Is 13 lovers too many? Not enough? Should you even date her? Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt reminds us that our Perceptions create our Reality…
Question: I met this woman and we hit it off. I have a rule that I like to know your sexual history before we get intimate. Well she shared – boy did she share – 13 guys! While I (believe) I kept my reaction to a minimum, I just don’t know if I want to go anywhere with this. Am I overreacting?
Answer: I love that you have values and guidelines for your self before you get intimate.
It sounds like this woman enjoys sex and has had 13 lovers… Be honest, how does that make you feel? Does that make you judge you that you’re not good enough or judge her as being slutty? Is it possible that those were 13 amazing experiences that supported her in becoming the fabulous woman she is today?
What would you think of me if I told you I had 134 lovers? Kidding. But did you instantly go into judgment of me? I haven’t had that many but I have had more than 13. I’m grateful for every experience. The good, the bad, the ugly… and the occasional sacred divine erotically blissful one…. which is what I wish for you.
I’m not right or wrong and you’re not right or wrong about how many people a person ought to sleep with. It’s a personal choice that we need not justify to anyone. So be yourself and find someone who’s a fit with your values to share your life with.
For support in releasing any shame, for confidence in allowing your sacred erotic nature to be fully communicated and expressed with your lover, for coming home to the noble badass you truly are, download my complementary report and video series for you called www.GetHerToSayYes.com Become a King and attract your mate by being the totality of who you are. Great love, endless blessings, Allana xoxo
Photo: www.Flickr.com Ed Yourdon
Jules
The way you describe American women,it sounds like they turnoff all sexual interest and desire for good in their thirties because they want a family, and security for the children and themselves.
If this is correct then these women give up sex, repress all their sexuality for the next 70 years just to have children ,a dad to their children and security for them.
It is hard for me to believe this to be true.
But if it then something is terribly wrong with the American society.
@ silke,
Did not mean to convey that image of American women….Just that there is a lot of sexual dysfunction…
I don’t believe they have given up on sex. It is just that there is something that occurs that seems to kill their libido when they get married.
Personally, I believe that they are marrying men who they really do not have much sexual desire. But, they want the security and other benefits of being married…
Just my opinion.
@Icewraithonyx,, “A better question would be about her safe sex practices.” A very simplistic and naive view of the matter…The issue (for those who have an issue with it) is way bigger than whether or not she used condoms. Yes, there IS a double standard. Yes, that is wrong. But, maybe women should start showing concern about the number of sex partners men enjoy? Or is it that most women simply do not care? It seems the reasoning of a lot of women is: the more women he has had sex the better the lover he is inclined to be.… Read more »
I didn’t read anywhere in the post about how many lovers he has had. Because that wasn’t the point of his concern. The issue was the woman had (in his opinion) WAY MORE than she should. There’s still a double standard about the number of partners men vs woman have had. A better question would be about her safe sex practices.
Since she admitted to thirteen, multiply that number by three and arrive at the real total…(or at least as close as you will ever know)= 39
????????
Women are known to grossly understate their number of sexual partners…..Most men as a “rule of thumb” will double what she actually admits.. There are many women who content the blow job they gave the cute guy one night when she was drunk “does not count.” Or the guy they only had sex with once “does not count.” I know that research says that men have more sexual partners over a lifetime than women. But, I really think that research is totally false. Why? Because most men do NOT have the same opportunities for sex as most women. Hence, prostitutes… Read more »
Jules my iPad has probablems so I must be brief. Why ask a woman’s number if you guys think all women lie? And why this focus on number of “lovers “? Why not ask about the number of relationships ,and how long they lasted? The number of sex partners are a cultural thing . I think you are wrong about why men go to prostitutes and why women say no thank you. There is something you do not understand about what it feels to be and live like a woman Jules. You do not grasp why and how women have… Read more »
@ silke, “And why this focus on number of “lovers “? Why not ask about the number of relationships ,and how long they lasted?” In this country silke, women when they are young are having a lot of sex with a lot of different men. When they decide to settle down, they want Mr. Nice Guy. They only want him because he is going to provide security, be a great Dad, stable, etc. These women really have no real sexual desire for the men. In my opinion it is because they have had all this sex with different men. So,… Read more »
Hi Jules No,you do not ask too much ! You sound 100% emotionally normal and I do not think it is anything wrong or lacking in your ability to love. Like you I prefer voluntary celibacy to bad relationships with persons that are not sincere and willing to commit. And the reasons why I have never asked a man about his number,is that in my experience they are so proud of all the conquest that they will tell me before I have the time to ask. The way you describe American women makes me wonder what is myths and what… Read more »
Charles, and likewise, should women not believe a man when he reveals his ‘numbers”? Or are men completely trustworthy in this regard and women simply aren’t?
@ Erin,
Probably not. Statistically, such numbers are known to be exaggerated/overstated.
Ultimately Erin, you as an individual must determine if his “number” is relevant. If it is not, then it does not matter. Right?
Sexual history does matter.
If you want to mind screw yourself into believing it does not, then fine. But, just because you do not think it does not matter does not make such true.
Cheers!!
Jules
Has it ever occurred to you that the woman you dream about,the one that loves to make love to you,she is probably not the one that only 0-1 lovers .(unless she has been married since the age of 18.)
I now think of women in your own age group .
” To have lovers ” is a bit vague ,but I think those that love sex will also have sex….and it does not )mean you are promiciuos or unable to love and committ,
@silke, I know the women in my age group have sexual history just as I do…No, I would not expect a woman in my age group (50+) to have a few sex partners. many do such as myself.. But, it is all relative. By that I mean it depends on her age. If a woman is 20 and had 13 partners, then to me that is would be a problem…Since I don’t go after 20,30 somethings then it does not matter. All I am saying is that it matters….Why? Because there is growing scientific evidence (based in neuroscience) that finds… Read more »
I’m a beautiful woman, inside and out. People tell me so often. I was married over 20 years and completely monogamous and faithful (he can’t say the same.) If I have every had an STI, I contracted it within the confines of my marriage. Since my divorce, I have found self empowerment partially through owning my sexuality. If I like you enough, if I judge you to be a beautiful soul, if the stars align, why the hell SHOULDN’T I share myself with you? I have exactly 13, myself. There will be more. (That may be the new motto of… Read more »
Every person increases the risk of S.T.I’s. Numbers do matter a little bit.
Archy
It all depends on how you define sex and lovers.
Allana:
Great job responding to a heart felt question. I hope he learned something important from your response. Numbers aren’t an indication of the quality of someone’s sexual history. It would be interesting to see where it goes. Also nice to see your smiling face.
From one Bliss Mistress to another,
Edie