Sex and porn “addicts” don’t have more sex than others, but they do feel more shame.
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For decades, the idea that sex and porn are like drugs has permeated the world of pop psychology.
Despite a great deal of evidence that sex and masturbation, and even pornography, are actually very healthy, there has been a long held belief that too much sex is unhealthy. In fact, men who have more sex live longer than others, women who have more sex tend to have smaller waistlines and healthier relationships, and daily sex appears to serve a biologically-important role in conception.
Men who have more sex live longer than others, women who have more sex tend to have smaller waistlines and healthier relationships, and daily sex appears to serve a biologically-important role in conception.
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So, the field of sex addiction has long struggled to identify what they mean by “too much sex.” Researchers in this area often arbitrarily decide that the top few percent of the bell curve of sexual activity represent “hypersexuals,” assuming that highly sexually people are most likely to be those experiencing “too much sex,” and the apparently negative consequences of it.
Research keeps building though, pointing out that alleged sex and porn addicts don’t actually have more sex or watch more porn than other people. In the 2013 proposal to create a psychological disorder based upon the concept of sex addiction or the related idea of hypersexual disorder, initial proposals argued that setting the TSO (total sexual outlet — a measure first used by Kinsey to describe average sexual activity within a week) at 7 would capture the idea of “too much sex.”
So, if a person is usually having a daily orgasm, the argument holds that this is hypersexual, and a component of unhealthy sexuality/sex addiction.
Research shows that men who are classified as sex addicts/hypersexuals perceive their sexuality as out of control, even though they don’t actually use porn more than others, don’t have more sex-related problems, and don’t have more sex than other people.
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Now, research by European sexuality researchers has investigated sexual frequency in both sex addicts and other men. Results show that not only is TSO a poorly discriminating variable, but that self-identified sex addicts are actually having LESS sex than many other men.
In this research, a TSO of 7 or higher was present in 69% of men identified as having high libido, and in 41% of normative men (men with no problems related to sex, nor other indicators of problematic sexuality or high libido).
Surprisingly, only 50.9% of hypersexuals/sex addicts in this research had a TSO greater than 7. So there is no validity, in this research, to the idea that how much sex a person is having actually has anything to do with any sex-related problems in their life, nor with the identity of sexual addict.
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So, what is it then, which leads a person to identify themselves as a sex or porn addict?
In this research by Stulhofer, Jurin and Briken, 68% of men with high libido, versus 44.4% of hypersexuals (defined in this study using a screening tool based on the concept of hypersexual disorder) described themselves as addicted to sex. Surprisingly, 20% of normative men (who didn’t screen in as hypersexuals or high libido) also described themselves as sex addicts.
Many sex addiction therapists believe that they are being client-centered in treating clients based on the client’s own identification of having a problem.
The concepts of hypersexual disorder and sex addiction are actually medicalizing moral/value conflicts and sexual attitudes. The idea that “too much sex” is unhealthy is not scientifically supportable…
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These findings demonstrate the inherent flaw in this — because the sex addiction concept has become so popular in the media, many people have incorporated the label of sex addict into a general sense of shame about their own sexuality, regardless of any problems related to their sexual behaviors. Other research has demonstrated that this self-identity is unhealthy and iatrogenic — actually causing more distress and depression than were already present.
While sex addicts and high libido men appear in this most recent research to be two separate groups, the differences are NOT in terms of their sexual behavior or their use of porn — instead the differences all lie in their negative attitudes towards sex.
Very powerfully, this European psychological research shows that men who are classified as sex addicts/hypersexuals perceive their sexuality as out of control, even though they don’t actually use porn more than others, don’t have more sex-related problems, and don’t have more sex than other people.
Numerous other studies in New Zealand, Canada and the U.S. have found similar results — that many more people fear their sexuality, or feel that they have difficulty controlling their sexuality, despite a lack of evidence of sex-related problems.
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Thus, we must begin to examine the variables which lead people to fear their sexuality and to feel that it is out of control.
Research now consistently demonstrates that these men who fear their sexuality, feel that it is difficult to control, and embrace the identity of sex addict, have a few consistent characteristics:
- They tend to be more religious.
- Have more negative attitudes towards sex and porn.
- Grow up in more conservative cultures and communities.
- Are more likely to have a history of non-heterosexual behaviors.
When a client presents to a therapist, reporting that they feel they are addicted to sex, the therapist’s first and most primary intervention should be one of shame reduction, sexual education and values conflict exploration and reconciliation.
Focusing on their sexual behaviors, and telling people to change or reduce their sexual behaviors is a distraction, and dangerously harmful one at that, perpetuating sexual shame.
Remember, there are many people out there having MORE sex than most sex addicts, and not having the same problems. How can these sex addicts learn from that, and find ways to incorporate their sexuality as an accepted, healthy and ethical part of their life? If they are being unfaithful in their marriage, can these men be helped to understand their desires and needs, and make conscious, honest choices of negotiation, rather than blaming their infidelity on their addiction?
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It’s not the sex people are having, but the way they feel about it, that is the problem in sex addiction.
And the way they feel about it is driven by their social and religious values and attitudes towards sex.
Consistently, research on those who are called sex addicts is demonstrating the degree to which the concepts of hypersexual disorder and sex addiction are actually medicalizing moral/value conflicts and sexual attitudes. The idea that “too much sex” is unhealthy is not scientifically supportable, and is a diagnostic concept with dangerously poor validity and discriminative value — it “diagnoses” people whose problems truly lie in their moral and values towards their own sexual desires and behaviors.
These people deserve treatment that helps with their real struggles.
This article originally appeared on PsychologyToday.com.
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Photo credit: Flickr/byKivJ
Sex addiction goes way beyond just being hypersexual.. An illness such as this one cannot be combatted by any degree of morality or self-reliance. The addicts attempts to become morale and “good” have proven to be obsolete. What is needed is a medical as well as an experiential exploration in sex addiction. I provide more information from this perspective on my blog: onsexaddiction.net
A more scientifically accurate title would be “Sex Addiction is About Addiction-Related Brain Coinages, Not Sex”.
Hate to burst his bubble but more than 20 neuroscience-based studies published (or in the press) in the last few years support the sex/porn addiction model. The list – http://pornstudycritiques.com/current-list-of-brain-studies-on-porn-users/
Also, a recent review of the literature on porn addiction – “Neuroscience of Internet Pornography Addiction: A Review and Update” – http://www.mdpi.com/2076-328X/5/3/388
Thanks especially for the references to websites you listed and for these references to explore other issues than this one. The prior two comments also critique well the cogency of Ley’s article, but he does make one point: a strong libido and very active, frequent sex life does not a sex addict make.
A point that most everyone would agree with – especially therapists who treat “sex addiction”. By the way, the phrase “Sex Addiction is About Addiction-Related Brain Coinages, Not Sex”, should read “Addiction-Related Brain Changes”.
When the sex addict is hiding behaviors concerning infidelity, prostitution, pedophilia ,or bestiality, then yes, probably some of the addiction problem will be the addict’s feelings about lack of control in these sexual habits, or having them at all. When the sex addict’s behaviors lead to destructive impact on relationships, finances, reputation, career, and health — particularly the health of its primary partner or spouse — yeah, the addict probably feels pretty badly about that, too. Who wouldn’t. I think this article would do better to outline the various types of hidden and illicit behaviors sex addicts participate in. Hypersexuality… Read more »
There’s so much spin, it’s hard to know where to start. First we have this false claim to set up this entire article. Ley: “Researchers in this area often arbitrarily decide that the top few percent of the bell curve of sexual activity represent “hypersexuals,” The above claim is a straw man, and thus negates Ley’s entire post. The study cited in no way supports Ley’s straw man that researchers have arbitrarily decided that the amount of sex determines whether one is a sex addict or not. The diagnosis of sex addiction is not based on the amount of sex… Read more »