Henry Rollins said the wrong things about Robin Williams’ suicide. Then, he chose to make things right.
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I remember Aug 20, 2014 as the day I read Henry Rollins opinion piece, “F**k Suicide”, about the death of Robin Williams in LA Weekly. Like most of the country I was still in shock that Williams’ death occurred. This was not my first time dealing with suicide. Having family and friends that took this road, it was nothing new to me. What was new was the understanding that had come with time and learning that anger and resentment was no way to deal with it.
Rollins was immediately bashed and shamed for his statements. These are only a few of the lines that brought negative attention to his opinion piece:
“I think as soon as you have children, you waive the right to take your own life.”
“When someone negates their existence, they cancel themselves out in my mind.”
“Almost 40,000 people a year kill themselves in America, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In my opinion, that is 40,000 people who blew it.”
Like some people, I was disappointed in Rollins’ statement and shook my head while turning off my phone. I hoped for better from him …
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I can understand where Rollins is coming from. In the late 80’s Rollins was a victim of a robbery gone bad, and his best friend was shot and killed next to him before Rollins was able to get away. His respect for life comes from unique circumstances that most of us would not understand. On the other hand, depression is another kind of animal. It’s understandable that someone with depression would not seek help since their circumstances feel hopeless. Williams’ act was not a cry for help but a final solution for a problem that appeared to have no end or way out. The addition of Parkinson’s disease would only make this worse.
Like some people, I was disappointed in Rollins’ statement and shook my head while turning off my phone. I hoped for better from him, but the headlines I was reading had already told me that this was not going to be another tribute to the comedian that had brought me so many smiles.
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Three days later I woke up and went to work. I scrolled down my Facebook app and found a short clip by Rollins with the words “An Apology” next to it. The link went to his publishing company website www.henryrollins.com where I found a statement about how sorry he was for his words and that he never intended on hurting anyone.
Rollins started out:
“For the last 9+ hours, I have been answering letters from people from all over the world. The anger is off the scale and in my opinion, well placed.”
Then he continued:
“That I hurt anyone by what I said, and I did hurt many, disgusts me. It was not at all my intent but it most certainly was the result.”
“I am deeply sorry. Down to my marrow. I can’t think that means anything to you, but I am. Completely sorry. It is not of my interest to hurt anyone but I know I did. Thank you for reading this. Henry”
In our culture this is a unique moment. For some odd reason we tend to look at an apology as a admission of guilt and weakness. I don’t know why this is or where is comes from. We have so many celebrities and politicians that make stupid statements and then act like it is below them to offer any type of apology or rebuttal. Many times these people use the freedom of speech clause, and I instantly want to point out it does not give them the right to be a jerk.
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The guys that learn to use their ego the way it was designed tend to fare better and learn from their mistakes instead of thinking the world should conform around them.
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I have seen Rollins change over the years. This moment is proof that his maturity has grown more and that he can still be looked upon as a role model by many others, not just in Hollywood, but by the average Joe as well.
I’ve made my share of stupid comments over the years, and it has taken just as many years to learn that a real man apologizes and heals the wounds that he creates. We try to comfort and pamper our ego while it is our ego’s job to take care of us. That is what it is there for, to suffer the blows that would destroy us. Instead we let our ego control us, keeping us where we are at. We have all seen the guys that let their egos control them–normally we refer to them as jerks. While they float along for a while and have things go their way, it doesn’t last forever. The guys that learn to use their ego the way it was designed tend to fare better and learn from their mistakes instead of thinking the world should conform around them.
I’m proud to see Rollins take the stand he did and realize that what he thought was the truth of the matter was only subjective to how he was thinking at the moment. I have been there, and with time and listening to other people, one can soon realize that his ideas only apply to him or to the time they were written.
Rollins apology should be viewed as a good example of how to admit one’s faults and how to grow as a man in the world where ego is king.
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I would like to close this article with the letter I wrote to Rollins after reading his apology. He has a reputation for reading every letter he gets and responding when he has the time. I have even received one a few years ago in the form of a post card. I feel I should share it here.
Dear Henry,
While I have to say I was surprised with your opinion piece in LA Weekly, I have to say that it is a reminder to how I felt the many times someone close to me committed suicide. The pain and anger I felt and the lack of understanding from the other side was summed up in one piece. And like your article, your apology captured the time later when I realized I had no idea what those people were going through. I miss my friends and family who have done this and the hardest part is never being able to ask them why. Part of my anger is wondering if I could have done anything different.
Good job, Henry, on both counts. You wrote what you thought was right, and you made amends when you realized it wasn’t the whole truth.
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A few weeks ago I watched a segment on TV showing Robin’s vineyard and how great it was. Another symptom of where our priorities are in this world. We judge people by what they have and never truly get to know them. I have read most of your books, Henry, and keep up with your spoken word shows. I know that you have a history with depression. While some may use this to tear you down, I am proud to see you acknowledge what you wrote and take responsibility for it. It appears that some felt it was the truth, but we both know that is subjective. It takes a real man to apologize, and I sir can assure you that I have said some stupid shit in my time.
Good job, Henry, on both counts. You wrote what you thought was right, and you made amends when you realized it wasn’t the whole truth. This is why I respect you and look forward to your long and productive career.
Sincerely,
Matthew Gilman
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Image credit: ceedub13/flickr
It is best to read both articles that Henry Rollins writes and get a sense of his issue with a person with responsibilities to his children as a father and audience as a performer who commits suicide. Robin Williams was just the latest person that Henry knew who committed suicide. The more important point to me is that Henry wants to learn. He’s sorry he doesn’t understand how suicide outweighs responsibility to others, but he wants to learn to understand why a person would do that.
Robins Williams appears to have been one of the good guys, for a whole host of reasons. And for that he didn’t deserve to be a posthumous punchbag to grab a few more hits and clicks from someone who has a very public platform to air their views.
Saying “Sorry something I said hurt your feelings ” is not a real apology no matter how heartfelt it is.
This was a good article. We do live in a society where, in certain circles, saying “sorry” is indeed considered a sign of weakness. I agree, this case sets a good example of how to apologize. But some of you are being too hard on Henry, here. Rollins is nothing if not a man of deep soul and heartfelt compassion. This is reflected in all his talks and books. Yes, he wrote an intense emotional reaction (very Henry) that he later regretted sharing. I felt the same way about Williams’ suicide at first. It’s natural to feel angry initially, especially… Read more »
No point in talking about the conversations we are not having and then not bothering to have one.
Yeah, this is a classic non-apology apology. “I’m sorry if anyone was offended” is not the same as “I’m sorry for what I said.”
I can’t agree. Rollins apology is half baked. Like he got caught and now needs to find a way out. Here’s the thing, Rollins is a well known, respected writer and artist, with a platform to air his views. It’s not as if his comments about suicide and Robin Williams were over heard in a bar, they were written, reviewed, edited and published for all to see. Those involved knew what they were putting out in the public domain. What does Rollins do to stem the backlash, he apologies for the fact that you got upset. He’s sorry, really sorry,… Read more »
“For some odd reason we tend to look at an apology as a admission of guilt and weakness.” I don’t know if I agree with that. Maybe some people feel this way, but clearly, as you eloquently state in your piece, this is a sign of strength. “I’m wrong.” I’m sorry.” concepts like these made by someone who is authentic is a sign of confidence.
“For some odd reason we tend to look at an apology as a admission of guilt and weakness.” I don’t know if I agree with that. Maybe some people feel this way, but clearly, as you eloquently state in your piece, this is a sign of strength. “I’m wrong.” I’m sorry.” concepts like these made by someone who is authentic is a sign of confidence.
Nice piece. Though I think this is the way all people should act, not just men. 🙂
Nice piece. Agreed. I’ve struggled with my own depression for most of my life. It’s such a difficult thing to explain and quantify. It’s interesting to consider Henry Rollins original response for its validity, also. Although, I completely believe his apology was the right thing to do, I think there’s something to be said for a “get up off your ass” approach to our difficulties. Because we all have a tendency to be lazy and/or selfish to some degree, but to some degree, we owe ourselves a break. When we suffer from depression, it’s important to recognize that it’s very… Read more »