“I feel like I have the best of both worlds –until people give us weird looks when my ‘dad’ grabs my ass.”
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Remember me telling you about my friend Rachel a few months ago? Rachel who is 50 was being pursued by a young 30-something. While there was undeniable chemistry there, she was freaking out that she was practically old enough to be his mother.
So what does Rachel do? She dumps the guy (Advice to younger men dating older women: If you use sexting as your main mode of communication you had better be witty and spell properly). Rachel is now dating Graham who is almost 20 years older than her. And now she is freaking out about that. As she put it, “I’m still hung up on the “What will people think?” except now I’m boomeranging on the other side of the bell curve.”
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Rachel summed up her relationship: “I must say, when things are going well with Graham, I feel like I have the best of both worlds — the body / sex drive/ lust for life/ fitness level of an 18 year old boy with the groundedness/ worldliness of a 68 year old man. That is, until we’re out in public and people give us weird looks when my “dad” grabs my ass. “
Rachel is conflicted. On the one hand, she’s having a great time with Graham. But on the other hand, she is feeling self-conscious and worried about the age gap.
After my first post about Rachel, dozens of you chimed in. The majority of your comments supported relationships where there is a big age gap. I think some of your comments bear repeating because they apply whether it is the woman or the man who is significantly older.
Christopher Frank: Age is a number only. What matters is how they feel. My wife is 9 years younger and I have dated as many as 17 years younger and 19 years older.
Gregory Greene: […] Who are you living for. Why do you allow the world into you life and why do you need to be accepted by people that care nothing about you. […]People life is short . There is no coming back .
Folkprincess: I’m currently seeing a younger man, with an almost 20 year age span for just over a year. […] He’s articulate, funny, sensitive and we have a lot in common […] He does want a family and I don’t so I know that his relationship has an expiry date attached to it. However, I am not going to let that interfere with getting to know an exceptional human being or learning more about how to interact in a healthy manner in a relationship. I know there isn’t a future for us but there is definitely a present. […]
Dale Dedrick Mines: I am in my 50s and she is in her 30s. All of my adult children are older than her. I have a grandson who is 8 years younger but we are happy as hell.
Nicole Roberts: […] Life is too short to focus on all the reasons we are afraid of putting ourselves out there, especially when the potential of something amazing happening is so great. […] All in all, Dr. Seuss said it best: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
What do you think? Is the advice the same when a younger woman is dating an older man? Comment below.
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Originally published: The Relationship Deal
Image: Getty
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Hi Sue
I would like to hear more from the men that love women 14-20 +older than themselves..
Agatha Christy married a man 14 years her senior and they was to be happy.
Why don’t men feel the same deep love for women older than themselves ?
Or is it women that selddom are brave enough to trust a younger man as a long term partner?
I am turning 30 soon, and 2 years ago, i met the man of my dreams, who happens to be 32 years older than me.I also have never felt happier. The energy shot i felt when i met his eyes for the first time stunned me and frightened me, mainly because I was certain that there’s no way that man would be single, and I didn’t want to be involved with a family man. 2 months later, in a friendly conversation, I found out he had two sons (10 & 35 years old), and has been single for nearly 5… Read more »
Koala, what a beautiful story. I wish you both much continued happiness. Your relationship sounds very special indeed! Thank you for sharing.
I have been with my partner for the better part of 12 years. I say it that way because about 4 years ago I decided to break up with him. Back when I started dating other people, I thought it was because I wanted somebody with the same professional drive as I have. somebody in my own age range. I could see him getting older and getting closer to retirement while I still have a good 20 years to continue working. I ran off with the man closer to my age moved halfway across the state of Washington to be… Read more »
Wow – what an amazing story Ronnie. And such great life lessons in your example – thank you so much for sharing. I know many people will benefit from your perspective and experience!
My wife is 11 years younger than I am. We probably would not have gotten on well with each other earlier than we did. She needed to experience her life before committing to a relationship of us. Kids was a big deal for awhile as she didn’t know that she didn’t want kids, and I had 3 from my first marriage that I knew I didn’t want any more, but might if it was that important to her. But I let her decide. In the end she has expressed that she has been happy with her decision not to. We… Read more »
Mark, I agree that living in the present is key. That is a discipline in itself I think. Too many of us worry about the future, which is so often out of our control. Live for the moment – great philosophy! You sound like a very happy couple!!!
Hi Sue For me the question would be ” will I still love him and want to committed to him if ( or when ) his health fails and I have to be the care taker and his nurse. Do not date and commit to and older person if you plan on leaving when he is no longer healthy. People age at different speed and nothing is certain,but age does matter. Those who say age is only a number are seldom men that want to commit to a 20 year older woman… I do not think other people are as… Read more »
Thanks Silke. Good point! Can you commit to in “sickness and in health”! It’s a tough consideration, and not to be taken lightly. And of course there is no guarantee that it will be the older partner who gets sick first.
Luck of the drawer dictates health….not age….you can also become widowed at 30 not just 55….he at 20yrs her senior can also become widowed if health wasn’t on her side….luck of the drawer I’m afraid…