In a world bereft of rites of passage, Wolfgang Brolley considers the inked stories on our skin.
Editor’s Note: The author uses the lowercase i as a way to practice being humble.
The first thing we need to do is agree to agree.
The gentleman patiently but somewhat anxiously waiting is not inebriated. Not tipsy, not high.
He thinks maybe he should have had a puff, or a short pour of something, but he also deep within himself knows that the occasion is too important for any blurring or edge softening. He is about to make a commitment and it is going to be for a lifetime. There will be no going back, no way out. He knows once he takes this momentous step he will be changed and others will see him differently.
Some will not approve, ever. As he waits, his pulse is elevated. His BP probably running just a bit higher than normal. He knows there will be pain – pain and he aren’t strangers. But, then, he’s never directly asked anyone to hurt him nonstop for the next hour or three. He worries a little about that. He breathes. This is different than a promise, different than a vow.
People break promises, people forswear their vows all the time and sometimes even justifiably. Not this. This is a tattoo.
The on again, off again penetrating mechanical whine insistently weaves through the mono-tonal quality of the low vol industrial music. In contrast there is a stark lack of the familiar, comforting hum of conversation. No small talk. Tattoo artists long ago evolved beyond the fake nicey-nice world of dentists – they don’t pretend that their client is interested in anything beyond enduring the unremitting, dull, scratching pain of the needle etching its trail across their skin.
[full disclosure: midway through my first tattoo i was desperate for a mental reprieve from the steady state of buzz/pain, buzz/pain, buzz/pain. i asked my artist who her oldest client was to date. It had been a 73 y/o woman that had wanted a tattoo for decades, but she had always acquiesced to her husband’s stern, unwavering proscription against such defilement. He had finally died, and she was at long last able to get the tattoo she had dreamed of for so many years: a heart, inscribed with his name]
Getting tattooed is a rite of passage. Again, i’m very specifically referring to when a stone cold sober individual arrives at a place in life where after much experience and introspection he/she mindfully decides that there is an image, a phrase, a symbol or a message they want to carry with themselves forever.
Something so important and so crucial to how one moves through the world that they can’t fathom living without it. i lost my mother and my wife within nine month’s of each other. At each of their services, i recited the Heart Sutra. There is a phrase from that sutra inscribed, forever, on the inside of each of my forearms.
A man – one who thinks, feels, and considers – with a tattoo has addressed commitment and has expressed onto himself values by which he stands with unabashedly. He has done enough personal work to transmute meaning into message.
We’re seeking stories about tattoos. Send queries and completed essays to:
Like The Good Men Project on Facebook
Wolfgang,thanks for sharing. And that is the message here, sharing. You see, when someone has the guts to tell their story, a very interesting thing happens, it encourages others to do the same. Those stories on our skin, the ink, the scars, whatever they are, they are deeply personal. Yet, like all good stories, we can share them if we choose. Looked what happened here. A bunch of folk I don’t know felt comfortable enough to share their thoughts, good, bad and ugly. What could be better? I don’t really care what your opinion of Tattoos is. But your story?… Read more »
I won’t be doing this. On the other hand, I have a beard and mustache. But I can shave them off.
I was burned in a car accident when I was a boy and still have scars on my face, hands and legs. I started getting tattooed when I was 18. When I got my first tattoo, my friend’s mom said “it’s a scar, it’ll be there for the rest of your life.” My response? “Do I look like I care?” A lot of my story is written on my skin, either in scars or tattoos. Over time, scars have appeared, healed (or not). I’ve added new tattoos, covered or reworked old ones to tell my story better. I see getting… Read more »
Insightful into the personal preparation one might take when deciding a tat/branding, thank you Wolfgang. Article has an attractive style of writing, both visual and lyrical. My culture used tattoo’s (ink covered % of body) for compounding meaning, spirituality and significant positioning among the people. This always involves and includes others. Cultural tattooing is very attractive… along with uniforms and the suit!!! ♥
i thank you for your kind words, Susan.
May i ask what your culture is?
Cheers,
wolf
You’re welcome,
A blend of Maori (papa from Ngapuhi Tribe) and Pakeha (mother European), many inlets to our now multi-culture here in New Zealand.
Tattoo known as Moko – and your culture Wolf?
With respect to Zodak, whose “tattoos” are reminders of fear and struggle and I suppose something he would gladly get rid of, along with the memories, for some of us our tattoos are visible reminders to ourselves of where we have been–sorrows, joys, journeys–whatever. The pain of getting them paled in comparison to the circumstances that led us to get them The are humbling and encouraging at the same time. Mine are daily reminders of my priorities, my choices, my loved ones. I don’t care whether any one else likes them or approves of them. They matter to me. And… Read more »
Ernie – well said.
A tattoo done for others, is… well…. another matter.
wolf
I have to ask a question, is that a picture of a tattoo or is that branding? I don’t see any ink and I know “branding” is becoming popular. In any event, what are your views on “branding?”
Tom – yeah, this one’s a bit tricky, many people have thought it was either branding or scarification — it’s a pure white ink tattoo. Many tattoo artists won’t do them because the outcome is a bit unpredictable.
My views are branding are simply that: my views. i don’t think i would ever choose the process, but i have no issue if someone else wants to have it done…
wolf
My husband is Jewish and was completely against tattoos for the majority of his life. He softened up a little after I got my first tattoo at age 40. When our first boxer (his little girl) passed away a few years later, he had a dog collar inscribed with her name and a pawprint dog tag tattooed around the calf of his leg. Funny how the love of an animal will bend a will that’s been steadfast for so many years.
beautiful.
yup, love will find a way.
wolf
I loved your article. I am the type of woman you would never guess has tattoos. In fact I would probably be considered extremely straight-laced. My dad was a Marine. He had a few tattoos including one that when you glanced at it looked like a skull, but if you looked closely you could see that it was actually a naked woman. His reminder to himself that things are not always as they seem…that you have to look below the surface. It took me 39 years to decide what I wanted on my skin. It had to say “me”. It… Read more »
Thank you, Cat.
And thank you especially for your story. i love the ways and images (Mickey ears – fantastic!) people find to carry with them to remind themselves of what they never want to forget!
Congrats.
wolf
tattoos are stupid. yes all of them. it is not a “rite of passage” & a “real man” would be proud of how his body looks without adornment. covering up your body is a sign of insecurity & dissatisfaction with the way you look.
and don’t tell me how meaningful your dumb tattoo is. i have 6 radiation alignment dots tattooed on my body. they are more meaningful than your silly symbol will ever be & i only have them because they were mandatory.
It’s so easy to condem and close off your mind. Here’s hoping you find the peace in your life that may allow you to help others find their own .
I am so sorry you are so angry. And I am especially sorry that you feel the need to compare your life to others and say your marks are meaningful than theirs. You have no idea what anyone else has gone through nor do you know how meaningful anything is to anyone else. I hope one day you will realize this. The strong don’t tear others down, the strong lift others up.
Wow. Your comment punch ME in the gut, and it wasn’t even directed at me. I can only imagine how badly the author of this article must feel after reading those harsh words. I really must wonder why you are so angry? And like the two men who commented before me, I sincerely hope you find the peace in your life that will help to soften your heart.
Lincoln – not to worry, been hit way harder than that.
wolf
Zodak – succinctly expressed. Thank you. As a matter of fact i’m quite happy with my body – adorned or otherwise – my tats have nothing to do with that. None of them are visible to the general public. I hear you on the radiation tattoos – I’ve worked with quite few individuals that carry those, I’ve also worked with two people that had numbers inked onto their forearms and wrists nearly 70 years ago in Germany. There are so many reasons that a person, man or woman might have ink on their skin, and this article’s purpose was to… Read more »
Did YOU read the first response? you are the close minded person who described it as a “rite of passage” as if those who don’t have tattoos aren’t men yet. & then you said “real men” have ink as though men without ink are not “real men.” you are the judgemental person. that is what offends me. that is why i even commented. tattoos are not necessary and does not make one a man. i never wanted tattoos & those dots do not remind me of my cancer, they remind me that i have dirt on my body that i… Read more »
I just wanted to take a moment to let you know about my husband and his amazing tattoos. His arms are almost completely sleeved. His left arm is his story of his tumultuous life and all the struggles he has endured. It is beautifully colored with a Phoenix in the background and a path through the feathers. But the one that he is most proud of and gets the most compliments on is the one that he is still working on. It started with a portrait of our boys on his forearm, then a picture that the boys, now 7… Read more »
Jaime – thank you so much for sharing that story, he’s another living example of why a real man has ink. There are some things we absolutely must carry with us ALWAYS.
A bow to your family.
wolf