3. Compliments
One of the best ways to make your text partner feel seen and appreciated is to give them compliments that you truly believe in.
For anyone who has ever studied pick up (or, really, the majority of men’s self help/dating advice) you might think that compliments are something to be avoided… that you give away too much of your power when you compliment a woman you’re interested in. This emotionally scarce and overly cautious methodology holds you and your relationship back from growing. A confident, quality guy doesn’t fear that he’s giving away power via compliments because A) it simply isn’t true, and B) he has so much positive emotional energy flowing out of him that it doesn’t take anything away from him to let others know how awesome they are.
As a rule of thumb, aim to compliment them on things that they aren’t used to being complimented on. If she’s an obviously attractive woman, she might be somewhat bored of (or used to) being complimented on her appearance. So get creative. Find the overlap between what you love about the person you’re texting, and think about what she likely doesn’t get to hear enough of. Whether you compliment her on her intelligence, her personality, her character her convictions, or her looks, it’s hard to go wrong. Most people adore being told how awesome they are from someone who really means it.
4. Directness
And no… not directness in terms of dick pics. I know that it might seem like the ultimate trump card to show your burgeoning love interest your penis… but no. Just no.
When I refer to directness in relationship to texting (or the early courtship phase in general) I’m talking about directness with your intentions.
In my opinion, directionality is the essence of masculine energy. The straight arrow going towards the bulls-eye. The ship on the stormy seas going from A to B. Direction itself is woven into the fabric of masculine energy.
So once playfulness, honesty, and compliments have all made an appearance in your text-based relationship, don’t forget what the ultimate point of texting is in the early relationship stage… to meet offline. To not be texting. To see them in person, see what chemistry you have when you put your phones down, and engage like human beings with your mouths (instead of just using your thumbs).
Would you like to know how they feel about a certain issue that is vital/a deal breaker for you before you meet? Ask them. Is there something you feel they should know about you before you meet up offline? Tell them. Do you want to meet them for a date? Ask them out.
At a certain point (via texting or in any relationship stage), honesty and directness must coincide. You have to let your intentions be known.
And hopefully by the time you ask them to be your exclusive, monogamous romantic partner, you have enough courage to not do that via text.
Well, there you have it. Four things you can incorporate into your text message conversations that aren’t digital images of your wiener.
Enjoy!
Ps. Remember, cell phones aren’t evil. They can be used for good and they can be used for unsolicited dick-pics. Use your power wisely.
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If you enjoyed this post, you might also love reading:
5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
10 Questions To Ask To Go Deep In Your Relationship
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You can read more of Jordan’s writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com
Photo courtesy of DepositPhotos.com
Interesting topic Archy, and the comments from Silke & co. As a recently divorced man I share your sentiment: men & women have vastly different sexualities. Men are not taught enough about women’s sexuality, granted. But sadly men are ridiculed for theirs. I have so enjoyed being single again and reclaiming my sexuality. I am much less patient after years of marriage where sexual negotiations were more painful than I can begin to describe. Now, if a girl doesn’t have a natural, easy going sexual nature that is easily accessible by her (first) and by a partner nearby, I just… Read more »
Is it that men aren’t taught about women’s sexuality or they don’t really care about women’s sexuality? men are more likely to turn to porn then to material that may really help them understand women better.
I don’t know why it’s so difficult to get people to understand that this is a pathology, not an honest mistake. In most cases, the dick pic is NOT actually an attempt to woo women. It is not simply a clumsy, clueless action by someone who doesn’t know any better. A man sends a dick pic because it turns him on to send one. It turns him on to imagine a particular reaction, even if he doesn’t expect a positive reaction. Whether it “works on women” or not is totally beside the point. It was never intended to make a… Read more »
Indeed. I’ve sent a few but ONLY to women who specifically wanted them, never unsolicited. It always made me wonder though why men seem more turned on by women’s bodies (Most men I know love pussy pics) yet dick pics are seen as a turn-off to most women. I’d probably still be a lil turned on by unsolicited pussy pics, although I’d be wondering wtf at it. Honestly it seems so many women are so turned off by penis that it makes me wonder if women are attracted to men fully, or just some parts? I’ve seen men farrrr farrr… Read more »
Archy
Imagine that it is all of you that make love to a women and not just the penis, then you will get womens attention.
When I see a vulva pic, I don’t see just the vulva, but I see detail to add to the mental image of her.
You are an interesting person Archy.
haha indeed.
Archy, I agree. I’ve often had the same experience, not just personal experience but also in what I hear and see around me. I’ve even specifically discussed the subject with a bunch of women. And while some say they are just as attracted to their partner’s body as any man is, others will agree that just the sight of a male body (and/or penis), be it their partner’s or any other, doesn’t do anything for them. Now, of course this is also true for a group of men (law of distribution, Bell curves, etc…) but it seems pretty clear that… Read more »
It’d be interesting to see the difference in arousal of women seeing the penis during different parts of their monthly cycle. I would guess that at peak fertility most would be the most attracted to images of a penis + the sexy man to go with it.
Archy,
Hmmm, never thought of it in that way…
But frankly, whenever I’ve bee in a relationship, I’ve never noticed any monthly variation in that regard.
🙂
Flyingkal, it is about time you meet a woman that is crazy about you…
You think so, Silke?
I wouldn’t know what to do…
Archy
Maybe the comments to this article in The Guardian about last January fashion show in Paris will tell you more :
I have not read the comment .
The designer had made dressed men so that anybody could see their penis.
http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2015/jan/22/-sp-penis-flashing-at-rick-owens-menswear-show
🙂 Flyingkal
If you had been a women ,maybe you had understood what I meant.
I do not mean to insult any man, but there is a difference in how men make love. It is different if a man is totally into his whole body and emotions and when he is not,
Yes Silke, there’s a difference. But I don’t know why you’d expect me not to know that, or why I’d be insulted by you pointing that out.
Don’t you also think it is different if a woman is into her body or not while making love?
And don’t you also think it is different if she is into (i.e. attracted to) the body of the man she is making love to, and that we men can’t tell the difference…?
Of course women can be into their body or not .
But I think men are more interested in penises and vulvas than women are as a general rule.
I am not a man,but it seems to me that boys and men are VERY fascinated by their own penis ,and women not so much.
Maybe it is harder for women to see just body parts as arousing.
Do lesbian women send each other photos of their vulva or clit?
I have no idea.
You sound angry so I leave this thread.
There might be a point there. Potentially men could compartmentalize intimacy and sex easier than women.
Archy,
Yes, potentially there’s a difference. But I wonder why visual connection or attraction often seems to be seen as superfluous, as not as “real” or “pure” as emotional connection?
Sure, I get that emotional connection often may be the link between sex and love. But it’s not like visual attraction (for the body as a whole, OR for the genitals, or really for any body part of your choice) is of no importance at all!
Archy, you bring up an interesting subject. Personally, I don’t really like pictures of male or female gentilaia. I think the penis is kind of weird looking, and the vulva is even weirder, I get turned on by physical closeness, touch and smell, and the emotional conext of being with someone. I get turned on by my boyfriend’s smile. When we are having sex I’m turned on by touching his penis but I wouldn’t be particularly turned on by seeing a picture of it. I wouldn’t definitely NOT be turned on by an unsolicited dick pic from a stranger. Therr… Read more »
I meant, I would definitely not be turned on by a dick pic from a stranger… typing too fast, sorry!
I think the repression of female sexuality had a role to play in that. It’s a true shame too, everyone deserves a great sex drive. It seems a lot of content also talks of women needing an emotional connection with sexuality with their partner which may subconsciously reinforce the need for the emotional connection as if a pure visual or lust based attraction is seen as lesser, “what good girls don’t do”.
So many generalizations Archy. You always yell at others when they make generalizations. Amazing.
Not being turned on by a dick pic does not mean a woman is sexually repressed. I also don’t think preferring an emotional connection with sex makes someone more sexually pressed either. Man or woman.
“It seems a lot of content also talks of women…” The generalization isn’t one I would make to all women, but I was talking about material I had seen making the generalizations (eg “women’s” magazines or websites. Also what I get annoyed with is negative generalizations being used a lot. I also don’t mind people pointing out generalizations I make to which I can clarify. I believe sexual repression has potentially interfered with many women’s ability to feel and sense they are aroused As SarahT says “Another theory is that women are socialized to repress sexual feelings and are psychologically… Read more »
Archy, your comments I find more thought-provoking than the actual article itself. it has given me much to think about. we are all for women loving ourselves and having pride in our sex and sexuality. yet, as you point out, we seem reluctant to express appreciation or pleasure in the naked male form, particularly a man’s penis. I feel you have raised a relevant point, in that it would appear women are either embarrassed, shamed or repressed when it comes to male genitalia. There is absolutely no justification for a woman to not be turned on by a male penis,… Read more »
Intent impacts the reaction … as someone else pointed out, and another great opinion, is that many men send dick pics for their own gratification and with no regard to the woman receiving it.
Agreed. I would probably still be turned on by random vulva pics though, but it might make me think the behaviour to be quite odd. Getting off to what is sexual assault (unsolicited dick pics) is just wrong though and the man (or woman) needs help if it turns them on to ignore consent like that. It always boggled my mind why most women and men wouldn’t absolutely love to see their partner nude and not get turned on quickly by it. I think the vulva is amazing and sexy, most men I talk to about it think the same… Read more »