What is the definition of manhood?
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I’ve always wondered what it means to be a man. I know that sounds strange, considering I supposedly have the right genetic profile and age to qualify for manhood. But still … what exactly is a man? The men on TV don’t look much like me. They all seem to have hair where mine is missing and lack hair where mine is growing. And they are surrounded by beautiful young women all the time. Now don’t get me wrong; my wife is a looker, but we’re not in our 20s anymore nor do we have the energy to be engulfed in large crowds of partying young people.
What if our culture is too caught up in superficial definitions of manhood?
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I grew up thinking that manhood was all about getting the girl. My uncle introduced me and my brother to Elvis at an extremely tender (and dare I say impressionable?) age. I didn’t quite understand all the innuendos that I do now, but one thing was clear: Life was all about getting the girl. So I tried. I had my first girlfriend when I was all of four years old and I never looked back. But marriage taught me that there was more to this relationship thing than the hunt. Surely a real man can’t always be searching for the next woman. That might seem cool on television, but it doesn’t bring lasting fulfillment in the real world.
A few years ago, I read a Christian book on manhood. Everyone was reading it, so I felt obligated to join them. It was totally depressing. It described a real man as one who loves the outdoors, running through woods, getting dirty, and hunting with grandpa. I have trouble killing spiders, I need a shower at least once a day, and I hate mosquitoes and dirt. I told my wife one day after reading the book that I finally figured out that I’m not a man. Thankfully, she begged to differ.
What if being a man is truly about character? What if it’s not about being perfect, but about striving and failing?
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What if our culture is too caught up in superficial definitions of manhood? What if the stereotypes are all wrong and lead to the insecurity that causes guys like me to wonder if I have what it takes to be a man? Is there room for a man who likes to stay indoors, read a good book (or magazine), watch romantic comedies with my wife, and keep the air conditioning set at seventy-three degrees?
If there is hope for a man like me, I need a new definition of manhood. I need a definition that is large enough to include a man with a balding head, artistic sentiments, and a fierce commitment to monogamy.
I like Martin Luther King, Jr.’s dream. I think he had insight into manhood. Insight into a definition that can include all of us. Insight that we can explore together as men. He said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
What if being a man is truly about character? What if it’s not about being perfect, but about striving and failing? Making mistakes and falling down? Making errors and getting fired from the job that you love? What if it’s truly about what is on the inside rather than the outside, and about getting up after failure? If so, maybe even I have a shot at being a man.
Previously published on STAND Magazine
By Steve T. Hayes, Contributing Editor
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Photo:Pixabay
Great article- though I might be so bold as to omit the “What if”s and “?”s from the last paragraph; I think you’ve nailed it, and answered your own question: That, indeed, IS what it is to be a man (subjectively speaking). Granted, a man also tries to keep an open mind, or augers towards impartiality if he can- so, I suppose it is worthwhile to still ask it as a question, even if we suspect we already may have the answer.
To the contrary my friend. Just in reading your words on this site I can argue that you are more a man then most. Forget everything else that you present, and just focus on the issue at hand.
A male can produce offspring be he human or a dog, a man that is willing an able to raise those offspring, especially if they are not genetically his, is a man. Fatherhood is not the act of producing a child, it is everything one does after that.
Ok, I guess what I was trying to say is, it’s misleading to even talk about what it is to be a “man”. It’s a genetic thing, and that, if we were truly enlightened, would be all there is to it. Then we could say it doesn’t matter what your gender is, when it comes to “character”. We could start talking about whether or not someone is a “good person”. That would eliminate so much angst for both genders, if we could stop saying “this is what it means to be a man/woman”. That statement itself implies that there are… Read more »
In my considered opinion as an old “man”, from a purely genetic, anatomical standpoint, being a man means being able to father a child. Since I failed at that, I’m not a man, I’m a genetic dead-end. I try to make up for it in other ways by doing things to improve the lot of humanity as a whole, so at least I can call myself a human. But that’s about it. Hopefully, I’ll leave some legacy with the teachings I’ve instilled in other men’s children, but the physical characteristic of “me”, including the structuring of my brain that allowed… Read more »