Why is it funny when a beautiful woman kisses an unattractive man?
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Web domain hucksters GoDaddy.com is undoubtedly more famous for their use of bold-faced sexual titillation during the Super Bowl more than any of their actual internet-related services. They’ve proffered Danica Patrick, Jillian Michaels and several other toned and tanned female bodies in various states of undress as a way of enticing us to go to their site, see “uncensored” continuations of their ads, and maybe, while we are there, buy the domain rights for “IAmALivingStereotype.com” But GoDaddy’s latest Super Bowl Ad eschews the skin and instead, sets their sights on tapping two separate pleasure centers in the male brain: humor and fantasy.
In short, the company lays claim to having a sexy side and a smart side by having Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Bar Refaeli make out with a bookish Jonah-Hill-pre-slimdown clone, providing us with 11 seconds—an advertising eternity—of close up lip smacking and tongue fencing.
Most will cringe. Many will laugh. And some will simply shake their heads and mutter “lucky bastard … I gotta get me some acting classes.” However, this ad also got me thinking about men, which I’m sure wasn’t their intention.
Can you imagine a consumer brand, or even a major media company, offering us the opposite scenario than the one in this commercial? According to Forbes in 2012, Southwest Airlines is the most desirable brand for women, yet could you imagine a scenario where they’d be bold enough to show us Channing Tatum mashing lips with Melissa McCarthy’s buck-toothed stunt double? As an advertising professional, I can’t even consider pitching it unless it was the very last idea and I was conceding the fact that the meeting would likely end seconds later, after a brief, palpable silence.
But what happens in movies and TV shows when it’s the mousy girl who’s in love with the stud?
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But let’s say they did buy off on it, and three months later, it was on the air. Would our collective brains accept it, even if we understood it was supposed to be a fantasy and a joke? I doubt it. I think our synapses would refuse to fire until balance was restored to The Force.
Obviously, this speaks to the patriarchal hangover we still have in our society, even as progress is made. Male “attractiveness” remains a prismatic quality that can be glimpsed and appreciated through looks, personality, power, humor, intelligence, and confidence (to name a few) while females are generally only deemed “attractive” if they have physical beauty. Thus, we’ve accepted the notion that a stunning model or actress or stewardess or lawyer-ess could easily be attracted to a man lacking washboard abs, a lantern jaw or any other body part equated to something you’d find in a Conestoga wagon.
Then there’s the reinforcement we’ve all been given. We know and accept the “Aphrodite takes a mere mortal as consort” scenario because there are so many notable examples. Marilyn Monroe was married to Arthur Miller, Christie Brinkley had no issues being Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl” and Julia Roberts wasn’t too pretty to give Lyle Lovett a chance. Then you throw the media into the mix and suddenly, this dynamic becomes the rule rather than the exception.
It’s simply accepted that in sit-coms, male leads will almost always outkick their coverage in landing an on-screen girlfriend or wife. See, it’s funny … yet somehow possible, just like the GoDaddy ad. Ditto movies where Billy Crystal, Adam Sandler and Jason Segel can land, respectively, Meg Ryan, Drew Barrymore and Mila Kunis. Most importantly, none of those very average joes had to be anyone but themselves to get the girl.
But what happens in movies and TV shows when it’s the mousy girl who’s in love with the stud? Invariably, she has to undergo a life change or epiphany, or at least a makeover at the hands of gay man, to reveal the luminous beauty she’d be hiding under glasses, bad hairdo and frumpy wardrobe. Only then will the guy realize he loved her all along. And don’t even get me started on tired trope of the heartless guys who bet each other they can bed the most off-putting gal in town. Apparently, it takes a plotline this reprehensible to accept the notion that a ladies man would waste his time on anything less than arm-candy.
If we remove the bias and the years of reinforcement, we can accept the truth that in reality, there are some men who are considered handsome and choose to pair up with women who don’t share all of their physical gifts. Some of these men are legitimately attracted to what’s inside and unconcerned with what’s on the exterior. Other men have a specific preference for women who are less conventionally attractive, either because of a personal proclivity for a “type” or an insecurity that requires them to feel like the “catch” in the couple. But how often are these realities portrayed, and when they are, how authentic do they feel?
Unlike many of those who write for this site, I don’t have a fundamental issue with the way men are portrayed by the media. My gut says if you went back to Ancient Greece and watched every play in Athens for a month, you’d wind up with the same mix of bumbling drunks, deep thinkers, dangerous cads and heroic lads that you’ll see on major networks nightly. But I am disappointed we haven’t progressed to the point where a gender-bending take on the GoDaddy ad would receive the same reaction. Because as long as the “he’s a ten, she’s a five” equation creates impassable amounts of cognitive dissonance while the “Beauty and the Beast” dynamic is utterly plausible in the worlds of media and advertising, it doesn’t paint an attractive portrait of any of us.
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“…what you see in tv and the movies is totally fake. The way people look (the actors and models don’t even really look like that)” The O.P. is not who needs to hear this, the shallow guys who base a womans value on her looks are the ones who are brainwashed by the media. The O.P. recognizes her true value but is frustrated because men don’t value women on their accomplishments or intellect, personality or financial status. The majority of men are too shallow to put any value on such “trivial” things and will each and every time choose to… Read more »
I really enjoyed this article, though I think that it’s a bit more complicated than simply saying, “We’re hung up on patriarchal ideas as a society.” I think that there is a deeper reason why such things have hung on. To me what we have are not just social constructs that have mysteriously hung on simply because of our patriarchal roots but rather that the patriarchal roots and the social constructs that have hung on have done so because they are based on deeper biological (and spiritual, though I’m not really considering that here) natures. There’s a good, biological reason… Read more »
Even when the trope is flipped on its head, the ‘ugly’ girl is always a small makeover away from being a supermodel. The fact is that you will never see an example of (societies standard) a truly ‘ugly’ woman with an attractive man because then it will shatter the forced male fantasy that all women are beautiful fair creatures. An overweight, acne ridden woman with no drive to improve herself will never be seen, ever unless it is to be made fun of or scrutinized. Women HAVE to be the beautiful ones, no personality or interests required. I am so… Read more »
I’m 18 years old and boys just don’t like me. The majority of them think I am ugly and stupid and they have ZERO respect for me only because of this. They call me a b-tch and always pick on me. I used to be friends with three boys, and then they turned against me and teamed up with those boys who bully me. They always compare me to other girls and I’m fed up. I wish I was as pretty as the other girls to be honest and then I wouldn’t have had to suffer so much hate from… Read more »
It sounds to me like you have a lot of things going for you. The fact is that what you see in tv and the movies is totally fake. The way people look (the actors and models don’t even really look like that,) the stories, the cliches, dramatic pauses and lighting. Real life is way better than that, real people are funny and strange, contradictory and complicated, and beautifully, perfectly flawed. I know it doesn’t seem like that now, but it can be and it will be if you create a space to really get to know yourself. Kids can… Read more »
“…what you see in tv and the movies is totally fake. The way people look (the actors and models don’t even really look like that)” The O.P. is not who needs to hear this, the shallow guys who base a womans value on her looks are the ones who are brainwashed by the media. ( Which is 98% of men ) Unlike theThe O.P. recognizes her true value but is frustrated because men don’t value women on their accomplishments or intellect, personality or financial status. The majority of men are too shallow to put any value on such “trivial” things… Read more »
Hi there! I was bullied a lot during high school for either having big eyes or a big nose…until my last semester in high school did I blossom. Later, I was recruited for modeling gigs which I absolutely hated and felt violated. Yeah…modeling wasn’t for me at all! I also landed myself in the entertainment world, which too I found awful! Nope…not my thing with all the pretentiousness and insecurity in the air. During those years..I bumped into the same bullies who were surprised to see how I’d blossomed and IMMEDIATELY were nice to me, giving me their numbers, trying… Read more »
I can’t agree more with you and you are absolutely 10p% right in everything you’ve said.
( With one exception ) those men who are now attentive, in that regard aren’t being fake at all. They’re being perfectly honest in their new found attraction toward you. They simply weren’t attracted before. Now they are. Unfortunately, that’s their real ( and shallow ) selves you’re seeing.
By way of a counter, I give you twilight, magic mike, and 50 shades of grey
You give us exceptions? Okay.
(Kristen Steward is not ugly by the way; that men think she is ugly is another proof you guys are shallow asf who believe women should look like supermodel after the photoshop)
Looks are definitely are a big one when it comes to being attracted to men straight up. I don’t care what anyone says about women being attracted to money or power or confidence. Honestly if I don’t find a guy good looking as well its not happening.
That is true. Most women will not get together with a man they find ugly. The thing is, we do not judge a man’s value by his looks. He is still a human being who deserves respect and be happy even when we do not want to date them, unlike many or most men who just basically think ugly women are not worth living. Many men have this hate towards women who will not please them… as if we were in this world to please them sexually/visually in every way, even when we do not even know them. Also, we… Read more »
“…think ugly women are not worth living. Many…”
SO FU**NG TRUE!!!
To a point yes. Most everyone has to be attracted to the person in order to go any further. Just “HOW” attractive does a man have to be to get your interest is the question. Do they need to adorn six-pack abs, stand out in a crowd, be desired by most women while constantly being mistaken for a GQ model? Or is good hygiene, a decent body and a great smile enough to pique your interest? Cuz for most guys ” “a nice smile” and a “decent body ” doesn’t really cut it.
There’s always the office romance in Love, Actually. The mousy office assistant gets the supermodel-grade graphic designer. Sure, they never get it on, but only because she chooses her mentally challenged brother over him. Although the ending would have been much better if he’d gone with her.
God, people life is not the movies. Stop talking like they are it’s so annoying.
Some interesting points made here. Very heteronormative though.
One example comes to mind that contradicts your theory – the wildly popular 50 shades of Gray. The “s the mousy girl” is in fact “in love with the stud”, and he actually loves her back! No make-over or removing of the glasses required.
I haven’t read it (and have no intention to do so), but from what I’ve heard, he basically gives her a psychological makeover—reshapes her in his image, so to speak. So 50SoG does not invalidate Shawn’s thesis; on the contrary, it supports it.
Exactly.
There’s a lot of discussion and related segues going on from this article. One interesting and relevant side question to the ugly/attractive coupling as a gender social statement defined in the article was: how do you define “ugly?” As Frank Zappa once sang: “What’s the ugliest part of your body? Some say it’s your nose, and some say it’s your toes, but it’s your mind.” Maybe that’s the point of this article. As social animals, we can be quite superficial in our snap judgements about others, all gender issues and low-ball ad jokes aside. I’ve seen both parts of this… Read more »
What about Peggy and Pete Campbell on Mad Men?
What about all of these rare rare cases and exceptions?
You people are only fooling yourselves. Most people would find the male actor in that commercial to be considered UGLY. Grow UP! Do you see guys that look like him on the cover or in GQ magazine or on the cover of fitness magazines, etc..
I’ve experience this. But looks doesn’t matter. If she has a kind heart, that’s enough for me.
In media we only see gorgeous gal/not-so-gorgeous guy pairings, but in real life it’s different. At least in my experience, I have so many couple friends where the guy is the more attractive one. In this respect, art does not (yet) imitate life. Actually these types of movies aren’t funny in and of themselves to me. I guess I just don’t really care that much about that whole aspect. So, I’m not sure why that’s such a recurring theme in media land. But the list of things I don’t understand in popular media is too long to recite, LOL.
Absolutely. The media does NOT reflect reality, but a distorted version of what some wish were reality.
Love the article. I have come to understand that physical beauty is subjective. It’s directly proportional to experience with the person. The most beautiful person in the world will begin to not look so, based on their bad experiences with their mate. A person deemed unattractive by societal standards can be viewed as beautiful based on positive experiences. I have encountered some staggeringly beautiful women in my life. And as soon as they opened their mouths, and I heard the uneducated, ghetto, nonsense they spewed, they seemed a lot less attractive, at least for a long term prospect. After some… Read more »
Chris, did you still sleep with the women you felt were ‘uneducated’ and “ghetto”? I’m a little disturbed that this is considered an “evolved man”.
ok so
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I think the author is absolutely right that the unfortunate truth at the moment is that so called “ugly” men can be with pretty women, but handsome men can’t be with “ugly” women. On the other hand, how do you define ugly. I am not sure when it started, but at some point I decided that I would no longer allow myself to mentally call a woman ugly. It did not matter that she, nor anyone else, would know my thoughts about her. That entirely missed the point. The thought… Read more »
Glad to hear that someone shares the same view as me. People can’t change how they physically look, but they can certainly change their character. I made a ‘pact’ to myself to never judge someone physical because I know we all have flaws and none of us have the right to decide which of us are ‘attractive’ and unattractive. It makes things so much easier when I have a biased-free attitude towards them because then I can interact with them as a person rather than someone who is ‘hot’ or not.
“Who am I to judge her? Am I attracted to her? If yes, it doesn’t matter since I am in a committed relationship, so I continue on my way. If not, it doesn’t matter because someone else will be attracted to her. The world does NOT revolve around me. It does not matter what I think. In fact, I don’t think anything about her. I just continue on with my day.” WOAH WOAH. That is an evolved man right now! For a straight guy to ever stop considering a woman’s physical attributes as their principal (and most of the times… Read more »
Blogger: Can you imagine a consumer brand, or even a major media company, offering us the opposite scenario than the one in this commercial?
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Do the names LENA DUNHAM or MINDY KALING ring a bell?
High Definition TV sure as heck hasn’t done these pretty people any favors. Turns out that without professional makeup artists, photo shopping and the other tricks they use, these “stars” aint so hot.
And there’s a TV show that addresses this (among other things) My Mad Fat Diary! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2407574/
The problem with this, like many attempts at “gender equality” arguments, is that there’s a biological basis for attraction. Men look for physical signs of fertility — youth, a good hip-to-waste ratio, symmetry … while women generally prefer older males and look for signs that a mate can protect and care for their young … so the fat old guy with the great-paying job is just fine for the beautiful young girl. She can always cheat with some attractive guy her own age on the side.
Keep fantasizing. So you imagine women are all natural gold diggers? Nice guy here.
The thing is, when I actually part ways with a TV set and just people-watch, I see a variety of couples– including couples that are comprised of a jaw dropping gorgeous guy paired with a average looking, or even plain woman. People have their own reasons for being attracted to someone, and they don’t always boil down to physical perfection. I am about as average looking as a girl can get at the moment (I am having health issues that don’t help at all, too” and I still occasionally get hit on by guys who (in my opinion) could do… Read more »
Yeah who views “cheating” as an option. Maybe in his mind.
Nonsense – sorry for the lack of a better term. A woman here who by chance dates much younger men, some who are still in school and don’t provide anything financially but are physically, emotionally and intellectually attractive and thus keep a relationship dynamic and interesting. I wouldn’t marry someone I wasn’t sexually attracted to; I wouldn’t choose a junk eating slob with a 50 percent unnecessarily increased risk of type II diabetes and heart attack for a husband if I do my best to care for my health so I can have a better quality life and take better… Read more »
True. Well said.
There’s probably a little truth in that, but I think the issue is that those biological instincts aren’t nearly as relevant today as they used to be, if at all, but we put more importance on women’s appearances than we did in the past when “good birthing hips” was perhaps something of more importance. It doesn’t explain why it’s become almost unthinkable to pair an unattractive woman with an attractive man on TV or in commercials but we like to see the male underdog paired with a hot woman who likes him for his personality(and not his age or money).
“She can always cheat with some attractive guy her own age on the side.” THAT IS THE POINT. So both females and males will want the young attractive partner. Your “science” is really screwed up, bro. That is just your desperate illogical approach to garbage science mixed up with societal concepts, and for what? You feel good believing it? 😀 Why mention (false) biological truths about male humans but at the same time mention cultural concepts about some female humans? In fact, females NEED young males, they are more energetic and can protect better, biologically speaking – and they are… Read more »
Wow! Spot on. He is contradicting himself. It’s just like when they say women were supposed to be submissive. So why do you need to say that again and again to force them into submission? If biology is why they are supposed to want something you wouldn’t blame them for doing the exact opposite.And if biology is why women are gold diggers why blame them?
Science dude is like bullshit dude. Older males also have trashy sperm, so females should never (and usually don’t) copulate with them. Even in humans, after the 30’s (or 35’s at best) men should never be procreating anymore, they sperm is not valuable anymore, it’s weak and worthless now. Now women can still go for a little while, and nature proves it. In nature, a female will keep being “valued” by males even after getting old and nature wants them to keep procreating until they can’t anymore, or just die. Now males actually stop getting chosen by females even though… Read more »
And PS, anthropologists now believe we moved around in groups and packs and women moved from on male to another. Men could not know if a baby was theirs that way, if she slept with 20 men she had 20 men who would protect the kid. And that is why women have a clitoris designed solely and only for pleasure, and why they are naturally hard wired to be polygamous.
That is complete nonsense! Lol . A lot of men procreate after thirty and from a grown woman’s perspective, men are actually more attractive after thirty! And not because of money. WE LIKE THE WAY LAUGH LINES LOOK ON THEM, and we like the way that they have matured into calm thoughtful people! And FYI, to all of you saying that men only like the very beautiful Hollywood type women, you obviously haven’t been out of the house much. Over and over,out in the real world we really great looking men with women, that other women, would find basically unattractive.… Read more »
She was replying to that guy’s nonsense from a evolutionary perspective. Even when we go by biology and what primitive people were like, that guy was wrong. What you are doing it describing the evolved humanity with it’s evolved needs. There is no contradiction
Nope. Absolute bollocks. Read What Women Really Want by Daniel Bergner. 7 years of scientific research flat out proving what we always knew – women LOVE sex and are extremely attracted to hot men. If she says she doesn’t want sex, she means she doesn’t want sex with you. Introduce an attractive guy, particularly after a couple of years of monogamy – which flat out kills a woman’s sex drive – and suddenly she is up for it again. Sorry to burst your bubble. There is one reason and one reason alone why you used to see women with unattractive,… Read more »
A refreshing exception to the rule was the old show “Bosom Buddies”. Peter Scolari (who was probably more handsome than Tom Hanks, even if he was on the short side) was paired off with Wendy Jo Sperber, a plump woman who was not very pretty by Hollywood standards. As far as I can recall, her looks and weight were never brought up on the show.
For the first season, she was painted as a benign stalker that Henry was trying to avoid. He had to have Kip have the “don’t be shallow” talk with him to finally ask her out.
I mean it was more than most shows did to address the issue, but still– it had to be framed as a moral victory for Henry for the producers to feel brave enough to trot it out.
Thank you for this article! It was fascinating. Also, wasn’t there a show, Drop Dead Diva, that had a theme along this line? I think I saw just the premiere episode. Usually, it’s framed in terms of the woman’s weight. I thought the actress on that show was very pretty, still.
Hmmm….it says the movie is private so i cant watch it….
Thank you so much for this article. I’m the Plain Jane to and Adonis in my relationship and it comes with it’s share of ups and downs. Early on it used to upset us both that people would see fit to make jokes about me being a sexual tigress in the bedroom or rich, or him being too stupid or nice to go find a ‘better’ woman. It’s been a years now and all insults towards us (deliberate AND intentional) no longer hold the same sting they once had. As to why we were initially attracted to each other? He… Read more »
It’s a similar situation with myself. My fiance is an incredibly handsome man, he modeled in his younger years for Joseph A. Bank, (he’s 35 now and personally I think they’d still take him if he’d continued) but anyway, me as the female I’m definitely not as attractive, I’m slightly overweight and I don’t have a gorgeous face, yet he is attracted to me, which at first surprised me, especially since most men like him are usually with cute pretty skinny girls. But anyway, he said he loved my personality bc it was so different from every other girl, he… Read more »
You are more than 50lbs overweight and you somehow got an ex-Model. I call BS. Even chubby guys don’t want to date fat girls.
wow, that’s pretty jerky of you. it’s certainly frustratingly rare, but WTH would she lie about it here? stranger things have happened!
Oh lol, you sure? Well sister let me tell you GUYS LOVE CHUBBY WOMEN. Not obese, 50 lbs isn’t that much even unless you are one of those skinny 130 lbs women who you are afraid to even hug lest they get broken.
Chubby girls are much more fun in bed, are mor ehonest with their feelings and are a lot more stable, showing abs is not healthy for women; and in fact a doubl edigit body fat is preferable since those are more likely to have natural breasts.
hmm… just saying @Arthur, but there are a lot of women in this world who are naturally skinny and get a lot of shit for not being curvy or even insinuated to be “anorexic” and isn’t really appreciated to be called weak little non-humans who are afraid to “get broken”. I never understand why overweight women insist on making their point of putting themselves up by putting down women of a different body shape. I understand that you are absolutely beautiful being overweight, but why can’t we all be beautiful?? Why does it have to be one or the other?
This
Actually there are a lot of men that are not assholes who will love a woman for her personality and her inner beauty. We all end up old and wrinkly anyway
Yeah and most of you will cheat too.
Beautiful people can get really tired of shallowness. Authentic caring goes a lot further than many people realize. Your personal taste might put one of the partners at 5/10 or 6/10 where that person’s partner thinks of them as an 11/10.
You’re crazy! A. Not all people think a size two is attractive. B. A persons personality can make a huge difference in how “cute” they are.C. Sometimes really pretty people are so lacking in any depth that their obvious physical attributes become so less desirable as you get to know them. Omg how many of us “average” looking girls have actually dated Adonis only to find we didn’t really care for them. If I were to call BS on anything it would be that her ex-model had a brain and that she actually found him likable!!!
Thumbs up!
Secretly Put a spy app on his phone, one that will monitor his private browsing history, messages and phone calls, etc. & I can pretty much GUARANTEE you, you’ll find this isn’t exactly the case.