The Prostitute Who (Almost) Saved My Relationship

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About Evan Jacobs

Evan Jacobs is an aspiring writer and stand-up comedian living in New York City. Learn more at his website.


  1. David Wise says:

    Someone said this was “funny ha-ha,” but I don’t think they’re laughing with you. For your sake, Evan, I hope you’ve matured and are not as vulnerable. This piece sounded confessional and not your stand-up material, which I assume is a lot better. Good luck in your career and love life. It does get better, bro.

    • David,

      Thanks. I’m pretty sure nobody is laughing with me on this one, nor would I expect them to. This piece was actually written in a much more sober voice than how I usually write or what my stand-up is, as it was written several years ago and for a different publication. I meant it to be entertaining and readable, which, as far as I can tell, it is. But thank you for reading and thanks for commenting!


      • David Wise says:

        You’re quite welcome, Evan, and thanks for not taking it the wrong way. It was a nicely written piece, my friend. Shanti

  2. Nice share. It was funny when it had to be, but I never felt like it needed to *be* funny. A sign of a writer who gets it. Well done.

  3. quite a kickass piece!

  4. I found this article intriguing! Thanks for sharing!

  5. Tell us more about your boner. It’s ever-so intriguing.

  6. Very poignant piece, sort of bittersweet in a way. If you haven’t already, I hope you soon find a woman who will appreciate your humour and raw honesty. It’s real and refreshing. I’m glad I found your column/blog.

  7. “Had I tapped into the same insecurities that compel women to fall for jerks?”

    This would have been much better if you’d written ‘people’ instead of ‘women’. I’m fed up of this stereotype.

  8. Oh,honey…

    You did NOT cheat on this woman. Cheating is when you make a promise (like, to be sexually exclusive), and then you break it. You didn’t agree not to have sex with anybody else–in fact, YOU TOLD HER YOU WERE GOING TO.

    And whatever it was that did in that relationship, I have to say…it was a good thing. You dodged a bullet (or at least, you escaped with a non-fatal wound). Nobody needs to be entangled with someone who tells you one thing when they mean another, and then expects you to just figure it out anyway. You told her you were going to have an adventure with a hooker. She said it was okay, she didn’t mind, she understood…and then when you did exactly what you told her you were going to do, she got mad? because she didn’t think you would actually DO what you said you were going to do? and YOU both acted like YOU were the one who had doing something wrong, something SHE needed to forgive YOU for?

    Sorry, but I just can’t see what’s desirable about a relationship with anyone that dissembling and emotionally manipulative. Dishonesty, and unspoken assumptions, and all-around lousy communication have killed far more relationships than sexual misbehavior ever did. A failure to be honest and forthcoming with your partner is the REAL worst kind of betrayal.

  9. Allison says:


    I really loved this piece. No, it wasn’t perfect in every way, but it seemed really honest. Keep writing from experience because you have a knack. I loved that there was an obvious mental shift after this experience. I unfortunately would have likely reacted the same way she did to my own fault, but it is refreshing to read something like this that shows that sex outside of a relationship or even flirtation for that matter isn’t necessarily a betrayal and may actually be beneficial, despite the “dump his ass” mantra popular culture forces on us.


  10. Henry Vandenburgh says:

    I liked this piece quite a lot. I remember walking these same streets as a GI in 1966, and not being very motivated to visit the window girls. (My own prostitute phase had been in Korea two years earlier. It got old.) I was in more of an alcohol phase when I visited Amsterdam. This is a nice story. I don’t think her dumping you had much to do with this either.

  11. What an interesting experience, Evan. I can understand your sentiments – whether you cheated or not, you traded a pure good start to a relationship for having passionless sex with another woman. To be honest, even though your ex might have said that what happened in Amsterdam wasn’t the reason you broke up, I’d be willing to bet she’s lying to you when she said that. Girls rarely get over that kind of thing. They try harder than anything to forget it, but they don’t. So when you said you loved her …maybe she felt you finally paid her back for hurting her. And then she dumped you. And that was why. Maybe I’m wrong. Hopefully. But it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing one calmly gets over in a relationship. Sex with someone else is pretty hurtful.

  12. Leroy Joseph says:

    I hired a prostitute once in my life. I was in my 2nd marriage and I had really “settled,” I was not in love with the woman, I will still in love with my former fiancee who I have written about a fair bit in replies to other articles, but that is another story. I got married to this woman because she wanted to and I just more or less went along with it. Our sex life was sort of okay at times, but she didn’t set off any fireworks for me. So one night on a business trip, I hired a prostitute . I was feeling horny and more than a little curious about what it would be like to hire a beautiful woman for sex. She came to my hotel room, we negotiated and then I paid her. I got undressed and as soon as we started, I went totally limp. The woman patiently tried for half an hour to arouse me again without any success. Then she just sort of shrugged, said “Sorry,” got her things together and left. I was left lying there feeling frustrated and like a failure. I had also just wasted a good sum of money. And I had just had an incredibly beautiful woman willing to satisfy me, but couldn’t get it up. Bummer.

    Later, when I thought about it, I realized that I have never been able to screw on demand. Most of my one night stands ended with the same result. A lot of my friends seemed to have no problem screwing anything that walked. Why was I different? Well, I don’t have to be in love with someone to have great sex with them, but I do have to feel comfortable and safe with them. I also have to be reasonably sober; like most men, too much alcohol for me is not an aphrodisiac, quite the opposite. So even though at times I have wanted to behave like a male slut, something in my subconscious or body does not allow me to go there. There are advantages to this condition though; four of my friends all had some fun one night with a girl and then all got gonorrhea. I have never had that problem.

  13. I enjoyed the honesty in this piece. I also find it somewhat of a scarey world to dip into because of the questions it opens for me about how sex and what men are willing to give up, or rather go to extremes for, for sex. Even when they have someone kind and fun and wonderful in their lives.

    Perhaps this isn’t the reason she broke up with you. Perhaps it is. Sometimes in relationships you think you can work through things and tell yourself you can only to find months later that that thing you thought you could work through still bothers you. I’m not saying this is the case here. I just know I’ve personally experiened that.

    I know for myself that I don’t ever want to be with a man that visited prostitutes or hookers.

  14. Alex Gawler says:

    Thank you for writing this article and your candidness!

  15. I think in certain circumstances, prostitutes / escorts can add to an individuals or couples sexual experiences positively. Having enjoyed the company of professional escorts with my partner, if the trust is there and the understanding as to what role this kind of experience plays within the relationship it can be a fun area to explore.

  16. anonymous says:

    I would have loved you. And not because I fall for jerks. There is nothing more reassuring to me in a relationship than raw honesty.

  17. Sometimes I fantasize having sex with prostitute. In my fantasy, the hooker also like me and desire me, although I know that’s impossible. I cannot imagine how scary it is having sex with woman who don’t have any desire for me and want to have sex just because she want my money. Just thinking about it make me hurt and sad. Reading this piece make me convinced that I wouldn’t have sex with any hooker in my life, thank you.


  1. [...] out Evan’s previous GMPM pieces, “Protecting Your Balls” and “The Prostitute Who (Almost) Saved My Relationship.” AKPC_IDS += "14379,"; Filed Under: Diversions, Featured Content Tagged With: Abduction, Dads, [...]

  2. [...] also: “The Prostitute Who Almost Saved My Relationship” by Evan Jacobs, “Inside a Strip Club” by Tom [...]

  3. [...] This is a post by Leroy Joseph on the post “The Prostitute Who (Almost) Saved My Relationship“. [...]

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