Teaching My Son to Choose Someone Worthy of His Heart

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Brandy Williams thinks about what it takes to teach sons how to choose someone who deserves their heart

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There aren’t a lot of times that I am stopped in my tracks from something that is said, but tonight, that is exactly what happened. I was watching television and overheard this statement, “We teach our girls to go for the king, but we forget to tell our boys to go for the queen.” I was dumbfounded. I thought how true and truly eloquent this statement was that it resonated with me and forced me to stop what I was doing and write.

I remember growing up, and constantly being told that I needed to think about my future. I remember being told that I was a prize and the guy that I chose needed to be as special, if not more than I. I remember being told to ‘date up’, so as to give myself the best potential in my future. But, do I honestly tell that to my son?

The truth of the matter is that, no, I do not. I don’t tell my son to look for the best girl, with the most of everything. I tell him to focus on himself. I tell him to be the best that he can be, so that when the time is right, he can have great options. I teach him to focus on everything else, outside of dating. Am I doing something wrong? Are other mothers teaching their sons the same things?

The questions kept coming, but I was short on answers. In fact, I ended up more confused and confined than when I began. Here is what I could discern….

  • Society still places a stigma on manhood. This stigma often dictates that a man take care of his woman. More specifically, it makes finding and dating a woman who is of better stature, taboo. But I don’t buy into that idea. In fact, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman having more and/or making more than a woman. So, I don’t put importance on materialism.

 

  •  I don’t know if I am an overprotective mommy, or if I am just unrealistic. However, I don’t want to teach my son how to find any woman, because that means that I will have to face I am going to give him up. Yes, I’m aware that he will grow up. Yes, I’m aware that he is supposed to find love. That doesn’t mean that I have to show him how!

Am I doing something wrong by not teaching my son to go for the best? I may never know. Still, when the chips fall, I am confident that my son will choose someone worthy of his heart. After all, he has been built up and cherished by his mommy. Whomever he chooses has big shoes to follow.

 

Photo: Love Heart Flying Manting

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About Brandy Williams

Brandy Williams is a degreed and certified Educator, who teaches English/ Language Arts in Texas. She spends some of her spare time freelance writing for the Huffington Post, Yahoo and several smaller print and online magazines. She has been invited to speak at conferences, the Dr. Vibe Show, and forums, regarding her passions on educating and mentoring today's youth. As a wife, mother and mentor, Brandy is hoping to use her life to make a difference.

Comments

  1. My grandfather told me brothers and I, “be careful who you choose to be the mother of your children.” It’s a decision that will change the course of the rest of your life. Of course, the inverse is just as applicable to women as well, but what I took from it (and hopefully my brothers did as well) is that the foundation of a great family and relationship starts with the two in love. It is crucial that you have raised your son in a way desirable to him that he finds in another woman who will treat him and their potential family similarly. Though, when it comes to choosing someone “worthy” of their heart, their value, or worth, will all be determined by their upbringing, from the family, friends and parents who loved them, to the experiences made during their relationships- it’s a two way road. In the long run, it is important to live, love and lead by example, because it is more than likely that your son will marry a woman that is on par, supersedes or exceeds the principles of love and life that you gave him.

  2. John Anderson says:

    “because that means that I will have to face I am going to give him up ”

    At least you didn’t tell him what my mom told me, “You can always find another wife. You’ll only have one mother.” I think mothers do teach their sons to go for “the best”, they just define it differently. Find a woman who’ll take care of you just meant find one that will cook your meals, wash your clothes, etc. rather than find someone who can financially support you. One of my moms fears is that I won’t find someone to “take care” of me before she dies and she won’t be at peace.

    I’m not planning on having any children even though a couple women have told me that they think I’d make a great dad. I can tell you something though. I’ve read a lot of lists about what parents should teach sons. I’ve always wondered why these list were so heavily tilted towards what their sons should do to ensure that their partners were fulfilled and happy rather than their son was. As if being true to some gender ideology was more important than their own child.

    I know that I’d make tons of mistakes as a parent, but if I had children, I’d be able to guaranty one thing. I’d always put their best interests first. Every mistake I made would be because I loved my child. I think that’s where you’re at and that’s the best any son can hope for.

  3. Your second point: Do you think he’s just gonna “know” all that, instinctually? Probably not. You are not doing your son any favors by plugging your ears and screwing your eyes shut and trying to pretend he’s some eunuch who will always be mommy’s little boy. Yeah, that’s cute now… is it still going to be cute when he’s thirty-five and living at home?
    You’re doing the romantic equivalent of throwing him in the deep end of the pool and hoping he doesn’t sink.

    He might.

    And then what?

  4. Where’s the father in this scenario? I read the article twice and don’t see any mention of him.

    For a mother to teach her son how to be a man is a bit like a dog teaching a cat how to climb a tree. Okay, you’ve watched how men operate, but what do you know about BEING a man? Would a father be able to explain to his daughter how to handle periods when she goes through menstruation for the first time? He may be able to explain the mechanics, but it will always be second hand information because he’s never experienced it himself.

  5. “In fact, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman having more and/or making more than a woman”

    I think that last part was supposed to be “making more than a man”? might be an typo…

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