A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations From the Divine Feminine

If I am going act like a goddess, I want a man who acts like a god.

This was previously published on elephant journal.

If I am going act like a goddess, I want a man who acts like a god.

Yet all this talk lately of the goddess and the Divine Feminine seems like new-age wishful thinking, a fantasy archetype with as much to do with real life as Superwoman or the Fairy God Mother.

While goddess propagandists promote the unilateral concept of a spiritually elevated womanhood—strong but supple, decisive and nurturing, wild yet wise—glaringly absent is a call to the Sacred Masculine counterpoint. Women can forever rally around each other, cheerleading new heights of intuitive and open-hearted power, but without the cooperation of menfolk stealing their own fire from the gods, we are preaching to the sistah choir.

Bottomline? Organizing a spiritual revolution as women without inviting men to the front lines with us means we are orchestrating a collective reframe with only half the available power. Real change means humanity—yes both genders—opts for the cosmic upgrade to Divine Class together.

So, on behalf of the X chromosome, here is my invitation to mortal men who wish to dance as gods with wanna-be goddesses.

  1. Show us your heroic heart. We know you want to save what is worth saving and to rescue this planet from peril. Wage a hero’s battle against poverty, needless strife, environmental ruin or whatever stirs your courageous heart. It might be a plan to increase your neighborhood safety, to improve your child’s education, to plant a vegetable garden in your backyard or to stop prejudice wherever you see it. The world needs your brave heart to take bold action.
  2. Unsheathe your sword. As a man, you wield a sword of truth that can cut through cultural distractions to what really matters. The faster car, the better sports team, the bigger salary are all fine and dandy but on your deathbed, what unfulfilled vision will you regret the most? What risk did you back away from? What chance did you refuse to take? Before you die, be bold enough to discover and live your truth.
  3. Dare to dream. Before you played the role of mortal, you (well, we) created the heavens and earth. What do you wish to create here and now? What beautiful order do you wish to bring forth from the chaos of this world. What implausible dream do you want to manifest for the greater good of all? It doesn’t have to be grand, like solving world hunger. It can be simple, like solving your child’s homework problem because you are dedicated to being a great father. All we care about is that something brings you alive with passion.
  4. Steer the ship. Aim your life for a noble horizon. It’s not like there’s a second in command who will captain your destiny while you snooze on the sofa after too many beers and potato chips with the TV droning in the background. Get to the helm of your life and navigate by your own pole star, the true north of your heart’s burning desire. Tip: if you don’t know what port you’re headed for, no wind is favorable.
  5. Bring your soul to work. Work for more than the mortgage and car payments—work because you find some measure of joy in your job. And if the job is just to make ends meet for now, then meet that employment with gratitude and a call to service. Know that it’s not what you do, but what you bring to what you do, that matters.
  6. Care deeply. As a man, you might have been taught to feel lightly and think hard, to hold your emotions back, as if you can build a dam against what naturally must flow. But your caring is what this world cries for. The tender-hearted masculine is both wise and merciful. When you weep, you give women permission to be strong. When your heart breaks we want to know it so that we can heal it together.
  7. Love fearlessly. Show us the way by standing firm when we are in a beautiful rage. Don’t run from our fury—after all it might contain magical wisdom. In the gale force of feminine anger, your calm is a powerful reminder that we are met and accepted by our beloved partner.
  8. Ravish your woman. Every now and then, take her wholeheartedly, without apology. Press her against a wall and bind her with your kisses. Possess your goddess, oh great god that you are, and then let her possess you. Polarity is a potent nectar and the current runs both ways.
  9. Slay your demons. We all have them, the dark part of our hearts, the crevices where our fear and loathing hideout. Notice what keeps you awake at night and stalk it. Hunt your darkness and drag it into the light for loving and healing.
  10. Leave your mark. Don’t settle for a fleeting cameo in which your appearance in this kingdom is so quickly forgotten. What do you want your children to say about you? Your great-grandchildren? The greatest legacy is not the wealth you leave behind, but your heartfelt message that echoes forward to future generations.

Ultimately, this dance of the divine in both genders is not about lighting incense, chanting at kirtan, wearing white or even gathering in gender-specific goddess groups or men’s Iron John style movements designed to reclaim a lost chest-thumping masculine. Rather, it’s about being real 360-degree humans, embracing both the sacred and the mundane within ourselves and each other.

When men are willing to meet women heart-first and to live from that divine place of kingly wisdom, warrior courage and boy-like vulnerability, we women are given the gift of receiving all of you. And we are given permission to reveal all of who we are—the nurturing goddess, the juicy seductress and yes, even the nasty b*tch.

In the end, the call to a Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine is perhaps just the simple yearning to get out of our crazy-busy heads and into our still-knowing hearts. As Rumi says, “I looked in Temples, Churches and Mosques. I found the Divine in my heart.”

Whatever the divine really is, let’s find it together.

Lori Lothian is the new editor at elephant Love and Relationships. She invites GMP readers to respond to her invitation with one of their own: “I’d like to invite a GMP writer to reply with a rebuttal, a call to the divine feminine from the sacred masculine: a literal mirror image piece with ten invitations to women.” Email your submissions to Justin Cascio, Senior Editor of The Good Men Project, at [email protected] for publication in the GMP. If it pleases the goddess, maybe she will reprint your work in elephant love.

Read more on The Good Life.

 —Photo credit: prasit.mankad/Flickr

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About Lori Ann Lothian

Lori Ann Lothian is a sexy daring writer who challenges assumptions about love, sex and relationships in her columns at Huffington Post and elephant Journal and in feature articles at the Good Men Project, Origin Magazine, Yoganonymous, Better After 50 and more. Former editor of the relationship section of elephant Journal, she is now a senior editor at the Good Men Project. Follow her on Twitter andGoogle. Stay informed, sign up for Lori’s mailing list here.

Comments

  1. Find god or be a god…the ultimate destination of humanity. Gives one a whole new perspective on Joseph Smith.

  2. Quadruple says:

    I agree with this message. There is a pretty strong strand in feminism that seeks to put woman on a pedestal. Instead of placing women up on a pedestal we should all strive to get a little higher.

    I think that some of these things are highly gendered in ways that are questionable. Is heroism male? Can’t we come to the point where we think of this as a female thing as well? “Unsheathe your sword.” Does being a sacred masculine guy mean that I have to embrace retro values of violence and phallic symbolism?

    “When you weep, you give women permission to be strong. When your heart breaks we want to know it so that we can heal it together.”

    • There is a pretty strong strand of traditional culture that places women on pedestals. Sugar and spice, and what-not is so not a feminist adage. There is certainly a strain of finish that glorifies the feminine, but it’s a damn old version of feminism.

      • Quadruple A says:

        Well, just to clarify things. I am not staying that traditional culture does not have a strong strain that puts woman on a pedestal. Feminism often is as a product of the predominant culture even as it seeks to oppose it. Whether or not Sugar and Spice and what not is a feminist adage the underlying idea does have a strong influence within feminist thought.

  3. “…it’s about being real 360-degree humans.”

    It’s sad so many define a man as a 180-degree human at most.

    • I agree, PW, and I note that the author is referring BOTH genders to the possibility of 360. I belong to an Iron John-style men’s group, and am keenly aware that it only addresses half of my interpersonal work.

  4. Personally, I find this whole article quite gender essentialist and heteronormative. I mean like this: “As a man, you wield a sword of truth that can cut through cultural distractions to what really matters.” – what does being a man have to do with “wielding a sword of truth?” Are you suggesting men are more able to think rationally or something? That’s a really outdated and traditional way of thinking about men and women, frankly.

    “When you weep, you give women permission to be strong.”

    And this is just…like what? Women can only be strong when men show their emotions? What’s that about? And frankly, suggesting that weeping isn’t strong is actually part of the problem. It takes a huge amount of personal and emotional strength to actually express what you’re feeling.

    And of course the whole “Ravish your woman,” section assumes that the man you’re addressing this to is straight (or I guess bi). It could just have easily said “ravish your partner,” without assuming that partner would be a woman.

    Also…well it’s kind of a bit classist too, really. I mean the thing about working for more than the cash and because you enjoy it. Yeah, that’s what I strive for too…but frankly huge chunks of people don’t have that luxury. They take the jobs they can to pay for the food on their table, and that’s the end of it. No one’s going to find joy as a farm worker or on an assembly line in a factory.

    • Personally, I find this whole article quite gender essentialist and heteronormative. I mean like this: “As a man, you wield a sword of truth that can cut through cultural distractions to what really matters.” – what does being a man have to do with “wielding a sword of truth?” Are you suggesting men are more able to think rationally or something? That’s a really outdated and traditional way of thinking about men and women, frankly.
      Actually I think it’s suggesting that men have some unique responsibility to cut through the distractions because we are men.

      “When you weep, you give women permission to be strong.”

      And this is just…like what? Women can only be strong when men show their emotions? What’s that about? And frankly, suggesting that weeping isn’t strong is actually part of the problem. It takes a huge amount of personal and emotional strength to actually express what you’re feeling.
      Big problem indeed.

      • You’re kidding, right? Even here on GMP there is a lot of subtle pressure on men to model the warrior, the stoic, and the status seeker.

        You don’t see a lot of independent craftsmen, artists or musicians, or even average-chump straight guys with issues, profiled here. You get businessmen, soldiers and athletes on one hand, and out gays, gender-benders and (of course) women on the other. It reminds me very much of the essentialist model: you can have any choice as long as it’s at one extreme or the other.

        All the above get permission to be open with their emotions if they so choose, to cuddle their baby or SO, and be and do their bliss. That’s very good. But there is a lot of male experience that is being ignored here, probably because it’s not provocative enough on hot button issues. It makes you wonder whether masculinity that is not in some way extreme – not deeply rooted in the essentialist masculine or the essentialist feminine – is really acceptable in our society.

        • average chump says:

          I think you make some good points. And I think the male experiences that being ignored are those that consistent with the lives of most men… the average straight guys with issues. Not that other people and their issues don’t matter.

          But, I found this site looking for marriage advice. I assumed it would be for men, from men. And a lot of people who dish out that advice aren’t men, aren’t married, often aren’t too pragmatic.

        • Jameseq says:

          who are you calling a gender bender. which group or groups of people do you deem gender benders, and you disparage? and in the context of your complaint, you were using the gender bender as a pejorative.
          i notice you didnt take a swipe at the others you outlined. which is no surprise. youre the kind, that intones sanctimoniously about your enlightened ‘nuance’ (as u did further down this thread) and would then piddle on a dishevelled sleeping homeless man – because he is outside the protection of the social contract.

          who are you calling a gender bender?

    • Agreed…

    • To be fair, she did say “And if the job is just to make ends meet for now, then meet that employment with gratitude and a call to service. “ – I think that covers the point about working a joyless job to put food on the table.

      And in an article about gods and goddesses, divine feminine and sacred masculine, does heteronormativity really surprise you? Besides, one need not be male to be masculine, nor be female to be feminine. The masculine may ravish the feminine, and the feminine ravish the masculine, regardless of the genitalia.

      As to crying as weakness… well, of course crying itself isn’t weakness, but most often when we cry we do so from a point of pain and weakness in ourselves. (In this context I’m referring to tears of anguish, not tears of happiness/pride.) We cry at the loss of loved ones, we cry out of bitterness and shame, we cry when we’ve been hurt, we cry from fear. When one partner sees another in tears, that gives the supporting partner the opportunity to be strong – which could very well mean shedding tears of his/her own. Instead of getting so literal about it, see the bigger message – “If you let us know you’re hurting, we can help.”

      (Permission might be the problematic word here – no one really needs permission to be strong. Maybe “cause” would be better? “When you weep, you give women cause to be strong.”)

      • Just because the heteronormativity in it doesn’t surprise me doesn’t make it any less problematic. And yeah, technically masculine and feminine are separate from male and female…but the whole point in our culture is that masculine is tied up closely with being male and feminine with being female. This article uses men and “sacred masculine” interchangeably…so it’s not entertaining the possibility that masculine might not be male.

        Also, the idea that masculine and feminine are somehow two opposing forces, and that they are somehow natural (as opposed to culturally constructed) is also quite problematic.

    • A lot of New Age thinking strikes me as strongly gender essentialist. There is this harkening back to a fantasied primeval state where our natures or spirits were more “pure”, unconfused by modernity, and living in harmony with nature. Male and female natures are seen as fundamental polarities, yin-yang style. The movement is also classist because it is largely a white middle class phenomenon. On the other hand, most of New Age philosophy is metaphorical. You can’t take it too literally.

    • HeatherN
      this may be too traditional for you, but for the other 85% of the human race who are average men and women who want to be able to read a blog article on a men’s website – some generalizations and archetypes are necessary.

      Does every thing have to be deconstructed? Normal people live in a culture, they go to work, have partners, marry, divorce, have kids etc. Most cultures has males, females, men, women etc and in most the women bear children and the men roam to hunt or gather – so just let some generalizations and norms lie, so we can have a conversation. I can’t relate to this academic la-la land as anything more than a mostly feminist academic illusion.
      The main article is all ready close to being yet another case of a women telling men what to do, be, feel, think, I’m sure someone could find the parts that make it ring so (ladies – be wary of this this!!) but I’m focusing on it being a well meant invitation.

  5. I found this article inspiring, calling all of us (men and women alike) to bring our best selves into our relationships, our families and our professions. I appreciated the author’s recognition of the spiritual potential in all of us, and how the sacred masculine and divine feminine complement one another. I also appreciate the subtle caution against either the feminine or the masculine becoming too insular. Separate spaces for men and women have their place, but in the larger context of spiritual wholeness across the globe, the two cannot operate in isolation of one another.

    Some of the language in the article was grandiose (the whole “unsheathe your sword” thing, for instance), but in the context of speaking to something so grand as our own divinity as mortals, the language seems fitting.

  6. If I may nitpick on the terminology of this concept for a moment, why is feminine referred to as “divine” and masculine “sacred”? Divine implies goddess, but sacred does not imply “god”. Sacred is something “consecrated to a god”, but doesn’t bestow godhood. These terms are not equal. Moving on….

    Most of my objections to this article were already raised by HeatherN, but I did want to point out a problem I have with #6:

    “As a man, you might have been taught to feel lightly and think hard, to hold your emotions back, as if you can build a dam against what naturally must flow. But your caring is what this world cries for. The tender-hearted masculine is both wise and merciful. When you weep, you give women permission to be strong. When your heart breaks we want to know it so that we can heal it together.”

    Men in this culture and society are taught that they must be hard and tough emotionless automatons in order to be considered to be “real men”. Any men who dare to be “tender-hearted and emotional” are not only ridiculed and bullied for it, they are often driven to the margins of society and told to stay there. For men en masse to “answer the call” stated in this article (assuming they want to) you would first have to change the cultural view of what a “real man” is, and mold society into something that will accept and celebrate men openly being this way. As of now, society rejects, and in some cases persecutes, this “sacred masculine” you describe. Most men don’t see it as worth the risk to go against the myth stereotype of “a real man”, so we hide our multi-faceted capacity for emotion. Some men have buried it so deep inside themselves, it could take years of soul searching or even therapy to dig it out. Make men feel safe to emote, and perhaps more would dare to. 

    As a Bi male, I have had ex girlfriends who did nothing to encourage a tender-hearted male partner in practice, even if they state in theory that this is what they want. I expect many men have experienced this. Take this notion of “ravishing without apology” for instance. Some women say they want this exciting and romantic fantasy of being “ravished”. Often when a man tries to give her this (yes, consensual ravishing in an established couple) the woman protests, even gets angry. After I’ve heard “What are you doing? Stop it!” even once, I won’t be trying it a second time. In that relationship, I was taught to wait until she made advances. Funny thing is, I later heard her tell a friend how she “longed” to be “ravished” as she complained that I never made any first moves. Um… huh? Pick one, please. 

    Also, there is nothing weak about crying. It is a hard-won catharsis that takes a lot of strength to let flow. However, if tender-hearted men are ridiculed for crying in the midst of that catharsis, they learn quickly not to risk being that vulnerable again. 

    I don’t disagree with this entire article; it would be amazingly evolved of society to include and allow this sort of tender-hearted man. Yet for now, “the world” does not “cry for” this man, it shuns him.

    Basically, it’s not that these “sacred masculine” men don’t exist; trust me, we do. We’re just hiding within societal dictates for self-preservation, often (though not always) hiding in our own relationships as well. Erase the fear and rejection, and you may be surprised what men can become.

    • I agree with most of this, and I’m not even bi.

      That surprises me, even though I know better. I’m used to thinking that I’m one of maybe a few hundred straight guys in the country with any nuanced view of m/f sexuality – and that somehow or another this is responsible for my lack of female relationships, or maybe even indicates a deep-seated personality disorder.

      Anyway, I feel shunned for being strong enough to talk about how I feel and do the emotional work of opening up. Not all strength is manly; it must be directed outward, in the form of mastery. I thank god for my talents as a musician, which is the most traditionally male thing I have any interest in. Without that I would feel less than human while knowing better all along.

      • May I ask you for some examples of specific times you’ve been shunned? Or is it more of an atmospheric thing – pressure from everyone, from the societal environment as a whole? I am not questioning that it happens, just trying to understand from an outside perspective.

        As a female I’ve been shunned for crying too, actually. I’ve suppressed tears at work, in public and at home on more than one occasion because I didn’t want to be perceived as weak – or more specifically, as a hysterical, over-emotional, possibly hormonal woman who can’t keep herself together. I have avoided crying in front of men, too, because I felt I would lose their respect (based on experiences with some men rolling their eyes or dismissing me the moment they sense I’m about to cry).
        I bring this up not to say that I have it worse or that I as a woman can totally understand men’s burden on this, but because that’s the closest thing in my experience that I feel might relate to what men experience, in that my motivation — not appearing weak based on my gender — is the same.

        • Thanks for your curiosity. It’s not easy to get a reply here, I find.

          I feel shunned as a very general rule. I can have casual conversations with anybody, but I don’t find they lead anywhere, because there are too many things about myself people will not understand. I am nonverbally LD, and so I used to be both more outgoing and more awkward. I learned, and what I learned is that there is not a place for everybody in this world. There is not, as my mom used to say, “a lid for every pot.”

          There is one pure manliness about me besides my music, and that is my anger. As a kid, I would hit people, break things, and reduce others to tears. Unfortunately, I got schooled often enough to learn that unless a man is physically strong or dominant in status, he has no right to express his anger. It’s an open invite to whoop-ass – physical or emotional.

          One’s anger gets worse over time if it must be held in, but it gets worse slowly, and with consequences only to oneself. If one lets out anger without the social ticket to do so – physical strength or authority – one’s psyche will be willfully destroyed from outside, not to mention the harm to one’s own body and potentially others’.

          • Thanks for answering.

            I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time of expressing emotions. I hope you have found people who understand you beyond the depth of casual conversation. Anger is a particularly troubling emotion to have to carry because there are so few acceptable outlets for expressing it. The ways we are counseled to handle it – with calmness and rationality – often feel contradictory to the way it wants to be expressed – with violence, volume and intensity. I can relate to that too, being the one in my marriage who is more likely to stomp and slam doors when I’m angry (although that’s more in relation to occasional anger, not long-term). I agree that anger becomes a festering wound if left untended. It is a tough emotion to address proactively, positively and honestly. I’m sorry you feel so burdened by your anger and hope you have some sort of outlet for it, for your own sake, even if it’s something silly like punching a pillow just to take the edge off.

            • Right now it would be great just to get it out as anger. I’ve been well trained to sublimate it to depression, and those around me would prefer I kept it that way.

              A traditional, strong silent type can start punching a pillow or bag and people will understand. I’m already too demonstrative for that – it would just freak people out.

              So item number 9 on Lori’s list really hurts. Slay your demons. People know I have demons. If I bring them out in the open, it will appear that they’ve taken over, and I, not they, will become the problem.

            • I used to use anger as a cover for/projection of my emotions. It took me about 6 years to get to the root of why i was so angry. Used to break things, verbally abuse, seek revenge. I still get angry sometimes as a defense mechanism for being hurt.

              There is more than one way to “Slay your demons.” Mine was to starve them by working to the root on the causes and cutting myself out of the situations that fueled the fire.

              The emotion will remain and the anger will be tempered down and allow you to work on fixing yourself.

              It started with a road trip in college, emptied my bank account and spent about 5 days on the road allowing myself cool-off and thinking time without distractions or interference. So i guess my advice is just to get away from it all for a while and if you can, by yourself to relax and detach.

              I’m not a therapist, this just worked for me, so no guarantees.

            • I’m glad to see this conversation go deeper here. PW, in my experience there are far more men – and women – out there with a sensitivity to m/f sexuality than you would think. I’m one of them, and I felt like an alien for a long time.

              Then, luckily, I discovered a men’s organization designed specifically to provide space for men to address these issues, of which repressed anger figures prominently. As I posted above, there’s not a lot of time spent on femininity in this Iron John tradition, however I and thousands of men have found it very useful in our relationships with other men and women.

        • I have found that if you are depressed, or scared or vulnerable around more than 1 – 2 close friends I will get mocked, ignored or distanced, or just slowly ostracised.
          With women, a mentor advised me to not share many of my fears or concerns with women. I’m wary about revealing vulnerability or my dark side to many women, as I would tend to trust men more with these personal aspects.

          My view is that a man cannot reveal most of the traits mentioned above in day to day life, and you have to have a good control over your emotions to get through life reasonably intact as a man. Of course many fry along the way, especially over the the last 50 years of western culture.

          Interesting fact I saw recently stated that the severity of male initiation rites vary according to the difficulty of survival in the local culture and environment. But in the west there are no initiation rites…..

    • Instead of lamenting that the article does not fit reality, why not work towards the reality that the article promotes & encourages? Hypothetically, if every man in our society answered this call, “society” would have a hell of a time shunning it and pushing them all to the outskirts.

      Cry if you need to cry. If you are ridiculed, keep crying. Cry in the face of criticism. Cry without shame. Own it. No one truly has any power to revoke your masculinity for it.

      Just from observing my husband’s relationships with his close friends, I can hardly imagine any of them shaming each other for crying. In fact, I’m pretty sure all of them admitted to tearing up when we all went to see “Up” and “Toy Story 3″ together, and we laughed about it, but not in a mocking way. When my husband got the call from his parents that they had to have his childhood dog put down, he cried, and no one uttered a peep. I’ve seen them be much more vicious towards each other in regards to masculinity & shaming with other things. Like when one of them felt really uncomfortable accepting an expensive gift from his girlfriend, the others did sort of gang up on him. Or a bad golf swing. Or not being able to hold one’s alcohol. But for crying? Maybe it happens and I just haven’t witnessed it, but I don’t get the sense that it’s a big deal.

      Now, these are Gen-Y guys I’m talking about, all in their early to mid twenties. Perhaps my generation is more lenient on this issue.

      I also understand that treatment from one’s close friends is not the same as societal shunning/shaming – but if your close friends support you when you cry, why does society’s opinion matter?

      • “Instead of lamenting that the article does not fit reality, why not work towards the reality that the article promotes & encourages? Hypothetically, if every man in our society answered this call, “society” would have a hell of a time shunning it and pushing them all to the outskirts.”

        Because men are taught to view reality as stark, simple, and non-negotiable. Men do not envision or work towards a different reality. Men exert their will on people and things in the context of present reality. And exertion of will is just that. It is not self-care, or making common cause, or answering any call but the call to dominate. Those other things, we feel, strengthen us as humans but weaken us as men.

        “…if your close friends support you when you cry, why does society’s opinion matter?”

        It only takes one hard guy to cause trouble. I’m not saying go have a support group in a biker bar or anything insane here. I’m just saying that the way men are – the way some men always will be – a different man had better be prepared for “society” to stomp him.

        • Fair enough. Thanks for that perspective. Idealism and pragmatism will always be at odds in some way or another.

          • Don’t mistake the traditional masculine view for pragmatism. What it is really is a refusal to engage with concepts of “what might be,” rather than “what is.” Although men admire leaders, and leaders are often visionary, few men admire vision by itself.

            Not holding an encounter group in a biker bar, however, is pretty clearly pragmatic.

            • Sorry, I wasn’t clear – by idealism, I meant my original optimistic suggestion that men can actively change the societal norms that keep them bound in, and by pragmatism, your counterpoint that “Men do not envision or work towards a different reality [than the one they were taught to accept].”

              Re: your point about admiring the visionary leader but not the vision itself – perhaps what is needed is a visionary leader to embody this vision of the unapologetically emotive man.

      • KKZ – Interesting points – but I don’t think you understand the range of environments men encounter. We go from talking with family to a high-stakes negotiation or meeting at work where they are out for blood or your livelyhood.
        Placating an upset and emotional partner to a verbal or physical showdown in a bar or carpark, or just walking home at 3 am, then 3 tough guys are walking towards you…
        Playing a game of soccer with friends to fighting for survival in places like Fallujah, Affganistan or Stalingrad. Working 12 or 16 hr days around machinery, at heights or out at sea on a fishing boat for 6 weeks straight.
        Men can’t be too soft, sensitive or loose control of their emotions, otherwise that tribe, culture, civilization gets wiped out one way or another! GAME OVER!
        I read somewhere that the reason Russian women didn’t complain about their men being tough, strong and fierce was because they remembered that 20 million Russian men had died while successfully keeping the Nazis at bay, and you don’t bite the hand that literally feeds and protects you. These days Russian men have been decimated by poverty, unnemployment, coruption, hopelessness and alcoholism.

        Interesting to note that the most extreme feminism could be said to come from UK, USA and Australia, not of which have had a significant land invasion in over 150 years.

        • Ah – and regarding the stripping of masculinity, that can happen in an instant if you don’t toe the line or conform. You can be shamed, demoted, fired, rejected, beaten, flogged, raped or shot, depending on your transgression – it happens all the time.

  7. KKZ, with respect, I’m sure you can allow that just because your husband’s close male friends don’t ridicule him for crying, doesn’t mean I have never had this experience, or that I shouldn’t have the opinion I do. If your husband was crying at a bus stop among strangers, he may have a different experience. There are a multitude of articles concerning how society doesn’t allow men to cry without risk of ridicule, just on this website alone. Why should men risk this knowing society will reject or try to shame us for it? I expect most men would tell each other “You go first.” That sort of fear won’t inspire men en masse to break free, be emotional at the bus stop, until our sheer numbers force society to accept us…. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Our negative conditioning is too strong and long-standing for that.

    • Part of that conditioning is bedrock to masculinity: some should survive, and some should not. If you need others’ help, you are the one who should not survive.

      What some consider sharing and drawing strength from one another, others understand as a supreme act of self-importance. The good old Anglo Saxon term is whining.

    • No, I’m not saying it never happens, and I didn’t mean to invalidate your experiences. Just saying I haven’t witnessed this personally (and obviously, while my experience of being shamed for crying is somewhat similar, it’s not exactly the same as what you experience as a man) so I wanted more evidence instead of sweeping statements about society. But I respect, too, your desire to not go into further detail on something so personal with a stranger on the internet. I can take you on your word that it has happened and continues to happen. And I sincerely wish it didn’t.

  8. KKZ: And no, I’m not comfortable giving out specific examples of when and how I’ve been shunned. I recoil at the idea, because of what society has taught me will be the result. I have two articles posted on this website and I’ll let them speak for me. As an abuse survivor, we are more reluctant than most to share and open up, especially to people we don’t know. And yes I meant my comment to address a more universal view, not focused on me, per se. I use some personal info due to the fact that I’m not authorized to speak for all men. I am sorry you’ve been shamed for crying too, however. It shouldn’t happen to anybody, but it does.

  9. pwlsax: “It only takes one hard guy to cause trouble. I’m not saying go have a support group in a biker bar or anything insane here. I’m just saying that the way men are – the way some men always will be – a different man had better be prepared for “society” to stomp him.”

    Exactly; I agree entirely.

    • In my experience it was always worse from a woman or when a woman was around. It was almost as if every one was trying to prove they were better than that person. The guys were trying to prove they were stronger/better “men” and the girls just believed you were weak/worthless because you weren’t a “man”.

  10. #8 is illegal.

    Rape is serious. YOU DO NOT GET to spend forty years emphasising the importance of consent and then turn round and say “Oh but I only mean it SOMETIMES”.

    Whatever happened to free, egalitarian, giving, HAPPY sex? “Take her without apology”? What noxious man-hating crap.

    • If you believe some folks, “free, egalitarian, giving, HAPPY sex” was an illusory 1960s haze obscuring the “essential reality” that men are nothing if they do not dominate.

    • The Blurpo says:

      you have a point here, but I dont think that Lory meant raping her. But I think she has to clarify part 8.

    • PsyConomics says:

      I agree with Blurpo.

      Chances are what the author meant was to “have sex with her in such a way that you are no apologetic of, afraid of, or timid with regards to, your own sexuality.”

      As you pointed out though, the problem then comes that the author listed “traditionally” masculine ways in which to do this and ended up with the exact connotation you already pointed out. The author’s intentions unfortunately don’t quite make up for misarticulated communication. The devil really is in the details on this one.

  11. Beautiful. Nice. Blessings to you.

  12. Peter Houlihan says:

    Normally I don’t go for wishy washy new agey things, but this is actually pretty inspiring. Thanks for writing :)

  13. Joe Anonymous says:

    These suggestions send mixed messages and seem a little juvenile. Also, you’ve got a big problem if you have to actually tell someone to “care” or “love”. Sounds like the author just needs to work on herself and maybe isn’t ready for a relationship with man just yet.

  14. Interesting how alot of the article is framed in – “When men will do this, like this, then women can, have permission to, etc be like this.” Surely its a two way street? and men don’t always have to make the first move? Again? Just saying…
    Look how the last bunch of similar promises regarding men and women from the feminists have turned out!

    To prove my suspicions of buck-passing wrong, I would love the author to make a similar list of ways that women can support and help men in developing those characteristics – That will show some real accountability, even if we don’t get to “the Dark Side of the Femine” in the first few attempts.

  15. LynnBeisner says:

    Can I just give an alternate call to the divine masculine from the divine feminine:

    Show up, which is to say, many of us love having you guys around and we are especially thrilled when you are authentic. Don’t “ravish us” because you read it in an online magazine, let us see your true sexuality. Don’t make an emotional display to give us permission to be something – just be who you are.

    We genuinely like you. We genuinely enjoy your comapany; many of us genuinely want to have sex with many of you and some of us love some of you so much it takes our breath away.

    So just be here with us, and share this amazing trip called life.

  16. Hank Vandenburgh says:

    I sorta liked it.

  17. A lot of nitpickers here replying. I guess understandable but sometimes a microscope isn’t needed to get the message.

    Grok the message. Take it for what it’s worth, which is great advice and be a better person than the day before.

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  2. [...] through the more than 150 public comments and hundreds of private emails sparked by my article A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations from the Divine Feminine (a piece that soared to over 60,000 views and 16,000 Facebook [...]

  3. [...] This is a comment by LynnBeisner on the post “A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations From the Divine Feminine“. [...]

  4. [...] A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations From the Divine Feminine — The Good Men Pro…. So, on behalf of the X chromosome, here is my invitation to mortal men who wish to dance as gods with wanna-be goddesses. [...]

  5. [...] through the more than 150 public comments and hundreds of private emails sparked by my article A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations from the Divine Feminine (a piece that soared to over 60,000 views and 16,000 Facebook [...]

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