Children’s book author Jayneen Sanders learned of Jade’s story on Facebook, after she died.
Part of the Calling All Activists: Submissions Wanted! series
A young face peered out at me yesterday on my Newsfeed. Her name was Jade. She had a heart-shaped pixie face with eyes red-rimmed. If our eyes are the window to the soul, then this 16-year old soul was deeply distressed.
Jade’s story on Facebook had been written by her friend. The language was not sophisticated but the story tore deep into my heart. Jade had been raped repeatedly by her uncle since she was six-years-old. After years and years of abuse she finally told her family, only to not be believed. Some months later, Jade showed them evidence of the abuse and the police were called. By this time, the news had erupted at her school and she was bullied mercilessly: Slut! Whore! OMG! She slept with her own uncle! The taunts went on and Jade’s nightmare only grew worse. Finally on the 10th of November she could not take it anymore and took her own life.
The pixie face that looked out at me from my Newsfeed on Thursday morning was the face of a young girl who had been sexually abused for ten years, discredited by her family—when she had found the courage to disclose—and bullied mercilessly by her peers.
Not believing a child who discloses abuse is basically saying to them, “You are nothing. Your voice does not matter.” For Jade and the many others out there who continue to suffer at the hands of their abusers, I am pleading to the global community to ALWAYS believe a child when they tell you they have been interfered with or exposed to pornography. If you do not believe them, then you may be the only one they ever tell.
As a society, I know we can do better than this. Most of us are really good people, but we are understandably fearful of this topic. However, our adult fear is putting kids like Jade at risk every single day. There are young children going to bed tonight totally unprotected. They are vulnerable to grooming and the inevitable abuse. We can and must do better than this. We have a duty of care as parents and educators to educate children in body safety. We need them to know it is okay to say to older children or adults, “Stop! You can’t do that to me!” when they suffer from unwanted touch. With 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused before 18 and with 93% knowing their perpetrators, we have to do better.
As I remember Jade’s face, her sorrowful eyes now etched in my mind, I wonder if had she been educated in body safety if she could have escaped the years of sexual abuse, if she’d still be alive today–as excited about her upcoming future as my own 16-year-old daughter.
Perpetrators such as Jade’s uncle rely heavily on children keeping secrets. If a child has been educated to tell and society has been educated to believe, then I am confident the sexual abuse of children can be stopped before it begins.
RIP young Jade x
Photo: Cameron Conaway
About Jayneen Sanders
You make a very good point and I totally 100% agree with you!
I sympathize so much with the intent of this article, it’s hard for me to acknowledge the critical thinking part of my brain, because the result is not a very popular thing to say right now.
If the message is to “take all allegations of abuse seriously” then I am in 100% agreement. Refusing to consider the possibility, blaming the (alleged) victim, or telling the accuser that he/she is flat out wrong without investigating, these are all horrible things that should never happen. I’m totally on-board with that.
If the message is to “believe all allegations of abuse,” then the message is going places where I refuse to follow. The solution to “discounting all allegations” is not to believe every single one, but to take every one as a serious allegation, while maintaining the presumption of innocence of the accused. Believing all accusations no matter what is hardly a good way to stop injustice.
I admit I don’t know all the details of the case, but I would like to know how we think we know what we know. The uncle has been convicted of child abuse, I presume? By convicted, I mean he has confessed or was found guilty via due process, not just accused on Facebook by a third party.
While we’re appealing to the better angels of our nature, let’s consider what we would want if our children were accused of sexual abuse. Would we say to believe all stories about abuse, or would we want there to be a fair hearing about what’s accurate and what isn’t?
If we’re going to be ruthlessly actuarial about it, we should look at all the efficiency benefits of obesity, not just the costs of obesity. In some ways, in some areas, widespread obesity actually helps reduce the cost of health care.
For example, 600 pound people have a much shorter life expectancy. They don’t require long-term geriatric care. When their health deteriorates, it goes downhill fast. They don’t tend to linger in hospital beds.
Reduced life expectancy is actually good for the Social Security system and other pension programs. If Americans didn’t live so damn long, there wouldn’t be such a huge drain on Social Security. Obesity reduces the possibility of ever receiving Social Security retirement benefits. Basically, morbidly obese workers pay into a big, collective pension that they may never get to draw from. In a way, Social Security is unhealthy people subsidizing the retirements of healthy people.
If we’re going to be all “A Modest Proposal” about it, let’s count ALL the beans. It will be a tradeoff to some degree.
Not sure about the obesity comment?
I aappreciate this article and agree with the first commenter. For myself, as my experiences were many years ago, it was a case of something being so insidious and starting so early that it was “normal” for me. Between that and moving directly into denial, I was 40 years old before I understood the truth of my own life and history. So I definitely really appreciate a culture that talks about these things and educates children about what’s ok and what’s not, and encourages them to speak up. My 13-y/o son gets freaked out when I insist on talking to him about these things, but I’d rather err on that side than ever have him think that he can’t say something to me.
Anyway, thanks for writing the article.
I am SO very sorry your innocence was taken away and your sexual abuse appeared ‘normal’. It is NOT normal and children from a very young age need to be very aware of this. They need to be aware of good and bad touch, and that their body is their body . Sexual abuse prevention education is also about assertiveness and having the skills to say ‘Stop! you can’t do that too me’ , be it bully or grooming techniques or the act of sexual abuse. Believe me, a child who is assertive is very rarely targeted by a perpetrator. Perpetrators rely on children keeping secrets and a child who knows that those kind of secrets are never to be kept is many steps ahead.