The majority of women say they want to be stay at home mothers. What does this mean for the finances of our families?
Are today’s men getting lazy? I am beginning to wonder because not only are women getting “ahead,” we are falling behind. Forget society as a whole for a minute. What does this mean for the finances of our families?
I recently read an article on Forbes indicating that 84 percent of women want to stay home and raise their children. This flies in the face of the The End of Men: And the Rise of Women by Hanna Rosin. It turns out that even though women have risen, they want to rise further by going back to the old days. Go figure!
To get a real woman’s perspective on this, I asked a young nurse I know. Her name is Faith, and she is the author of “Preemies In A Pod” where she blogs about premature babies. I specifically asked for her views on this topic because nurses get paid hourly. With the opportunity to work overtime and make more money, those that work twelve hour shifts three days a week appear to have plenty of time at home. Her views confirmed the research.
“Many women wish they had more flexible options for staying home,” she said. “Some mothers are really stressed out with the pressures of home and work—and children can never be turned off like a job. If a child has special needs or is one of the 12% born premature, affordable day-cares might not accept him/her. If one of my babies’ parents asked, I would suggest that one of them stay at home if at all possible.”
I wonder how many men are aware of these views? Do we realize that our career-oriented girlfriends will very likely want to stay at home when they have children? (84% is not a small statistic!)
I ask because this has serious implications for how we plan our careers. It also affects how we manage our money from the dating to the wedding and beyond. Knowing this, a man might set a goal of being able to financially support his family by himself. He could also do his part to help the family save money to make staying at home possible for the mother of his children. The man himself might be the one to stay home.
If you’re a skeptic, you probably wonder whether it’s possible to do this. You likely think that only rich people can afford it, but you might be wrong. According to Beside Every Successful Man: Getting the Life You Want By Helping Your Husband Get Ahead author Megan Basham, educated women can “have it all.” The book cites research and anecdotes supporting the idea that men whose wives stay home earn the most in the long-term. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?
So I ask: Have men considered the apparent reality that women still want to spend time at home? Are we putting pressure on ourselves to facilitate this like our fathers did? Or do we think it’s impossible—that dominance both in the home and at work is too much for one gender to have?
Read more: Why Men Can’t Have It All
Image of construction workers courtesy of Shutterstock
About Albert Okagbue
Laziness doesn’t come into being the breadwinner OR the stay at home parent.
Both are strenuous and can take a toll, both CAN be rewarding and both are essential.
Each respective couple needs to decide between one another who will be doing what. All I know for sure is that one of the parents needs to stay home for ultimate family function.
Thanks for your comment Mike. I am curious though….why do you say one of the parents needs to stay home? Do you think women are up for marrying men who will be SAHDs? – so far it seems to happen by accident through job loss, or when a child is born and the mother has the higher pay/benefits.
I feel that while men are up to it, many won’t pursue that path on purpose….and many women will not pursue men like that.
It’s all about choice. It isn’t that all men want one thing and all women want one thing. It seems like what lots of people want is to be able to raise and spend more time with their children.
Oh and the “good old days’ never really existed. If they had existed, women would not have created the Women’s Liberation Movement.
I agree on the children, but I disagree about the good old days. They lasted too long for them to have no benefits. The mere fact that a few women who didn’t like them spoke up loud enough to gather people together doesn’t mean that it had no benefits. You might argue that their usefulness expired, but you’ll need more to support the idea that they “never really existed”.
Most men are already putting a sizable amount of pressure on themselves to earn as much as they can; I don’t think they should welcome more pressure in light of a spouse’s desire to stay home.
The prospects for single-income households depend as much on expectations as income. When spending is kept in check, the move from two paydays to one may become more manageable. When an adult forsakes his or her career, they sometimes lament losing the power of the purse string, or suffer the loss of adult stimulation the workplace at its best provides. You could devote doctoral theses to addressing the dynamics of domestic finance; I don’t know how to nail this question with a crisp one-liner.