What incredible courage does it take to face the horrors of childhood sexual abuse? Film-maker Sasha Joseph Neulinger rolls back the clock and reveals the truth of what happened to him.
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Taking a deep breath before putting fingers to keyboard to write this article, pondering how to encapsulate an experience of one courageous young man and the saga of a family in a way that does it justice. Childhood sexual abuse impacts people on all levels-body, mind and spirit. Even more devastating is when the perpetrators are family members. Further damaging when one of them is a renowned spiritual leader in his community.
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How would you describe this film?
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Before I embarked on this journey to tell my story, I remembered a word of advice from a friend of mine. He said, “Embrace your fear and it will become your power.” For so much of my life, any possible joyful moments were overshadowed by my struggle to embrace myself and to find a way to survive the pain that resulted from my the abuse I experienced as a child. When I came to Montana in 2008, one year after the last of three trials ended (Howard Nevison’s trial was the last), I was essentially beginning the next chapter of my life, a life that I could live for myself, without the fear of a new trial in the back of my mind. Montana was a fresh start for me, and I slowly started the process of tearing down the protective walls I had built around my heart.
When I decided to make this film back in December of 2012, It was because I felt more happy, more at peace, and more alive then I had ever felt in my life. I had just graduated from college and I had my dream job working with Grizzly Creek Films (now co-producers of my film) on a National Geographic show titled, “America, The Wild.” I was living in a place that I loved, with time and space to do the things that I loved to do, with beautiful and supportive friends to share my happiness with.
When I was sexually abused, I was instantly severed from myself, and in that moment lost all sense of self love and ownership of my beauty.
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I don’t know if my uncle Howard was abused or not, but I do know that both my uncle Larry and my cousin Stewart were abused as children. If they had gotten help, would they have abused me? I can’t answer that with certainly. However, I strongly believe that if we want to stop child abuse, we need to make sure that current child sexual abuse victims are getting the proper love, guidance and support that they need to find peace in their live so that when they grow up, they are not hurting themselves and hurting others. If we help this generation of child abuse victims to heal and loves themselves again, I think we will find that the numbers will be significantly reduced.
I strongly believe that if we want to stop child abuse, we need to make sure that current child sexual abuse victims are getting the proper love, guidance and support that they need to find peace in their live so that when they grow up, they are not hurting themselves and hurting others.
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I could not agree more with Sasha, about the healing of generations. I’ve recently begun writing about forgiving my father and what it might be like if we not only heal the current generation of children and young adults, but also reach back to the generations before us to heal their wounds. I believe if we do that, healing the generations before us (with recognition of their offenses, but with whole-hearted welcoming them out of the shame closet and out into a place where their inner child can be healed), then we will change the future for our children and… Read more »
Kim:
When one person heals, it impacts on all. Ancestral healing is powerful. I have to think that in some way, Sasha’s experience will have an effect on the previous generations whose wounds got the better of them. The adage that ‘hurt people hurt people’ doesn’t have to be so.
Mary, you also are to be commended for doing your brave work in the world to help heal the wounds survivors may still carry. Sasha is absolutely a hero in my book too!
I commend you for shedding a bright light on a dark subject,only through speaking up can we take the stigma of shame out of abuse.My podcast is called Damaged Daughters and Sons because there are more of us in pain than we realized. http://damageddaughters.libsyn.com You are a hero!
Thank you, Mary, for doing your brave work in the world too. My belief as someone who has offered therapy for abuse survivors is that no one is irreparably damaged and that healing is possible. Sasha is absolutely a hero!
Edie, thanks for the great, inspiring article. Hats off to this man for fully confronting his traumatic past and coming full circle.
Once I heard his story, I had no choice but to interview him. Feel free to share. Thank you.
He is an amazing soul who lives as an example of what healing can look like. Thanks for your comment.
I congratulate the strength of being your real self won out over the forces of inhibition, fear & anger. Keep this process going, you’ll see what you can really be.