Could your definition of “committed relationship” be what’s keeping you from finding one?
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It appears that our outlook on dating and relationships, and especially our communication with our partners, may be keeping us from knowing what we have and getting what we want from relationships.
The majority, 93% of men and women, stated that their ideal relationship in the next five years would be exclusive dating or marriage, and 77% stated it would be their ideal relationship now.
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Chicago-based international dating and relationship consultancy, Suave Lover, took an in-depth look at the dating and relationship mentality in today’s men and women. According to our August 2015 survey, Your View on Relationships, of 281 people, ages 18 to 45 (98 male, 183 female), throughout the United States the majority of men and women want to be in exclusive relationships that lead to marriage.
Despite the shared consensus, feelings of discouragement and disappointment appear prevalent when it comes to trying to find a serious relationship.
The majority, 93% of men and women, stated that their ideal relationship in the next five years would be exclusive dating or marriage, and 77% stated it would be their ideal relationship now. 72% of men and women are also, always or most of the time, dating with the goal of finding an exclusive relationship.
The relationship mentality of men and women is similarly oriented towards exclusive relationships, but 67% of men and women both stated that they don’t believe that other people were seeking exclusive relationships. Overall, 70% of women and 50% of men stated they had a negative outlook on dating.
Why did the survey show that men and women want to be in an exclusive relationship but have an overall negative outlook and misperception on dating and relationships?
The gender differences between the negative perspectives on dating may partially derive from a lack of communication, not just between partners, but literally the way the genders express themselves. A more in depth look at the way men and women define the seriousness of a new relationship reveals the potential root of this communication issue. 63% of men surveyed defined their initial relationships as open, “friends with benefits,” or one night stands. Only 48% of women referred to their initial relationships at this stage and definition.
… the majority of respondents … stated they desired and were seeking an exclusive relationship, but don’t believe others want the same. So they are choosing relationships that are not their ideal relationships.
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The differences are mainly in the categories of “friends with benefits” and one night stands. There was little to no difference, however, in the types of relationships experienced long-term by both sexes. These differences in the way men and women define initial relationship status may be what is leading to disappointment. One partner believes that a relationship will become more than it is, while the other does not.
Men and women are also choosing to be in relationships that do not match their desired relationship type. For example, 39% of men and 25% of women experienced a “friends with benefits” relationship in the past month but only 9% of men and 2% of women stated that would be their ideal relationship now. Relationship misalignment is apparent in both men and women in non-serious relationship types which could also lead to a negative outlook on dating, and overall dissatisfaction with relationships.
PULL QUOTE RIGHT
To find what we are looking for in a relationship, it’s important to figure out what are you and your partner are looking for in your relationship at its current stage, and whether or not that is possible together.
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Ironically, the majority of respondents, men and women, stated they desired and were seeking an exclusive relationship, but don’t believe others want the same. So they are choosing relationships that are not their ideal relationships.
Gender differences in responses and negativity surfaced when they were asked to view relationships experienced in the initial stages. This implies that the differences in defining the status of the relationship, and the types of new relationships people choose to experience may be what leads to disappointment.
Without both partners being on the same page with your ideal relationship, it’s not surprising that it ends in negativity. Analysis of the survey data shows dating and relationships could be improved by a clearer definition of expectations, choosing your ideal relationship type, and communication overall. To find what we are looking for in a relationship, it’s important to figure out what are you and your partner are looking for in your relationship at its current stage, and whether or not that is possible together.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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