If you want to play chase a like a cat and mouse go ahead–I have no judgment. If you are ready for a steady alternative, let me clue you in on a few secrets.
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Single? Are you wondering how to make contact with an emotionally available woman beyond swiping right or swiping left?
My whole life I have been one of the women in the corner.
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In my professional and personal life, I meet single men who are Millennials, single dads, dating after divorce, and widows. One question appears universal, “where are all the decent single women?”
You didn’t notice her; she is the woman in the corner. How do I know this? My whole life I have been one of the women in the corner. Unlike Baby in Dirty Dancing, no one put me here. Some of us corner women who understand the Dirty Dancing reference wonder if a man with the swagger of Patrick Swayze will extend his hand out to us to say hello.
Who is the woman in the corner? Look around next time you go to the bar, a networking event, your workplace cafeteria, restaurant, or local coffee shop. She’s hanging out focused on what brings her joy- reading a book, sipping on a cup of tea, or laughing with her friends. She may be quirky, tell corny jokes, or not have mastered the art of flirting. Beneath all of these endearing traits, she has a heart of gold.
Initially, the woman many men are drawn to is the “attention-grabber.” An attention-grabber is the female on one mission. She wants to get noticed not only by you but also by every man and woman in the room. She is likely dressed provocatively, talking loudly, and every straight man turns their head in appreciation. Now the hunt is on. Who is the lucky man to get the attention-grabber to notice him first? Whose phone number will she accept? Will you come in second place as the backburner man?
We women in the corner just smile with knowing, watching the game unfold in front of us. We don’t engage in similar behavior, and it does not have to do with a lack of confidence. In fact, we likely share a deeper level of self-worth, dignity, and grace. You just didn’t stop to notice.
In fact, most of us corner women are secure in our intelligence, talents, sexuality.
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If you want to play chase like a cat and mouse go ahead–I have no judgment. If you are ready for a steady alternative, let me clue you in on a few secrets about us women in the corner.
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1. Women in the corner do not lack confidence.
Contrary to popular belief, just because we are quiet, it does not mean we lack confidence. Just because we didn’t sashay into the room like a member of Beyonce’s Superbowl squad, it doesn’t mean we don’t feel sexy. In fact, most of us corner women are secure in our intelligence, talents, sexuality, and the gifts we have to offer a man in a relationship. We are clear about what we are looking for in a relationship, and are not into playing games.
2. Don’t mistake modesty for lack of a sex drive.
I think of myself and my friends who are “corner women.” We are professional women, pillars of our communities, and women who are often in the public eye. We are not likely to send half-naked selfies to men we barely know. We are not going to make a sexy or drunk spectacle in public for the world to watch on YouTube later. This does not mean that we are shut down sexually or have a low sex drive. In fact, we understand that seduction is an art and likely have a surprise waiting for you–if you make it that far.
3. Your mother, sister, or married female friends want you to date or marry this woman.
You are sitting here thinking, “okay Dr. Romie, I want to meet a corner woman, but all the good ones are already taken.” Reassess the women that have been presented to you. Did you ignore the suggestions of your mom, sister, married co-worker, or hairdresser? We, women, notice other corner women, respect them and want the men we love to find happiness. Make a list of three-five non-negotiables, and then approach the women you trust. Allow them the opportunity to introduce you to women in their circles.
4. Corner women quickly get put in the “friend zone.”
As a “friend,” she gave you her shoulder to lean on while you spilled all your darkest secrets, dating dilemmas, and life dreams to this woman. She knows your kid’s favorite ice cream flavor and reminds you that it is your mother’s Birthday. Sound familiar?
Don’t give me the excuse that you are scared to start a relationship and ruin the friendship. Fear cannot lead to love. Fear leads to loneliness. Replace that fear with faith, and ask your friend out on a date. Chances are, if you ask her out on a date, you will get to meet a whole other side of this woman that you never knew existed.
5. Her kindness is not a sign of weakness.
Kindness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. In a world that is often cold and divisive, she brings compassion into the room and to the people she loves. A corner woman is often labeled as the “nice girl”, “sweetheart”, or a female with a “heart of gold.” This is the woman who will visit sick friends in the hospital or help a neighbor in need. Make her your woman, and you will have a fiercely loyal companion who will make your dreams her own.
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In honor of all the other single women in the corner, I invite you over to say hello. May love be just around the corner for you, and maybe even with the woman of your dreams sitting in the corner.
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You might also like:
Dating Tips for Shy Guys
The Single Woman with Guillain-Barré
The One Thing Women Want More Than Love
Why Nice Guys Stay Single
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Photo: Shutterstock
After five and a half years of marriage, my friends husband passed away from cancer. At first, she didn’t know what to do or how to act. To her, their lives together were just beginning. Couple of years later I suggested her dating site I’ve heard about. Everyone wants to fall in love and have their fairytale come true and there is nothing wrong with that or dating a widower and with phone line service that was possible, but as a newcomer I told her you need to make sure to manage your expectations – meaning that you state what… Read more »
This is such crappy advice, if your sitting in the corner guy or girl your antisocial. If your this person you need to learn how to fix your life. talk to david wygant or buy his products. stop whining and start fixing your crappy self awareness and attraction skills. crying about can’t fix anything.
hello =)
If you like labels and new-age stereotypes, the GMP is the place.
women in the corner… are’nt they intimidating for some boys?
No, I would say just not physically attractive .
One thing to say here. For a lot of my life have been going after corner girls. Just spent an amazing relationship with me. However, it isn’t necessarily the path to ultimate fulfillment and continuous happiness. While the corner girl is very intellectually stimulating, there is, in fact, a reason the attention-getters get the attention, the immediate physical attraction. While I grew to love my corner girl’s body, I was never in a position of going uncontrollably gaga over her, and over the course of the entire time we were together she never really gave me a reason too. The… Read more »
After agreeing with the article and most of the comments, just want to add what happens when a girl in the corner takes the leap to approach a desirable man…she gets him and then he runs after a hot girl. Corner girls and boys make great lasting relationships, and attention grabbers have more chances of successful relationships with their own ilk than with others. There are always exceptions to this rule of thumb, but it holds true like a golden rule.
Putting out the “signals” would go a long way to assuring men that it is ok to approach. I notice that many women no longer do this for the “average” man. So if a guy shows up “uninvited”, he runs the risk of getting shot down from the get-go. On top of that, the girl in the corner who is surrounded by her friends can be a greater challenge for guys because you’re not only approaching her. You’re approaching her friends as well. And if one of them decides you’re not worthy of their attention, you’re dead in the water.… Read more »
“In honor of all the other single women in the corner, I invite you over to say hello. May love be just around the corner for you, and maybe even with the woman of your dreams sitting in the corner.”
I was never interested in the attention-grabbers.
Most of my life, I’ve been looking at the single girls in the corner. The one who will sit at the table and watch the handbags and other stuff while her friends are busy hitting the dancefloor.
But you know what?
All of those turned me down on first sight, too.
Here is my question: As a millennial guy, my facebook pages and chats with girl-friends often include the following theme “Can’t you see I’m reading? I’m at a library. I’m here to read, not to talk. Screw off.” “Can’t you see I’m busy?” Like, if you’re not busy, you probably aren’t in public, so it’s not like we would be able to meet you when you AREN’T busy. Like, even attempting is often referred to as “entitlement to a woman’s attention”. But at the same time it is what we are expected to do. (Men don’t really GET to “be… Read more »
Spot on
If your hot and rich , she wants you. If you are just a nice guy she doesn’t want you and you are A chauvinistic jerk. Problem solved.
I asked a female for her number once, long story short, it was a fake number. I was humilated. I will never make first contact with a female again.
It is 2016, If a female is interested in me she will need to come talk to me. If not, I know not to bother her and waste my time.
Come on females, it is 2016. Come up and offer to buy me a drink. Gender equality isn’t that scary.
Yes, that is horrible, but the thing is that for most women, being asked for a phone number out of the blue or without much introduction is quite forward. I do not know where guy got the idea that that is the way to meet nice women, but it is not. The way to get a date is to start having a conversation first, and that is what women in the corner respond to, a simple hello and a casual comment, that way nobody is committing themselves to anything upfront. If the conversation flows, then flirting can start, and if… Read more »
I highly doubt he just walked up to her and asked for her number.
May I suggest, Jam that the anxiety of waiting in the corner can be just as intense as that of initiating, and just as paralyzing. As there is a burden on us, there is a feeling of helplessness for them. I understand that we could default to suggesting that they simply ask, but that is like asking them to just go out and work before the emancipation of women from the home, or for men to simply emote without shame prior to our willingness to accept such. A monumental task Society is a crushing influence, and as difficult as it… Read more »
I dont know. Most men have realized the attention-grabber comes with a crap-ton of unnecessary many times and we’d like the woman in the corner. Many “struggling single” men have introverse tendencies anyway but sometimes the woman in the corner is ignored because the last woman in the corner we approached answered with “cant you see im in my corner?, get lost”. Those bulletpoints can be used to describe a lot of men as well. Is there a halfway point that can be met or can we just agree that men will always be expected to shoulder the anxiety of… Read more »
But I do not think that all women in the corner are necessarily quiet, and many of those introverts already know several of those women, they are probably their friends. However, in my experience of being a female friend of many struggling single men, I get the impression many of them still want the flashy popular girl, because of many reasons, like status, immaturity and because they believed that what happens in movies is true, that the dork always gets the hot girl, because she sees his heart of gold. There are far less movies (if any), where the dorky… Read more »
And my experience, both as a struggling single man and as a friend of many single girls in different corners, is this: Many single girls in the corner are there for a reason, that they want to be left alone, at least for the moment. Many single girls in the corner do also lust for the hot, popular (and tall) man that most other girls lust after, and don’t answer well to any advance from a dork like me. I know because I have tried to ask a not small number of them… So again, how about we try and… Read more »
“So yes, many of these men may already be talking to eligible women, but they just do not see them as potential mates, because they are not flashy and they are their friends.”
If you replaced the word ‘men’ with women and ‘women’ with men in this post and it would be perfectly true. Everything you’re whining about in this post, women do to men, so get over it. It’s so laughable that women are whining on a men’s site about being friendzoned. Don’t like it? Welcome to the world of the average man.
No single man should read this. What they should do is to print it out, tear it up, boil it in water, drink the juice…so it sets in. There is so much win in this article that there are not enough words to encapsulate it. That girl in the corner? The one not twerking on the dance floor, or slugging down drink after drink? That’s whom you have been searching for. That is your best friend and lover. That is the woman that you say women are not anymore. That is the diamond in the rough, buried just beneath the… Read more »
Or that is the female that is there to just see the band and wants to be left alone…
Yeah, except she’s not attractive and that’s why she’s not getting attention from guys to begin with. There’s a reason she’s sitting alone in the corner and it’s not because she’s been waiting for an “awesome”, “amazing” man such as yourself to come and sweep her off her feet. She either wants to be left alone or she’s ugly/something is wrong with her.