” situations I found myself in. Your boys will grow to be great men because of you, even if your outside doesn’t match your inside lol. I truly appreciate what you said about women not being equal to men. That is something I have held in my heart since I can remember. I was raised by a single mother, my dad took off on us when… Read more »
Brother,
Thank you for the kind words. The things you are doing right now would make any mother proud, especially one who poured her life into her kids like yours. You are inspiring my friend!
By the way, congrats on your race!
John
Wow!
I really thought that “Women are equal to men, Stand up for what you believe, You are good enough, Chase your dreams, and I love you” we’re fairly common things for men to hear. (Or to at least be expected to believe.)
I never heard those saying either.
Tom, realistically these are the unspoken things said out loud in silence of the rules every single day.
I’m happy to say that in my 60 years I have never heard any of those sayings and accordingly have never said them myself.