Who is that naked man running across your television screen? We’ve got the answer.
We talk a lot about athletes being humans around here, but they’re still a kind of removed human. You see them, either in a box in your bedroom or from inside a stadium but on a field or court you’re not allowed to touch. You’re there, but you’re not really there.
Unless you decide to go streaking.
It’s rare that streakers actually ever make us happy. It’s what happens to them that makes us happy. If they go softly, surrendering to security, then they piss us off. But as long as they fight off security for a few moments, make a few guys fall, and eventually get the shit kicked out of them, then we’re all good.
With a number of recent high-profile field invasions, I’m decided to break down the different kinds of streakers. Really, though, I just wanted to look up videos of guys doing dumb stuff and getting tackled by overweight security guards. It’ll be fun, though. I promise.
Meet Jimmy Jump, the famous Spanish streaker/activist/celebrity. Mr. Jump has streaked at a number of big European soccer matches. He made it onto the field at last summer’s World Cup final and tried to put a hat on the trophy. He once threw an “Henry” Barcelona jersey at Thierry Henry while he was plying for Arsenal (Henry later left Arsenal for Barcelona). He’s also invaded the French Open and the Rugby World Cup. Among other things, he’s campaigned for Tibet’s freedom from China and against racism in soccer.
Two days ago, he ran onto the field at the Real Madrid–Barcelona game and tried to put a hat on Cristiano Ronaldo’s head. How he keeps getting into these games, I have no idea.
Drunken Drunkard (also known as Boston Fan):
These guys generally only appear in Boston, specifically at baseball games. A guy this cluelessly wasted could only make it onto the field at Fenway, a stadium that refuses to have any moderately sized outfield walls. It’s either ankle-high or obnoxiously tall. There’s no in between. An attempt to scale a wall any higher than the those around the gimmicky Pesky Pole area, and the Drunken Drunkard will be utterly mangled as he free-falls onto the outfield grass.
But when they survive the entrance, it is glorious.