Some dads are born to stay at home, say achieve it, and some have it thrust upon them.
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I cannot remember if there was an actual conversation and maybe there was and my only excuse was my men’s selective hearing issue that I have been reminded of in the past. The truth is, I was not really sure of what I was getting into. Was there going to be a red phone just like Batman had to connect with Commissioner Gordon if I needed help? The day she left me, there I was on the floor thinking, “I have no clue what to do.” The door shut and there I was face to face with my son who had to trust me at the age of one month. And suddenly I was a stay at home dad!
I never thought about being a dad or ever even getting married, because I came from a family of divorce and didn’t want to repeat that pain.
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My son Connor was born on March 11 2003 at 5:04 a.m. Mountain Standard Time. I never thought about being a dad or ever even getting married, because I came from a family of divorce and didn’t want to repeat that pain. But when Connor came into the world I was married and a father. I never thought what parenting meant, or all that it involved, until Connor was born. My then wife, Connor’s mother (did I mention that I come from a family of divorce?) reminded me that I was an only child, which meant I couldn’t relate to kids, and mentioned that I had never had a babysitting job, which meant the diaper changing thing would be “messy.”
In my career, I have been a corporate trainer, and that means I can teach and understand the world of “On the Job Training.” But in my role as a stay at home dad, I lived OJT. And I learned. I did not want to fail at raising my son, but I knew mistakes were going to be made (note the passive voice here). And I worried that when they were made there Connor’s mom might ground me—if she found out. Seriously though, the time I was able to spend with Connor was incredible. He and I would go to the park, the mall, and everywhere else together. I came to understand and eventually know intuitively “why” he was crying. I eventually learned not to freak out when his diaper leaked. I even learned how to be a better trainer when I went back into the work force because I knew the true meaning of patience. The truth was, I already knew how to be a dad, because I knew I loved my son more than anything.
In September 2008, Connor’s mother divorced me, and I moved out. The resulting parenting agreement limited my time with Connor to 92 hours a month (this for a guy who travels nearly 100 percent of the time for work), and I had to create ways stay connected and bonded during our limited time together.
Today I am happy to report that I am re-married to my true soul mate, Ann, who has two awesome daughters—now my bonus daughters—named Betsy (17) and Becca (12). Connor doesn’t always acknowledge that he is happy to have sisters, but I can tell (with my dad intuition) that he enjoys it from time to time, and that relationship may be the subject of another article someday.
All I know is that I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity of being his primary care giver.
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I don’t remember the conversations when it was decided that I was going to stay home with Connor. All I know is that I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity of being his primary care giver. Did I make mistakes as he was growing up? Heck yes, and in my own defense, we never needed to rush to the emergency room. As he got older, did I try to steer him into sports? Yes, and he’s actually watched sports since his early days. The bottom line is that being a stay at home dad made me fall in love with being a dad. It wasn’t a role I wanted or thought I would ever have, but I would not be the man I am today without the love of Connor and his seeing me make the mistakes I have made. My hope for you is that you make a commitment to your kids, that you tell any dads who are disengaged to step up and do the same, and that most of all, you stay connected and stay dad.
Photo—Ronnie Meijer/Flickr