He thought life was over. What happened next shocked everyone.
—
It was love at first sight–well, almost. The first time I saw my wife, I felt something I couldn’t describe. I was 17 years old and working at Burger King. She was a 19-year-old manager.
She tried to show the employees who was boss, so many of our co-workers couldn’t stand her; I saw past her bark. We started off as co-workers, but quickly became friends; that friendship turned into something more. We were married six months after we met.
In April of 2011, we were $180,000 in debt and constantly fighting over money problems.
|
The success rate of marriages today isn’t very high, and the numbers are more depressing when you get married young. We got married the day after I turned 18, not realizing how hard life would be for us.
Family and friends told us getting married that young was a bad idea, but we didn’t care. We were head-over-heels in love, and ready to take on the world together.
♦◊♦
The first few years were OK. We fought every now and then, but nothing major. I started a service business at 19 that quickly grew into a six-figure career in a year.
I didn’t know anything about business, however. So I completely mismanaged it. In April of 2011, we were $180,000 in debt and constantly fighting over money problems.
After fighting for most of the beginning part of that year, we decided it was time to split up and possibly end our marriage. I replay that conversation often, and it still brings tears to my eyes.
The day after we separated was one of the worst days of my life. Waking up at a friend’s house, and not seeing my love sleeping next to me was unbearable.
I cried. I yelled. I thought about committing suicide. I thought my life was over and that our children would end up seeing me as I saw my father after my parents divorced. Thoughts of someone new entering her life sent me to the bathroom throwing up.
There is hope.
That year, in general, was rough. There were the money problems, there were our problems, and I was 170 pounds overweight. The day after we separated was my wake up call.
After crying my eyes out that day, I woke up the second day determined to radically change my life. No matter what it took, I was going to do everything I could to live a life of no regrets.
I put on my tennis shoes that second morning and went for a run. I couldn’t run long–because it felt like I was having a heart attack–but I was determined. I cut all the junk food out of my life and started a healthy diet. I tried calling my wife to tell her I loved her, but the call went to voicemail.
I woke up every morning determined to make it better. It took a lot of days of crying and changing to see progress. During this time, my wife and I started talking again. Talking led to a few dates and us getting to know each other all over again.
The day before our divorce was supposed to be final; we went to court to get the case dismissed. We chose love over our past. As of today, we have been married 16 amazing, but hard years. We earned this marriage.
Love is a decision.
Falling in love is the easy part. When you first get those feelings, the excitement can propel you to look past anything, As the honeymoon phase wears off, reality starts to set in.
Here’s the thing though, you decide what you want that reality to be. A wise counselor told us love isn’t a feeling; it’s a decision. You decide to love and stay in love.
You can come to the end of your life regretting love, or cherishing what you experienced.
|
Feelings come and go, but when you wake up and decide to honor your vows, you’re choosing love. When you decide you would rather die than betray the person you committed to, you are deciding to love.
There will always be another good-looking person who has a great body and just screams lust. The grass will seem greener on the other side, especially during the hard times, but true love is stronger than lust.
♦◊♦
There are certain situations that DO require the relationship to be over–especially physical or mental abuse, or worse–I’m not talking about those situations.
If you are separated, I hope you keep hope alive. If someone else has tempted you, I hope you decide to choose love over attraction. If you’re just starting your life together, make the decision to love each other every single minute of the time you have on this earth together.
Life is short and time is the only thing we’ll never get back. You can come to the end of your life regretting love, or cherishing what you experienced. Choose love.
How does the story end?
I lost 170 pounds, quit a job that I hated to write full-time, and we moved our family to our dream destination of Maui, Hawaii. We decided to choose love and worked on our dreams together. Our marriage grows stronger every day. We made it and hope you do, too.
Audio version:
—
This article originally appeared on the Huffington Post.
Photo: Flickr/ Benurs — Learning and lear
Want the best of The Good Men Project posts sent to you by email? Join our mailing list here.
Aloha and thanks for sharing. It’s a great story. So true so often. Takes courage to admit our role in a failed marriage. Hoping that you’re finding Hawaii a rewarding place to live. I live on O’ahu and know how difficult a place it can be, contrary to most people beliefs. Mahalo for sharing.
Aloha Richard. We have been here for 15 months and love it 🙂
I thought this was a great article and incredible revelations on your part. Way to go for making it work!
Mahalo Wes. I greatly appreciate that 🙂
Please not another internet headline that reads “” What happened next shocked everyone.””
Did you enjoy the article Byron?
Whenever I read these “save the marriage” articles on GMP, I feel conflicting emotions. A dear friend of mine just separated, after enduring a 15+ year marriage that made him miserable at worst and ambivalent at best. He was contemplating suicide to get out of it. This is a man who had two kids. I would never tell people to stay in a situation that makes them unhappy. Never. Do some marriages miraculously turn around? Yes, but they are the exception, and not the rule. I’m happy for the author, but please know that he was very fortunate.
I think I’ve made that very clear Lisa 🙂 We have to do what’s right for each of our situations. And if there is abuse, that’s a non-starter.
No, you actually didn’t make that clear at all.
Yes, I did. Fourth paragraph from the end- “There are certain situations that DO require the relationship to be over–especially physical or mental abuse, or worse–I’m not talking about those situations.”
There are certain situations that DO. See that? This is my story and my truth that I’m sharing. Nowhere have I said this should be everyone’s.
Before my brother left this earth, we had lots of conversations about marriage. One of the things he said that I will never forget is, “You cannot live by your feelings in marriage. Love is a decision. You must decide to love your spouse and serve your spouse daily. Its a decision.” My brother was in a very difficult marriage. I watched him live his advice under the most difficult circumstances. Thanks for sharing. Going to send this to my friend who is contemplating divorce. I told him not to end his marriage. Doing my best to make sure he… Read more »
Mahalo for sharing Yvonne 🙂 Sorry to hear about your brother 🙁 Sending love and prayers.