I studied my amorphous twenty-five year-old self and said, “Enough is enough.”
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April, 2010. The month I decided to change my life. I studied my amorphous twenty-five year-old self and said, “Enough is enough.” The stare-down in the mirror brought me back to every pool party, beach outing, picnic in the park, or walk on a beautiful day. When the sun came out, the clothes became less. My friends would strip into a bathing suit or bikini and soak up the sun. Me, not so much.
In my youth, the “Catalano Gene,” or CG, was impressed upon me by the dietary choices made by my family.
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My weight and body image is a recurring issue. For most of my life, I considered myself fat. In my youth, the “Catalano Gene,” or CG, was impressed upon me by the dietary choices made by my family.
Tony Soprano lived a CG lifestyle (his diet, not his extracurriculars, if you know what I mean).
I remember my mother yelling at me one day when I ate three quarters of a gallon of ice cream as a kid. I don’t remember why I did it, but I felt like shit for the entire next day. Common phrases through my childhood and young adulthood were, “He’s a growing boy, let him eat,” “You have the CG, might as well own it,” and “Must be jelly, ‘cause jam don’t shake like this!” Thus, the beginning of a low self-esteem lifestyle.
To compensate for this, I became deeply involved in high school and college. I lettered in three Varsity sports (better on the baseball diamond than on the soccer field or wrestling mat), musicals, honor society, college radio, fraternity man, you name it. I balanced a lifestyle that ran parallel to the stereotypical popular kid, including drinking on the weekend, pretending like I didn’t care about school, things of that nature. This somewhat carried into my college years, where I worked hard Sunday through Thursday so I could party Thursday night to Sunday morning. As a result, I gained the infamous “freshman 15,” and then some. The parade of muscular, toned men through our chapter house increased my mediocre workout regimen, but not my dietary efforts.
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I left college for my first job as a traveling consultant for a leadership development organization, which resulted in long periods of time away from home, little sleep and exercise, and different hotel beds every week. Scarfing down fried foods, fast food, late night pizza, and the occasional drunken snack led to my life-changing stare down in the mirror.
During the stare down, three things crossed my mind:
- “What am I doing with my life?” I’m trying to get in shape but I am not supporting this effort through a healthy diet. If I improve the way I look, my self-esteem will increase and I can meet a potential partner. To make all this happen, my diet must improve.
- I want to be a healthy dad. I want to be able to run and roll around all over with this kid without getting winded. I want to play a sport with them, play House, Dress Up, War, and every other imaginary game without feeling tired. I want to combat whatever genetic faults I have with a healthy lifestyle.
- This is not going to be easy. Significant gains can take years, but If I am committed to changing my life, I need to put my foot down.
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I will always see my fat self in the mirror; understanding and respecting where I came from only fuels me to continue living a healthy, positive life.
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That was 2010: My trial and error year for exercises and diets. I began this new phase of my life eliminating multiple grams of sugar, monitoring cholesterol, counting calories, and sweating through 90 days of P90X workout with my roommate. It was hard. Really hard. I forced myself to bypass the late night snack, include more water into my day while removing energy drinks, and research how certain foods impact the body.
Four years later. It’s still really hard.
Today, I am at my goal weight, in a long-distance relationship with an amazing partner, and have truly shifted away from the amorphous boy I used to be into the man I once wished to become. I will always see my fat self in the mirror; understanding and respecting where I came from only fuels me to continue living a healthy, positive life.
I stare down at my 28 year-old self and think about the moment I made a choice. The choice to improve my life. If I did not take step up to the challenge to sweat through workouts and fight urges to eat and drink to capacity, where would I be? The answer? Who knows. What I do know is this: I encourage you to look in the mirror and say, “enough is enough.” Whatever that means for you, it could be the moment that changes your life for the better.
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Image credit: LauraLewis23/flickr