One of their children died of SIDS. Years later, their last child is about to graduate. Has their marriage died, too? Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt believes…
Question: 9 years ago, my wife and I lost our son to SIDS. We’ve never really talked about it or truly coped with it. We just pushed through so that we could be there for our kids but I feel like when our son died, so did our marriage. Now the youngest is almost 18, I feel like the day she leaves – we are done. Is it too late to fix this?
Answer: I am so sorry. I am just so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you experienced, and the pain of pushing through, and the pain of looking in your wife’s eyes day after day… a reminder of the child you lost.
First, I am clear you’ve done your best with your circumstances… pushing through for the other kids. I am clear that you and your wife did your best to deal with the loss while making lunches and driving to soccer practice.
Next, I don’t believe it’s too late for anything, especially if you keep asking, What would it take to heal this? Who could I be to change this? What could I let go of to change this.
Making room for the answers to these questions begins with forgiveness, yes? Please be kind to the part of you that just didn’t have the capacity to talk about and heal. And be kind to the part of her that didn’t have the capacity to talk about it and heal.
I have laid out a plan in my video of what I believe would support a healing and new beginning for you two. For the whole family in fact.
I don’t recommend going it alone… this is deep work and the support of a coach like me or grief counsellor would be instrumental in giving you the best chance at success.
You require someone who can sit in the fire with you both separately and together, who can help you process years of unprocessed emotions that have build many walls, closures and protection mechanisms to just keep going. You require someone who can help you get to your truth that’s irrespective of your wife, your child, your circumstances… the real pure YOU. From there your path will be revealed with what seems like Grace… for both of you. I can’t say which way it will go… yet I can say working with couples that when both people are connected to their healed heart and expansive Soul… the ‘right’ path, the highest path prevails every time.
If you’d like to connect with me to discuss the possibility of me guiding you and your wife through this next phase of your marriage, healing the past, and sitting in the fire of the present moment and seeing what phoenix rises… it would be a privilege. Email my [email protected] and tell her who you are. We’ll set up a complementary hour in honor of you, your wife, your marriage, your family and the beautiful Soul who resides on the other side, continuing to gift you with growth, evolution and possibilities… Blessings that soothe to the core, Allana xox
Photo: www.BigStock.com
For men: www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Allana’s Radio Show: www.IntimateConversationsLIVE.com
Our first daughter was stillborn at full-term. She died the day before her due date. Grief waits. It WILL be dealt with. One can either decide on their own when it will be dealt with, or grief will make itself an issue. The old cliche’ “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger,” comes into play here. That which doesn’t kill you marriage CAN strengthen it, but it takes a conscious decision to do so. Both parents are grieving, both need to heal and it was a shared experience. There is opportunity to move into this new phase of life… Read more »