Here are 6 reasons according to Millar Montgomery on why you might get back with your ex, and why you absolutely shouldn’t.
___
Here we are again lords,
In this weeks post I want to address something, which may not be readily spoken about.
Yep, sex with your ex…
And look, the reality is that it happens.
Sometimes we may not think about why or what we are doing because breakups can be emotional rollercoasters. So we just do what seems right.
But lets take the time now to think about why it might happen:
- Being in a relationship with someone for a long period of time causes sex to become very habitual. We go back to what we know.
- We fall into the scarcity of thinking they could be with someone else. In our minds we think “As long as we can still have sex with them it might mean that they aren’t having it with someone else”. Subconsciously like marking our territory.
- One of you might just be lonely and resort back to the person that knows us well
- The thought of creating a new connection with someone else is somewhat daunting and so we go back to ‘what we know’.
- Hate or anger can actually fuel your desires. Its like now you’re actually feeling something after being stale for a while?
- We fee like we need some closure and have ‘one last send off’.
Generally, however, going back there with an ex in the short term isn’t a good thing and you probably won’t feel the greatest at the end of it.
These kinds of decisions are not coming from a grounded place; rather a place of scarcity, neediness and emptiness (at least in the short term).
An analogy I like is that a breakup is like a glass of muddy water. Every time you contact, meet up or check out their profile on Facebook you are stirring up the dirt at the bottom of the glass, which is muddying up the water and your mind.
The longer you leave it, the clearer your mind will become.
“But, I have kids with this women!!” I hear you say…
That’s true, so this is going to be a bit harder…
What worked for me is to still have that period of isolation to let the dirt settle.
When you need to contact her it should be kept relevant, to a minimum and almost professional-esk.
Now I’m not saying that the relationship between you and the mother of your kids will always be like this — it won’t.
But at the start it needs to be so that you can find the new boundaries of your relationship. A relationship that is there for the children first.
Just be aware that after you break up you may need to do a lot of internal reflection about who you are, where you are at and mentally digest the recent events. That is ok.
Being in a relationship for a long period of time can cause us to become lost. Give it time, lord, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember, if you have broken up with someone, there are reasons for it. Every time you get the urge or temptation to go back there, try and reflect on why you broke up in the first place.
This article originally appeared on The Boss Dad Movement
—
Photo credit: Getty Images