Jordan Gray says these four strategies do a lot more to woo the ladies than photos of privates ever will.
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It isn’t news that most women don’t love receiving unsolicited dick pics via text message.
But if sending unsolicited photographs of your genitals to your hopefully-soon-to-be-girlfriend is off the table… what else is there to send? You have to fill that text convo with something, right?
Have no fear, fellow romantics… your ultimate guide to non-dick-pic texts is here.
Implement these five tips/behaviours/mindsets into your text game and you’ll have your text buddy swooning and starry eyed in no time.
1. Playfulness
Dating is fun. Getting to know someone is fun. Flirting is fun. And texting should be fun too.
Too many people get overly serious during the getting-to-know-each other phase of dating and this translates in the way that they text their partner.
Rule of thumb: if you’re routinely spending more than ten minutes thinking about to reply with, you might be letting your game-playing, calculating ego steer the results in your dating life more than your authentic self.
So let go of the rules. Don’t worry so much about seeming like the right level of available. Have fun. Be playful. Allow your fun loving, authentic self to show through in the way that you communicate via text. Make jokes. Give each other silly nicknames. Do whatever you need to do to make each other smile. If you aren’t having fun at the beginning of a relationship, then what’s the point?
2. Honesty
Yes, flirtation has a lot of inherent playfulness, boundary testing, and poking and jabbing each other to see what you’re each made of. This is inherent of getting to know someone during courtship. This isn’t game playing. This is a necessary and healthy step in the process of two relative strangers getting to know each other.
But at the same time, you want to be balancing your playfulness and relatively empty banter with honesty and vulnerability.
While you can certainly get to know a lot about someone with what kind of playfulness and humour they find entertaining, some things need to be addressed more head on in your communication.
You should both be able to answer certain questions without deviating from the matter at hand. If you get stuck in your shtick of being the playful person then the depth of the relationship will be stunted from the outset.
If she asks you about your opinions/views/thoughts on sex, religion, philosophy, global issues, or gender (for example) and you aren’t able to talk about your thoughts without hiding behind a wall of humour, then this could be seen as a red flag that you aren’t able to drop in to the moment and be real with her.
Mark Manson and Brad Blanton have both written about honesty much better than I ever have, so if this is a roadblock for you, you might want to check out their books on the subject.
Next: How about sending some compliments?
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Interesting topic Archy, and the comments from Silke & co. As a recently divorced man I share your sentiment: men & women have vastly different sexualities. Men are not taught enough about women’s sexuality, granted. But sadly men are ridiculed for theirs. I have so enjoyed being single again and reclaiming my sexuality. I am much less patient after years of marriage where sexual negotiations were more painful than I can begin to describe. Now, if a girl doesn’t have a natural, easy going sexual nature that is easily accessible by her (first) and by a partner nearby, I just… Read more »
Is it that men aren’t taught about women’s sexuality or they don’t really care about women’s sexuality? men are more likely to turn to porn then to material that may really help them understand women better.
I don’t know why it’s so difficult to get people to understand that this is a pathology, not an honest mistake. In most cases, the dick pic is NOT actually an attempt to woo women. It is not simply a clumsy, clueless action by someone who doesn’t know any better. A man sends a dick pic because it turns him on to send one. It turns him on to imagine a particular reaction, even if he doesn’t expect a positive reaction. Whether it “works on women” or not is totally beside the point. It was never intended to make a… Read more »
Indeed. I’ve sent a few but ONLY to women who specifically wanted them, never unsolicited. It always made me wonder though why men seem more turned on by women’s bodies (Most men I know love pussy pics) yet dick pics are seen as a turn-off to most women. I’d probably still be a lil turned on by unsolicited pussy pics, although I’d be wondering wtf at it. Honestly it seems so many women are so turned off by penis that it makes me wonder if women are attracted to men fully, or just some parts? I’ve seen men farrrr farrr… Read more »
Archy
Imagine that it is all of you that make love to a women and not just the penis, then you will get womens attention.
When I see a vulva pic, I don’t see just the vulva, but I see detail to add to the mental image of her.
You are an interesting person Archy.
haha indeed.
Archy, I agree. I’ve often had the same experience, not just personal experience but also in what I hear and see around me. I’ve even specifically discussed the subject with a bunch of women. And while some say they are just as attracted to their partner’s body as any man is, others will agree that just the sight of a male body (and/or penis), be it their partner’s or any other, doesn’t do anything for them. Now, of course this is also true for a group of men (law of distribution, Bell curves, etc…) but it seems pretty clear that… Read more »
It’d be interesting to see the difference in arousal of women seeing the penis during different parts of their monthly cycle. I would guess that at peak fertility most would be the most attracted to images of a penis + the sexy man to go with it.
Archy,
Hmmm, never thought of it in that way…
But frankly, whenever I’ve bee in a relationship, I’ve never noticed any monthly variation in that regard.
🙂
Flyingkal, it is about time you meet a woman that is crazy about you…
You think so, Silke?
I wouldn’t know what to do…
Archy
Maybe the comments to this article in The Guardian about last January fashion show in Paris will tell you more :
I have not read the comment .
The designer had made dressed men so that anybody could see their penis.
http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2015/jan/22/-sp-penis-flashing-at-rick-owens-menswear-show
🙂 Flyingkal
If you had been a women ,maybe you had understood what I meant.
I do not mean to insult any man, but there is a difference in how men make love. It is different if a man is totally into his whole body and emotions and when he is not,
Yes Silke, there’s a difference. But I don’t know why you’d expect me not to know that, or why I’d be insulted by you pointing that out.
Don’t you also think it is different if a woman is into her body or not while making love?
And don’t you also think it is different if she is into (i.e. attracted to) the body of the man she is making love to, and that we men can’t tell the difference…?
Of course women can be into their body or not .
But I think men are more interested in penises and vulvas than women are as a general rule.
I am not a man,but it seems to me that boys and men are VERY fascinated by their own penis ,and women not so much.
Maybe it is harder for women to see just body parts as arousing.
Do lesbian women send each other photos of their vulva or clit?
I have no idea.
You sound angry so I leave this thread.
There might be a point there. Potentially men could compartmentalize intimacy and sex easier than women.
Archy,
Yes, potentially there’s a difference. But I wonder why visual connection or attraction often seems to be seen as superfluous, as not as “real” or “pure” as emotional connection?
Sure, I get that emotional connection often may be the link between sex and love. But it’s not like visual attraction (for the body as a whole, OR for the genitals, or really for any body part of your choice) is of no importance at all!
Archy, you bring up an interesting subject. Personally, I don’t really like pictures of male or female gentilaia. I think the penis is kind of weird looking, and the vulva is even weirder, I get turned on by physical closeness, touch and smell, and the emotional conext of being with someone. I get turned on by my boyfriend’s smile. When we are having sex I’m turned on by touching his penis but I wouldn’t be particularly turned on by seeing a picture of it. I wouldn’t definitely NOT be turned on by an unsolicited dick pic from a stranger. Therr… Read more »
I meant, I would definitely not be turned on by a dick pic from a stranger… typing too fast, sorry!
I think the repression of female sexuality had a role to play in that. It’s a true shame too, everyone deserves a great sex drive. It seems a lot of content also talks of women needing an emotional connection with sexuality with their partner which may subconsciously reinforce the need for the emotional connection as if a pure visual or lust based attraction is seen as lesser, “what good girls don’t do”.
So many generalizations Archy. You always yell at others when they make generalizations. Amazing.
Not being turned on by a dick pic does not mean a woman is sexually repressed. I also don’t think preferring an emotional connection with sex makes someone more sexually pressed either. Man or woman.
“It seems a lot of content also talks of women…” The generalization isn’t one I would make to all women, but I was talking about material I had seen making the generalizations (eg “women’s” magazines or websites. Also what I get annoyed with is negative generalizations being used a lot. I also don’t mind people pointing out generalizations I make to which I can clarify. I believe sexual repression has potentially interfered with many women’s ability to feel and sense they are aroused As SarahT says “Another theory is that women are socialized to repress sexual feelings and are psychologically… Read more »
Archy, your comments I find more thought-provoking than the actual article itself. it has given me much to think about. we are all for women loving ourselves and having pride in our sex and sexuality. yet, as you point out, we seem reluctant to express appreciation or pleasure in the naked male form, particularly a man’s penis. I feel you have raised a relevant point, in that it would appear women are either embarrassed, shamed or repressed when it comes to male genitalia. There is absolutely no justification for a woman to not be turned on by a male penis,… Read more »
Intent impacts the reaction … as someone else pointed out, and another great opinion, is that many men send dick pics for their own gratification and with no regard to the woman receiving it.
Agreed. I would probably still be turned on by random vulva pics though, but it might make me think the behaviour to be quite odd. Getting off to what is sexual assault (unsolicited dick pics) is just wrong though and the man (or woman) needs help if it turns them on to ignore consent like that. It always boggled my mind why most women and men wouldn’t absolutely love to see their partner nude and not get turned on quickly by it. I think the vulva is amazing and sexy, most men I talk to about it think the same… Read more »