Jonathan Delavan contributes to the conversation about the innate humanness that can be found in people’s stories.
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Several days ago, an article was published on The Good Men Project titled “How Storytelling Changes People”. It is a post highlighting the conversation during the weekly hour-long conference call that occurred earlier that day. As the post’s title suggests, it was a conversation about the power and influence of stories in people’s lives. I would love to have participated in this conversation if I knew its topic ahead of time, but prevailing circumstances also prevented me from participating in the first place. Nevertheless, it seems to have been a great exchange between contributors!
So, since I did not and could not participate in that conference call, I’ll go ahead and provide my own input about the call of stories.
Stories, in both the listening and sharing of them, are how we discover, fulfill, and share our inherent humanity.
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As I have mentioned in previous articles, stories have made meaningful impacts in my life and personal journey. It was from stories that I discovered a number of my significant others that would go on to be examples, guides, by which I forge my own path in life. This is possible because I am able to find myself in their stories about themselves. Strange, isn’t it, that we can end up finding ourselves through someone else’s story about their own unique struggles, experiences, and perspectives? It is a phenomenon I continue to be fascinated and inspired by even though I have already experienced it myself a dozen times over!
I first consciously realized this wonderful phenomenon of the human experience while reading through The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham well over a year ago. The whole book’s thesis is actually centered on stories and storytelling as the centuries-old means by which individuals find growth, belonging, communal support, and spiritual wisdom. In other words, stories in both the listening and sharing of them are how we discover, fulfill, and share our inherent humanity.
There are many examples I could draw upon from The Spirituality of Imperfection to show the authors’ wise perspective on stories, but the one I’ve chosen below is what came to mind for me as I read through the post mentioned earlier:
These individuals [who were discussed earlier in this excerpt’s chapter] were “sages and saints” because they knew the simple but essential truth that we human beings find it extremely difficult to know the truth about ourselves, for we cannot see directly our own incongruous mixedness. Just as the eye cannot reflect on itself—we cannot see our own face without some kind of mirror—the mind, the soul, cannot directly know its own nature. We cannot directly know our own being.
Must we, then, forever grope blindly in the dark? What can we do, in order to be? Yet again, an ancient answer echoes across the centuries: Listen! Listen to stories! For what stories do, above all else, is hold up a mirror so that we can see ourselves. Stories are mirrors of human be-ing, reflecting back our very essence. In a story, we come to know precisely the both/and, mixed-up-ed-ness of our very being. In the mirror of another’s story, we can discover our tragedy and our comedy—and therefore our very human-ness, the ambiguity and incongruity that lie at the core of the human condition.
The stories that sustain a spirituality of imperfection are wisdom stories. They follow a temporal format, describing “what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.” Such stories, however, can also do more: The sequential format makes it possible for other people’s stories to become a part of “my” story. Sometimes, for example, hearing another’s story can occasion profound change. Telling the story of that change then follows the format of telling a story within my story: “Once upon a time, I did not understand this very well; but then I heard this story, and now I understand it differently.”
If you haven’t read The Spirituality of Imperfection already, I highly suggest you get yourself a copy when you can! It is a book full of timeless yet practical wisdom drawn from many religions, cultures, and eras–including the twentieth century.
However, if you are still not convinced–by any chance–of the immense power and innate humanness of stories, I would also encourage you to read The Call of Stories: Teaching and the Moral Imagination by Robert Coles. Coles is a child psychiatrist who is currently an emeritus professor at Harvard. He began his career during the tumultuous Civil Rights Movement of the 1950’s and 60’s. Coles personally witnessed a number of children who endured the desegregation process in schools and society and eventually decided to share their stories with others in a number of books. This book, however, focuses more on how stories have been the most effective means by which individuals, and by extension society at large, have come to better understand themselves and even those from different racial, socio-economic, and/or cultural backgrounds. It is certainly a worthwhile read!
The more I hear of other people’s stories, the more I discover about myself and the more I can empathize with others—even if they are completely different from me.
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Anyways, as for me, I have already shared briefly how different stories have impacted me—whether it was from Hermann Hesse’s autobiographical fictions, or Henri Nouwen’s emotional journaling, or Philip Yancey’s memoire of thirteen people who shaped his Christian faith. Of course, the impact of stories doesn’t stop there for me.
I have also been influenced by the countless encounters from people I have met throughout my life, both here in the US and during my time overseas. Their stories, even if they are mere shards from that person’s overall life, have been equally influential in my understanding of myself as well as others. The more I hear of other people’s stories, the more I discover about myself and the more I can empathize with others—even if they are completely different from me in one way or another.
I believe that is what attracted me to The Good Men Project in the first place. I found it to be a place, an internet agora, where people from different walks of life and different stages in life could come together and share with each other events, perspectives, life-lessons, and ideas in written or digital format—especially as it applies to men, manhood, and the search for authentic masculinity. In short, it is an online forum where men and women can share their stories with each other—as was discussed in the weekly conference call! Such a space (even if it’s in cyberspace), is truly special and must be fostered for everyone who is already involved as well as for those who may become involved in the future.
That is part of the reason why I started writing articles for The Good Men Project. I did not want to be only a consumer of other people’s stories.
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That is part of the reason why I started writing articles for The Good Men Project. I did not want to be only a consumer of other people’s stories; I wanted an opportunity to share my own stories and to do so within a community of like-minded readers and contributors. There are other, more personal, reasons why I decided to share my stories and perspectives on The Good Men Project, which I explained in an earlier article.
So far, I have found writing and sharing what I have written here to be a rewarding experience personally. I am thankful for the support I have received during this personal endeavor, and I look forward to providing more of my stories with you, dear reader, in the coming weeks ahead!
Photo: 742680/Pixabay