What to you think are the biggest ways that men’s (and women’s) roles are changing in the 21st century? Where do we still need progress?
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When I was a kid, one of my favorite books of Brain Teasers had a riddle in it:
“A boy was brought into a hospital after a terrible car crash. He needed emergency brain surgery. The neurosurgeon took one look at the patient and said “I can’t operate on the boy. He’s my son.” Yet the doctor was not the boy’s father. How could that be?”
I was stumped.
In today’s world, of course, the answer is obvious. Neurosurgeons can also be mothers, and hopefully we don’t even blink at that.
And I look at that course of history that that riddle describes, that shows how clearly women’s have changed. And I would be hard pressed to find a single reason why it was not good for the roles of women to change that clearly, quickly and dramatically.
But what is good for men about that change? How is it better for men that women are now neurosurgeons?
Here are some ways where gender equality has benefitted men:
- Men can experience the joy of staying home with their children, raising them, spending time with them.
- Men raising daughters can do everything men raising sons can.
- There is not as much pressure these days for men to be the primary breadwinner. While there is still a ways to go, the tremendous pressure to be the sole provider for a family—despite hard economic times, disability or illness—is fading.
- There is much less pressure for men to be the leaders in all types of relationships. Online dating has allows women to put themselves out there easily. Neurosurgeon moms most likely raise girls who would expect equality in all sorts of relationships. That is a good thing.
- Men are given permission to love more fully and deeply—not just romantic relationships but all relationships.
- Men who are victims of sexual assault, rape, and violence are able to talk about it openly. They were not “lucky” if sexually assaulted by a women, they were not “asking for it” if they were victims of violence. The fundamental tenor of the conversation is changing.
- Men and boys are being told with less and less frequency to man up, hide their feelings, don’t cry.
- There is less policing of the “man box”. There is a less narrow definition of what counts as “masculine”, and men are more free than ever to pursue whatever type of gender expression they want.
Where are the benefits still not obvious?
- Boys are now doing less well academically compared to girls. Girls are given more attention in schools, the expectations are often higher for them. Classrooms are no longer as open to the physicality of boys development.
- The prison industrial complex is still disproportionately men. The power structure is still evident at the top and at the bottom of the class hierarchies.
- The environment is breaking— in part due to centuries of pushing for progress. This may not seem to be a gendered issue — but again, we have the power structure in place. Who causes the biggest environmental mishaps? And — worse — who is left to clean up the big, dangerous messes? It’s often the poor, underemployed, hard working…you guessed it….men.
- Custody and divorce laws.
- Enormous strides have been made in pressuring those who are anti-gay and anti-equaility. But there are still pockets of anti-gay sentiments everywhere.
- Violence. On one hand, violence is violence and is great we are talking about more men being the victims of violence. On the other hand, the most aggressive acts of violence—mass shootings, bombings, wars—are still driven mostly by men.
What do you think? How do you see the changes in gender happening in the world? What are we missing?
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Photo: Phalinn / Flickr
The United Nations ‘Universal Declaration of Human Rights’ does not talk about ‘gender equality’, it talks about ‘human rights’, as these extracts from the Preamble demonstrate: “Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world, “Whereas the peoples of the United Nations have in the Charter reaffirmed their faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person and in the equal rights of men and women and have determined to promote social progress… Read more »
For me it is not about changes in ‘gender’ or ‘gender equality’. Yes, it’s about equality, equality of opportunity, equality in treatment, equality of respect, but it’s not about men and women becoming the same. We are different and as long as there is pressure for us to ignore this then we won’t find the solutions to the issues you mention. As long as men feel they are pressured to become like women, as they see women becoming like men, then they will get more and more confused. We need to explore new roles for men that encourage them to… Read more »
The greatest change I see is in the conversation. Subjects that were once off limits for one gender or the other, and CERTAINLY in “mixed company” are now discussed openly. But the greatest NEED I see is also in the conversation. Because all too often we’re still talking of them in cliches and judgmental terms that come from our conditioning rather than our intent.