Lynn Beisner thought her father-in-law was experiencing dementia… Then she realized that it was just a case of too much Right Wing extremism.
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A couple of months ago, my husband, Pete, was talking to his father on the phone. After he hung up, he looked at me with haunted eyes and said, “My dad is gone. His mind is gone. The man I was just talking to, he is not my dad.”
I hugged Pete and then gently prodded for more information. It seems that in the middle of a completely innocuous conversation about kids, his dad had suddenly started raving about President Obama. My father-in-law has always been a conservative, but for most of his life, he would never have mentioned politics in polite company. And he certainly would never have interrupted a conversation about his grandchildren to start in on a borderline racist rant.
My husband believed that his father had begun experiencing dementia. But his step-mother explained that his dad was just deeply distressed because of how bad the world is – the world as he has seen it on Fox News.
It was true that the last time that Pete and I had visited his father and step-mother we had noticed that the television in their home was constantly tuned to Fox News. But his father had never been overly political, or even that interested in current events. In fact, my husband grew up with a father so removed from politics, that his family rarely even remembered to vote.
So my husband remained unconvinced. He was sure that there must be something else wrong with his father. The surliness and race-based commentary indicated changes in personality. And in Pete’s view, the father that he knew was too smart to have bought into the obvious propaganda from ultra-conservative media sources. He was convinced that his father was slipping away, and his step-mother was too blind to see it.
I was unconvinced that this was an indicator of dementia. I am very fond of Pete’s dad, but I judged him for watching, internalizing and repeating the bigoted garbage that he saw on Fox News. I especially judged him for telling me that I “think too much” after I explained the flaws in his arguments.
However, an article that came out the other day thas given me a new perspective and it has given my husband hope. In a compassionate and wise article on Salon entitled “I lost my dad to Fox News: How a generation was captured by thrashing hysteria” Edwin Lyngar tells about witnessing the same sort of transformation in his own father.
Rather than blaming dementia or on privilege-induced stupidity, Lyngar was able to see through his father’s surliness. He says:
I do not blame or condemn my father for his opinions. If you consumed a daily diet of right-wing fury, erroneously labeled “news,” you could very likely end up in the same place. Again, this is all by design. Let’s call it the Fox News effect. Take sweet, kindly senior citizens and feed them a steady stream of demagoguery and repetition, all wrapped in the laughable slogan of “fair and balanced.” Even watching the commercials on Fox, one is treated to sales pitches for gold and emergency food rations, the product cornerstones of the paranoid. To some people the idea of retirees yelling at the television all day may seem funny, but this isn’t a joke. We’re losing the nation’s grandparents, and it’s an American tragedy. [emphasis ours]
Lyngar is right. Fox News is taking away a generation more surely and more universally than any drug epidemic has seized a younger generation.
These sources selling ultra-conservative outrage often become elder-crack. It is taking away the people that we love and replacing them with unkind, narcissistic rage-aholics incapable of critical thinking. Instead of having grandparents, our kids are being subjected to elderly people that they can neither love nor respect.
The worst part is that even though it is ruining their lives and their relationships, they cannot quit. Not only do they seem to need a daily if not hourly fix, they are also told by Fox News that any other media is dangerous and deceptive. It will ruin them.
Once our anger and frustration fades away, it is hard not to be heartbroken for the generation that seems most affected by the sway of ultra-conservative media. As Lyngar says, it is incredibly painful to “watch our parents or grandparents drown in an incessant downpour of outrage.”
Like Lyngar, I am not sure what, if anything we can do to save our parents’ generation. Perhaps going the classic routes of interventions and therapy might help. But at least for now, this compassionate look at the Fox News Generation can help us react with more understanding and less frustration.
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Read Edwin Lyngar’s fantastic post on Salon.com
Photo: Flickr/schmilblick
Lynn, it’s a fair questions. In my case, I have two adult children, male and female, My daughter has a 4 and 1 year old sons. I’m an open conservative who doesn’t mince words and through my younger years, was politically active in local government and was a founding member of a citizens tax payer group. I later became active in men’s and fathers rights. Growing up in Chicago and my parents being part of the political “machine,” politics were often talked about at the family dinner table. Many men of my generation were/are not passive in our political views… Read more »
Tom, try not to shoot the messenger (me) on this one, but I’ll tell you what I think. I think that the younger generations know that you are experienced, know you have wisdom, know that you were more politically active than they are. I think they know a lot. Doesn’t change the fact that I strongly suspect they largely blame the baby-boomer generation for many of the problems they and their families are now experiencing. They don’t want to listen to you all because they figure you’re the ones who made the mess that they and their children now have… Read more »
LOL, Jason, although I do own a gun, I won’t pull it out. Ya know, I’ve heard “they largely blame the baby-boomer generation for many of the problems they and their families are now experiencing.” It would be helpful to know what “problems” they’re speaking of. Each generation has reason to look at prior generations and blame for what the current generation is experiencing. The difference is that previous generations looked at past and changed things.They didn’t sit and complain that life sucks because of “them.” That being said, I have to say that my life took a different rout… Read more »
Thanks, Tom. Your points are well taken. It’s refreshing to have an online discussion every once in while with people like yourself, who read, comprehend, and think. Not that I’d necessarily expect you to agree, but then nobody’s perfect. 😉 LOL
We know what we’re loosing which is what makes this smug article even more infuriating. errrrrr wake up!
According to Pew Research I found the following:
FOX News Audience
Ages 18-29 … 19%
Ages 30-49 … 27
Ages 50-64 … 29
Age 65+ …….. 24
Men / Women
Men ………..48
Women … 52
Income profile
$75K+ …23
$30 – $74 … 31
Less then $30K …33
Ideology
Republican – 40 Conservative – 60
Independent – 33 Moderate – 23
Democrat – 22 Liberal – 19
I have one question for all of you who are so defensive about this: Given the fact that you know that your behavior is frightening and distressing for your kid and grandkids, that they experience you as angry and bullying, why do you act that way and continue to watch and listen to things that encourage that behavior in you? What I am asking is if you want to be right in your own mind and consequently be so unhappy that it is hard to be around you, or if you want to have good relationships and be happy.
My kids love their daddy. We just don’t like the generalization and the assumption of causation
Lynn, I turned 40 last week. My parents are in their mid to late 60s. Thankfully, they have been largely immune to this phenomenon. However, I have seen too many of their friends, family, and older coworkers of my own fall to this to believe it is simply a generalization or assumption of causation. I have been spreading this around on social media, especially Facebook, and I’ve gotten confirming feedback from a number of 20-40 year old friends and family. Thank you for writing about this. What worries me more is what may happen to the younger people who watch… Read more »
I tend to agree that Fox News is generally ridiculous and specializes in fear-mongering; it’s really hard for me to even be in the room when it’s on. I have personally observed the effect you are describing in some of my friends and family, so I agree it can be a real issue and I’m glad you took the time to write this piece. Very thought-provoking. However, Lynn, I think you are a making a huge and unfair assumption with this: “Given the fact that you know that your behavior is frightening and distressing for your kid and grandkids, that… Read more »
Silly liberals, Trix are for kids.
Tom Brechlin: “alvederzane”? Seriously?! And you expect readers to take you seriously?
It’s one spelling but I guess if I was an edamacated German I would have spelled it “AUF WIEDERSEHEN.”
cedelune, In so far as taking me seriously, perhaps you can view the Pew Research study and get back to the topic at hand, rather then simply critiquing the way I spelled a German word. Now, you can look at the stats that I took time to look up.
I think there are a several issues that bring about the situation described in the article. First, Fox News caters to the senior audience with news topics and commercials that play well with their population segment and their life experiences. Second, progressive news does just about the opposite. There will be the occasional seniors topic but they blatantly cater to a predominantly younger audience. Many of the progressive topics that get the most air time and commentary are, to be blunt, uncomfortable for many in the older generation. LGBT issues, abortion rights, occupy wall street and the like: social justice… Read more »
Of course they talk about things that make older people uncomfortable. Creating discomfort and terror is how they keep their audience.
So how does MSNBC keep their audience?
Clearly the comments above tell me I don’t belong here, as I am a skeptic, and I am certainly no fan of the current left-wing administration in Washington. I believe that people have the right to live their own lives without big brother making decisions for them. Obviously, your progressive ideology denies that right, if not in theory then certainly in practice. I thought the folks that ran this site were intellectually honest and willing to face facts about life in America. I was evidently wrong if baseless accusations are permitted, such as FoxNews is causing older people to experience… Read more »
Tom, et al., I’m a skeptic, too. I’m also not a fan of the current administration. However, the current administration is not left-wing. Some of it’s members may be, but the administration overall is FAR from left wing. It is centrist. The fact that people even think this administration is left-wing is a result of incessant propagandizing by ultra-conservative media outlets, like Fox News. My problem with the Obama administration is that they are not liberal-leaning enough in very specific, critical ways. The administration seems a continuation of the Bush years, and its mistakes. What many people forget is that… Read more »
I agree with only one point the conservative commenters above made. Though I know you were using it as a humorous device to assist in making the point of your article, I would be exceptionally careful in even appearing to “make fun” of dementia/Alzheimers or the elderly developing or suffering from it. I know what you were doing, and I agree with the overall gist of your article, boy do I agree. But, one thing I’ve noticed from conservative commenters and media is how much they like to avoid discussing the substance of something, in favor of using distractions, hyperbole,… Read more »
“My husband believed that his father had begun experiencing dementia. But his step-mother explained that his dad was just deeply distressed because of how bad the world is…” Oh man, I can relate to this and it isn’t FOX that’s caused me to think the way I do. Look at the stats on the elderly male suicide rate? It continues to climb and it’s not because of some stupid network new agency. It’s because your father-in-law, like many men have seen such drastic changes that it’s hard to stomach. You can make fun of us “ultra conservatives” all you want.… Read more »
Remember Tom- no matter how much time we spend in the service of others the only measure of someone’s quality is the degree to which they buy into the left’s political stance. (sarcasm is intended). You and I are just a couple of bad old conservative patriarchs out there trying to make the world a better place.
By the way, I spent my day collecting for a food drive that my nine year old son organized and my wife is spending the night facilitating my daughter’s scout troop’s annual service project.
CeeW …. I like it:) Aaaah,the Scouts. It’s been a long time since my daughter was in the Scouts. I’ve lost my source for my Thin Mints!
Maybe I’m not seeing it but the organizations I volunteer for seem to be pretty much conservative groups. I worked the 12AM to 7:AM Pads shelter and then went directly over to our men’s group. But people like us are crazy? I guess if that’s what they want to call it, so be it.
We just need to watch more Fox. If we get enough hate we’ll stop giving and then our schedules open up for all sorts of things.
I certainly agree with Tom Brechlin. It is not that there are intolerant lefties posting insulting comments; it’s the fact that nowhere are these political points challenged by the moderator of the site. If the Good Men Project is merely another outlet for rabid left-wing posturing, that’s fine, but I don’t support such sites financially and I certainly don’t need to hear anything more from those people who, apparently, just can’t grasp the fact that intellectual dissent from the Obama orthodoxy exists. They best they can do is attempt to smear, directly or indirectly, as in this article, political views… Read more »
This is about the distress that we feel when our family members change, when they are unable to be civilized or polite and instead rage in sound bites. I am sad that you are not able or willing to listen, since it is likely what your family wants you to hear.
Give us just one hard example of fox news’ promotion of inequality and hatred please. Just one. Fox is right center where networks like MSNBC are far left, and that’s why they keep getting in trouble for saying extreme things and hosts getting fired or having to apologize. All these fox accusations are omlybassertions which I’m sure don’t merit any actual examples. If you watch fox they have multiple hours of hard news and most of the commentary has both sides present their points. But I’m sure you just don’t like hearing what the other side has to say so… Read more »
This conversation is about the impact of ultra-conservative media on family and other important relationships. Your argument has nothing to do with that, but is a classic example of the kind of response we get when we ask if you could tone it down in your interactions with us, even when it is for the sake of the kids.
Lynn, thank you for posting on this blog. Do not let the anonymous commenter above discourage you. If as he says, this is a pro-feminist blog, then that is all for the better. Becoming a better man means, among other things, listening to women’s voices. The only thing I would say to “the cowardly dog” (his chosen pseudonym) is “real men don’t hide behind pseudonyms when they post obnoxious comments about women!”
Come on out of the closet, Mr. “Cowardly Dog,” and tell us your real name, and then we can all reason respectfully together, man to man!
I agree with “courage the cowardly dog” and my name is front and center. “courage the cowardly dog” has been used for as long as I can remember. And for Ms. Lynn to respond the way she did, says a lot about the writer. It’s clear that people like myself are easily “judged” and criticized without question. It’s amazing how the liberals are only compassionate to other liberals. If anything, I would have hope the son and daughter-in-law would have shown some empathy rather then judging. My mother-in-law lived with us for 18 years, the last 3-4 years she had… Read more »
Dear Tom, I hope that your friend and his mom are okay, or at least as okay as they can be under the circumstances. The pain of such things, even when it is once removed as it is with you, is staggering. We wish them the very best. And just to be clear, I was not being ironic or sarcastic when I replied to Mr. Dog. He sounds like a guy who is in a lot of pain, and I hope that it gets better for him soon. I think that there may be some timeline confusion. I have not… Read more »
This is the Good Men Project. Good Men ARE feminists as they believe in equality. Good men also don’t watch Fox News as that station promotes inequality and hatred. If you don’t like what is posted here crawl back under your rock and continue watching Fox “News”
MSNBC is all sweetness and light on the other hand. (all that business about defecation in someone’s mouth, making fun of black adoptees and their families, its all just in the name of love and justice right?)
First of all what are you, a feminist, doing on a Men’s advocacy blog? How many Men’s Rights Advocates get a platform on Feminist blogs? 0. I forgot this is a feminist blog dressed in men’s clothing. If you are going to silence the conservative media, and there is not a lot of it out there, then you damn well better silence the remaining media, because it is uniformly liberal. I am quite certain that this post will not see the light of day because you and those like you really don’t believe in a robust exchange of views. You… Read more »
Dear Mr. Dog: I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. It must be so painful to go through life so enraged. I think that we both know that even a month of abstaining from this kind of media will do you a lot of good and if nothing else will help you find your kindness again. We hope you find joy again.
In any case, you have the best wishes of all of us at GMP, and you will be in our thoughts as you go through this really sad and scary time.