As a feminist dad, Ariel Chesler had to think long and hard about whether to let his little girl dress up as a Disney Princess.
These days, it is nearly impossible to avoid the rigid gender roles fed to our children through clothes, toys, and popular culture. As I have written previously, the extreme gendering of toys and the sexualization of young girls is a serious problem. This, of course, carries through to Halloween costumes.
Much of my role as a feminist dad raising two daughters is to keep my daughters from learning the scripts provided in classic Disney films such as Cinderella, which teach girls to be excited about fancy dresses, that their looks are the most important thing about them, and that they are objects to be rescued. This is why my daughters’ middle names come from the two princesses I most admire and want them to emulate — Princess Leia and Wonder Woman (Princess Diana).
So, while I generally do not encourage my three-year-old daughter to be like the princesses found in Disney movies, Merida from 2012’s Disney/Pixar film Brave is an exception. Here are the reasons (besides the fact that she loves Merida) I have decided to allow her to dress as Merida this Halloween:
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1) She’s Beautiful the Way She Is: Merida is a princess with unruly loud red hair, who doesn’t particularly like wearing dresses. And, she’s beautiful that way. The outrage at the planned redesign of Merida’s look earlier this year was precisley because it was moving away from accepting the different version of beauty Merida presents.
2) She’s Amazing with a Bow and Arrow: She may be wearing a dress, but she’s deadly with her bow and arrow. Her shooting prowess puts all the boys to shame.
3) She’s Knowledgable About Nature: After Merida’s mother, Queen Elinor, turns into a bear and escapes the castle, Merida helps her survive by teaching her to fish and to avoid poisnous plants and berries.
4) She Challenges Tradition: When Merida learns that she is to be betrothed to a son of one of her father’s allied clans, she boldly challenges this tradition and insists on “shooting for her own hand” at the planned archery competition. Eventually, she convinces the clans to break tradition and to allow their children to get married in their own time to whomever they choose.
5) She’s Knowledgable About History And Commands A Crowd: After causing a riot by challenging tradition, Merida is able to use her knowledge of history and tradition to convince the clans to change tradition. She commands the room of male leaders with her words and wisdom.
6) She Loves Her Dad And He Loves Her: Merida’s Father, King Fergus, after all, is the one who gives her a longbow for her birthday when she is little and encourages her to train with it. Unlike the Queen, King Fergus loves Merida as she is – a free-spirited, horse riding, unconventional girl.
7) She Loves Her Mom, Saves The Day, And Renews Their Bond: After changing Queen Elinor into a bear via an enchanted cake, in the hopes that the Queen will change her mind about tradition, Merida regrets her actions and, realizing her love for her mother, desperately tries to reverse the spell. She shows her bravery by acknowledging her wrongdoing, and by literally putting her own life in danger to save her mother’s life from both King Fergus and the giant demon-bear, Mor’du. Merida solves the witch’s riddle, repairs the tapestry she destroyed and reconciles with her mother, thereby mending “the bond torn by pride.” In the end, she comes to realize her deep love for her mother and the importance of their relationship.
I agree with most of the other comments made under the article. I’m glad to see that I feel very similarly to the other posters. Ariel, your little girl very much may love to wear dresses because she simply loves dresses. Based on my experience with kids, they don’t wear anything they don’t already like. I went through a period where all I wanted to wear was dresses, even on the playground. My mom just made sure I wore shorts under my dresses. And then I went through a period where all I wanted to do was wear pants and… Read more »
My daughter that I am writing about here is THREE YEARS OLD. So, while I could have used a different title for this piece such as “Why I like Merida for My Daughter’s Costume,” the fact is that almost everything she does is because my wife and I allow her to do them. We allowed her to eat some candy last night. We allowed her to stay up a little past her bedtime. We don’t allow her to have toy guns or to wear sexy outfits or to go out in the cold without a coat. This is parenting, and… Read more »
Ariel, I was about to scroll through all the comments in order to say what you just said there. No, it is NOT “the evil patriarchy” when a parent lets a toddler do something…… Good gawds.
From http://madlori.tumblr.com/post/51723411550/rebloggable-by-request-well-first-of-all “Write interesting women. Write well-rounded women. Write complicated women. Write a woman who kicks ass, write a woman who cowers in a corner. Write a woman who’s desperate for a husband. Write a woman who doesn’t need a man. Write women who cry, women who rant, women who are shy, women who don’t take no shit, women who need validation and women who don’t care what anybody thinks. THEY ARE ALL OKAY, and all those things could exist in THE SAME WOMAN. Women shouldn’t be valued because we are strong, or kick-ass, but because we are people.” Now… Read more »
I agree that Merida is very good role model, but that doesn’t mean other Disney princesses aren’t good role models. Cinderella teaches you kindness, even toward those who are mean to you and that in the end you will find happiness through your kindness and choices. Snow White expresses the need for team work when tackling large obstacles (like cleaning ew) and friendship is important (dwarves). Beauty and the Beast teaches us that everyone has goodness in them, no matter how they look or act, and there are reasons behind why someone is a certain way. We can find good… Read more »
So Merida is great… Not sure why you needed those specific reasons to allow your daughter to choose a Halloween costume. There isn’t anything wrong with a little girl enjoying Cinderella or other Disney princesses. Seems to me like a self-proclaimed “feminist” would see the irony of forbidding his daughter from doing anything just based on his own idea of what a woman should or shouldn’t be. Teach her to be self sufficient — Teach her about cars, sports, how to use tools, how to be a hard worker. Teach her how to get the job done herself without being… Read more »
So, you’re fighting rigid gender roles by… imposing your own rigid gender role? How brave of you, I suppose. After all, can’t have your daughters liking anything you haven’t predetermined it is acceptable for them to like for your cause, right?
EXACTLY!
Except isn’t the point that he let her wear it?
He LET her wear it, I guess there’s a fundamental problem battling patriarchy, when you’re by definition, a patriarch!
Of course a parent determines what his or her child does because THAT IS WHAT A PARENT DOES (Mothers and Fathers). I’m sure most of you wouldn’t have a problem with a Mother determining who a proper female role model is for her daughter, so why judge a Father for doing the same? Do any of you actually parent or do you spend most of your spare time circle jerking each other on Tumblr?
Such first world problems: Can you imagine the look a someones face from somewhere like afghanistan , Saudia Arabia or other very oppressive and repressive places in reading an article like this.
I remember the whole uproar over the Femiist Frequency and how she got $150,000 to ‘study’ the tropes of female chars in games.
All I could think of was “If this is the problem a nice white middle to upper class white women is going to spend her time fighting, we really have reached equality and now people are just making stuff up to fight against”