A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

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About J. A. Drew Diaz

"I’m a guy ... I’m a guy you want around when the ship runs aground, the garage catches fire, a fight breaks out, if your dog is full of porcupine quills. If there’s a raccoon crazed  on rat bait in your garage I’m the guy you want next door. I make my living with a cell phone and a computer---and in my garage I have tools for making tools. Every vehicle I have ever owned has a punctured seat because I jumped in with a tool in my pocket. My raw feed appears at standup2p.wordpress.com.


  1. I get angry at people who have killed themselves. It’s my principal form of grief for them, because, I think, it keeps me alive. I remember the day I heard of Richard Jeni’s suicide. It sounded horrible: he used a gun to the head; his girlfriend found him; worst, he survived for hours. I think, what a terrible last day on earth. If he’d just moped around that day instead, maybe the next day would have been better. It couldn’t have possibly been worse.

    • Suicide, I understand, is often viewed by the doer as the ultimate gift to friends & family…..
      As in ” they’ll be better off without me”- Don’t do me any favors….. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
      So maybe there is another negative check mark on my record; I just don’t care enough to take myself off the count.
      I don’t think Norman’s & Mother’s decision tree is definable as suicidal ideation-
      Do I think she fought as hard as she might? No.
      Was Norman pragmatic? Yes.

    • Suicide is not the solution of any problem. I totally agree with you Justin.

    • If he’d just moped around that day instead, maybe the next day would have been better. It couldn’t have possibly been worse.
      The problem is Justin there’s a chance that he had probably already spent a lot of days moping around hoping the next day would have been better, trying to make the next day better.

  2. Your mom and Norman definitly were not suicidal. They just didn’t want to suffer indefinatly (modern medicine can keer you alive almost indefinately, the quality of the life leaves something to be desired). You, on the other hand, have the “I don’t give a shit” syndrome. I reconize this because I too have it. I’ve cheated death on my job twice, and quite possibly a third time recently. And people are perplexd by my “Yeah, whatever” attitude. I’m actually quite perplexed myself by my attitude and can’t honestly explain it. I guess it just doesn’t matter to me much because I honestly feel I don’t matter that much

    • I wonder, then, where the line gets drawn between being suicidal and not wanting to suffer indefinitely? We’re all terminal cases, but some of us will fight to the end. I agree; Diaz sounds like a survivor. We are all richer for it.

    • @bobbt – my don’t give a shit phase sort of ended 25 years ago…. At which time I started to envision my life as a Faberge Egg, fragile and for some reason precious…. almost 27 years ago I halted my descent into hell. It amazed me… Prior to that on more than one occasion I quite literally fought for my life, I’ve been shot, stabbed, stomped & fire bombed.
      I almost froze to death on a prairie and had to act quick in accidents. And yet I was the biggest menace to myself.
      in re Dad, Mom & Norman; I keep guns around.
      @justin- in re the line… I think the dignity issue is a major point. And coming from a certifiable tough guy like you I’ll take the survivor jacket, Thanks.

  3. First & Foremost-

    I write tersely- it is not uncommon for the final item to have a word count equally 65% of the first draft.
    I never felt suicidal while putting myself in life threatening situations.
    It took a lot of work to aknowledge that while I had no suicidal ideations- what I did was the same thing.
    I’m here for a reason, which I don’t think is as a CDC asterisk.

    Lastly, and the irony is sublime….

  4. @Ramona & Danny- jeepers, it’s the first day of the work week, here in the US and in my head the beginning of fall and my SAD issues- there are dozens of better ways to start it off that reading about suicide.
    Ramona- there is a calculus I don’t understand- today’s view is; it is a solution like upsetting the checker board is a solution.
    Danny- so true, I suspect it isn’t the big chunks life takes from our asses that drive people to end it as much as it is the unrelenting “duck bites”.


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