A new field of gender-specific medicine is emerging that can save men suffering from depression.
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Depression runs in my family. I became aware of that fact when my father took an overdose of sleeping pills when I was five years old. Growing up I had little understanding of what had happened or why he was hospitalized and disappeared from our lives. But I did grow up with a hunger to understand depression and a terror that I would become depressed myself and face my own suicidal demons.
When I was 40 and going through my own bouts of depression, I found a journal he had written in the year before he was hospitalized and I got a better understanding of his suffering and my own. Here are a few of the entries:
June 4th:
Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles when you look around and see good writers, established writers, writers with credits a block long, unable to sell, unable to find work, Yes, it’s enough to make anyone, blanch, turn pale and sicken.
August 15th:
Faster, faster, faster, I walk. I plug away looking for work, anything to support my family. I try, try, try, try, try. I always try and never stop.
November 8th:
A hundred failures, an endless number of failures, until now, my confidence, my hope, my belief in myself, has run completely out. Middle aged, I stand and gaze ahead, numb, confused, and desperately worried. All around me I see the young in spirit, the young in heart, with ten times my confidence, twice my youth, ten times my fervor, twice my education.
Yes, on a Sunday morning in early November, my hope and my life stream are both running desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that I hold my breath in fear, believing that the dark, blank curtain is about to descend.
Six days after his November 8th entry, my father tried to end his life. Though he survived physically, emotionally he was never again the same. For nearly 40 years I’ve treated more and more men who are facing similar stresses to those my father experienced. The economic conditions and social dislocations that contributed to his feelings of shame and hopelessness continue to weigh heavily on men today.
During that period my mother also became depressed, but it was quite different than my father’s experience. Where he was often irritable and angry, she was more often sad and weepy. While he pushed people away who wanted to help him, she drew close to her friends and neighbors. In working with men and women over the years I’ve found other differences in the ways males and females deal with their pain and suffering. Here’s a chart that summarizes my experience.
Males are more likely to act out their inner pain and turmoil, while women are more likely to turn their feelings inward. Certainly there are depressed men who fall on the female side and vice versa, but generally I’ve found these differences to hold true for most depressed men and women I’ve worked with over the years.
Likewise, understanding the difference ways that men experience depression can save millions of men’s lives who might otherwise be lost. We know that the suicide rate for males in the U.S. is 3 to 18 times higher than it is for females. Many men die and suffer from undiagnosed and untreated depression because we haven’t understood the ways in which male depression manifests.
Gender-Specific Medicine Saves Lives
For too long, we’ve assumed that sex and gender differences are not important in health care. But a new field of gender-specific medicine is emerging that can save lives. We now know that there are differences in everything from rheumatoid arthritis to Alzheimer’s. For instance, it was once thought that symptoms of an impending heart attack were the same for women and men. Now we know that women often have different symptoms than men and millions of women are getting proper treatment as a result.
I have made it my life quest to help men, and the women who love them, to live well at all stages of their lives. At MenAlive our team brings together people and resources from all over the world to help people realize their dreams of a fulfilling life. I hope you’ll join us. Together we can heal.
Photo: V1ctor Casale/Flickr
Originally appeared at Men Alive.com
I’m 36 and have only just been diagnosed with depression. I guess the symptoms were there for a while but accepting it and seeking help took a little longer. The tabular representation of symptoms only goes to underline the challenges I’ve been facing and like many of the responses above, find myself falling more on the “female symptom” side than that of the “male symptoms”. Whilst not questioning or arguing the merits of a gendered approach, my question is whether the medication I have been prescribed takes that into account. What is the likelihood of me not seeing significant improvements… Read more »
First off, I don’t see this article as being two-sided. I think he presents it as grey – in that either sex can have some over lap… this is a general guide. I find it very informative. Thanks you. And my only concern is the turning to drugs for answer. So many drugs have negative side effects. I realize that many people seek out drugs as a last resort….. but is that most people? And what is the deeper reason this is going on? How much of the society and culture we have created have led to this? I mean…… Read more »
Fyi. The traits of men you’ve compiled strongly mimics those with NPD.
Thanks for taking on a difficult topic that needs to be addressed directly and forthrightly: depression, the pain of it for those suffering and those nearby, and the fact that people experience depression differently. Just as some people have “silent heart disease” (more often women, according to the research) many people have depression manifest by atypical symptoms (baed on your experience, more often men), often contributing to under treatment. My one concern is that being “gender-specific” can have unintended consequences, especially when our opinions and observations get out in front of the science. I’m not aware of research that would… Read more »
I don’t think it’s that simple. I know people of different genders falling into both of your categories.
Yes that’s true and he explains that in the article. Your comment seems like an attack on the accuracy of it, when it is true. Like the article says men can fall into the women category and via versa.
Well, it would appear that I have female depression. Good to know.
The table from you book describes my wife and I to a T. amazingly accurate.
This was a very interesting read and I am curious as to where it may lead. I identify as a gay cismale, and I have to say though that with the depression and anxiety I’ve been struggling with, and have lately been working on with the help of my friends, therapy, and meds, I seem to fall more on the female column in this article than the male. I understand nothing’s ever 100%, and in fact this information is based on the “most likely” associations, so that’s why I only make mention of where I happen to fall. I do… Read more »
Zach, I’ve found that though we all share some qualities on each side of the list, the majority of depressed men fall to the right side, while the majority of women have more qualities on the left. That said, a minority of men and women (about 10% in my experience) have more qualities of the other side. We all have to remember that we are a unique blend of qualities and brain functions and this may move us to one side or the other. The main thing is to accept ourselves and get the help and support we need.
Totally agree here. I am a woman who was in the “man” column above. We mustn’t pigeonhole.