I was confident that my husband could accomplish anything. I wasn’t prepared for the day he made his dream come true.
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I am married to an entrepreneur. Having been married for almost 17 years, I was confident that my husband could accomplish anything he put his mind to. I wasn’t prepared for the day he made his dream come true.
I believed that once we began to live the dream, our life would be struggle free. Life does not ever come without difficulties; we exchanged one set of circumstances for another.
Every day can be a constant struggle when you don’t have a way to communicate like you normally do. You have to learn to adapt, and communication is key. Sometimes the entrepreneur’s journey can take them away from home and they can be gone for three weeks out of a month.
No one tells you that success might take your partner to a country 4200 miles away with spotty internet.
While they are living their dream, you might suddenly find yourself struggling with your own self-identity. Who are you when your spouse is so successful?
Reclaim yourself
My husband travels a lot for work and can’t always be there to nudge me to work out. It’s important that you learn to motivate yourself. I created an exercise routine for myself, lost 15 pounds, and rebuilt my self-esteem and identity separate from being my husband’s wife.
I have a supportive partner who motivates me and encourages independence, rather than dependence. He encouraged me to be independent and take care of myself. Being in charge of the household, I make the decisions with managing time and money. I have a role in our family’s success and it’s just as important as his.
Maintain control in your own life
My husband’s so busy that it’d be easy to cater life to his schedule, to make things easier for him. It was important for me to learn that I exist in this relationship, too, and that my time and my schedule mattered. I’ve learned the importance of establishing a routine and scheduling time for myself. It prevents loneliness.
Of course, if your spouse is away often, too, you’ll be managing things at home alone. You’ll need to learn to say “no” to some events or activities while also knowing when to say “yes.”
Make communication about more than tasks
With limited time together, it’d be easy to limit communication to things that need to be done or managed but it’s important that you don’t lose your affection in your communication. You can’t be together to hold hands or hug. Your words matter.
Whether it’s a daily “Good Morning”, or midday “I love”, or “miss you”. Show affection with your communication. Your spouse is extremely important and your relationship should never be placed on the back burner.
Empathize with them when they are away
It’d be easy to barrage my husband with a hundred things while he is away but I’ve learned to prioritize our communication.
Make a list of what you need to talk about with your partner and take note of their real importance. Can it wait until your partner comes home? Would they be upset not to have been included?
It’s stressful on our partners to be away. They manage homesickness, timezone differences, different languages and cultures. It’s a lot. Being supportive and empathic isn’t just about managing things at home. It’s important that you’re aware of what it’s like for them to be away from it, too.
Make every moment together count.
Don’t just catch up on tasks and to do lists.
Make it a point to spend quality time together. Focus on enjoying the things you love doing together. Making the most of your time together makes it easier to be apart.
Life does not ever come without difficulties.
You’ll have to work harder than some when your partner travels extensively. Distance is sometimes the cost that comes with success.
Take care of yourself, support your partner, and commit to your relationship. It isn’t easy but it’s how your relationship will thrive, no matter what unexpected obstacles success brings.
Photo Credit: Nguyen Vu Hung (vuhung)/Flickr
Thank you for this. We’re in a long distance relationship and your experience hits on some pretty important points. Sometimes it’s hard us to remember the basics with the distance, worries, and the other’s focus on their own dreams constantly separating us.
By stand out, do you mean that inappropriate and boisterous, “whoop, whoop, whoop” from the back of the room as she receives yet another award? I believe that this may be easier for men as we’ve always been conditioned to earn our own way, then I wonder if we are all in the same boat, but with different oars, as there is that “threat” due to our being taught to build our identity through our accomplishment and achievements as producer of wealth for the family. I guess what I’m saying here is that this article can be beneficial to both… Read more »
Thank you DJ for the feedback!
Thank you for this. As a military spouse my husband is gone for almost a year at times. We’re lucky is we can actually hear each other’s voices once every 4-6 weeks. I’m new to this lifestyle and now my world and career has to revolve around his. You reminded me that it’s important to define myself as more than his wife even though I’m extremely proud of him.
Thank you Stephanie. The 47 days was rough on me. I can not imagine being a military wife. You are truly inspiring! Wish I could hear your advice 🙂
Finally reclaiming myself. The points you raise are so vital yet so easy to lose track of. Brilliant article Tanya. Keep living your dream ?
Thanks Jacqueline