They understand that the transition from being who they are now to becoming someone else entirely is just not a transition that appeals to them.
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My kids have been a real saving grace for me. Not a moment has ever gone by when I’ve regretted having these three rug rats (okay, maybe during certain toddler tantrums the thought HAS crossed my mind.) Their presence in my life, moment to moment, means more than I can describe.
They provide the very beats that thump out of my heart.
So I might not seem like the most likely candidate to come out of the cyber woodwork championing people who don’t want kids.
BUT.
I am starting to understand one glowing truth about having children and that’s this: If a fellow human being looks me in the eye and tells me that they don’t ever want kids …
I’m totally cool with that.
In fact, I really get it it. The older I get, the more I realize that the decision to have children is a massive decision. It’s a bigger decision than I ever understood. It’s not only a game-changer of the highest regard when it comes to living your life, it’s actually THE GAME CHANGER.
Everything changes. Ask any mom or dad.
Before kids, I was this person.
After kids, I was someone else.
And when I think about that, those folks who can look you in the eye and tell you that kids aren’t for them are probably some of the smartest folks alive.
Why? Because they know.
They understand that the transition from being who they are now to becoming someone else entirely is just not a transition that appeals to them.
They’re brave enough to make a decision that they’ve thought about and examined from the inside out. And this, despite the fact that they will have to deal with a chronic plague of unwanted input and questions like: “Don’t you ever want to have kids?” or worse, a million smug looks.
If you ask me, people who decide that having kids isn’t for them deserve nothing but respect from those of us who have chosen a different path. I mean, there are a lot of ways to lead a great life. And no parent should ever try and define that for anybody else. Especially for people who are already damn sure that the road they’re traveling is the right one for them.
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This article originally appeared on Babble.com. For more like this from Babble, try:
I was miserable trying to do it all
I swear in front of my kids and I don’t give a damn
Photo credit courtesy of author Serge Bielanko.
Thanks Serge. I’m one of those folks for whom it was a close call. Sometimes I’m sad that I decided not to have kids, but ultimately I think it was the right decision because I wasn’t 100% committed to having a kid and I feared that even 99% before going into it wouldn’t be good enough for such a tough and serious, noble job. Props to both those with kids and those without who dug deep to figure out what was best for them, and their potential children. It’s not just about being smart, it’s about being responsible to self,… Read more »
^Gyo, gets it! Thank you
You are right about the awareness that childfree by choice people have about how that changes them, their life, their goals and everything around them. If it’s not rooted in trauma, the choice of not having kids can be the most unselfish thing someone could do, and sometimes they contribute much more to the society as a whole than those who do have kids, just because the latter have little time to offer to the outside world beside their family. Think scientists, artists, thinkers etc who choose not to have them, but in the long run their work can benefit… Read more »
I didn’t want kids cuz I didn’t want them to feel as sad as I did as a kid and it wasn’t until I was over 45 that I could completely understand my sadness and the cause of it (basically, too late). Sometimes I think I missed out but mostly I’m ok with it all. THANK YOU for not labeling childless folks as selfish jerks; I’ve seen that opinion a lot, and it’s really unfair to make those labels when you don’t know the backstory.
An unexpected and refreshing message, Serge.
And the deep respect go both ways.
Thank you! I knew from an early age, due to my older siblings’ troubles, what it meant to be a parent. It’s a daunting job and the most delicate, expensive, and important work a human can do. No other creature invests as much time in child-rearing as modern humans do.
I have a different reason why I don’t want kids. The reason you stated never occured to me and I believe that it is not the reason to give up on that “road”. My reasons are psychological. I’m from the anti natalism school of thought. I could argue about it for hours. But here.. I just wanted to share that not having kids for some may hold very deep meaning and may have nothing to do with how they as a person would change entirely after having a few of their own.
Cheers!