The “Still Not Asking For It” Photo, And STFU’s Response

Still Not Asking for it

This is making the rounds on Facebook, as it should. [Full photo below] Stereotypes about men still need to be shattered, apparently. They are not sharks.

We found it on Sebastian Bieniek’s Facebook page, and he added this commentary:

This photo was posted on STFU, Conservatives Tumblr page last night. The reason why I’m sharing it is not because of the photo itself (which is epic in it’s own right), but for the comments it generated.One person wrote, “but then again, its kind like putting a meat suit on and telling a shark not to eat you”.

STFU responded (with bolded text):

“We (men) are not fucking sharks!

We are not rabid animals living off of pure instinct

We are capable of rational thinking and understanding.

Just because someone is cooking food doesn’t mean you’re entitled to eat it.

Just because a banker is counting money doesn’t mean you’re being given free money.

Just because a person is naked doesn’t mean you’re entitled to fuck them.

You are not entitled to someone else’s body just because it’s exposed.

What is so fucking difficult about this concept?”


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  1. Elysia Annacini Paladino says:

    Love this. I agree that I’m not asking for sex when I’m naked and vulnerable. The naked body doesn’t always mean sex. Sex is only to be mutually agreed on, not stolen or forced, definitely not drugging anybody into. Trying to feel liberated though still loving men, people, and their body image, doesn’t mean a woman is asking for sex.

  2. Anonymous says:

    but is she asking for lung cancer?

  3. This whole thing is so misguided. Most men don’t go around raping people. Just like most men don’t go around killing people. Not because a basic drive to have sex and gouge our rivals doesn’t exist but because the majority of humans are decent and have enough empathy to feel and imagine even some of the terror and emotional pain they would cause by doing it, and therefore would not do it because they understand at least a bit of how awful it would be to be the subject of such an attack, man or woman. Unfortunately, there is a certain percentage of people who simply do not have the emotional intelligence to make that distinction, and even those who ENJOY causing other people pain. This is not just about men attacking women, it is about the small percentage of humans who don’t have the non-violence filter aligned correctly. You really think women suffer more violence at the hands of men, than men do????? Of course not. Men are far more frequently brutal towards each other. It’s not a “woman’s” issue. It’s an issue of violence which affects everyone. To that end, yes, ideally women should be able to walk around naked, but given that that small percentage of people will always exist…you’re not asking for it, but fucking hell, help yourself and don’t make yourself an obvious target just to make a misguided point about how awful men’s attitudes are towards you. “Men” aren’t the problem. I don’t walk through a rough neighbourhood waving my wallet above my head, talking loudly on my iPhone about how much my watch costs. Because, whilst most people in that neighbourhood would leave me be, I know there are a few dangerous people in it and a couple would probably, on impulse, attack me and take my stuff. So I do MY part to keep myself safe. I take, not all, but A SHARE of responsibility for what happens to me because I’m an adult and I realise life isn’t perfect, it isn’t fair, and the I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL SAFE argument is simply not a reality for ANYONE!!! Quite frankly it’s childish and ill-thought out.

    • Oh, thank God we have Ben here to remind us that not-literally-every-single-solitary man is an, ahem, legitimate rapist. And to remind us to pay attention to the victims who actually matter, i.e., men who are the victims of male violence. Bravo, good sir. Godspeed.

    • Ben, thank you for your comment. You’ve adeptly put into words my feelings about the topic which I was never quite able to articulate.

      • Mostly_123 says:

        I very much agree with Kaitlyn there- good comment Ben.

        • I think that Kaitlyn’s sarcasm went right over your head.

          • I think that your presumption that Kaitlyn is being sarcastic rather than expressing herself clearly and directly is kind of arrogant. The equivalent of assuming a person saying ‘no’ actually means ‘yes’

            • Mostly_123 says:

              Thanks Richard- I very much agree with your rationale there, and I thought you made a good point about the dangers of simply blindly assuming another person’s insincerity and/or cynicism- Unless, of course, you yourself were being sarcastic; in which case it went over my head (or, over my head again) – but either way, good on you.

    • anonymous says:

      Ben, you are missing the point. I do agree in protecting yourself, but, women are raped no matter how much, or how little clothing they wear. When a women is raped, the first question most ask is “what was she wearing?” As if what a women wears in any indication of what she “wants.” When a man is raped, because, yes, it does happen, do people ask that same question?

      • amy glass says:

        “When a man is raped, because, yes, it does happen, do people ask that same question?”
        No, people don’t ask the same question about what he was wearing because mostly, people don’t even believe him and they make fun of him for being raped. Raped men have little to no resources available to them, and they are usually the butt of jokes, because society is unwilling to acknowledge them. Acknowledging that men can be raped and be victims of domestic violence means acknowledging that women can be rapists and violent and society is not comfortable acknowledging that.

        • Amy, you are assuming that those raping men are women.
          I think that is not a valid assumption.

          • So, a woman couldn’t drug, restrain, forcibly incite an erection (it IS possible, it’s a PHYSICAL reaction to stimulus that DOES NOT require a man also be mentally acquiescent or EVEN CONSCIOUS), and then rape via envelopment? Or, hell, even rape with a foreign object, lacking a penis?

            Some women rape, too. We can’t even say that they “may not commit acts of sexual assault in as high numbers as men” because we refuse, as a society, to acknowledge that men can be rape victims and women can be rapists, so we try to avoid keeping records and statistics on things like that, and we discourage other people from doing so themselves.

          • I think Amy’s point stands whether male rape victims are as a result of female, or male aggressors. Whoever attacked the man, the fact that he is a male means that a) he’s less likely to be taken seriously and b) it’s really unlikely that it will be implied that he was asking for it by not covering up or dressing too provocatively.

    • Great post, Ben.

      • No, it’s not. Ben’s comment is terrible.

        • Ditto. Ben’s comment is terrible. Wear whatever the f*** you want. walk around waving your wallet around and talking loudly in your new iphone about your expensive watch. Rape, theft, assault, the blame lies entirely at the door or the perpetrator not the victim. I don’t ever want to hear of another court case where the defence even tries to say “but she (or he) was asking for it because they wore the wrong/not enough clothes.” Until the attitude of those defence teams and people like Ben’s comments are changed, we need to keep banging on about this. It won’t stop rape, because rape isn’t about the clothes people wear, it’s about power and control. That’s kinda the point really. What’s wrong is the attacker’s actions, not the victim’s clothes.

    • Ben, I’m going to take a wild guess and say you are a white guy like me. The day that black guys can argue with cops just like you and I can, without getting arrested, tased, or shot, I will agree with you. Women (and yes, men) get raped and experience other forms of violence and harassment no matter how much they protect themselves, and how much they protect themselves isn’t as important a factor in how much rape happens as is the culture that supports the assholes doing it.

    • You are utterly missing the point Ben. Women have been accused in the past of ‘asking for it’ because they were wearing a short skirt, had a few too many drinks etc etc. The point of these is to highlight that at no point does a women ever asked to be raped.

  4. Ben, (in general),men are violent against men and men (in general) are violent against women.
    So, we have to assume that men are more violent than women.

    Please don’t lecture about how unsafe the world is for men. Women grow up being told how careful and aware they have to be in every circumstance. Women are fearful walking down ANY street alone, day or night.

    • Thank you. YES.

    • Mostly_123 says:

      Ann, generally I disagree with you here because (generally) the people who think like you are wrong, and, generally, the people who think like me are right (generally speaking). And I know this because, -generally- there are far more people that share experiences & beliefs like mine, rather than yours, and so my generalizations are broader than your generalizations. Therefore, by the weight of greater generalization, my experiences and perspectives are simply & proportionately more valid compared to yours, generally. 

      Thus (generally speaking) your opinions and arguments have far less weight, and therefore should therefore be taken far less seriously, because, generally, I am speaking with even greater presumptive weight and authority of all other people who think like me, and, generally, by weight of numbers, their experiences and beliefs are, of course, more truthful, and legitimate than yours. 

      In other words, your appeal there to the authority of generalizations and hyperbole is un-compelling and unbecoming (generally speaking). Generally, generalizations don’t add weight or legitimacy or objectivity to one’s own argument or experiences; rather, they expose it as weak, flimsy, biased, and subjective.   

      • You’re speaking generally. I get it. Unfortunately I can’t understand what you wrote because of the distractingly frequent number of times you used the word generally (and variations of). Any chance you could put your point across more succinctly, say in 4 lines or less, and with a maximum of one repetition of *that* word? I think you probably have a good point, if only it could be understood :)

        • Mostly_123 says:

          “You’re speaking generally. I get it… Any chance you could put your point across more succinctly, say in 4 lines or less, and with a maximum of one repetition of that word?”


    • Greg Allan says:

      “Please don’t lecture about how unsafe the world is for men. Women grow up being told how careful and aware they have to be in every circumstance. Women are fearful walking down ANY street alone, day or night.”

      The majority of the victims of violence committed by males are male. The majority of the victims of violence committed by females are male.

    • So amy, you would say it better to be blissfully ignorant of the dangers you are likely to face rather than be aware of them?
      Because that is it sounds like as is the case with men.
      Do you really want to make it so women are unafraid of the real dangers they might encounter; not remove the dangers and make their environment safer but simply remove the public awareness of those dangers just so women do not experience fear and inhibition?
      What of the possibility of that removing the social awareness of the issue would also remove the social networks that were trying to help alleviate these issues as men lack public aid for dealing with violence that women have.
      Between the two sexes, men are both likely to be the primary aggressor and the primary target of aggression. women are both the less likely source and object of agression as the minority of women that do commit violence do so against men more than women.

    • Courtney Lee says:

      Ann your reluctance to acknowledge that men face dangers in this world too kind of worries me slightly. “Please don’t lecture about how unsafe the world is for men. Women grow up being told how careful and aware they have to be in every circumstance. Women are fearful walking down ANY street alone, day or night.” …i mean, seriously? what the fuck kind of a comment is that?

    • In my experience women are more violent than men.

    • Being this is a man’s space – men too also have this issue.

  5. “What is so fucking difficult about this concept?” There is a lot of mixed messages being conveyed here and yes it is difficult to figure out. If this young woman is being sexually provocative in a public place while sending the message that she is not being sexual, I detect a bit of cognitive dissonance. All sorts of primal chains are being yanked and everyone is expecting a calm, rational response. I find this very offensive and manipulative. GMP should have more sense and balls than to stoop to this level of gutter emotionality. When did you become the National Enquirer? I expect a higher level of discourse than obvious muckraking and using a semi nude woman’s body to stir the pot.

    • There’s no “cognitive dissonance” here. It’s very, very simple. No matter how “sexually provocative” someone is being, you do not have the right to have sex with them without their consent.

      • Being provocative confuses the message. Please notice that no one in this picture is even attempting to have sex with this crazy woman or even paying her any attention other than the voyeur photographer. As a therapist of mine said, ” if you say crazy things, expect a crazy response.” There is a lot of craziness being expressed here and being naive and feigning innocence is frankly insane. Why aren’t her mother or sisters, friends helping her make better decisions for herself? Crazy attracts like kinds. Yes, as adults, we are responsible for our actions. This is sexual provocation and there really is no sane defense. Again, I fault GMP for stirring this pot with such inflammatory BS.

        • There is no craziness, there is no mixed message. It simply put it does not matter what a woman is or is not wearing that ever conveys the message you can have sex with her. If it does, I think you need to look more about what that says about yourself than about the woman you are looking at.

    • Chad Geisler says:

      JohnH, why do you automatically assume a topless woman is being sexually provocative? She’s just standing there, having a smoke without a shirt on. Would you say a man doing the same is being sexually provocative? I think it’s time you analyze your own assumptions, your own uncontrolled sexual feelings, and stop making the rest of the world responsible for them. Would a child in a state of undress be sexually provocative? It’s the human body man, lets grow up and stop assuming an uncovered human body is always sexual.

      Also, I hope you know you are essentially saying “she is asking for it.”

    • The message really is simple, and it’s for people like you who find it confusing that we need to make it really REALLY clear.

      A woman can act in the most sexually provocative manner possible, and yet it STILL doesn’t give anybody the right to have sex with them and claim “she was asking for it”.

      IF she is being provocative, AND you approach her like a decent human being AND she agrees to sex .. then all’s fine and dandy.

      IF she’s being provocative, AND you approach her AND she says no… she is not a whore, dick tease, slapper or slut. She’s not asking for it. She’s just being a woman, expressing herself to the world, which is harmless and NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ASKING FOR IT.

      Is that any clearer?

      • If a woman is being sexually provocative around men but doesn’t want to have sex with any of the men she’s sexually-provoking, then she is BY DEFINITION a tease, or a ‘dick tease’ as you put it. She is not “just being a woman, expressing herself to the world,” she is being inconsiderate to the very men she’s trolling for attention. We don’t want to be distracted by you, we don’t want to see you half-naked. Women demand men be considerate to them and their needs but they don’t give a fuck about being considerate to those same men, who are “just being men” by getting turned on by a half-naked, sexually-provocative woman. Seriously, you know what you’re doing. Knock that shit off, or expect to get attention even from men you don’t want attention from.

  6. amy glass says:

    “Sorry, but our system has recognized you may be a spammer. Your comment has been held in our spam moderation queue.”
    No I am not a spammer and can you please release my comment after it is reviewed by a human? I am a regular reader and commenter on the GMP website. Thank you.

  7. John, I started explaining why your whole argument was based on the false premise that women exist purely as sexual objects for men. I realized it was a lot of wasted effort on someone who clearly won’t understand. Here is a more simplified response. If you deem a woman provocative, that is your problem, not the woman’s. If I find a guy to be an a-hole, I am not allowed to punch him in the face. If you find a woman provocative, it doesn’t give you permission to touch her.

    • Heterosexual men are attracted to the female body, that is a fact. There is provocative dress, and modest dress. You know what is provocative and what isn’t. It isn’t our problem that you are half-naked and we are attracted to that. How about being considerate to everyone else, women included, that don’t want to see 75% of the skin on your body? I don’t think John once suggested that a woman acting and dressing provocatively gives him permission to touch her, I think his point was more that if you dress to get attention from men/people, you will attract attention even from the men you don’t want attention from: the men who have poor impulse control and can’t keep their hands to themselves.

  8. Here’s the problem I see with this entire concept. What do you think people are questioning when they ask about what a “victim” was wearing? They aren’t questioning whether her clothing gives a “rapist” the right to rape her, they are questioning whether or not she really is a victim. Don’t get me wrong, if a person says and indicates at any time that they don’t want to have sex, (or if they can’t say yes), then having sex with them against that will is wrong, and it is rape. But rape is not such a straight-forward crime, because the act which defines it as rape (sex) is not strictly undesirable; in fact, it is an instinctual and sought-after act under the right circumstances. The problem then becomes the sociopsychological stigma associated with the act of sex. Let’s face it, sex is sometimes an all-consuming aspect of life. In particular, for many young men, sex is the ultimate goal of self esteem, driven by societal pressure and hormonal lust. But for many young women, it can be a defining act of a less positive nature–an extremely less positive nature, in fact. It’s so tied up in expectations of perfection and pressurized by religious Puritanism, that the experience can be psychologically overwhelming. And not just that, but the whole game of sexual interaction is so fraught with spoken and unspoken rules and subtle tensions and “misunderstandings,” and often colored by alcohol, that clear intentions are not to be found. So, for those individuals on the edges of the bell curve of human psycho-stability, they may not act rationally or morally. In the case of the type of men above, perhaps some of them become rapists. In the case of the type of women above, they may lie or become irrationally convinced of their victimhood. What people are questioning when they ask what a female “victim” was wearing is whether she might be so screwed up by society, she would have intentions that she later regretted: enough to lie, or invent her own reality. This is where the current understanding of the status of rape culture is so sexist. It presumes that a we should increase convictions of men accused of rape, while ignoring the the female side of the equation, as if all women are both moral and rational at all times. False accusations, like rape, are unfortunately a reality. The answer is in correcting the way we warp individuals, especially those on the edges of humanity: men AND women.

    • I think you are missing the point. Women who are raped are often told they were “asking for it” because they were dressed “provocatively” whatever that means. Many men assume that a woman is being “provocative” simply because she was dressed stylishly or appropriately for the place or season (e.g. shorts and a tank top in summer). But even if a woman is intentionally dressing to look sexy, say wearing a cocktail dress to a club, it doesn’t mean she “asking” to get raped any more than walking down the strret means you are asking to get mugged. Women aren’t responsible for men feeling lustful. Men will probably feel lustful whatever women are wearing. It’s the responsibility of men to deal with it, which fortunately the majority of men are capable of doing. In other words, rapists are responsible for rape, not women for provoking them. Rapists usually look for women who are vulnerable not women who are dressed provocatively.

      • I think YOU’RE missing the point. When women are told they’re “asking for it,” it’s not an admonition that they deserved to be actually raped. No one believes actual rape is OK no matter what the victim is wearing, or not wearing. The person who is saying it believes her outfit puts her in greater danger of being raped, not unlike leaving your house completely dark while you’re on vacation puts you in greater danger of being robbed. It’s a commentary on her wisdom, not the rapist’s guilt. You may not accept that rapists are drawn to provocatively dressed or drunk victims, but whoever says “she was asking for it” does. Then, secondarily, it begs the question of what I was addressing above–whether the act could have actually been consensual.

        • Chad Geisler says:

          “The person who is saying it believes her outfit puts her in greater danger of being raped”

          Women are raped no matter what they are wearing, no matter what they are doing, and no matter their age.

          90 year old woman raped on her way to the store:

          Woman in Burkha raped while guying groceries.:

          People don’t judge that argument just because it’s offensive, they only judge it because it’s factually incorrect.

        • What a woman is wearing has nothing to do with consent. A woman in a skimpy outfit may have absolutely no intention of having sex with any particular person. Assuming that skimpy clothing is evidence of consent is the problem we are discussing. And saying “she asked for it” does imply the woman wanted it or at least is at fault for getting raped.

          • Mostly_123 says:

            Fine. I’m all for freedom. But for diversity’s sake, let’s extend the parameters a bit: Would a male, very liberally clad, also not provoke a detrimental reaction from some; being misperceived as being overtly licentious, predatory, or otherwise ‘creepy’? Since what a woman wears has nothing to do with consent, one could argue that so to should the same presumption of intent be extended to the wearer, be they female or male. One could also argue then that, reciprocally, a liberally dressed man is not, and should not be assumed to be licentious. And what about age as well as gender? An ‘old’ man (or woman) thus liberally dressed is obviously not afforded the same social latitude, endorsement, and presumption of benign intent as a ‘young’ woman (or man). But hey, it’s all about the college kids, right? (Or at least the ones who don’t live in a sub-zero climate). Just saying.

            • first, let me be clear, I’m not advocating that anyone run around naked! I personally prefer that people dress appropriately – a bikini is fine at the beach, not at the office. That said, a lot of what women wear that’s considered “provocative” are just stylish or summer clothes, such as a summer dress or shorts or a cocktail dress at a club. Should women wear long sleeves and ankle length skirts to a club? Men can wear shorts, tank tops, etc. without generating negative assumptions. should men be able to dress as skimpily as some women do and not be considered creepy? Yes, actually, I think that would be fair. More men in yoga pants, yes! :-)

              As for not being able to dress skimpy when you are older, well join the club. I used to have great legs and I grew up in California in the 1970’s and ’80’s wearing short shorts. Now I’ve got cellulite in my thighs and I wear Bermuda shorts, alas.

          • I think the point that any particular clothing does not imply consent is so obvious and so banal due to this obviousness…..
            On the other hand, modesty is still a virtue (for men and women). You make a trade off… if you want respect you choose modesty… if you want power and attention you flaunt….
            You choose….

  9. courage the cowardly dog says:

    Ok, my prior comment about nudity being illegal as an expression of community standards (Columbus, Ohio being the exception) obviously has been deleted. But it is in most jurisdictions so even if you claim that your nudity is not implied consent to be the recipient of sexual expression by someone attracted to your nudity it is nonetheless an illegal exposure of body parts society does not want to see. Given that community standard what purpose does it serve to expose your breasts and pubic hair in public.

  10. courage the cowardly dog says:

    I find the smug look on this woman’s face to be obnoxious as if she is saying “I can expose myself with impunity and there is nothing you can do about it.” Does this mean I can drop trou and expose myself to the world? I mean if she can why can’t I?

    • She isn’t exposing her genitals. She is exposing her also have breasts, and nipples, which they are permitted to show. So bad comparison. She doesn’t look smug to me, just defiant. To me she’s just making a small point, which gives people a talking point. Two points from her two pointy nipples.

      • Yeah, and there are appropriate places for men to be shirtless. While it’s legal for a man to be shirtless pretty much anywhere outside, it is inconsiderate to people who maybe, just maybe, don’t want to see you without a shirt on, even if you think you are sexy and everyone wants to see you. There are very few acceptable occasions for a man to be shirtless, and I can only think of the beach as an appropriate place for men or women to be showing off their bodies.

  11. @courage. You can, just take off your shirt just like she did. In Ontario she is doing nothing illegal.
    And no, she does not look smug. Methinks her nakedness is turning you on and you are upset about that so attacking her!

    Rape has been over and over not to be committed (at least for the most part) by horny men. It is a power issue. I doubt men look at a frail 90 year old and think “Oh mama, gotta get me some of that!” And she probably isn’t dressed provocatively.

    I have been date raped twice…once when I was 19 and once about a year ago. There was no violence per se, I did say no both more than once times (I guess I didn’t say it loud enough or scream), but there was quiet insistence and yes, I was intimidated. With the first one I was a small town girl, he was my much older boyfriend in the big city, I didn’t even KNOW that I had been raped until years later. I didn’t KNOW that no means no. The second one he actually brought someone else into the room behind me. He had hidden them in his bedroom and when he “got me where he wanted me so to say” he had this person come in and penetrate me something…I never looked. I yelled and cried and swore and yelled and cried some more and got out to my car…where I cried for a while longer. I had gone over for coffee.

    It didn’t matter what I wore in this situations. I could have been naked or covered up head to toe…they still would have done it because they wanted control. And that is what at least most rape is all about. They may have a type that they prefer and they may get off on it, but the sexual release is secondary.

  12. This woman has the full right to dress like this. She can even work like this. Its a place called a strip club. She can utilitze all her feminist rights.
    On the other hand, if she wants a normal high paying job that utilizes her mind and other talents (provided she has any) she will have to dress just as modestly as the rest of us and for the same reasons. That reason being that this kind of nonsense is a distraction and is ugly and no one (except at the strip club) wants to see it.

  13. Just for an interesting addition to the topic, when male on male rape within the prison system is included in statistical analysis, men are raped at a much higher frequency than women. Rape is not a man vs. woman issue. It’s a power, dominance, act. It is done by violent individuals. The anti men vitriol that gets passed arround when talking about rape is as insensitive as claiming the woman was responsible. “Men” do not rape people, violent rapists (be it any gender) rape people. To say anything else is to be blind to the issue. Dress, act, be vigilant, for your own safety from violent rapists, not to be safe from men.

  14. When you say, “[full photo below],” wth are you talking about?

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