A woman wonders if her boyfriend’s female friend is truly just a friend.
Originally appeared at She Said He Said
Dear Sexes: My boyfriend of 4 months has let his good (female) friend be rude and disrespectful to me. I tried to ignore it, but it has been bothering me. He won’t confront her about it and won’t tell me why she dislikes me. Now I’m uncomfortable with them hanging out, but he doesn’t understand. Am I over thinking this?
She Said: First, let me say that He Said and I are a testament to the fact that men and women can be just friends. Sixteen years of evidence right here. The trick to maintaining a boy-girl friendship is keeping good boundaries. To me it sounds like maybe your boyfriend isn’t maintaining said boundaries with this girl.
Second, it’s not your boyfriend’s job to keep his friend from being rude to you. That’s all you. You should try to bridge the gap yourself. If you can’t seem to do it (and he won’t “let” you? uhh whaa?) then the issue is in your relationship with him, not with her.
Thing is, I’ve never once been jealous of He Said’s girlfriend (or girls he’s dated in the past), because you know what? I don’t want to sleep with He Said. Due to that, I’m genuinely happy when he’s getting laid. If a guy’s “friend” isn’t happy for his budding love, then she’s not just his friend.
That is unless you were a bitch to her first. Think long and hard, have you been rude to her? She may just be mirroring what you’re giving out.
He Said: Did your boyfriend’s friend physically assault you?!? That would definitely be rude and disrespectful of her. Seriously though (we here at She Said He Said do NOT condone violence), there are a few things to consider here: First, just HOW disrespectful was this girl? Was she mean and vengeful, and looking for serious trouble? Or was she just being a bit catty, over-protective, and slightly jealous? Second, has this girl made a habit (or pattern) of being rude to you? Or are we talking a one-time event?
If this girl has been repetitively rude to you, or super mean, then you should confront your boyfriend, and demand that he stick up for you. If he’s not willing to do that, you should ask your boyfriend what kind of friend (of his) would be so mean to his good friend’s girlfriend? Hopefully you’re boyfriend will step his game-up, by defending your honor.
However, if this girl was really just being a bit snooty (as a one-time deal), maybe you can find it in your heart to be the bigger person, and give her the benefit of the doubt, for now. In the meantime, don’t lose too much sleep over this girl not wanting to be best friends with you. She could be jealous of you, insecure about herself and her own relationships, or maybe she just wants to get inside your man’s pants. Don’t sweat it. So what if you have similar taste in men? Your man is going with you, not her!
P.S. – Keep this mind: It’s usually easier (and requires less energy) to make a new friend (even if only a half-decent one), than a new enemy. Try your best to get along with your man’s girl friends (at least for a little while).