This single mother likes sex. Just don’t call her a MILF.
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I need to get laid on a regular basis or I will lose my fucking shit.
I’m a 36-year-old woman and I’m an extremely sexual person.
I’ve always been this way, even as a teenager. I appreciate sex and the intimacy that goes along with it. I love a good orgasm and I especially enjoy being on top. I’m not afraid to discuss sex from a female perspective.
Enter slut-shaming. If a woman displays an outward interest in liking sex, she is automatically labeled promiscuous.
In reality, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex. In fact, sex is an essential part of life—not just for procreation, but for fun.
Let’s add another complicated layer to this cake: I’m a woman, but also a single mom. Society dictates that I should be focusing 100% of my time and energy on my children, my babies.
Let’s get two things straight:
- I love my children with all my heart and soul.
- I need to get laid on a regular basis or I will lose my fucking shit.
Sex (and especially good sex) is an integral part of being a human being, mom or not. Being a mom and enjoying sex are not mutually exclusive. I can have the identity of “mom” and also be a sexual being.
(For the record, the term MILF—not into it. It’s an offensive and unnecessary term, undoubtedly created by men to show that a mom who still likes to have sex is a fetishized outlier, an exception to the “rule” that women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex.)
We’ve been made to believe that all men like sex and that women shouldn’t talk about it. Well—I feel strange even writing this—I like to wake up in the morning, climb on top of my sexual partner, and ride him.
Does that make you uncomfortable? Well, I have news for you: There is nothing wrong with that. I (nor anyone else, for that matter) should be labeled a “slut” or a “whore”—I’m simply a human who likes to orgasm.
Still, I hesitate to discuss my love of sex with certain people, the ones I feel will judge me. With my guy friends, I can openly say, “Man, I need to get laid,” and we’ll have a mutual laugh. I won’t be having sex with them, for the record. But we do commiserate on having sex — or not.
However, there are only a handful of female friends with whom I can candidly discuss my love of sex. I’ve had female friends question my sex life before.
One friend asked, “But if you have sex with a man, won’t you automatically get attached to him?”
No.
To have sex with anyone, I need to feel an intellectual connection with that person. I can’t have sex with a man who has no brain. But, as far as the longevity of the relationship, we’ll see where it goes. Just because I’ve had sex with you does not mean we have to get married. This is not the 1950s.
I want to be able to freely express my sexuality without being judged by anyone, of any gender. I just wonder — is this possible?
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Photo: bronx./Flickr
Thank you Sarah. I was really glad to see this posting. I am a 49yo divorced single mom. I adore my kids. My marriage was terrible and after 8 years of bad sex, I thought I was frigid and beyond hope. After the divorce was finalized, I began meeting men on online dating sites. I always go for highly educated, older, smart, professional, strong men who have their act together. I just enjoy giving to them, getting some orgasms, being totally open and honest with them. I expect the same in return. Nobody is looking for serious relationships or marriage.… Read more »
I’ve just read an article here about a man dealing with the shame of not being “man enough” because of his appearance, voice, and perhaps some other traits that he did not mention. This was instigated by an accidental trip into the wrong restroom. He spoke of the conflict caused within himself resulting from societal pressure to acquiesce to be a certain kind of man that society is comfortable with, and how he has overcome it by basically telling society to kiss his manly arse. We are currently in the process of “rape shaming” our boys, fitting them into a… Read more »
Please tell me, Where can a man go to find a woman like you? What can a man do to find a woman like you? Even if you do not find me attractive, just to talk with you would be an enjoyable experience. How might I possibly express that need to find someone like you? If I write anything like that in a dating profile, if I mention the word or concept of sexuality: Boom!!! All women are on to the next profile and I am instantly forgotten. That may be wrong, but it is certainly the way I feel.… Read more »
Sarah
” I want to be able to freely express my sexuality without being judged by anyone…..
I just wonder — is this possible?”
No Sarah I don’t think it is possible unless you are always on the move from place to place :).
I don’t know about any place on earth where women are free sexually.
And not all men are to happy sexually either…
Thank you for sharing this!
No, I don’t feel uncomfortable in your sharing that you like to wake up in the morning, climb on top of your sexual partner, and ride him. Neither did I know I was supposed to be 🙂
I only wish that I too could express my need or desire to get laid on a regular basis, and that (good) Sex is an integral part of being a human being, without being labeled a sex-crazed creep and an assault waiting to happen.
other side of the coin, Kal. We are doing to men what she is explaining is happening with women. I just read an article about a male so confused about being sexual and feminist that I had a hard time getting my head around it. Women are slut shamed, and rather then move past this, thanks to feminist influence (the gender feminist kind- I need to make that distinction more often) men are now rape shamed. We men own some blame here for what we do to sexual women, but we also own the “stupid award”, as a people. for… Read more »
Thank you, Jimmy. Women should be able to speak about sex without being judged.
It’s cool that you are so comfortable with who you are and what you need.
I had a two night stand with a lady that needed to have a drink or two to loosen up to have sex, apologized for climbing on top and riding me until she had an orgasm (I thought it was really awesome, quite honestly), and was uncomfortable with her body and me seeing her body.
Confidence is so sexy. So is being comfortable with what you like, want, and need.
Seen it myself, Jimmy. More times then not. its as if they needed our permission to be sexual, as if we would “still respect them in the morning”, when most of us, well most of the men that I have talked about, love it. I used to absolutely adore a woman that would feel comfortable enough to “jump my bones”, but it took time and my encouragement to get her there. Like the force, the shame was strong with them. Perhaps, not unlike my constant yammering about the need for women to speak up regarding mens issues, we guys need… Read more »
I saw a cartoon in the newspaper just today (Yes, I’m old and old-fashioned enough to read papers!):
A young, fit and not-at-all-bad-looking woman comes to her doctor, waving the front-side of a beauty mag.
She asks the doctor “What can you do to help me feel beautiful?”
The doctor says nothing, he just tears the mag to small pieces and throw them in the ‘bin.
Beauty magazines are certainly a hinderance. But you do realize that is not the only place women receive negative messages about their bodies and looks right?