At what point in our development as men did we collectively decide that it was considered too feminine to smell like a flower, or a fruit, or a vegetable?
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I was recently faced with a unique dilemma that I would like to think tortures all men at some point in their lives. It happened in the bath and shower aisle of my local supermarket. I was there because I had just run out of deodorant and needed to resupply. Normally, this was an uneventful process. I have been buying the same flavor of deodorant as long as I have had the money to do so and the armpits to use it on. Long story short, they didn’t carry my go-to scent and I had a substantial life crisis.
Anarchy probably smells like wet concrete and tear gas. Who knows what power smells like? Donald Trump?
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I don’t consider myself the type of person that has strict brand loyalties, but it dawned on me that day that I am apparently very particular about how I smell. And I have only ever smelled like one thing. Original Scent. That was my home base, my comfort zone. On this day I was faced with the decision to smell like body odor or some mysterious flavor of armpit lubricant. So I started browsing.
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Swagger, Anarchy, Power, Fresh, Glacier, and Hypnosis. These were the flavors I was faced with and I hadn’t the slightest clue what any of them smelled like. I image swagger smells like an eighth grade dance. Anarchy probably smells like wet concrete and tear gas. Who knows what power smells like? Donald Trump?
Having hypnotic smelling armpits sounds like the worst super power ever. Fresh and Glacier were the only scents that seemed to gravitate toward the more logical side of the spectrum. But then I realized that fresh is simply an adjective. If it smelled like a fresh meadow or freshly baked cookies that would be great. But it just as easily could have smelled like a fresh pile of shit or fresh sardines. I went with Glacier. How bad could a glacier really smell anyway?
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As I turned to leave I noticed, for what felt like the first time in my life, the enormous variety of smells available to women. The one shelf of men’s products shriveled into nothingness in comparison to the vast sea of women’s shampoos, deodorants and body washes. Every flower, fruit, and vegetable known to man was represented on those shelves.
I believe it is time we reclaim some of the real world smells before too long or we will soon be limited to smelling like overly stressed “masculine” things like Tool Box® or Bacon Grease®.
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At what point in our development as men did we collectively decide that it was considered too feminine to smell like a flower, or a fruit, or a vegetable? For that matter, when did we become so insecure about our smells that we had to invent hardcore, nonexistent smells like Anarchy and Power? I believe it is time we reclaim some of the real world smells before too long or we will soon be limited to smelling like overly stressed “masculine” things like Tool Box® or Bacon Grease®.
I won’t overstep my bounds and assume we can instantly reach into the flower department and start laying claim to lilac or honeysuckle, but can we at least draw the line at vegetables? I mean, artichokes are all spiny and punk rock and delicious. They are a giant thistle for crying out loud. They are basically weeds. Can we at least reclaim them?
What about avocados? They are manly as hell.
Originally published on matthewbranchwriter.com
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Photo: Flickr/Quinn Dombrowski
wear deodorant, not antiperspirant
My man doesn’t wear deodorant at all. Don’t get me wrong, he showers everyday, washes his hair…. All the normal stuff. But he smells like a damn man. He doesn’t have bad body odour. He just naturally smells good, and yes, very manly. And I love him exactly like that. After a big days work, he has a scent that says, yes honey, I worked hard today. In the morning after his shower, his body screams, I’m clean – what are we up to today? At night time, when we’re lying in bed, his body says, I am a man… Read more »
Who says *we* decided it?
I guess it’s “manly” to smell like strawberries if that’s what you want. But let’s not delude ourselves. It’s not what you want to smell like, it’s for the audience. Know your audience. If you’ve got a partner, no idea what’s going on below their nose, who likes you smelling like strawberries. Go for it. If you’re a heterosexual man, maybe she will, maybe she won’t. If you don’t have that special someone and have to take a shot in the dark… it’s not like they focus group the hell out of these scents. Or do they? And they mostly… Read more »
Clearly this humor is beyond you. Focus group or no focus group, why name any scent “anarchy,” “power,” or “swagger?” The whole point is that these names are ridiculous and force men to subscribe to a masculine stereotype. Lighten up, bro.