You can do all the things society tells you to do or you can live a life most people only dream of.
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I sat on the porch waiting for someone to notice, for anyone to realize I was upset and alone. I sat on the steps in view of the window. Someone must have seen me there with my shoulders slumped, eyes cast down, breathing in deep sighs.
I was there, dwelling on my sorrow, and waiting. Any minute now, someone will look out, recognize my pain, and rush to comfort me. As the minutes surrendered to history, rage replaced sadness. How could no one care?
We assume people are thinking about far more than they actually do. |
That’s a reasonable line of thought for a child, but it’s embarrassing to admit I carried on acting like this as an adult. I sat and pouted. I waited for someone to pick me. I waited to be acknowledged and promoted.
I waited for my chance, instead of realizing that every day is a new opportunity. But not a chance to be selected, it’s a chance to stand up and shout.
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We live in a noisy world full of carnival barkers, and however nauseating their behavior may seem, if you’re not putting yourself out there, you’re not going to get noticed. Nobody is ever going to see you sitting on the step waiting to be chosen.
We assume people are thinking about far more than they actually do. They’re busy worrying about themselves, their kids, their honey do list, and their own challenges and faults.
“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.”
David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest, 1996
I never served in the military, I wanted to, but my poor vision disqualified me from taking my rightful place in the cockpit of an F-16. I imagined it as the perfect meritocracy, where talent and dedication was recognized and rewarded.
I suspect it doesn’t actually work like that, but to my mind the dream of someone watching was comforting. I visualized this other life I could have had full of praise and honor, surrounded by peers who were also striving to be the best and receiving recognition.
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Instead, I found myself in the private sector, an employee in an hourly world where the only reward is a direct deposit every other week. This world played into my fears rather than my fantasy. Nobody took note of my work. However good or bad, the same amount always arrived in my checking account.
I saw the world as unjust, uncaring, and unnoticing of my contribution and I didn’t posses the tools to understand. I understood that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but to me, this was further proof of the basic unfairness of life. Why should a carnival barker get attention for what I considered to be bad behavior?
This became a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I rejected the social norms, the more I was ignored, the more I believed the world sucked, and the more I checked out—rejecting the social norms!
You can imagine my success in applying this method.
I’m still an overgrown man-child, but I am improving.
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I’ve only recently wrapped my head around the fact that the world is changing. There are more people than traditional jobs. HR software is designed to screen candidates, “screen” being a code word for eliminate, because there are thousands of applicants for every position.
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The only way to get ahead is to stand up and stand out. I’ve checked out of the employee/job application market, and found the same principle applies to selling yourself as an independent creative. You need to Choose Yourself!, as James Altucher wrote.
It might take a fair amount of spitting in the wind to gain traction, but it’s much more effective than pouting on the porch.
I’m still an overgrown man-child, but I am improving. Just the other day, I was mad at my wife and —gasp— I actually told her what was wrong. The results were shockingly better than getting angry at her lack of telepathy.
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Photo: Flickr/ H.Adam