You can’t always read the rules of the man-box, but you can see their effects in some unexpected places.
If you’ve been around The Good Men Project much, you’ve seen discussions about the man-box and its effects on men and racism, joy, family, employment, many parts of daily life.
It came up in conversation, how can we apply to this to other topics that affect men, like gun control, incarceration, sexual assault, and abuse.
And we talked about them. These might not seem like obvious overlaps. But look a little closer, and there are intersections
I’m going to briefly address each of these through the Man-box frame and what happens when these specific topics collide with expectations and reality:
— Gun Control
The fear of being perceived as weak, a potential victim, or unable to fulfill one’s role as a man is a powerful motivator.
|
— Mass incarceration / prison
More men have realized that the instructions on the man-box are broken and would gladly ditch it, but being an early adopter is as much risk as reward.
|
— Abuse
The things that have held, some of the deeply-held and enforced ideas of power and control and protection, when a man believes that he is deficient or broken in one of those and there is no one to show or tell him he’s really ok, I think that’s when we see some of the most devastating behavior manifested.
|
I think the reality is that more men have realized that the instructions on the man-box are broken and would gladly ditch it, but being an early adopter is as much risk as reward. We’ve advanced superficially in a lot of ways, with regards to jobs and public behavior and hobbies and being able to do and talk about things in ways that were unimaginable 20 years ago. But the things that have held, some of the deeply-held and enforced ideas of power and control and protection, when a man believes that he is deficient or broken in one of those and there is no one to show or tell him he’s really ok, I think that’s when we see some of the most devastating behavior manifested, whether it’s injurious to himself, his family, or greater society.
@ Danny Another possible side effect of the man box would be a gender imbalance. Because men kill and are killed in greater numbers than women, there are fewer men in society. The side effect would be how this imbalance plays out in the world. Are there no shelters for men because men don’t want to build them because of the man box feeling that men shouldn’t need them or is it that men don’t want to build them because women don’t need them and they’re pandering to the women’s vote or is it a mix? We keep hearing how… Read more »
Are there no shelters for men because men don’t want to build them because of the man box feeling that men shouldn’t need them or is it that men don’t want to build them because women don’t need them and they’re pandering to the women’s vote or is it a mix? I think its a mix. We keep hearing how men don’t have compassion and it’s this lack of compassion that prevents help to other men, but what if that’s not true? What if it’s women who are preventing this? The government has become much more female. People are talking… Read more »
If, like Mr. Vincent, you don’t understand the fundamental logic behind owning a gun for protecting yourself and your family, and possibly others, then you definitely should not own a gun. Guns are not for everyone to own, that’s for sure. But there are some gun slingers out there that do and could be described as the type in the article. Basically there are the wolves, shepherds, and sheeple. Most of you probably already know this and that most everyone falls into one of these categories. But it’s the shepherds that own guns who understand how to respect the intended… Read more »
You can’t always read the rules of the man-box, but you can see their effects in some unexpected places. See this is why I’m not a fan of the man box thing. Like nearly every other description of men, the man box treats the harms that happen to men as a side effects or bugs, rather than full on features. I don’t think we’ll get far in helping men as long as we keep treating these things like “your life has been good but look at the damage its done to you” rather than “look at the damage that’s been… Read more »
@ Danny “Like nearly every other description of men, the man box treats the harms that happen to men as a side effects or bugs, rather than full on features.” I didn’t read the other recent man box articles, but side effect was the term that caught my attention. I wanted to know what they thought it was. I agree these aren’t side effects and that’s what makes the article disappointing. We also assume that the side effects are negative. What if they’re not? What if the side effects are positive just not for the man personally? That might be… Read more »
@ Danny In case my comment gets approved, let me explain so you’re not thinking that I’ve completely lost my mind. If their are positive side effects of the man box, but for others not for the men personally; why might we not discuss them? No one wants to think about the guys who died on an oil rig when they’re filling up their tank. No one wants to consider that this football player might not be able to walk or take care of himself when he’s 40 while their watching a game. Personally, I would support higher taxes especially… Read more »
Agreed John.
Men have been a disposable tool for society for a long time and frankly I think a lot of people simply don’t like the fact that men are starting to catch on.
Notice how some of the very same things that have hurt men are being weaved into these socalled new masculinities.
Excellent post, JJ.